Typically, these things are supposed to start at the starting line. Meanwhile, Joohyun thinks it all starts with the crossing of a line, because surely, there's no protocol for this.

She's sat through media training seminar after seminar, and there's really nothing there to prepare her for this kind of situation; no section in the Introduction to Surviving Idol Fame handbooks called "What to do When You Quite Literally Bump Into One of Your Fans at the Corner Store You Frequent on Late Nights When Your Ice Cream Cravings are Just Too Much to Bear," although in complete honesty, it's not like Joohyun would've read it anyway— too niche. And yet here she is, kneeling on the tiled floor of the freezer aisle, her hands reaching out hesitantly. Joohyun can’t see her facial features too well beneath the black Adidas baseball cap the young woman wears and the facial mask tucked under her chin, but she can recognize the other’s expression flickering from wincing to sheer shock.

"Irene?"

Joohyun cringes at the sound of her stage name leaving the surprised girl's lips. Thankfully, she's ninety-five percent sure that they're the only ones in the store, minus the clerk who knows Joohyun well enough by now to not say anything conspicuous. Nevertheless, Joohyun's not supposed to be Irene at 10:30PM at night, and Irene is certainly not the type of celebrity who visits small corner stores to satiate ice cream cravings at this hour either.

"Yes…" Joohyun hesitates, throwing a look over her shoulder down the otherwise empty aisle, entirely unsure how much of this classifies as too much. Still, she's far from heartless, and there's no way she's about to leave some innocent young woman cradling her head in her hands, much less her own fansite. "Um, I'm sorry about this, but would it be alright if you called me Joohyun…?"

"Oh!" A pair of strikingly familiar eyes widen from beneath the black baseball cap the girl wears, and her lips part in what Joohyun can only assume to be sudden understanding. Her voice lowers in volume. "Yes, of course! I'm sorry, Joohyun."

"No, no," Joohyun shakes her head insistently. “I’m the one who should be sorry, I—” The door to the corner store opens, and a crowd of rowdy young teenagers enter the premises, no doubt stopping by after a session of cram school. Joohyun winces, ducking her head before turning her attention back to the girl in front of her and sending her a smile Joohyun hopes comes off as comforting.

“I’m really sorry about all of this,” Joohyun apologizes again, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. Her gaze flickers over to the glass of the frozen section. “Can I make it up to you with a tub of ice cream and some Advil?”

--

The baseball cap and facial mask come off the moment they step out of the corner store, and Joohyun’s eyes widen the moment she sees who’s beneath it. She fumbles with the plastic bag in her hands, nearly dropping its contents before a lucky last minute save.

Joohyun’s fans are numerous. As humble as she tries to be, even she has to admit that there are a decent amount of them, and it’s inevitable that she can’t remember every single face that appear at her fansigns, or that attended her prior live performances, with the utmost clarity.

That being said, Joohyun could never forget a face like hers.

“You’re Rowoon,” Joohyun blurts out.

The other girl pauses from where she’d been combing her hair out from its previous high ponytail, her fingers still entangled in brown-dyed locks.

Joohyun immediately takes a seat in the curb.

(Joohyun still remembers when Rowoon’s hair had been black, so very long ago now).

“You remember me?” Rowoon asks, a high note of surprise laced in her tone. She joins Joohyun on the curb, crouching down to sit.

“I—” Joohyun blinks in surprise. Her hands seem to move on their own as she pulls off the lid of the pineapple ice cream, handing Rowoon a spoon without further ado. It had been Rowoon who'd chosen the pineapple flavor. Joohyun honestly hadn't expected any different. “Of course I do! I saw you just last week, at the fansign.”

“Well, yeah, but—” Rowoon ducks her head shyly. She hides behind the lid of her cap, but under the yellow light from the overhead streetlight, Joohyun can make out the admittedly adorable upturn of Rowoon’s lips. “I’m just a fansite, and you usually only see my camera, so…”

“Just a fansite” is a funny way to put it; particularly because Rowoon’s never been just a fansite, not to Irene's other fans, or even to Joohyun herself.

Wanna Be With You Always had been one of Joohyun’s – or rather, Irene’s – first fansites from the very beginning, her name taken straight from the lyrics Irene’s debut EP. Behind its talented camera lens had been an ever-charming girl known only as “Rowoon” who had been attending Irene’s fan events since her first live stage. Maybe she’s not Joohyun’s most followed fansite on Twitter, but she’s definitely up there, and possibly the fansite that Joohyun’s interacted with the most.

She’s never told anyone, but Joohyun still has the letter that Rowoon had presented to her during their first encounter three years ago, keeping it tucked securely away in a drawer along with all the other letters she’s received. Rowoon’s first letter rests at the top— there’s something about it that urges Joohyun to handle it with care.

The rabbit plushie Rowoon had gifted her remains on the other side of her queen-sized bed, occupying the empty space there. It’s Joohyun’s favorite, not that she’ll ever admit that out loud.

"It's Seulgi, by the way."

Joohyun shakes herself out of her momentary daze, grounding herself back to reality and taking a second to realize what the younger woman had just said.

"Seulgi?" Joohyun questions, enunciating each syllable carefully. Her brow furrows. "Your real name?"

Seulgi nods. She scooches closer, leaning in to take a spoonful of the ice cream from the tub that now rests in Joohyun's lap. Joohyun tilts the tub so that Seulgi has an easier time.

"You had me call you Joohyun," Seulgi explains, smiling as she slips her spoon into . "It only feels right. Rowoon was a pseudonym I came up with myself."

“You’re not wrong,” Joohyun laughs lightly before humming. She takes a spoonful of ice cream. “It’s weird, I feel like I should’ve known your name was Seulgi, all things considered. The first time I met you was three years ago.”

“Wow, it’s really been that long, huh?” Seulgi tilts her head, wringing her hands out in front of her with a grin. “Time really flies! You really blew up in popularity since then.”

“You’ve been there with me the whole way,” Joohyun says, and it’s not until she says it that she realizes how strange that is. Their first meeting was three years ago, but she didn’t know Seulgi’s real name until today.

Seulgi seems to be thinking the same thing, judging by the teasing lilt in her voice as she smiles Joohyun's way.

Joohyun doesn't know how long they sit there, on that curbside. It could've been a minute, it could've been an hour. Regardless, she listens to Seulgi talk about Irene's latest fan event and how she'd helped some young fans win the backstage passes (Joohyun remembers how the little girl had hugged her midriff so incredibly tightly, how the young one had cradled the signed album to her chest like it was something to be treasured, and her heart warms to know that it had been Seulgi who'd given up her ticket). She nods at the right moments when the topic shifts to Seulgi's camera type, mentions that she's always been fascinated with photography, and Seulgi promises to let Joohyun use her camera next time.

They continue to eat the pineapple ice cream.

“This is our first conversation that's lasted longer than 30 seconds," Seulgi comments with a delighted clap of her hands, blissfully ignorant to the passage of time. "Strange, isn't it? There's a part of me that keeps thinking that one of your security guards is going to show up from somewhere and tell me my time is up."

“I think both of us know that I’d wave them away,” Joohyun smirks. Internally however, she’s struck by her own boldness. Despite the confident image she has in front of the public, she’s not actually one for flirting with strangers; although on that thought, she supposes that Seulgi isn’t much of a stranger, not anymore. Still, the last person she properly flirted with was—

Joohyun shakes her head.

“I’d let you stay longer,” she says. She eats another spoonful, letting the pineapple flavor wash over her tongue. “I always enjoy talking to you.”

“You always buy me some extra time,” Seulgi nods as her lips purse around the plastic spoon once more.

“Speaking of time,” Joohyun’s brow furrows. “What time is it?”

“It’s… 12:15.” Seulgi frowns at her phone, squinting down at it as though accusing it of lying to her. “I definitely missed the last train home.”

“Oh, ,” Joohyun’s eyes go wide, the swear tumbling from her lips a second before she remembers that she technically still has an image to maintain. Much to her surprise though, Seulgi’s eyes glint with amusement at her slip up, so she shakes her head, desperate to change the topic. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you here for so long—”

“Joohyun, it’s really fine!” Seulgi chuckles, trying to wave her off. “There are plenty of hotels in this part of Seoul, I can just book a room for the night. It’s—” she blushes, “I’m not broke or anything, so it’s not like it’s much trouble.”

