“Jinyoung,” Mark said in a slightly whining voice, looking up at Jinyoung from where his head was resting on his lap. Ever since of the advent of the couch to the house in Inje, they often found themselves in this exact position in the evenings. Sometimes it was Jinyoung with his head in Mark’s lap, though his legs were boney and not a terribly comfortable head rest. But Jinyoung liked it just as much this way. Mark’s head was so small that it felt like nothing, and it was nice from time to time to have him act like this tinier, spoiled version of himself. Jinyoung didn’t mind Mark trying to take care of him, but he liked to return the favor, to be the one to his hair and let him unwind to the point where he often started dozing like a baby against his thigh.

Tonight’s Mark wasn’t dozing. He had that look in his eyes, the one that had used to annoy Jinyoung so much back when Mark attempting to carve deeper into his world had been a bad thing.

Jinyoung sighed and set down the book he’d been reading. “What?” he asked.

“You’ve been too busy recently,” Mark said, reaching up to poke his chin.

“I’ve had a lot of clients,” Jinyoung said. “You’re the one who runs my website. Stop packing my schedule, if it bothers you. Besides, you’ve been busy too, with the school year ending.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I love seeing you doing your thing. But since the school year’s over, there’s more time for just us.” He gave Jinyoung those insufferably endearing puppy dog eyes of his. “Let’s go on a vacation.”

“You’re going on a vacation in three weeks,” Jinyoung reminded him. “California? To see your family?”

“Yes, but you won’t be there.”

Jinyoung grimaced. He was well aware of that fact, as well as the fact that Mark would be absent from the house for two whole weeks. Of course he was glad Mark would be spending time with his family—Mark had to enjoy those opportunities while he could, considering that there might be complications with it in the future—but he wasn’t sure he was ready for things to temporarily go back to the way they had once been. He was worried the house would feel unbearably empty and devoid without him.

“There’s such a thing as too much vacation,” Jinyoung said.

“Come on.” Mark turned his head, biting Jinyoung’s thigh.

“Ow!” Jinyoung swatted him on the head.

“I couldn’t help myself. You never wear shorts like this.” He ran a hand against Jinyoung’s bare legs.

“And now I remember why.”

“We’ve never been on vacation together before. And I want it to be just us and nothing else for a few days. To charge myself with you before I go to California.”

“You could do that here. We live together.”

“Jinyoung.” The whine returned to his voice again. “For someone who claims to be a happiness guru, you’re shooting way too many holes into your own boyfriend’s happiness.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “All right, fine. Vacation. You’re on.”

“Yay.” Mark turned his head, kissing the spot on Jinyoung’s thigh he’d nipped. “It’ll be good. You’ll see.”

“Where did you want to go?”

“I was actually hoping you’d pick. You know Korea better than me.” He paused. “Not just in the normal sense. You were born from the land, a spirit of its will. You must know somewhere special.”

Jinyoung hesitated a moment. “It won’t be disappointing if it’s not far from where we are right now, will it?”

“Of course I won’t be disappointed, if it’s somewhere important to you.”

Jinyoung tugged Mark’s cheek. “Don’t go all sweet on me now. I already knew you were a complete brat when I fell in love with you, you don’t have to pretend otherwise.”

“I can be sweet, too. You’re just getting like this because it embarrasses you.” He sat up. “I’ll arrange a few open days on your calendar. You deserve a break as much as I do. You’ve worked hard.”

“I’m not sure what I do is work, exactly.”

“Still. I won’t mind having you to myself.” Mark leaned in, kissing Jinyoung’s forehead. “And I’m not just saying that to be sweet. It’s great that you care about the rest of the world now. But I’m the exact brat you think I am. I still need you to care about me most.”

It had been a long time since Jinyoung had been back. In spite of choosing a house in close proximity, he’d avoided the place itself, content to have it lingering on the fringes of his life. There were no libraries in the mountains, after all, and no books to be burned. And like all places, it was no longer the place he remembered. There was even a Buddhist shrine there, a testament to how human faith and belief had moved along without him.

But the moment he stepped foot on the mountain with Mark at his side, he was glad to have returned. It was the right time, with the right person, and as a version of himself the god he’d once been might not be ashamed of.

“So these are the Taebak Mountains?” Mark asked, shielding his eyes from the sun. “Daebak.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Very original joke. Ready to hike?”

