Thursday. Just another day in college. It's 5pm and my last class for today has ended. This also marks the start of my weekend as I do not have any class tomorrow. This basically means that I got to wear pajamas with no bra for 3 consecutive days and that is what heaven means for me.

 

I head to my residence which is also in the proximity of the college. As a first year student, I am not allowed to stay outside the college, they said it is for adaptation purposes but I personally think it is just because no one wants to live there and they do not want to waste the building.

 

Walking alone like this is kind of rare for me since I am the type that have a large circle of friends, but they went to outside to celebrate the weekend and I do not enjoy those kind of things. Lucky Jangjun do not have class this evening, I wonder what he is doing.

 

.

 

To celebrate the weekend, I find myself relaxing in the bath tub of my room. Yes, this college has a bath tub. We paid good money though. 30 minutes in warm water is not enough to flush out all the stress I have felt this weekend but I get out anyway. I wrap myself with a towel and walk out of the bathroom.

 

"Hey honey"

"The ?" I am genuinely startled. Here comes the of my life, Lee Jangjun.

 

"That is how you greet me after a day of not meeting?" He tosses his phone away and rolls on my bed, lying on his back.

 

"I was shocked, okay. I did not hear the sound of the door." I really did get shocked. Jangjun is not the type to enter someone's room with no sound, let alone sitting quietly doing his things. He always screams and annoys people with every chance he has, but he is weirdly quiet today.

 

He only grunts. I walk to my wardrobe and pick a hoodie and shorts, the putting them on. Jangjun may be a male but we have grown to be very comfortable with each other to do this much.

 

"What did you do today? Ditch morning class to have yourself free the whole day?" I join him on my bed, lying beside him.

 

"I did ditch the class, but not on purpose, okay. I woke up late." He plays with my hair. I feel my heart skipping a beat. These past few weeks, my heart has been acting bizarre, not that I do not understand what it means but I chose to not follow it through, it has no good. That is what I think, though. This is Jangjun's fault, his fault for making me see him like a man lately. Ever since that day.

 

"Did you really wash? Your hair smells like ." He laughs.

" you." I reply.

 

Silence. Why is he like this. I admit that I have a little crush on him, maybe not so little by now, and that kind of makes me shy around him, though I try to make it not obvious. But him being suddenly quiet today somewhat makes this feel awkward. Why is he quiet?

 

"I saw him." Oh. That is why. "With that girl."

 

One thing that is weird about Jangjun. I got dumped by a jerk a few weeks ago, he cheated on me, and had the audacity to blame it all on me. A jerk I regret knowing. Sure, I was broken-hearted, I did not have appetite for a week and tears were my bestfriends. It was devastating, very devastating. But I am okay after that, I get over things pretty quickly, but I love being dramatic too. That is that. But then, this is where it gets weird.

 

Jangjun is mad at him more than me and he acts like it is a super sensitive issue until now. I told him many times that I do not care about him anymore yet he insists that I just want to keep it all to myself and then nags about how unhealthy it is to not tell him things.

 

"So what is it about that?" I look at him. He is looking at me, and my heart skips a beat again.

 

"That er does not deserve your tears." Why is he acting like I am not over this yet? I am absolutely okay now, which part of it does he not understand. I am tired of explaining how unbothered I am now, so I just nod.

 

"Let's go out, so you can be happy."

"Where to?"

"The arcade, get up!" He gets up and pulled my hands.

 

.

 

"Yujeong, say cheese!" There you go. My not-ready face. He is always like this, taking selfies when I am not ready, I do not even know how many ugly photos of me that he has in his phone. Jangjun and his stupid Samsung with large storage capacity. He posts them from time to time but I believe there is much more than that.

 

"Jangjun! I was not ready!" I try to snatch the phone from his hands but he is faster than that. He raised the hand that is holding the phone. "Ain't no chance, shortie"

 

Letting it go is the only thing I can do. Being 20cm shorter than him, what can I do. I also know better than getting our bodies become close until he can hear my rapid heartbeats.

 

He suddenly runs. "Who arrives later will pay for ice creams!"

This .

 

.