Not broke is definitely one way to put it; a generous way to put it. Joohyun knows they’re both aware of it, judging by the red flush to Seulgi’s cheeks, just barely visible under the faint lights. It’s a well-known fact that fansite masters are generously wealthy in their own right, and Joohyun’s been on the receiving end of that generosity on many occasions. She’s been gifted expensive food, in-ear monitors, cameras, gaming consoles (she gives those to her little cousin, Yerim), and even phones— Seulgi actually gifted her the phone she currently uses, with its custom-designed case of beautifully drawn bunnies and watermelon.

And yet regardless of how well-off Seulgi is, Joohyun still frowns.

"Or you could stay over my place," she offers.

Seulgi's eyes widen, and suddenly Joohyun's mind is whirling a mile a minute.

"Wha—"

"It's totally cool if you don't want to!" Joohyun quickly follows up. "Like, completely fine. I don't want you to think I'm forcing into anything you don't wanna do." She speaks so fast, a tinge of her Daegu accent shines through. Still though, she means it. Joohyun's not oblivious— she's seen the news, seen all the awful, hidden faces, masked by popular caricatures that paint the industry she's carved a place for herself in. She doesn't want Seulgi to get the wrong impression, especially when she's genuine in her offer and intentions. "You can always stay at a hotel, I don't doubt that you can afford it, but my apartment's just two blocks over, and it's super late, and…"

Joohyun hesitates.

"I just thought I'd put the offer out there," she finishes lamely.

It's Seulgi that laughs though, the noise twinkling like the stars that are oh so hard to see with Seoul's bright, bright lights. Joohyun hopes they're really there, somewhere. She'd seen them in Daegu, she momentarily wonders if Seulgi's ever seen them in all her time here in Seoul.

"I trust you, Joohyun," Seulgi laughs. She takes Joohyun's outstretched hand, letting the woman pull her to her feet. "I'd love to stay over. It's just, um," Seulgi frowns, scuffing the ground with the toe of her sneaker. "Would it reflect badly on you? In your company's eyes or anything…? I don't want you getting into any trouble with SM Entertainment because of me."

"Oh, don't worry about them," Joohyun shrugs, shouldering her bag and starting to lead Seulgi down the street, away from the corner store.

"Are you positive?" She hears Seulgi ask from a pace behind her. The younger girl still sounds unsure. "I know SM's pretty strict with your fan interactions…"

"Really, don't worry," Joohyun chuckles, but the sound is strikingly devoid of humor. She spins on her heel, meeting Seulgi's surprised expression. "I left SM Entertainment for good just this morning."

Not for the first time tonight, Seulgi's jaw drops in utter shock.

"Huh?!"

--

It hadn’t been a long conversation— her contract with SM Entertainment had expired, and Joohyun had merely chosen not to renew it. In hindsight, she knows that it probably looks like a strange decision, quitting an extremely reputable entertainment company who knew how to market her and market her well, but she really couldn’t care less.

Despite the fame they’d brought her, the stability she’d earned, Joohyun had more than enough of that place.

It was weird, though.

The moment she stepped beyond SM’s sliding glass doors, Joohyun had expected to feel lighter, more relaxed, anything relieving. Instead, she’d made her way into the back parking garage, the gray concrete seeming to mock her as she felt like absolutely nothing had changed at all— the weight on her back and everything.

Three hours later, she was already sitting in yet another office, negotiating the new terms of contract with a company she’d been eyeing for a while already.

Amber had greeted her at the company’s front door with a bright grin, taking the hand of her long-time friend and tugging her inside like she was inviting Joohyun inside her home. The mere sight had been enough to crack the silent facade Joohyun had been wearing all day, allowing Amber to her all the way up to her top-floor office, where Soojung awaited the both of them.

This conversation hadn’t been too long either.

“I don’t want to be an idol anymore,” Joohyun had said. She’d fiddled with the ends of her cardigan, “I… I hadn’t wanted to be an idol in the first place. I don’t like singing. I want to focus solely on modeling and acting.”

“That’s fine,” Amber said, and Joohyun had genuinely been taken aback for a moment, shocked that it had been that easy. Amber’s resulting grin had been laid-back as she reclined in her seat. “You’d made your distaste of singing pretty clear back when you were a trainee.”

“I guess I never hid it from you,” Joohyun shrugged. She’d briefly thought back to her trainee days, when she, Amber, and Soojung had all been under SM Entertainment. Despite only being a year younger, Amber had debuted in an idol group at a young age, quickly rising to fame. It had been a huge shock when their group had disbanded a mere three years after debut, citing creative differences and conflicting priorities.

Not entirely wrong, it turns out. Amber says that the members just didn’t like each other and, having not been fluent in Korean at the time, Amber had been left on the sidelines, never having gotten close to her former teammates.

Amber had been closest to Joohyun and Soojung, and she’d had to leave them behind when she debuted with a bunch of girls she didn’t even know.

“You used to spell it out for me,” Amber had teased. “Go on lengthy explanations that taught me more Korean than any of SM’s lessons ever did.” She’d shrugged. “That’s what I liked about you, Joohyun. You and Soojung were always honest with me.”

The other girls in Amber’s group sure hadn’t been. Joohyun remembered the way they used to talk in the dorms, speaking about all their plans. Being in an idol group was supposed to only be a stepping stone to further their careers. Ironically enough, however, Amber was definitely the one who’d gotten the biggest boost.

Amber had already been “well-off” before she’d become an idol. In fact, she’d entered the Korean entertainment industry just for the fun of it, and the moment she was free from SM Entertainment’s grasp, she’d went and started her own flourishing entertainment company— Effects Establishment, or FX, as Amber had wittily coined.

“So you’re really okay with me not continuing to sing?” Joohyun asked, dubious.

“One hundred percent.” Amber asserted.

“You should at least sing your old songs at the occasional fan event,” Soojung had suggested, finally speaking up. She’d been watching her two friends fondly, nodding along and humming in agreement when necessary. “You don’t need to have new songs, but your old fans might miss your voice.”

Joohyun had nodded slowly. “That should be fine.”

“Then we have a deal,” Amber had sat forward with a grin. “Oh, and one last thing, actually.”

“What’s that?”

“Soojung’s gonna be your manager.”

“She’s what?”

“I’m what?”

It had all been so nostalgic, sitting in that room with Amber and Soojung, laughing like they had when they were younger and their only concerns were whether the mean dance instructor would show up the next day. In a way, they’d all been unsatisfied back then— while she’d loved dancing, Joohyun hadn’t enjoyed singing. Soojung had been in a similar boat, enjoying dance and excelling at singing, but her true passion had laid in acting. Now, Soojung had resigned from the limelight altogether— she’d simply grown too tired of it all. Amber had only wished to stay with the both of them, but she’d been taken away before they could share the stage.

Sitting in that office, Joohyun had hoped that they’d all found what they were looking for, perhaps in ways they weren’t expecting.

--

"Ah, I see," Seulgi says as she follows Joohyun into the elevator. "So you left SM Entertainment because they were forcing you to focus on your idol career, when that wasn't what you wanted?"

Something like that, at least partially.

Joohyun stares pointedly at the tiled elevator floor, so pristine and well-kept. She hopes that her shoes aren't too dirty from the outdoor elements— there had been a storm earlier, after all, and the sidewalks still had some lingering puddles.

“I just wanted to quit being an idol,” Joohyun says quietly, and she’s not entirely sure why. "I hated singing."

She’d been so sure of her decision a few hours ago, sitting in that top-floor office with Amber and Soojung, watching the emotions flickering across the other women’s faces. Ultimately, both of them had been fine with her decision, and Amber had assured her that there would be no mention of her idol career in the contract she'd be signing.

She hasn’t been an idol for at least a month, and she's been avoiding any singing-related events for weeks, but somehow, it's the first time she's admitted it aloud.

It feels more real now, and that's frightening, in a way.

There's also the fact that she immediately checks Seulgi's reaction, almost apprehensive. That's also frightening, but in a completely different, perhaps more dangerous way.

Seulgi tilts her head thoughtfully.

Joohyun mentally braces herself for the berating, for the talking about how she's "wasting her potential" and how the loss of her idol career is a "blow to her fanbase."

It never comes.

The elevator dings, and the doors slide open.

Joohyun steps out. Seulgi follows her down the hall.

"That's a shame," Seulgi hums, her smile easily transitioning to one of understanding.

Joohyun pauses, her hand poised to slip the key into the lock.