“Of course. Though I will warn you, it’s been a while since I’ve done this. I may need to take breaks.”

“There’s plenty of spots to rest on the way up. We’ll be fine.”

It had been some time since Jinyoung had gotten this amount of exercise as well. Back in the day, before cars and trains and carriages, he’d had to walk almost everywhere on his journeys through the world and a hike up a mountain trail would have been nothing. There was no denying the charms of convenience, but sometimes he missed the world as it was before when it was mostly land, and you didn’t have to go out of your way like this just to access nature.

The two of them made their way up, mostly quiet as they progressed. Mark’s ability to partake in comfortable silence was something Jinyoung appreciated about him, especially now when there was so much to process that it would have been hard to speak even if Mark asked it of him. With every step, it felt like the mountain was awakening from a long slumber, blearily blinking its eyes in disbelief as its energy little by little responded to Jinyoung’s presence. With time, it seemed to thrum underneath his feet, the earth itself responding to the return of its spirit, as diminished and lacking in power as it now was.

“What do you think?” Jinyoung asked Mark when they stopped to rest for the first time. “Like the view?”

“It’s beautiful,” Mark said. “Peaceful. Quiet. But…maybe a little bit lonely, too? I don’t know how to explain it.”

Jinyoung smiled faintly. Just how attuned to everything was this human of his? “Technically it gets plenty of tourism. But it’s divided at its soul, just like the country itself. Part of it is south, part of it is north.”

“Is the land really affected by human borders?”

“Not so much the borders as by the sentiment of the people. The Rocky Mountains in America don’t mind the division between states, because those states are still essentially at harmony with one another. It’s American. United. But here, the north and south are divided by so much more than borders. The land wishes again for harmony between us. It fears for itself as much as for us. Of what damage might be done, if the worst happens.”

Mark nodded solemnly. “That’s rough. You said the earth created the gods to form living beings to fill the land. And now all those beings are killing it.”

“Well, those are ‘the unforeseen consequences of having created something that evolves and twists outside of our carefully mapped plans’ as you said in your poem.”

“How prescient of me.”

“That was the moment I started giving you credit for being smarter than I thought you were.” Jinyoung rose to his feet. “Let’s climb some more.”

The air got thinner as they went up, the temperature cooler, the sky vaster. Jinyoung the mountain air into his lungs. Everything felt cleaner and clearer here, like there was still hope the earth could become pure again. In the past, he’d selfishly wished humans would bring an end to it and hope that he died along with the earth, and even if he didn’t, that he might be free from humans as the earth resurrected.

His feelings were different now. Though he wanted the humans to learn the consequences of their indiscriminate plunder of the earth’s resources, he wanted them to live on. To grow and change. To be better.

He reached out, taking Mark’s hand. I want there to be more like him, he thought. Like him, but not the same. I want to appreciate the once-in-a-lifetime quality of this person I have right now.

 When they reached a high overlook, they once again took a moment to rest. “So what is it about this place?” Mark asked, catching his breath. “What makes it so special to you?”

“I was born here,” Jinyoung said.

Mark looked at him in surprise.

“Not the traditional way, of course,” Jinyoung continued. “It was more like I separated from the mountain and developed a consciousness of my own. All gods have a point of origin. And this is mine.”

Mark glanced around the surrounding mountains as if seeing them for the first time. “So this is…”

“There’s really no one word for it. I’m not sure I would use ‘home.’ I haven’t been here in forever, and…home to me is where you and I live together.”

Mark smiled. “But it’s important to you.”

“It’s the place where I can feel my tie to the earth the closest. Mireuk may have made me human, but he couldn’t change my past and where I came from. So I still feel a kind of power here. It’s not god-like, exactly…but it’s the closest I can come these days.” Jinyoung swallowed. “That may be why I stayed away so long. I didn’t want to feel like a shadow of what I used to be.”

“Do you feel like that now?”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Thanks to you, I’ve been able to do some good on the earth. And from what I feel from all the energies surrounding me here, that’s a more important thing than all the distant observing being done in the heavens.” He ran his thumb against the back of Mark’s hand. “I’m not ashamed to come back here. Because of you.”

Mark pulled him closer, resting his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “Thank you for bringing me here. It almost feels like you’ve brought me to meet your family.” He was quiet for a moment. “So…how do I go about thanking this mountain for giving me you?”

