“Are you free on this Saturday?” Taehyung who is sitting across me asked. I almost choke on my coffee upon hearing his question. “Why do you ask?” I wiped my mouth with my palm even though there’s nothing there. “I think…” I looked down on my coffee, trying to calm down the heartbeats I feel in my chest.

            “I am free. It’s my off day” I looked up at him. I could see a smile slowly carved on his smile as he looks down on his hands, trying to hide it from my vision. After a few seconds, he looked up at me, nodding his head. “Then, is it okay if I asked you out for movie?”

            “There’s a movie that I wanted to watch. My friends are busy on that day so I have no one to come with me” He quickly said after, his fingers fidgeting. Trying to hide my smile as I pretended that I didn’t see that, I agreed to his offer. “I’ll come to pick you up at your house okay?”

            “Sure thing” I smiled and sipped my coffee. Ever since the day we exchanged numbers, we get along pretty well and became pretty close to each other. To the point that I got teased around, especially by Lia and Nayeon.

            Being with Taehyung gives me the comfort that I feel safe with him. I looked up at his face as he was talking, admiring his breath taking visual. His brown hair fits well with his skin tone, his silky and flawless skin shine brighter than any lamps available and his alluring eyes that could trap yours in it.

            He looked at me, “Is everything alright?”

            I snapped out of my thoughts, stuttering my way out of it. He chuckled as he watched me carelessly spurting out any words that I could think of. “Maybe you should drink the coffee?” He pointed at the glass I’m holding.

            “Y-yeah! My coffee!” I hurriedly took a sip without thinking any further, making me choke in the process. Taehyung snorted even harder, covering his mouth with his hand. Even his laugh gives tingling feeling in my chest, making me feel uneasy; in a good way.

            “Should we head home?” His smile is still visible on his face as he asked. I cleared my throat before giving a yes as the answer. We made our way out of the coffee shop, he went ahead of me and opened the door for me. He did it nonchalantly, gesturing me to go first as he smiles. I walked out first and he followed suit. It might looked like a small gesture that people often didn’t realised, but such small gesture tell me about a person.

            Looking at Taehyung, I can’t help but to think that he is well-mannered. Looking down on my shoes, I silently think to myself, hoping that he would be the person who could read the content of my letter. As I was occupied with my thoughts, Taehyung bend down to look at me as he’s taller than I do. “Ava?”

            I turned to my right to look at him, slightly surprised that his face is actually close to mine. “I’m sorry, did you say anything?”

            “Will it be alright if we go out on the morning?” He asked. “It’s alright” I smile. It’s unusual for me to wake up on the morning on my off day since I’m not really a morning person myself, but I’m willing to wake up early just to see him. I keep the thoughts to myself, trying not to make my little crush on him obvious.

            We talked about a lot of random stuff as we walked towards my house. He shared his day with me, his little dreams, and a little bit about his work. Apparently, he works as a stylist in an entertainment company.

            “See you on Saturday” His smile plastered across his face, his hands shoved into his pockets to keep them warm. I nodded my head in glee. “Talk to you later” I said, I waved my hands at him and entered the building.

            A message entered my phone. “Can’t wait to see you again on Saturday” Taehyung texted. I flopped onto my bed, typing a reply without any hesitation.

            “Me too!” I sent a cute smiling sticker afterwards.

            “Goodnight Ava” He replied afterwards, telling me he’s about to go to sleep. I looked at the clock on my phone, 12.30 am it writes.

            “Goodnight too, Tae. Have a sweet dream” I put my phone on the bedside cabinet, covering myself with my comfy blanket, I turned off the bed lamp.

            I made myself a cup of coffee, humming softly under my breath while I’m at it. I could hear Nayeon’s door creaked open, she then slowly approaching towards my direction, ruffling her messy hair and eyes are still half open. “You’re up early” She yawns.

            “I have a plan today” I stated, still humming.

            She stopped in her track, climbing the vacant stool chair, she rests her elbow on the counter, her cheek lands on her upturned palm. “You mean, a date?” She looks at me.

            “W-wait, I don’t call it a date!”

            “But I do” She yawns but her voice filled with excitement. “With your boy, Taehyung?” She added again.

            “Nayeon!” I called her name. I could feel my cheeks heating up. She laughed her lungs out as she witnessed it. “My girl is blushing real hard. I wonder why” She teased even more. Maybe getting such reactions from me is amusing; she can’t even hold back her laughter.