"You have a beautiful voice, Joohyun," Seulgi continues. "It's awful that you hated singing, but I'm glad that you took charge and chose to follow the path you enjoyed. Is there going to be a formal announcement?"

"Thank you," Joohyun says, genuine, and Seulgi makes a noise of contentment. Joohyun can practically hear her smile. "And about me quitting my idol career? No. The news should drop that I'm no longer with SM Entertainment tomorrow night, though."

Seulgi hums with an encouraging nod.

"I'll be sure to tweet out my support, then!"

"Thank you, Seulgi," Joohyun says again, a smile of her own growing across her lips.

The door clicks open, and Joohyun moves to the side to let Seulgi in.

--

The apartment is new, the building recently renovated. And two weeks before her contract had expired, Joohyun had made the preparations to finally move out of her SM-sanctioned apartment, going accommodation shopping for a space of her own.

A few of her friends had helped her move in, volunteering with eager faces and an energetic spring to their steps. Joohyun had sent out the casual text message into their groupchat, and the response had been comically overwhelming— suddenly her friends are making a day out of it, dedicating an entire Saturday to helping Joohyun move, and plans were formed to get takeout and “christen” her new apartment with a first meal together.

There had been nine of them in her apartment on that first day, counting Joohyun herself: Yongsun, Wheein, and Hyejin had arrived together— Joohyun had befriended them after their idol group had debuted a year ago; Byulyi had showed up not long after, still wearing her signature black suit from her job as a bodyguard; Yerim had let herself in right after with the key Joohyun had dropped off at her place the other day; Johnny, Taeyong, and Mark, a trio of idols from a boy group Joohyun had befriended during their trainee days, appeared at her door with fist bumps and wide grins; and finally, there had been Wendy, who’d arrived ten minutes late, rushing straight over after a recording session.

“Yo,” Wendy had greeted with a relaxed grin, crossing the threshold with both hands in the pockets of her blue letterman. Joohyun had taken a step back, watching Wendy take in her new place with curious eyes. The apartment was empty at the time, her friends having ran down to the moving truck to unload more boxes. Wendy had passed them on her way up.

“Yo yourself,” Joohyun chuckled. She’d led her friend further into the apartment, pointing out the coat closet in the hallway that Wendy had hung her letterman in. “How was the recording session?”

“Good!” Wendy chirped. “Sooyoung’s always great in the booth— super intuitive, and she listens to my directions well. She’s still sorry that she couldn’t make it to help you out today, by the way,” she added. “She had to dash off as soon as our session was done.”

“It’s no problem,” Joohyun had said reassuringly. She, perhaps even more than Sooyoung, knew what it was like to be flooded with activity pre-comeback time, no thanks to her previous company who’d been so intent on working her to the brink of passing out from exhaustion. “I totally get it. Sooyoung told me yesterday that she’d been booked for a university concert, and it’s not like those things are flexible.” She’d laughed lightly. “I had to tell her to stop apologizing.”

“That sounds like her,” Wendy smiled. She took another look around, peering down another hallway, examining the empty rooms.

“So what do you think?” Somehow, Wendy’s opinion still mattered.

“It’s super nice! You’ve got a lot of space to yourself, huh? You could make easily fit an entire recording booth.”

“I could,” Joohyun agreed, “if I were interested in music.”

Between the two of them, it was Wendy who was the producer.

And so Wendy had only smiled, patting Joohyun’s shoulder as she slipped past her, into the living room with the large, large glass window. Joohyun had followed, spying a box Byulyi had left on the ground earlier and picking it up.

“I suppose that’s true,” Wendy had said, looking out over the cityscape. “Don’t mind me, that was just my producer-self doing the talking.”

Joohyun simply nodded, though she fully knew that Wendy couldn’t see her.

“Hey, this place allows its residents to have pets, right?” Wendy threw the question over her shoulder, still peering out the large window.

“Uh, yeah,” Joohyun said, pursing her lips. She’d set the box she’d been carrying down on the newly placed carpet. She picked up a nearby pair of scissors, moving to the other side of the box to get a good look at the label she’d marked on it in scrawling Sharpie ink.

Personal, it said.

“Maybe you can finally get that fish you’d wanted,” Wendy suggested, backing away from the window and heading towards the entrance to move more of the boxes that Byulyi and Yerim had brought up.

Joohyun had swallowed. After a moment of inner debate, she’d shoved the box of personals to the corner to open up later, setting down the scissors down and forcing herself to stand up.

“Maybe,” she had said, taking a box marked cutlery from Wendy and heading to the kitchen. Placing the box on the counter, she’d opened the box and started arranging the steak knives into place.

“Do you know what color fish you want?” Wendy had asked from the living room.

The door to the apartment then opened yet again, and Byulyi, Hyejin, and Yerim entered boisterously, bickering over who had carried more boxes up the stairs. Yongsun and Wheein had followed, their arms full of blankets and sheets, scolding the other girls in the foyer. A moment later, all the girls had moved to the living room to make way for Johnny and Taeyong, who carried up the flat-screen TV, Mark scrambling behind them with the assembly kit for the wall mount.

Joohyun had watched the whole scene from the kitchen.

“I’m not quite sure what color I want,” she’d finally replied to Wendy, as if she hadn’t been dreaming of getting a sapphire blue betta fish for the past three-and-a-half years.

--

“You have a balcony too!” Seulgi exclaims, immediately crossing the kitchen to peer through the sliding door. Joohyun follows her with a laugh, more than entertained to see Seulgi bouncing around from foot-to-foot so energetically, even at this time at night (or more accurately, early morning). “Your place is so big, Joohyun!”

“It’s decently sized,” Joohyun says humbly.

“Sure,” Seulgi teases. She spins on her heel, a hand pressed against the glass sliding door. “I have a balcony back at my apartment too. I have a bunch of plants that I keep out there during the spring and summer.”

Joohyun tilts her head.

“Plants?” She hadn’t thought of getting plants.

“Yeah,” Seulgi nods. “They really brighten the place up a lot. Though,” she tosses a glance over her shoulder, grinning at Joohyun. “I suppose with the view you’ve got from up here, there’s not much more you need.”

“Perhaps,” Joohyun says. She doesn’t tell Seulgi of how she wants to fill up the new space nonetheless, doesn’t say anything about how she’s afraid that if she were to occupy it with something living, that she wouldn’t be able to care for it.

“Do you want to go outside?” She asks Seulgi instead. “Just for a bit. We should sleep soon, but… Seoul’s night lights are pretty.”

A second later and Seulgi’s leaning up on the railing, a sound of wonder escaping her lips as she gazes out over those bright, bright lights.

“They look like little stars, sparkling all over the ground,” Seulgi marvels. She looks up at Joohyun, those beautiful lights reflecting in her eyes, starlight shimmering there and Joohyun feels the air leave her lungs. “I've always loved the city lights. It almost makes up for not being able to see the real stars, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Joohyun breathes. “Yeah, maybe.”

Seulgi hums, turning around to stare out at the lights again, and Joohyun’s left staring at Seulgi’s back.

It occurs to her then, how for such a petite girl, Seulgi has such broad shoulders; like she could carry the weight of the world on them and not break a sweat, never falter in her smile. A gust of wind blows, and Seulgi’s hair flows in the gentle breeze.

Somewhere in the distance, a car honks its horn, and Joohyun blinks back to reality.

“Sometimes I wonder, when I watch the changing color of the sky,” Seulgi sings, and Joohyun goes still as she watches Seulgi reach out over her balcony railing, hand extended out across the cityscape. It’s her song, Joohyun’s song— Irene’s debut song. But somehow, when Seulgi sings it, it doesn’t sound like Irene’s song, it sounds like Seulgi’s. She’s never heard a voice as sweet as Seulgi’s.

She decides then and there that she wants to hear Seulgi sing again.

“Can’t everything in this world just stay the way it was before?”

--

Seulgi takes the guest bedroom.

Joohyun bids her a good night, before lingering outside the younger girl’s door for a heartbeat too long.

Still, she goes to sleep with a smile on her lips.

--

“Do you have a schedule today?” Seulgi asks, setting down her now-empty glass of milk. She picks up her plate from the table, now devoid of the omelet Joohyun had made for breakfast, carrying it over to the sink.