Jinyoung was surprised for a moment, but his lips quickly slipped into a smile. “I have a feeling the earth might say something like ‘Take good care of my spirit’ or ‘if you dare hurt him…’"

“What would it do if I did? Avalanche? Drop a boulder on my head?”

“You never know. And hopefully you never will.”

“Very true.” Mark placed a hand on his cheek. “I’d deserve a boulder to the head if I ever hurt you.”

“And it would truly be a tragedy to have that annoyingly small and beautiful head of yours smashed in.” Jinyoung placed his hand over Mark’s. “What was it you were always demanding me at the beginning? Stay with me this, and stay with me that? Maybe you’ve rubbed off on me, because that’s the best thanks I can think of. Stay with me. Help me keep on being this person who no longer lives in shame.”

They camped at the foot of the mountain in a tent Mark had found them at the sporting goods store. After the headache of setting it up, they flopped down on their sleeping bags inside, poking their heads out of the opened flaps so they could look up at the stars while they rested.

“Is that Orion?” Mark asked, tracing his finger through a pattern of stars. “I think I remember some of the constellations from school.”

“The ancestors read the stars differently, you know.”

“Huh. I guess I didn’t think of that. It wouldn’t make sense if people in Asia were going off Greek legends.”

“If you look on the back of the 10,000 won note, you can see a map of the constellations from the Korean royal astronomers. But since your ancestors weren’t Korean…if I’m remembering correctly, the stars in Orion are part of the Chinese constellations ‘The White Tiger of the West’ and ‘The Vermillion Bird of the South’.”

“Interesting. So out of curiosity, did you gods intend for the different continents to interact and influence each other? Like, is it fine that most of the world uses Greek legends to read the stars, and learns English as the global language?”

Jinyoung shrugged. He really hadn’t been a god long enough to speak for the intentions of the collective. “All I can really say to that is in human hands, anything has the potential to be a good thing or a bad thing. I’d say a lot of great things have been done with the global society. And a lot of terrible things.”

“That’s fair.” They fell silent, continuing to look up at the stars. As Jinyoung studied them, a thousand lifetimes of journeys under these stars came back to him. It amazed him somewhat that it had all led to here and this moment. Remembering who he was then, it was a difficult thing to believe. And yet here he was all the same.

Suddenly, Mark was rolling on top of him, a smile on his face. “I can’t even look at the stars for more than a minute when you’re here to look at,” he said. He brushed Jinyoung’s hair back. “You’re the only star in my eyes.”

Jinyoung sighed, but smiled. “Auden would not be pleased by how cheesy that was.”

“Was it? Then I’ll just steal some of his lines.” He pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s ear. “How should we like it were stars to burn, with a passion for us we could not return? If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

Jinyoung slid his finger against Mark’s lips when he drew away slightly. “I can’t let you love me more than I love you. Anything greater than this, and your heart wouldn’t be able to take it. It would break into a million pieces.”

“Don’t underestimate me just because I’m a human.”

“I wouldn’t. You’re so much more than me in so many ways. But not this one.”

“Then maybe equal affection can be. And you and I have it.”

Jinyoung didn’t answer, because it was one of the many things he didn’t have an exact answer to. As far as he knew, there was no way to measure love and weigh it against someone else’s. All he knew was that his heart was so full that it felt impossible for it to be contained within his meager human body.

Mark dropped his head to kiss Jinyoung softly on the lips, wrapping him up in his arms. Jinyoung kissed him back with a hungrier frenzy than usual. If his own body was insufficient to house his love, he needed to spread it to Mark’s so it wasn’t just contained inside him. Mark seemed to be having the same thoughts, hitching Jinyoung’s legs up around his waist and undulating his hips so they could feel each other.

“Is it OK?” he whispered in a low, husky voice. Jinyoung shivered. Is it OK? He knew Mark wasn’t asking in the universal sense, but as in “are you OK with us ing out in the open, half dangling out of our tent?" However, the larger picture was still in Jinyoung's mind from their trip up the mountain. Is it OK? Is what exists between us really OK?

But the second the thought crossed his mind, the answer followed. The mountain had responded to him just as it had back when he’d walked it as a god. It knew he was becoming what he’d always wanted to. And Jinyoung knew that it was thanks to Mark’s imprint on his life that he had.