 

We are sitting on a bench in front of the arcade while eating our ice creams.

 

"Why are you being dramatic?"

"What dramatic?"

"I am okay now. Why are you so mad whenever you see him? You are the one who seems to not be okay."

 

"First of all, I am very okay because I am not the girl he dumped. Second of all, Shin Yujeong, it is time for you to stop acting like you are all fine. You spent almost a year with him and he did that. You were only crying for one week and suddenly you are okay. Do you really think I would believe that?" He looks at me very seriously.

 

"I am really okay. You know what, we do a lot of things for this 'healing' plan you made, but it kind of feels like we are cheering you up instead of me. I do not even care about him anymore. Zero given, like seriously." How can I care about him, when you are all I think about these days.

 

"Tell that to Donghyun, pretty sure he would tell you to off with that fakery all over your face." He somehow looks good, though he looks somewhat pissed off now. "Hey." , did he catch me staring.

 

"I really do not care. That guy, Sungyoon can get the hell out of my life with his little Jiyeon." I stand up. "Let's go inside, I heard they have installed Dance Dance Revolution here."

 

.

 

It is our third time trying to play this game, and the only thing I can conclude is that we both at this.

 

"Jangjun! You really at this, go away, I am going to play the solo version." I push him down the small stage.

 

"Why are you acting like you are any better than me, you are awfully stiff, cannot even step around quickly." He disses me, but still there he is, supporting me from the side. He records me trying to dance to a song called Damdadi.

 

"Faster! Faster!" He jumps excitedly. I do not even want to know the outcome of his recording.

 

The song has so many beats, my legs start to become wobbly. "This is hard!" I swear to god, why did I choose Golden Child's Damdadi at the first place.

 

"Losers complain all the time. Just give up if you cannot do it!" He smirks. I want to snort, but why does he suddenly look so good? His smirk never looks this good. I am terrified of myself. I am aware I have this small crush at him but why cannot I control my feelings lately? My heart keeps on beating abnormally.

 

"Hey Shin Yujeong!"

 

I do not realize how it happened but I was in his embrace, cheeks on his chest. I cannot move, my heart was beating fast. I do not know what to do.

 

He pushed me, grabbing my shoulders to make me look at him. "Hey, what are you thinking? Why are you so distracted? Is going to arcade not making you happy anymore? How can you slip so suddenly." He looks at me all worried.

 

"What? Distracted? No!" I get onto the stage again to restart the game.

 

"All that does is making you sad, stop thinking about him. Let's go, we will find another thing to do."

 

I wonder what makes him think it was Sungyoon in my mind when it was actually him messing with it.

 

.

 

We are at a cinema. Apparently, Jangjun says that the best thing to watch when you are sad is  cartoon. So here we are, watching The Secret Life of Pets.

 

I do not really enjoy cartoons, but he does. He is actively anticipating the movie and I am kind of sleepy. Not my fault though since it is 9p.m. already. I am a bit tired too. Classes all day and going out after that, it is exhausting for a student like me. So I decide to rest my head on his shoulder. I can feel his body stiffening at the sudden contact but then he relaxes.

 

"Are you tired?" I can feel he tilts his head to look at me. I hum. He reaches my hand and let it rest in his bigger one.

 

These kind of gestures. He has been doing it since forever, but why am I only melting over it now? To think about it, he has always been protective over me. What for, though? I have been friends with him for 6 years, chased Sungyoon for 3 years and be his girlfriend for a year.

 

He does this all the time actually. Always the one to comfort me and always be by my side. Even when I ditch him to go for dates, he would always answer at the first ring. He is my best bestfriend. And I cannot afford to lose him. I will not let stupid feelings ruin our friendship.

 

He rubs my hand with his thumb. Then I feel his hands on my forehead, pushing my hair to the back of my ear. "Pretty."

 

.

 

My mom visits her friend in Seoul and decides to visit me as well. It has been months since I came home and we get on the phone kind of frequently but I still miss her so much.

 

"Eomma!" I hug her right after I open the door. 

 

"What are you doing? Studying?" She pushes me, walks inside and put the food she brings on the table. 

 

"What else does a student do?" I sit beside her on the sofa.