“Nothing today,” Joohyun hums, still giddy off the way Seulgi’s eyes had sparkled earlier, when the younger girl had exited her room to find Joohyun setting out two sets of tableware and asking what Seulgi wanted in her omelet. “I’m on break ‘til the fansign next week. Oh, don’t bother washing the plates. You’re my guest, I’ll do it—”

“Nonsense,” Seulgi waves her off, already flicking the sink on and smirking at Joohyun in a way that invites no arguments. Joohyun merely raises her hands in surrender.

“Powerless in my own apartment,” Joohyun jokes, taking a sip of her tea. “Makes me wonder what you’re like in your own place.”

“Do you wanna see?”

Joohyun pauses mid-sip.

“What?”

“My place,” Seulgi clarifies. “Do you wanna come over? If you have no plans, that is.” She shifts from foot to foot. “I wanted to invite you, but I didn’t know if like, that crossed too many lines or anything.”

“You stayed over my house, Seulgi,” Joohyun chuckles, almost surprised at how easily a smile came to rest lazily on her face. “I’d argue that we’d skipped right to like, the midway checkpoint. And, well,” Joohyun shrugs. “I’m human just like you. I could always use more friends, and it’s not like this is the first time we’ve ever met.”

Joohyun pretends not to see the way Seulgi swells with pride, pretends that her own chest isn’t glowing with happiness.

“Fair enough,” Seulgi grins. “So can I take that as a yes?”

“Yes, yes you can,” Joohyun smiles, because Seulgi’s grin is infectious.

--

“Do you care about being seen in public with me?” Seulgi asks, because she can never be too careful. “Not that we’ll necessarily be noticed, but, you know.”

“What’s wrong with being seen in public with you?” Joohyun replies flippantly with her own question. She’d rather just hang out with Seulgi. “Do you care?”

“Of course not!” Seulgi says. “You’re my favorite person ever! I’m basically living in a dream!”

“Well this is pretty dreamlike for me too,” Joohyun laughs.

“Huh,” Seulgi her head, considering. “I never thought of it that way.”

--

Seulgi’s apartment is big, its size rivaling the size of Joohyun’s own. And in retrospect, Joohyun feels like this shouldn’t have been surprising.

It surprises her nonetheless.

“And you said my place was big!” Joohyun exclaims, marveling at the sights. Much like her own apartment, Seulgi’s is abundant with windows, and that, accompanied by the fact that Seulgi’s apartment is literally on the top floor, creates a beautiful atmosphere, with light streaming in from every glass pane, filling the space with a warm natural light that seems to just glow.

“It’s decently sized,” Seulgi says, echoing Joohyun’s words from yesterday. The two young women share a look before bursting into weightless laughs.

Bags of takeout get placed on the marble-top island in Seulgi’s kitchen, having picked them up on the commute over. The walk and train ride to Seulgi’s apartment had been rather uneventful but pleasant nevertheless— Joohyun had enjoyed the leisurely day off, despite the hat she wore pulled low over her eyes.

Seulgi had laughed and said she looked cool, and Joohyun had shoved her hands into her pocket with a languid grin, counting it as a win.

They eat bowls of tteokbokki and samgyetang as they joke over who’s paying for the next meal, and at some point, Seulgi jumps up and runs off to her studio room, grabbing her treasured camera and laptop as Joohyun clears the tabletop for her.

“There are a lot of photos that don’t get released,” Seulgi says, clicking through HD pictures of Joohyun, of Irene. “Or haven’t been released, at least not yet.”

“Not yet?” Joohyun can’t help but be curious. She loves all of her fansites dearly and has always been thankful for their support, but she’s not above admitting that she’s not entirely sure how the entire deal works. It’s fascinating to see all of the photos catalogued, a sort of photographed timeline of her career all meticulously arranged into pristine folders of dates and events. It’s no wonder why Wanna Be With You Always is such a popular fansite.

“Season’s greetings,” Seulgi says with a light laugh. “Despite everything, I’m still a student who likes making a little something off my efforts. Freelance photography is fun and all when I complete commissions and jobs, but I mean, might as well, right?”

“I’m glad you’re profiting off my face,” Joohyun teases, nudging Seulgi’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re in approval!” Seulgi smirks. She runs a thumb over shutter button of her camera. “But you know, some pictures just never end up getting released.”

“Yeah?”

Seulgi nods, smirk widening. “Yeah.”

And just like that, Seulgi sticks her tongue out, crossing her eyes and making an expression so goofy that it has Joohyun breaking out into a bubble of giggles, and for that pocket of time, Joohyun feels weightless.

The shutter goes off, and Seulgi is lowering her camera, beaming.

“That one won’t be released either,” she says.

Joohyun chuckles.

“For the personal collection?”

“Absolutely,” Seulgi nods, resolute. “I’m the biggest Sceptre out there! Therefore, I need to have some exclusives.”

“The biggest Sceptre, huh?” At the sound of her fandom’s name, Joohyun grins. Sceptre had been Joohyun’s favorite choice out of the many suggestions her management had thrown her way right after debut. Her own stage name, Irene, had been based off the name of the Greek goddess of peace, Eirene, who had usually been depicted in classic art holding a scepter amongst other items. Naturally, she’d thought Sceptre had been a fitting name for fans of a girl named Irene. So, she supposes that there had to be something good to come out of SM Entertainment.

“Your number one,” Seulgi affirms.

“Wanna take a picture together, Number One Sceptre?” Joohyun asks, and Seulgi, already shining as bright as can be, somehow actually brightens even more.

“Yes!”

A minute later and she and Seulgi are posing in front of the other girl’s Polaroid camera, the flash going off and the camera whirring as it prints out the film. They take another picture, posing with wide grins and peace signs; one for Joohyun, one for Seulgi.

“I think this is the second time I’ve ever used a Polaroid,” Joohyun comments as they wait for the picture to develop, the film lying flat on the marble tabletop. She thinks back to that box marked Personal, still lying in her room.

Somewhere in that box is a Polaroid with her grinning next to a short-haired girl wearing that stupid, stupid FILA cap.

That ridiculous dork.

“Maybe I should get a camera for myself,” Joohyun thinks aloud, deciding not to get lost in the past.

“A Polaroid camera?”

“Yep.”

“Want some model recommendations?” Seulgi asks.

“I’d love some,” Joohyun smiles.

Ten minutes later, she has a sticky-note reminder plastered haphazardly onto her phone as Seulgi flips open her Polaroid, shows her how to put in the film. Joohyun leans over, and their shoulders brush as she peers at Seulgi’s handywork in interest.

--

“This one’s name is Sebastian,” Seulgi says excitedly, pointing to the succulent sitting innocently on the corner of her balcony. “I got him when I first moved in!”

“You name your plants?” Joohyun says in amusement. It’s more of a statement than a question, and she kneels in front of the potted plant and reaching out to poke it with an experimental finger.

“Of course I do!” Seulgi looks up from where she’d been kneeling to fix Joohyun with a look that says duh, before directing her attention to the second, spiky cactus, located on the other side of a bed of flowers. “And this one’s Spike!”

She pronounces it like Seupaiku, and Joohyun thinks it’s adorable.

“Because it’s spiky?” Joohyun questions. She reaches a finger out, more hesitant to poke this one.

“Nope,” Seulgi pops the ‘p’. “He’s named after Spike Spiegel.”

Joohyun stares up at her blankly.

“Spike Spiegel?”

“Mmhm.” Seulgi nods earnestly.

“As in, Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop?”

“Yes!” Seulgi sounds absolutely delighted at the notion that her favorite idol knows Cowboy Bebop.

Joohyun only smiles and shakes her head fondly.

“Of course he’s named after Spike Spiegel.”

--

Joohyun takes a call as Seulgi sets up her Nintendo Switch, swiping lazily at the green button once she sees Soojung’s caller ID lighting up the screen.

“Hey, Jungie. What’s up?”

“Just calling to let you know we’ve got a company event this weekend,” Soojung informs through the mouthpiece. “Usually these aren’t too mandatory, but you’re pretty new so Amber thinks it would be a good idea for you to be there and meet some of the people you’ll be working closely with. You’ll be there?”

“Sure thing,” Joohyun says half-heartedly. “Looking forward to it.”

It’s a blatant lie and both of them know it – Joohyun’s been anything but discreet to Soojung about her distaste for SM Entertainment’s overly formal, plastic company events – but Soojung says nothing, doesn’t even try to change Joohyun’s mind. Instead, Joohyun hears a soft sigh from the other end of the line.