“It’s fine,” he said, brushing his fingers through Mark’s hair. Then leaned into his lips and whispered, “I love you.”

Mark smiled. “So much,” he whispered back.

As they moved together, Jinyoung felt something strange that he’d never felt before, like tendrils of power slipping from the earth inside of him, giving him an even greater echo of that ancient feeling of godhood that he’d lost. Usually, he let Mark take the lead during their encounters, as Mark had a kind of natural understanding about human intimacy that Jinyoung often lacked, but as things progressed, this time he took over the reins, leading Mark with his movements. Asserting himself, and letting Mark feel what Jinyoung so clearly now knew to be true. I’m the god I wanted to be here on the earth because of you. Mark was happy to surrender control to him, laying back and fixing him in his amazed eyes. There were shades of worship in that gaze which Jinyoung fed on, but not of a human towards his omnipotent god. It was as a human towards his equally human but no less divine lover.

When they’d exhausted themselves on each other, Jinyoung dragged them both back into the tent, a mess of exhausted limbs and sweat. Mark’s eyes were fluttering shut as they always did after , though this time he seemed to be making a bigger effort to force them back open even though Jinyoung had thoroughly worked him over even more so than usual.

“Just go to sleep,” Jinyoung said fondly. “We’ll still be on our little vacation tomorrow.”

“I know,” Mark said, covering a yawn. “Jinyoung…” He reached out, running his finger down the curve of Jinyoung’s ear. “If things had been different…I would have introduced you to my parents…and they would have loved you.” His eyes started closing again. “I know it…”

Jinyoung exhaled. He’d had a feeling that these emotions were behind Mark wanting this vacation before going to California. Mark never said so out loud, but Jinyoung knew the need for secrecy with his family was hard on him. It was hard for Jinyoung, too, in a different way. He didn’t like denying Mark aspects of a normal life. Mark had made a choice, that was true, but it was still difficult for Jinyoung to resign himself to allowing these precious things to slip through Mark’s fingers.

But being together is the far more precious thing, Jinyoung reminded himself, closing his own eyes and nestling against Mark. This is where I need to be. Who I want to be. In its own weird little way, everything feels exactly as it should be.

“You should get going,” Jinyoung said for what felt like the tenth time. Still, Mark loitered by the door. Jinyoung sighed, counting to ten to steady himself. “Do you want me to kick you out like I used to?”

“It’s my house, too, now,” Mark said stubbornly. “The rules have changed.”

“I don’t remember you purchasing it with me hundreds of years ago. Besides, you’ve had your temporary change of residence.”

Mark snorted. “The guest room at Yugyeom’s? Seriously, I’m counting the days until I can say goodbye to it.”

“It was your idea.”

“A necessary evil is still an evil.” Mark walked away from the door, stopping in front of Jinyoung to kiss his forehead. “You’ll be fine?”

“Yes. I know the way. I have my ticket. I’ll leave in time so I won’t be late.”

“OK.” Mark kissed his forehead one more time, then leaned in to peck his lips. “I’ll look for you in the audience.”

“I’ll be there.” Jinyoung gave him a little push. “Now get going, or you’re going to be the late one.”

Mark finally left, sliding the door shut behind him. Jinyoung sank back against the wall, the aura of bleakness that had swept over the house coming back at Mark’s absence. It had been like that for a week now. Mark’s parents had come from America to visit for his university graduation, and since Mark couldn’t host them at the house in Inje, he’d temporarily moved in with Yugyeom in Sokcho where his parents were still under the impression he lived.

Jinyoung had tried to keep busy with clients. One case involving a woman who self-sabotaged her relationships had taken some time and kept his mind off it for a while. But it was hard at times. It wasn’t so much Mark’s absence itself. Mark had gone on trips to America before, and Jinyoung had managed well enough in spite of missing him. It was the charade of it that bothered him. First, in having to lie to Yugyeom and Mark’s other friends about why they weren’t allowed to mention Jinyoung to Mark’s parents. The story they’d concocted about Mark’s parents wanting him to move back to the States and thus not settle down in a relationship in Korea sounded thin, and was, according to Yugyeom, a stupid explanation for not cluing them into a serious, long-term, cohabitant relationship.