 

"As far as I know, a few weeks ago there is a student who stayed in her dark room doing nothing but bawled her eyes out."

 

"He told you?!"

"No one cares about you more than Jangjun and I do, of course he tells me things I should know" I sigh. "Are you still suffering? No need to be so sad over a jerk like that"

 

"No, Jangj--"

"Eomma!!!! I miss you!!" There he is. The man of the topic. He hugs my mom like she is hers.

 

"Why are you late? Let's eat! I bought your favorite dish"

 

We eat and chat about everything. Apparently, my mom knows Jangjun has a crush on Sujeong, a medical student whose name is almost similar as mine. She is pretty and cute but she does not look like she likes guys though. Especially with that Mijoo girl always being around her.

 

"I do not like her that way. She is just someone I found cute." He explains to us.

 

It has always been in my mind that Jangjun likes her but when I think about it, he does not talk about her much. Even when we walk pass by her. They exchange smiles, but nothing more than that. I do not even think they have each other's numbers.

 

"Why? You think you have no chance with her? Because she looks like she likes girls?" Once my mom anticipates in things, she anticipates hard.

 

"Nope, I just do not like her that way. There is nothing about it."

 

"Okay, great. Both of you with no progress in your love life should just get married" I choke. He too. My mom definitely knows nothing about filtering words.

 

He does not respond but I can feel his gaze on me. I do not even want to think about returning the gaze because I know I will choke harder.

 

"You! You told eomma about Sungyoon!"

 

"No need to get mad at him about it. Had he not tell me, I would not even know that my daughter was suffering by her own" He sticks his tongue out to me, knowing my mom is on his side. .

 

"Ohhh so that is why you sent me flowers last week!"

"That is Jangjun's idea. I do not even know you like sunflowers"

"Awww so sweet of you" I punch his arm lightly.

"Thank you ~" His proud face emerges. "You are always my priority" He punches my arm lightly (considering his biceps, not lightly). Then, he shoved a slice of meat into my mouth.

 

"I would make a great husband for you, you know"

 

I choke. Hard.

 

.

 

Friday night. Doing my nails with Yein and Myungeun.

 

"So you think you like him?" Yein says from across the room.

 

"Yes but I am not that sure though" I sigh.

 

"You like him or not, you two look like a great couple all the time" Juri voices out.

 

Do we really? I am 100% positive we do not have any chance together. We are in this bestfriend and I would never want to destroy it. I am glad I get to stay close to him, although only as a bestfriend.

 

"Nah, you know he has that extraordinary visual while I look like an ugly potato"

 

"I cannot disagree to that but when I think about it, I do not think it is impossible for you to be with him" I raise my brow to Yein's statement. "I have realised this since long ago, he looks at you kind of differently. I mean, not like someone who is only looking at his bestfriend"

 

"Oh I do realise that too!" Juri claps her hands. "When we go out together, he always has his eyes on you. He does not look at me that much."

 

"Ugh, cut the crap. Whatever you guys are saying, I am not doing anything with my feelings. It will go away sometime."

 

.

 

Except not. Weekend has passed and I can feel my feelings for him expand. He is just the same Jangjun but I have been realising the details of how he always treats me and all I can conclude is my heart is going to burst.

 

.

 

"Morning dude" Yein took the seat next to Jangjun.

 

"Hey that is Seungmin's"

 

"He can sit elsewhere." Yein proceeds switching her laptop on. She prepared her books and stationery for the lesson.

 

Halfway through the lesson, "You can confess to her now, you might get a positive result"

 

Jangjun chokes. "Are you talking to me?"

 

"Who else, idiot"

"Who?"

"Who what?"

"Confess to who?"

"Your lovely bestfriend" Jangjun chokes again.

"What for?"

 

"Ugh, I cannot tell who is dumber, you or Yujeong. You like her and it is so obvious. Cannot even keep your eyes away"

 

", I am that obvious? Does Yujeong know? Damn, I am dead" Jangjun starts sweating.

 

"Apparently, Yujeong is dumb too so she does not notice yet"

 

Jangjun cannot even focus to the lesson anymore.

 

to be continued...

 

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