“That’s already more than I can ask,” Soojung says with a fond chuckle, and it manages to crack a smile out of Joohyun before her manages bids her goodbye and she hangs up the phone with a sigh of her own. She’s not at SM anymore, this is FX. Who knows? Maybe she’ll have fun in a rare twist of fate.

“Joohyun?”

Joohyun looks up to see Seulgi innocently holding two joycons.

“Do you want the red or blue one?” Seulgi asks, and when Joohyun shrugs and asks if there’s a difference, Seulgi laughs and merely hands over the blue controller to Joohyun. “I’m more used to the red one.”

“So you want the home court advantage?” Joohyun taunts. “Or do you need it?”

“I don’t need home court advantage to beat you in Mario Kart!” Seulgi boldly declares, and then she’s swapping their joycons, huffing as she grips the blue controller and passing over her beloved red joycon.

Soon enough, they’re on the character selection screen, moving their cursors around the screen.

“Who’s the dog?”

“That’s Isabelle, she’s an Animal Crossing character.”

“I’m choosing her because dogs are cute.”’

“Dogs are cute!” Seulgi claps her hands excitedly. “My friend has a really cute dog named Haetnim. She’s super adorable and likes waking her up when she’s sleeping.”

"I've always wanted a dog, ever since I was a kid," Joohyun muses. Her kart zips around the racetrack, and she groans when Seulgi manages to overtake her yet again.

"Yeah?" Seulgi asks, not even breaking a sweat as she manages to focus on both the race and the conversation on hand. "I've always wanted one too."

"My old apartment didn't allow pets," Joohyun says. She lets out a small squeak of surprise when a Piranha Plants extends its long neck, nearly gulping up her character. Luckily, she evades in the nick of time with a quick maneuver of her joystick. "I was afraid to even get a fish."

"Really?"

Joohyun doesn't look over, but she knows that Seulgi's frowning.

On the screen, the wheel spins, and her character is given a pretty star.

"I’d been thinking of getting a betta fish because I like their colors," Joohyun admits. She hits a button on her controller, watches as Isabelle the Dog whirls off around the track, zooming to catch up with Seulgi's Yoshi. “I ended up chickening out last minute. My previous apartment building was super strict, and I didn’t know how far I could push.”

She goes silent for a moment.

"...Not that I would've been able to care for a betta fish. My old manager convinced me that I wouldn't have the time." Joohyun chuckles. "I don't know how much truth that held, but I do know that the fish would probably hate me for leaving it alone so often."

Seulgi’s Yoshi speeds through the finish line, and the younger girl cheers as Joohyun lets out a comically low groan.

“We can play again,” Seulgi suggests, but Joohyun’s already choosing the next cup.

“We’re playing again until I beat you,” is Joohyun’s reply, and Seulgi whoops and selects Yoshi once more.

--

She and Seulgi exchange numbers, and it’s probably against Joohyun’s better judgement but she can’t find it in herself to worry about any repercussions when the first thing Seulgi sends her that night is a high definition picture of her hatted succulent, colorfully decorated with heart emojis and sparkles.

sebastian misses you :( is the accompanying caption.

Joohyun snorts as she opens the message. She pushes herself up from where she’d been lying on her couch, sitting up only to drape herself over the couch’s arm.

i miss sebastian too, she sends in reply. Before adding, and spike spiegel.

Right as she hits the send button, she receives a second picture of Seulgi’s taller, leaner cactus. It’s a hilariously overdone image, and Joohyun finds herself snickering under her breath as she takes in the dramatic focus on the cactus, the blur in the background comically somber. Seulgi’s also taken the liberty to draw large, sobbing eyes that remind Joohyun of the cartoons she used to watch as a child.

seupaiku will be happy to know you’re thinking of him :D

tell him i’ll be waking up early to watch cowboy bebop reruns tomorrow morning.

i think he’s fallen in love with you.

A loud laugh leaves Joohyun’s lips before she can prevent it.

i’m honestly honored

“Joohyun’s not even paying attention to the movie!” Byulyi complains loudly from where she sits on the carpet, Yongsun nestled into her side.

“Yeah!” Hyejin chimes in. She’s been squished into sharing a reclining chair with Wheein, who sits on Hyejin’s lap, and she peers around the shorter girl’s shoulder to scowl at the older girl. “I thought Yongsun made us have this movie night to ‘get away from our personal electronics’. Why does Joohyun get to use her phone?”

“Shhhh, just let her!” Yongsun hushes, waving off the younger girls’ complaints with the wave of her hand. She flashes a grin Joohyun’s way as if she knows a major secret, despite Joohyun just being left plain confused.

“Uh, I can—” She’s about to say that she can put her phone away when Soojung interrupts.

“Joohyun’s smiling wider than she has in a while.”

All of her friends let out a collective ohhhh, and Joohyun’s cheeks color as she comes to her own realization.

Oh. She hadn’t even noticed.

“Did something good happen, unnie?” Yerim asks, teasing.

Joohyun rolls her eyes, though even her own embarrassment can’t stop her smile from breaking out.

“Nothing like what you’re thinking.” She smothers down another laugh at the way Yerim pouts in disappointment. “I did make a friend, though.”

--

Irene has a fansign over the weekend for one of the cosmetic brands she’s endorsing, and Seulgi attends— of course she does, when does she not? Seulgi’s attended nearly every single one of her fansigns, but as Joohyun peers over the crowd and makes eye contact with Seulgi’s large grin just barely hidden behind her even larger camera, she can’t help but think that things are completely different now with their newfound friendship.

Over the next hour, Joohyun continues to sign picture after picture, her pristine signature never faltering even as she get into brief, pleasant conversations with her fans. If anyone were to ask Joohyun when she is at her most genuine in her career, it’s during these fansigns— there’s no acting, no needing to fake any smiles, no worry on her shoulders as she indulges in this little slice of paradise.

She’s playing with the ears of the new Dumbo plushie she’d received from the fan she’d just been speaking with when a familiar Adidas baseball cap comes into view and Joohyun immediately looks up to meet Seulgi’s sparkling eyes.

“Can I interest you in a lollipop, Irene-ssi?” Seulgi’s lips curl over Joohyun’s stage name with a smug grin as she offers the older girl the red-colored candy.

“Watermelon-flavored?” Joohyun raises a pleased eyebrow as she takes the lollipop from Seulgi. She gives the wrapper a good look-over, and sure enough, the word WATERMELON decorates the plastic, complete with little cartoon watermelons and everything. She smiles up at Seulgi. “How did you know?”

“You told me you wished they had watermelon-flavored ice cream back at the corner store,” Seulgi laughs, and Joohyun mouths a silent ohhh. “I wasn’t able to bring any ice cream this time, so I went for the next best thing.”

“I forgot I ever mentioned that,” Joohyun admits sheepishly. She tugs off the wrapper and takes the lollipop between her teeth, waving off the security guard who takes a warning step forward, about to tell Seulgi to move on. Joohyun’s eyes flash a silent message to Seulgi. Don’t mind him. “We talked about a lot of things that night.”

“We did,” Seulgi agrees. For fun, Joohyun supposes, Seulgi shoots the retreating security guard a big smile. “It’s funny to think that nobody here knows.”

“It is,” Joohyun chuckles. She casts a side glance to Soojung, who had been watching their elongated exchange in clear curiosity from the side. “Hey, meet me out back after this?”

“I’d love to,” Seulgi accepts easily, bobbing her head eagerly. The camera strung around her neck is jostled slightly with the movement. “Message me?”

“I’ll text you after this, just hang around a bit after the fansign,” Joohyun promises. There’s a thumping in her chest that she can’t place, and during any other occasion the sensation would be frightening, except for the fact that Seulgi’s smile is reassuring, and it’s easy to smile around Seulgi. “Speaking of the fansign, anything you want me to sign before another guard insists on moving you along?”

“Yes, actually!” Seulgi produces a photo from the bag she’d been carrying, and Joohyun laughs to see that it’s one of the Polaroids they’d taken together. Meanwhile, Seulgi’s smile is the perfect mix of playful and sugary sweet. “Sign this before I go, please?”

Thirty minutes later and Joohyun finally ducks backstage, away from the cheering fans. Her arm is nearly sore from all her waving, and her cheeks hurt from smiling too hard but there’s something satisfying about the exhaustion that just sinks into her bones in the best way— Joohyun can make all of these people happy, she has a purpose.