But most of all, Jinyoung hated thinking of Mark spending time with his parents and having to lie or omit things on every other breath. He hated how he knew that would make Mark feel. And he hated, much to his surprise, all the time and conversations shared between Mark and his family that he would never get to be a part of.

But it was how it had to be. Though he could have technically revealed his nature to them as he had to Mark, the more people who knew, the bigger the risk was. Jinyoung had been “found out” for his immortality once before, and he’d been captured and tested on in the very limited means that had been available during that time. No matter what was done to him, he was incapable of death, but he’d felt every bit of the pain and abuse to his body. If he was captured during this era, he could only assume the tests would be more thorough and terrible, and the possibility of escape nonexistent. The more people who knew, the greater the chances of a slip up. If he met Mark’s immediate family, that might extend him to having to meet the in-laws of Mark’s siblings, their husbands or wives, their children. It was far too many people to spread the secret between. It was better not to risk it at all.

But still, it hurt. Jinyoung hadn’t even been able to accept tickets from Mark to his graduation ceremony, since that would have seated him right by his family. He’d needed to instead take an extra ticket of BamBam’s, across the auditorium from where Mark’s family would be sitting.

It’s fine, Jinyoung thought. I’ll still be there when he graduates. And he’ll be home soon. Just two more nights. Two more nights.

In the afternoon, he took the train to Sokcho. The auditorium was already crowded with people, all the family members and friends of the graduates. Jinyoung didn’t loiter in the hallways, but went straight to his seats. BamBam’s family was already there, and Jinyoung took the vacant seat at the end of their row. He scanned the seats for Mark’s family. He knew what they looked like well enough from pictures and all of Mark’s many stories of them. He found them after a minute. They were talking animatedly with each other, each looking so kind and energized to be there for Mark. One of his sisters had a baby balanced against her hip. A child who would never know their uncle Jinyoung.

Jinyoung felt a lump in his throat. If only everything had been different, he thought. I could have been born to the world normally. I could have had parents of my own to introduce him to. We could have become parents ourselves. We could have lived our lives surrounded by loved ones we wouldn’t have to say goodbye to every several years.

This pain was exactly what Mireuk wanted him to suffer, he was sure. You who wised to rule the humans so dearly that it lead you to trickery, live among them and learn to your peril the pain existence can bring to you. And that pain didn't come from abhorring them. It came from loving them too much.

He swallowed the lump back. No point in wishing for things that couldn’t be. They would find happiness of their own out of what they had. And that happiness would be just as full as it would have been otherwise.

He turned his face away. In another few minutes, music began playing and the graduates began filing in. When Mark walked past, they locked eyes. The pain Jinyoung had felt in his heart lessened. I have everything I need right here, he thought. The universe has given me such a great gift that I don’t require anything else while I have him.

“So proud of you,” he mouthed to Mark. And he truly was. It would be a new chapter they were entering together, and he knew without a doubt that Mark was headed for great things.

“Love you,” Mark mouthed back.

After the ceremony was over, the area outside of the auditorium became crowded with families and friends taking photos with the graduates. Jinyoung attempted to slip past to the train station. He’d call Mark in the evening and shower him with all the congratulations he deserved. He’d celebrate with him properly when he came back home to Inje. But at the moment, it was time for him to be with the others in his life, while he could.

Right when he was about to move out of the crowd, he felt someone grabbing his sleeve. He turned around. Mark was standing there, phone in hand. “You’re not leaving without taking a photo with me, I hope?”

Jinyoung threw his arms around him, squeezing him tight. Mark took a few steps back. “Whoa, Jinyoung, you’re usually not so aggressive in public.”

“Is your family nearby?” Jinyoung murmured into his shoulder.

 “No, I told them to meet me at the park across the street where it’s less crowded with graduates.”

Jinyoung lifted his head, kissing him on the lips for a moment before drawing away. Mark looked back at him, wide-eyed. “Um…brave of you. You know gays kissing in public isn’t a thing in Korea, right?”

“No one’s looking,” Jinyoung said. And sure enough, everyone was too wrapped up in their time with their own loved ones to pay attention to anyone else. “I just wanted to.”

“Well. I’m very happy to be wanted.” Mark tilted his head. “You’re all right?”

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung said, and it felt completely true. “And so excited for you.”

“I’m heading into adulthood, huh? Finally catching up to you.”

“You’d need a billion years or so to do that.”

“And by then, you’d still be a few billion years ahead of me.” Mark shook his phone. “Come on, let’s take that picture before you go.”

They pressed their cheeks together and Mark snapped a picture.

“Just remember-” Jinyoung started to say.

“I have to be careful with pictures, yes,” Mark finished for him. “No one will ever see this but me.” He kissed Jinyoung’s cheek. “I’ll be home soon.”

“Yes.”

“And I’ll love coming home to you. I’ll always love coming home to just you.” He leaned in, pressing his lips against Jinyoung’s ear. “I don’t need anything else, understand?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung said, smiling this time. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

Jinyoung sat on the edge of the couch as he watched the nightly news. The footage of the recent landslide in India was devastating to look at, but he forced himself to watch. He needed to keep up on the situation. Mark was out there, after all, and Jinyoung needed to believe he was safe.

He hadn’t realized fully until now the stress that would come along with dating someone in relief aid. It had all been calm enough when Mark had signed on with the Red Cross and mostly done desk work in his day to day, but this landslide marked the first occasion when he was called into the field. And going into the field meant working within all the devastation Jinyoung was looking at now. It set him on edge. What if another landslide happened? What if Mark was injured?

The news story changed to some sort of new political legislation being debated, and Jinyoung sagged back against the couch. It wasn’t like he could pepper Mark with check-ins. Mark was busy doing important, grueling work, and the last thing he needed was a nagging boyfriend obsessing over how he was. Jinyoung didn’t want to be that person. Still, he checked his phone all the same. There was a text from BamBam—Holding up OK?—and a message from a client confirming their appointment tomorrow afternoon. Nothing from Mark.

Jinyoung sighed, staring up at the ceiling. How many times was he going to have to go through this? Natural disasters seemed to be happening more and more often as the earth rebelled against the abuse humans did to it. How often would Mark be into the center of danger because of it?

All the same, he loved Mark for the work he did. The instinct to help people was just like him, and the world needed brave people who weren’t afraid of taking a risk to provide help to the many. It would be nice not to have to worry, but he was too proud of Mark to even think of asking him to give it up.

Just as Jinyoung was about to go to bed, his phone finally rang. He answered the call hurriedly as soon as he saw Mark’s name on the screen.

“I’m not calling you in a library again, am I?” Mark asked. Just the sound of his voice was beautiful enough to make Jinyoung want to cry.

“All the libraries are closed. It’s late.” Jinyoung took a breath. “How are you?”

“Trying to sound nonchalant? I know you spent the whole day worrying. I’m fine. It’s been a hard day’s work, but I’m fine.”

“Good.” Jinyoung felt a little bit of the weight on his shoulders receding. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes. Have you?”

“I’m not the one in a disaster area.”

“You often forget to eat when you’re stressed or sad.”

“Well, lucky for me, it’s impossible for me to die of starvation. Or anything.”

“Still. Don’t worry yourself out of any important meals.” Mark paused. “I really miss you.”

“Aren’t you too busy to miss me?”

“Never. Can you tell me something?”

“If I can.”

“Do the gods have a hand in making these disasters happen?”

Jinyoung bit his lip. “It’s hard to say. I wasn’t a god long enough to know everything they get into. They certainly have the power to do something like that, and maybe Shiva would, if he was angry enough about something. He seems like the type. But unless the gods are truly offended by something or another, I think most disasters recently are caused by the earth itself. It has far more reason to be angry than the gods. Without humans, the gods wouldn’t have any purpose, so they’re not going to try to exterminate them, or anything.”

“Good. I would hate to think we’re being arbitrarily squashed like flies based on some god’s whim.”

“There’s a little more humanity to them than that. I’m no fan of the gods, but they’re for the most part protective of their creations. I’ll give them that.”

“As you are. But don’t worry. I’m taking care of people here. I’ll do as much as I can for as many as I can. Try not to fret too much about it.”

“You can say that, but I’ll still fret.”

“Because you love me, maybe?”

“Maybe.”

“Of all the times to be coy with me.” He could hear the smile in Mark’s voice. “It’s late, you said? Are you going to bed?”

“Yes.”

“Keep the mattress warm for me. I already can’t wait to be back.”

“You know something, Mark?”

“Hmm?”