With these thoughts in mind, she pulls out her phone to text Seulgi, and soon enough, Seulgi’s poking her head into the otherwise empty hall, her face brightening up upon seeing Joohyun standing in the middle, waiting for her.

“Lollipop?” Joohyun asks with a smirk, producing a lollipop from her pocket and holding it out for the younger girl. Seulgi’s eyebrows raise in surprise as she steps closer, takes the candy to inspect it.

“Pineapple!” She exclaims in glee, grinning at Joohyun. “You remembered.” It’s a statement. Joohyun nods, and Seulgi’s eyes crinkle up with her smile. “How’d you get this?”

“I just had Soojung run a quick errand,” Joohyun lets a shrug roll off her shoulder, a laugh leaving her as Seulgi leans into give Joohyun a brief hug. “I figured I should return the favor.”

“You didn’t need to,” Seulgi says honestly, though her eyes shine with appreciation nonetheless as she plops the lollipop into .

“But you’re glad I did?” Joohyun asks hopefully.

“I’m glad you did,” Seulgi affirms with a light chuckle.

“I’m glad I did too,” Joohyun smiles. She steps closer to the wall. “I was going to ask if I could see you this weekend, but then I remembered that I have a company event at FX's building,” Joohyun finally lets out a sigh. She leans her head back against the wall and beckons for Seulgi to come closer. Seulgi closes the distance with a quick step. “Unfortunately, that’s something I have to attend at night, after my schedule.”

“Aw, I’m sure it’s not going to be all bad,” Seulgi says sympathetically. She brings up a hand to squeeze Joohyun’s shoulder comfortingly, lollipop hanging from the corner of . “Joy’s going to be there since you’re both under FX now, right? You two are friends?”

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to see her,” Joohyun admits, allowing a small smile to grow. Joy, or as she’s known to her closer circle, Park Sooyoung, had her old contract expire relatively recently too, just a few weeks before Joohyun. It had been a mutual decision of theirs to join FX, actually.

Truth be told, she’d forgotten all about Sooyoung being present, having grown too used to SM’s company parties, during which Joohyun would sit in the farthest corner and hope that no one would try talking to her.

“I just missed seeing Sooyoung last weekend because she had a variety show recording.”

“She’s still as busy as ever, I see,” Seulgi says with a considerate shrug.

“Have you ever met Joy, Seulgi?”

The smile that graces Seulgi’s lips is mysterious, and Joohyun’s mouth parts slightly, taken aback by the uncharacteristic sight.

“You could say that,” Seulgi laughs.

Joohyun’s brow furrows at Seulgi’s cryptic words, and she’s about to prod further when Soojung’s voice sounds from further down the hallway.

“Joohyun, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes— oh!” Soojung strides up to the two girls, surprise coating her features as she takes in the sight of Seulgi chatting amicably with Joohyun. “Seulgi’s here!”

“I’m here,” Seulgi agrees, and Joohyun resists the urge to snort.

“I heard from Amber that you accepted the offer. We’ll be seeing you this Saturday with your camera?”

“Of course!” Seulgi nods, resolute. “You’ll be getting only the highest of quality photos from me.”

Joohyun feels her head start to spin in the light of all these recent developments.

“Wait, you two know each other?” She blurts out, followed by two pairs of eyes finally seeming to remember that she’s actually present. “And Seulgi’s going to be at the event?”

“We decided to invite a few trustworthy fansites to the company event,” Soojung takes the liberty to explain. “It was Amber’s idea, since she wants to cultivate a friendly, approachable image for the company in order to build more trust between the fans and FX.” She places a hand on Seulgi’s arm. “Seulgi’s one of the fansites we contacted directly. It was… pretty easy, actually,” Soojung chuckles. “Seulgi used to be one of my best friends back in middle school. We were in a dance club together before I joined SM and got too busy.”

Seulgi only makes a hum of agreement.

Meanwhile, Joohyun feels like she’s experiencing whiplash.

“Wait,” she repeats, eliciting another laugh from Seulgi, and Joohyun rounds in on the taller girl. “So I will be seeing you this Saturday?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Seulgi scrunches her nose, casting a glare at Soojung. Joohyun’s manager only shrugs sheepishly, not looking apologetic in the slightest, and Seulgi huffs before turning back to the actress. “So, um, surprise?”

Joohyun gapes for another whole second before finally letting out a breathy laugh.

“Well, you can definitely consider me surprised.”

Seulgi grins.

--

hold up, Joohyun texts her as the clock nears midnight. you and Soojung were middle school friends?

i love how that just registered NOW, is what Seulgi sends back in reply, complete with a SpongeBob meme and everything. miDdLe sChOol fRiEnDs???

hey! im sorry i was trying to get to grips with the fact that you’ve been friends with soojung, my manager, for over a literal decade!

--

Saturday night arrives and Joohyun’s taken to FX’s rooftop, where the normally barren space has been decorated to the brim, tables having been brought up and clothed, a stage for karaoke having been set up in the far right corner where company seniors are joking around, the entire roof being lit up beautifully against the setting sun over the Seoul.

Joohyun’s first thought as she ascends the stairs and takes in bustling sights is, huh, maybe this won’t be so bad.

There’s a cheese fondue towards one end of the food table, and of course that’s where Joohyun runs into Seulgi, the younger girl eagerly dipping a piece of bread into the steaming pot and plopping it into .

“Don’t tell me you’re going to put that block of cheese into the cheese fondue,” Joohyun says in faux astonishment.

“Don’t judge me!” Seulgi shoots back defensively, but the wide, wide smile on her face betrays any strength behind her retort. “I’ve never had fondue before, it’s really good! And I absolutely love cheese.”

“I can tell,” Joohyun chuckles. A thought occurs. “Y’know, they have chocolate ones. There’s the type that comes out like a fountain too.”

Seulgi freezes, eyes going wide.

“A chocolate fondue fountain? Oh my god—”

“Joohyun!”

Sooyoung’s voice rings through the spaces between, and Joohyun instinctively turns to find her friend’s voice, a smile breaking out as she spots Sooyoung through the crowd.

Joohyun casts a look over to Seulgi, who is already dipping another piece of cheese into the fondue, and the younger girl waves her off with an I want more of this, I’ll join you in a sec.

With that, Joohyun starts moving through the groups of people to where Sooyoung was waving from next to one of the set-up tables. As the bodies shift around them, Joohyun’s brow furrows until the clear form of Wendy standing besides Sooyoung, casually using her phone, finally becomes clear. She wills the crease in her brow to smoothen.

“You’re both here!” Joohyun greets, genuinely happy, and she hugs each of her friends in turn. She nods towards Wendy. Recalling the information Wendy had casually told her during the midst of the move-in process, Joohyun smiles. “Congrats for signing with FX, by the way.”

A tint of red stains Wendy’s cheeks, and she ducks her head. “Thanks, Joohyun.” She pauses, chuckling. “Again. You congratulated me before, too.”

“I know I did,” Joohyun laughs. “Doesn’t hurt to congratulate you again, though! And you,” She points accusingly at Sooyoung, though her playful tone gives her away. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“I know! I’m sorry I couldn’t help with the move-in to your new apartment because of the concert,” Sooyoung apologizes, squeezing Joohyun’s hand tight. Despite being younger, to Joohyun, Sooyoung has always felt beyond her years. She and Joohyun had debuted in the same year, so they’d come to view each other as equals. “Wendy told me it went well though! I wish I had been there, it sounded like lots of fun.”

Joohyun simply waves off her friends worries with a reassuring smile.

“I wish you’d been there too, the whole gang had taken over my apartment,” she chuckles, patting Sooyoung’s shoulder. “Yongsun nearly set the kitchen on fire, and Byulyi was about to lose her mind.” She chances a look at Wendy. “This one here was in a sheer panic for a good thirty seconds.”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes in fond amusement. “Of course Wendy was panicking.”

Wendy frowns, looking up from her phone and poking Sooyoung’s arm.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!” Sooyoung quips, though the moment Wendy returns her attention to her phone, Sooyoung playfully rolls her eyes again, jabbing her thumb in Wendy’s direction and sticking her tongue out. The sight is enough to make Joohyun grin, and the two of them share a laugh that has Wendy pouting.

“I don’t know what you did,” the short-haired girl states, “but I know it was at my expense.”