“It used to be that ages would pass me by in the blink of an eye. But you’ve finally made a single day feel unbearably long for me.”

“Good. Not that I like being away from you.” His voice got softer. “I just want time to slow for you. For our lifetime to feel like a lifetime.”

“I wouldn’t mind it.” Jinyoung hesitated. “But come home soon. I miss you, too.”

Mark stared at the cake Jinyoung had waiting for him on the table when he came home from work. “Huh?” he said stupidly.

“It’s your birthday,” Jinyoung said.

“Is it?”

“You’d forgotten?”

“I guess so. The time difference means my family hasn’t called yet.”

“What about Jackson or BamBam or Yugyeom?”

Mark rolled his eyes. “They have the memory of a goldfish. I wasn’t expecting them to remember.” Mark looked down at the candles. “I’m twenty-five, then. The same age you were when we met.”

“Um…Mark…I most certainly wasn’t twenty-five when we met.”

“All right, it was the age you claimed to be when we met. Which makes you…thirty now?”

“About. I usually mark my ‘change in age’ at the end of the year. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter. It’s your special day. Happy Birthday, Mark.”

“Thank you. Do I get a present?”

“Of course you do.” Jinyoung pulled a wrapped box out from under the table. “I’m still as bad as ever at gift giving, though. Just keep that in mind.” He always tended to buy Mark practical things, having never really understood the art of romantic gift giving.

Mark opened the package. “Oh, one of those weighted blankets.”

“So the covers will be too heavy for me to steal.”

“And we can survive the winter in this drafty old place. Thank you.” Mark pecked Jinyoung on the lips. “Can I have a bit of cake now?”

“More than a bit. Eat up.”

Mark cut himself a slice and began to eat. As he did, he gazed at Jinyoung with a rather pensive look, not saying anything. Jinyoung was used to the not saying anything part, but the look was a bit odd for Mark. Usually if he was wondering something about Jinyoung—as he often did, given Jinyoung’s long and complex history—he usually spit it out rather than keep it to himself.

“What?” Jinyoung asked.

“We’ve known each other for about five years now,” Mark said. “And other than that one year you were in Jeju, we’ve been together for most of it. And…I guess at twenty-five, I could reasonably be called an adult by now.”

“Yes…?”

Mark set down his fork and sighed. “It’s impossible, though, right? It would be a paperwork nightmare. If you erase your identity every fifteen or so years and get a new one, it would just complicate things to have another piece of paper you’d need to constantly falsify. And it would affect my own records, too. It would be too much to ask to make you go through manipulating paperwork for both of us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Getting married.”

Jinyoung set down his own fork. Or more like dropped it. “Getting…married.”

“Yes. Because if circumstances were different, I’d have asked you to marry me by now. It’s just the marriage license…it would be a headache, wouldn’t it? Either you’d have to add it to your tally of forged documents, or I’d have to become a legal widow every fifteen years and marry you again in your new identity. And that’s not even getting into the fact that it’s still illegal in Korea.”

Jinyoung could barely process these sundry details. “You want to marry me?”

“Yes. Of course I do. Don’t you?”

“I…I’d never thought about it.”

Mark didn’t look bothered. “I knew you wouldn’t. That’s why I had to think of it for us.” He reached out, taking Jinyoung’s hand. “It feels like we are already married, pretty much. I've pledged my commitment to you. But I thought it would be nice. To have you as a husband, rather than a boyfriend. And to wear a ring on my finger so people stop mistaking me for single.”

Jinyoung felt alarmed. “Is that an issue?”

“No need to be jealous. I always turn them down. Especially since 90% of them are women.” Mark took a breath. “I know it’s a needless formality. We’ll always be what we are, whatever label we put on it. But I…would still like to be married to you, anyways. Somehow.”

Jinyoung really had never thought of it. But he thought of it now. The purpose and protocol of marriage had changed greatly through the ages, and for most of his existence, it had been more a business arrangement than anything. But the fact remained that a form of it had existed pretty much right from the beginning. Even without rings or ceremonies, people had always felt some sort of basic need for it.