“We love you, Wannie,” Sooyoung chuckles, bumping her hip against Wendy’s. The older girl only pouts once more, grabbing Sooyoung’s arm and pressing her fingers into her skin. The entire action feels strangely intimate, and Joohyun doesn’t even realize she’s frowning until a hand grabs at her wrist, and suddenly there’s a camera flashing right into her stunned face.

“Gotcha!” Seulgi singsongs, wrapping her free arm around Joohyun’s and letting her camera dangle around her neck with a chuckle. “I’ve bagged yet another Irene exclusive!”

The sight of Seulgi materializing by her side has Joohyun relaxing into the taller girl’s natural touch. It’s strange, but Joohyun’s found that she relaxes easily around Seulgi, though she can’t seem to place why. She pushes the thought to the back of her mind for eventual pondering later.

“You better not be putting that on your fansite account.” Joohyun only sounds mildly threatening.

Seulgi doesn’t seem to pay any mind to her tone, only bobbing her head from left to right, humming.

“Yes, yes, don’t worry!” She winks. “These are for me.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Joohyun shakes her head with a light laugh.

“As company seniors, I hereby declare that you have full permission to keep pictures of Joohyun, and Joohyun only,” Sooyoung jokes, a hand on her hip. “So long as they’re for your personal archive.”

Seulgi snorts.

“Like hell I’m letting anyone else see startled Joohyun,” Seulgi grins languidly at Sooyoung, her tongue poking out the side of , and it’s just then that it strikes Joohyun how casual the fansite master addresses Sooyoung. “I’m a generous Sceptre, Jwoy, but I’m not that generous.”

“Nice to know you’re keeping the pics out of selfish reasons,” Sooyoung fires back, lightning fast, but she smirks at Seulgi in clear entertainment.

“Of course I’m working to protect Hyun’s image too,” Seulgi huffs. She immediately whirls on Joohyun, fixating the actress with a raised eyebrow. “You trust me, right, Hyun?”

“Uh,” Joohyun swears she has to rewire and jumpstart her brain on the spot. “Yeah…?”

Seulgi takes what she can get and beams.

“Wait, do you two know each other?” Wendy interrupts, finally asking the question that had been burning the tip of Joohyun’s tongue for the entirety of the previous exchange.

Seulgi and Sooyoung break away from their stare-off to look at Wendy, and the older girl flushes under the sudden attention.

“You guys just seem really close,” Wendy mumbles. She shifts uncomfortably and looks to Joohyun for something, though Joohyun can’t quite decipher what. When their eyes meet, the brunette resists the urge to reach out and rub the short-haired girl’s arm. “You’ve got nicknames for each other and whatnot, so…”

“No, you’re not wrong, unnie,” Sooyoung replies at the same moment Seulgi inputs a, we were under the same entertainment company, and exchanges another knowing look with Sooyoung. “We had lessons and dormed together during my trainee period.”

“Before I left the company,” Seulgi adds.

“Oh,” Wendy nods, looking much more at ease as Sooyoung nudges her with an elbow. “That makes sense.”

Sooyoung and Wendy seem to fade into their own world as they continue to talk amongst themselves, and there’s a type of distance here that reminds Joohyun of getting swept away from the shore to the sea. Wendy and Sooyoung have appeared so far away lately, and the more she thinks about it, the less she wants to dwell. Instead, she allows herself to lock in on Sooyoung’s words, get caught up with the girl currently clinging to her arm.

“Audition?”

“Hm?” Seulgi tilts her head.

“Sooyoung said you two used to train together,” Joohyun says lowly, gently steering them away from the other two girls and over to one of the railings. From FX’s rooftop, you could see Seoul and it’s beautiful display of lights for miles without end. It takes all of Joohyun’s willpower not to get trapped in that vision.

“Oh, that.” Seulgi’s smile doesn’t visibly dim, but it doesn’t manage to reach her eyes, and if the way she clenches Joohyun’s arm tighter says anything, she doesn’t want Joohyun to comment on it. “It just wasn’t for me, I think. Sooyoung had been a natural at smiling in front of the camera, but there came a point where I just… couldn’t do it. I left the company, but not before telling Sooyoung that I’d be supporting her every step of the way.”

“That’s… really kind of you,” Joohyun says quietly.

“You think?” Seulgi looks up at Joohyun, blinks. Her smile is gone.

“Yeah,” Joohyun whispers. “You’re a really good person, Seulgi.”

“Am I?” Seulgi asks, and Joohyun doesn’t know who Seulgi is asking, but she answers anyway.

“I think so.”

“Perhaps,” Seulgi hums. Just like that, her smile returns, and her eyes crinkle into perfect crescent moons as she beams. “Or maybe I just wanted to sing for someone.”

“Who?” Joohyun once had someone she’d wanted to sing for.

Seulgi shrugs. “I auditioned, I passed, and then I realized that I hadn’t found what I’d been seeking. I think I was looking for that person I wanted to sing for, that person who would make me want to sing for myself too. Then I realized that the audition hadn’t helped me, and I didn’t want to sing for the whole world when I couldn’t sing for myself. I ended up quitting after the first day. Meanwhile, Sooyoung stayed and thrived. I had told her to stay.”

“You’re still a good person,” Joohyun says.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah.”

Seulgi smiles brightly. Joohyun finds herself smiling with her.

Seulgi brings her camera up. Joohyun laughs along when she hears the telltale click.

--

“Have I ever told you that you’re super pretty?” Seulgi asks over the phone, having emailed Joohyun some of the pictures she’d taken at the company event. Joohyun can’t even see Seulgi’s expression, but judging from her tone alone, it’s like she can already see the cheeky smile.

“Perhaps a bit too much,” Joohyun jokes, because that’s something she can do with Seulgi, something that comes easy, and there’s this warm feeling that stirs in her stomach at the resulting peal of laughter. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Have I ever told you that you’re super pretty?” Joohyun asks. She thinks back to the Polaroid they’d taken back at Seulgi’s apartment, how Joohyun had it laminated before tucking it securely back into her wallet, with Seulgi’s beaming face and pretty eyes and blinding smile.

There’s a heartbeat of silence, and Joohyun all but goes into a blind panic worrying that she’d done something wrong before Seulgi’s bright voice pipes up again.

“You could stand to say it more,” Seulgi says with just the right amount of flippancy. Joohyun imagines her flipping her hair.

Joohyun lets out a breathy laugh, more out of relief than she will ever want to admit.

“I guess I’ll just have to say it more often, then.”

--

Joohyun’s not the best at accepting compliments. (She’s working on it, though.)

There was this one time a pretty girl complimented her, and Joohyun had hardly noticed the first time because she herself had been distracted by ashen-blonde, short hair reaching just the shoulders, and charming smiles and that stupid FILA baseball cap that has no right looking as good as it does and—

“Did you even hear me?” The voice had asked with a laugh.

Joohyun had snapped out of her daze.

“Sorry,” she’d said. “What did you say?”

A blinding smile.

“I said that you’re beautiful, Joohyun-unnie.”

“Oh.” Joohyun’s eyes had gone wide, and it had felt like something was malfunctioning in her chest, like gravity had stopped working all of a sudden because wow she’d felt weightless right then, and then it had all hit her and her head had been ringing like a gong had been struck neck to her ear, and—

She’d stammered out a t-thank you! before pushing the door to leave the recording booth and excusing herself to the restroom.

--

hey, did you make it home from the university safe? Joohyun texts Seulgi on a Wednesday night after a long day of photoshoots. She’s gotten in the habit of doing so, in the midst of the ongoing conversation and memes they keep exchanging.

no, Seulgi answers ten seconds later, i’m just leaving the campus now

Joohyun raises an eyebrow in concern.

Another text from Seulgi quickly follows.

my groupmates and i decided to stay late today to finish our project so that we have tomorrow off.

that sounds rough. congrats on finishing tho! Joohyun smiles to herself. Seulgi, always the hard worker.

thanks! hey, since i’m in the area and i’m in a really good mood, wanna meet me for ice cream?

That’s how Joohyun finds herself strolling down the streets, a small-sized cup of pineapple ice cream (courtesy of Seulgi’s taste yet again) in hand and Seulgi at her side, telling Joohyun all about her photography project due on Friday as they amble towards the train station.

“So after this project, you’re basically free?” Joohyun questions.

“Just until my professor assigns us a new one,” Seulgi shrugs. “At least I’ll have the weekend to relax.”

“That’s good,” Joohyun nods. She scuffs the tip of her toe against the pavement beneath her, the words churning through her head as she peers down the road, her gaze lingering briefly on each of the bright streetlights lighting up their walk to the station. “By the way, are you free on Saturday?”

“I should be, why?”

“I’m having some friends over for a little party of my own. Nothing wild, just a dinner and some socializing. Wanna come?”

--

Seulgi enters Joohyun’s apartment on a Saturday evening to find that she’s the first one to arrive.

“I told you to come a little earlier than everyone else,” Joohyun admits as she leads Seulgi down the corridor towards the kitchen, leading her leisurely by the hand. “I wanted you to be the first to see this… And the first to try it out, I guess.”

Seulgi laughs. “What is it, Joohyun?”

“You’ll see! Look.”

“Oh my—” Seulgi’s eyes widen as she turns into the kitchen and her eyes behold the contraption sitting on the middle of the table. “Joohyun, you didn’t.”

There’s an entire chocolate fountain in all of its glory just sitting on Joohyun’s kitchen table, waves of chocolate gushing from its top like a bubbling geyser, cascading down its structure, pooling in the bottom before making its way back to the top again. Next to the fountain is an assortment of crackers and fruit, including a row of freshly cut pineapple that Joohyun had been sure to pick up on the way home specifically for Seulgi.

“By some weird coincidence, I’d actually been gifted a chocolate fountain last year,” Joohyun explains. Glancing at Seulgi’s incredulous look though, she’s quick to raise her hands in hasty defense. “I’m not even joking!” She protests. “It had been a gift from the director of my ‘Spring Hare music video.”

Understanding dawns in Seulgi’s eyes.

“Of course the director of your strangest music video gifts you a chocolate fountain for Christmas.”

“He was a weird man. I’d been at Spring Hare’s post-activities celebration and there’d been a chocolate fountain that I’d liked. One mention and I think he thought I was infatuated with it. It had been a strange conversation.” Joohyun shrugs. “I’d never really had a reason to use it up until now. I figured that I might as well, since you’ve never used one.”

Seulgi looks at the chocolate fountain like a kid in a candy store, and Joohyun laughs before motioning to a nearby platter of foods, all prime for dipping.

“Go for it! You’ll be the first to use it.”

As Seulgi indulges in the chocolate with a happy hum, Joohyun pulls out the Polaroid camera she’d received just a few days prior, snapping a quick picture before pulling out her phone to take more— she didn’t want to waste the film. Gradually, more and more people trickle into her apartment; from Soojung to Amber, Yongsun to Byulyi, Wheein to Hyejin, and more.

For some reason, it comes to no surprise to Joohyun that Sooyoung appears in the doorway with Wendy by her side.

It’s Soojung who opens the door for them, but the moment they cross the threshold, an entire chorus of voices rise to welcome them, and Joohyun laughs from her spot with Seulgi on the couch before turning her attention to greet her two friends.

She can’t ignore the way Wendy bites the inside of her cheek before smiling at Joohyun, an unreadable emotion there. It’s then that Joohyun notices the way Wendy has her arm wrapped casually around Sooyoung’s arm, and her eyes widen.

But all of a sudden, Joohyun’s feeling the way Seulgi has a hand placed on her own forearm, the sensation searing into her skin, and it’s warm and gentle and comforting and Seulgi doesn’t even know, doesn’t even realize what effect she has on Joohyun, doesn’t even fathom that Joohyun can’t, won’t, pull away.

It’s then that she realizes— she doesn’t actually mind.

That’s probably the scariest realization she has all night.

And just like what she does with every scary thing she faces, Joohyun pushes the thought to the back of her mind, turns back to Seulgi and listens to her talk about the cute ducklings she’d spotted on the walk over from her university.

She’d rather just enjoy the rest of her night with her friends.

--

“Do you think Spike Spiegel loved Faye Valentine?” Seulgi asks one night.

It’s a few days after their gathering of friends, and for some reason, after a long day of photoshoots and discussions for an upcoming drama, Joohyun finds herself awake at 1AM, fully aware that she has a schedule in 8 hours.

i’m bored, she’d texted Seulgi.

wanna call? had been the response she’d received.

So here she is now, talking Cowboy Bebop with Seulgi at 1AM.

“I don’t know, Seulgi,” Joohyun says honestly. She’s been rewatching Cowboy Bebop recently, having forgotten how much she’d loved the space adventure anime back when she was younger. Now, as an adult with a better understanding of the mature themes and humor, Joohyun finds herself enjoying it even more. “Didn’t Spike love Julia? She was his first love, after all, and he was always so gung-ho to save her.”

“Hm, perhaps,” Seulgi considers. “I wonder if he loved Faye, though. She stayed with him through thick and thin, and she always was looking out for him.”

Joohyun hums in acknowledgement.

“I think it would be nice,” Seulgi says, and Joohyun can’t see her but she can tell that Seulgi’s shrugging. “Romantic love or not.”

“Yeah,” Joohyun says quietly, finding herself in agreement.

Who wouldn’t want love, after all?

--

Or maybe Joohyun’s just not cut out for love.

It takes her about 3 minutes to learn this.

Because she kisses Seulgi.

They’d been lounging on Seulgi’s couch, Seulgi lazing onto her shoulder in the middle of the day – one of Joohyun’s rare days off, and of course she’d chosen to spend it with Seulgi – and Joohyun hadn’t even been able to concentrate on whatever ty reality show was playing, she’d just entered the apartment and seen Seulgi’s lips coated in pineapple lip balm, and for some reason, that had been the only sight she’d been able to focus on this entire time.

And so she kisses Seulgi.

This is her first mistake.

She kisses Seulgi and she doesn’t know what she’d been expecting, but Joohyun know that it had been that and more. Seulgi’s lips are soft and warm like the sun and Joohyun pulls her closer, wanting to soak that warmth up.

And Seulgi’s making an adorable noise as she presses into Joohyun, closing her eyes and humming in contentment, and then a hand comes up to cup Joohyun’s cheek and—

Oh no.

Suddenly the warmth is gone, and it’s like Joohyun’s been submerged in ice water. Her eyes shoot open in terror as the weight of reality sinks in.

Oh god, oh no—

With a gasp, Joohyun flinches away, eyes wide in utter horror. Subconsciously, she finds herself at the other end of the couch, staring at a sad-eyed Seulgi.

The rest of Seulgi’s expression, though – apart from Seulgi’s expressive eyes – is terrifyingly blank.

“That— That—” Joohyun’s lips move on their own volition. It’s like she’s out of her own body now, chained down and unable to do anything but watch. “I hadn’t been thinking clearly— That shouldn’t— You’re my fansite—”

“I knew it,” Seulgi chuckles.

Joohyun’s silence speaks volumes.

And Seulgi's laugh is devoid of humor; it's dry, like the desert on a cold night, and Joohyun feels her heart freeze in place the moment she hears it.

"You really weren't thinking when you jumped into whatever this is, were you?" Seulgi says, smiling bitterly, and no, no this is all wrong. Joohyun's mouth opens and closes but no sound comes out and it’s like she’s drowning underwater, getting pulled by some unknown source further and further from the surface.

“You didn’t think when you pulled me to jump after you,” Seulgi continues. “But you knew I would follow you, no matter what.”

“No, no Seulgi, this isn’t about you—”

That’s her second mistake.

“You just kissed me, Joohyun.” Seulgi laughs again, and Joohyun feels that same chill run through her. “Maybe it wasn’t about me before, but you jumped in, and you pulled me in too, and now it is about me, whether you want it to be or not.”

“Seulgi, I—”

Joohyun’s never felt so helpless. And that’s saying something, because Joohyun’s felt pretty damn helpless before, and she thought that had been rock-bottom. Oh, how terribly wrong she’d been.

“This never should’ve happened,” Seulgi says quietly. “I know, okay? We can pretend it never happened. It’s just that we had been happy and… Oh, forget it. Hell, we can go back to being just acquaintances if you want. Just give me time. I’m… angry. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. But it wasn’t this.”

Joohyun’s bottom lip trembles. She wants to reach out to Seulgi. She’s still afraid of getting burned.

She doesn’t reach out to Seulgi.

That’s her third mistake.

“You should go, Joohyun.” Seulgi smiles, and the world shatters. Joohyun feels the knife in her soul cruelly twist. “I love you, Joohyun, but you should go.”

 

To be continued.