And in a way, Jinyoung could understand. On the most simplistic level, he at least understood why the symbolic meaning of it was important in their case. How just by wearing a ring on his finger, society would identify Mark as a husband, and connect him to everything that went along with that. And wasn’t he as good as a husband to Jinyoung? They lived together. They were committed to each other. Mark knew the one thing about him that no one else could know. And when Jinyoung left Korea, Mark would be leaving alongside him. What further proof of devotion could Jinyoung demand of him?

“You’re right,” Jinyoung said slowly. “We can’t do it legally. It just wouldn’t work.”

Mark nodded, a bit sadly.

“But…” Jinyoung squeezed his hand. “There’s this book in America. Cold Mountain. Do you know it?”

Mark nodded. “Or at least I remember the movie.”

“Do you remember the end?”

“Yeah, it was a downer.”

“Before the downer. Ada and Inman aren’t in the circumstances to get married when they want to. Ada says there’s this religion out there where all you have to do is say ‘I marry you’ three times, and you’re married.”

Mark’s eyes softened. “That’s good enough for me.”

“Right now, though?”

“Anytime. Like I said, we’re already as good as married. I just wanted something to make it…official, I guess. We can buy rings later.”

“But really, right now? Over your birthday cake in the kitchen? In your work clothes? Me in an apron and jeans?”

Mark grinned. “I mean it, Jinyoung. Anytime. The sooner the better. I want to call you my husband.”

“All right, then.” Jinyoung took a breath, looking Mark square in the eyes. “Mark Yi En Tuan. I marry you. I marry you. I marry you.”

Mark’s smile was even more beautiful than Jinyoung had ever seen it. He reached out and brushed his thumb against Jinyoung’s cheek. “Under the eye of the only god that matters,” he said gently. “Park Jinyoung. Seokga. I marry you. I marry you. I marry you.”

Jinyoung felt a shiver down his spine. Nothing had actually changed. But it felt like something important had all the same. In the subtle way it often did, the universe felt new and different from the passage of one moment into the next.

“Is that actually a religion?” Mark asked. “The one with the ‘I marry you’ custom?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. You’re the religious studies major.”

“There’s too many for even me to know them all.”

“Then let’s just say it’s real. The rules of marriage are all human invention. And we’re human. Well, for the most part, anyways. We’re allowed a little invention ourselves, by right.”

“Most cultures have this little part where the groom kisses the bride after marrying.”

“I don’t see any brides here.”

“No. But the little tradition has carried over for two grooms as well.”

“Well, then.” Jinyoung’s eyes fluttered closed. “You may kiss the groom, if you like.”

Mark did so, his lips and tongue sweet and sugary like buttercream. Jinyoung felt the strange thrill of it, the addition of something that hadn’t been there before. My husband. Mine.

Mark drew away, his eyes divinely full. “I hear our mattress calling.”

“To put the new blanket on it?”

 “It’s only September. Too warm for that kind of blanket. I don’t think it will mind having you put on it, though. My husband.”

“Ah, yes. The last remaining rule of marriage. The consummation.”

“Shouldn’t skip it, should we? That would be too rebellious of us.”

“Then I guess we’d better not.” Jinyoung rose to his feet. “I’ve been so long on the earth, but never had a wedding night before.”

“I’ll make it one to remember.” Mark’s expression turned solemn. “And I hope you always will remember. What I feel right now…it’s never going to die, you know. It’s just as eternal as you are.”

A/N:  Hey all! As all of you likely know, several countries around the world are in the midst of a very important movement as repeated acts of police brutality have again brought the lack of racial equality in our world to light. I have been far more vocal about this on my Facebook as opposed to my Twitter where many of you follow me for a reason—growing up, I attended two Catholic schools, and to my eternal frustration, though the words of our religious textbooks taught the message of “love your neighbor” and “care for the poor,” so many people who followed this very same religion were the most hateful and intolerant towards the black, lantinx, LGBT, and immigrant communities, and the most uncaring towards the actual societal needs of the poor beyond donating the occasional can of food or used piece of clothing. As you can tell from this fic, this frustration leaks out a lot in my writing, and I wanted to channel that frustration into trying to find ways to make the importance of BLM stick with some of the people I went through Catholic School with who just don’t get it.

But as you may also be able to tell from this fic, I overall have faith in humanity. I know we can do better and be better. But doing better isn’t a passive action—it takes work! To start, here’s a great roundup of anti-racism resources. Remember to treat people different from you with dignity. This is their world, too. They are needed here just as much as you.