            “Date already yo” She lies her face flat on the counter. “What do you mean date?” I questioned, putting a cup of coffee in front of her for her to drink. “We just met a few weeks ago”

            “I think it’s already a month, though” She raised her face from the surface of the counter and takes the glass in her hands, taking in the heat that emits from the glass to warm her cold hands.

            “Really?” I asked in disbelief, trying to recall things. “Oh yeah…” I muttered, slowly sipping on my coffee.

            She turned her gaze at me, staring at me intensely. I could feel as if her stare could burn a hole through my head, she’s not even flinching even a bit. “You’re going out like that?” She threw her question at me after a moment of silence.

            “What?”

            “It needs some fixing” She claimed. “Come with me” She got down from her chair and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards her room.

            “Now that’s better” She smiles in satisfaction as she looks at me. I looked at my reflection on the mirror before turning my gaze at her. “It’s like I’ve developed a new identity” I turned to look at my reflection again.

            “Make ups and how you style your hair sometimes play an important role, you know?” She puts her makeup kits back into her purse. I managed to take a glance at her makeup purse, there are a lot in there, cramping against each other.

            “What time your date?”

            “It’s in 30 minutes” I answered. She walked towards the other side of her makeup desk, picking up a few of her perfumes, smelling it. When she finally landed on the perfume that fits her liking, she prays it over me; not too much and not too little.

            “And now, you’re good to go!” She exclaimed, resting her hands on her waists. She took out her phone, asking me to look at her camera before taking several pictures of me.

            “I need to post these because my friend is looking extremely gorgeous, and my makeup skill is undeniably amazing” She scrolls through the pictures as she talks. “I swear if your boy ain’t sways away by your looks,” She switched off her phone. “I’ll whoop his ”

            I would like to take it as a joke, even though she said it in a serious facial expression. It’s hard to tell whether she’s serious about it or not either. “Sure, baby girl” I snort.

            “It sounds ,” She backed away. “But not that I’m complaining” She laughed at her own remark. My screen flashed as we were laughing, Taehyung’s message popped out on my screen.

           “Aye your boy is here” She teased. “Stop saying that!” I ran up to her and slightly hit on her back. “I’m going!” I ran towards the door, putting on my heels instead of the usual shoes I wear to work. “Thank you for helping me, you rock” I showed her a thumb up, before exciting the house.

            “Tae!” I shouted right after his slim, yet manly figure entered my vision. He shifted his eyes up from his phone to me. For a moment, I could see his eyes widen before it disappeared. “I’m sorry, I was rushing downstairs and ended up not replying your text” I gripped the straps of my handbag a little too tight as I speak. “No, no worries,” He said, staring at me.

            “Um, is everything okay?” I tilted my head slightly to the side. “Y-yeah! Yeah, everything is alright” He stuttered out of nowhere, looking away aimlessly. His hand reached for his chest as he exhaled a deep breath. He lands his sight back on me before speaking, “You look great”.

           Did he just compliment me? I feel a slight blush up my cheeks, blinking my eyes countless times. “Thank you” I mumbled. I bite on my bottom lip, “You look great too!” I complimented him back.

            He touched the nape of his neck with his hand. “Thank you” He said under his breath.

            “Should we get going?” He asked, a smile carves on his face. I nodded my head and we walked down the street.

 

            “Popcorn?” The guy behind the counter questioned me. “Give two small box of popcorn, please” I politely order. When I went out on a movie with Nayeon, I would usually order one large box of popcorn, but since I’m going out with Tae, I decided to change the usual order I always have.

            “Here’s your popcorn” The guy hands out two box of popcorn on the counter towards me, staring at me afterwards. Taehyung and I decided to split bill. He was arguing to pay for it but I refused since I am not used to people paying things for me.

            Tae hands me the split amount of money to me and I hand it to the guy in front of me. “Enjoy your movie!” He exclaimed. “And you’re pretty” He shyly stated, before looking away from my eyes. I mumbled a soft thank you at him before walking away with Tae, the popcorn in my hands.

            Tae was quiet as we wait for the hall to be open for us to go inside, a slight pout could be seen. “Tae? You okay?” I asked in concern. He blinks his eyes at me, startled that I threw that question at his direction. “I’m good,” He answered.

            Fidgeting with his fingers, “It’s good that he complimented you, is what I think” He added afterwards. “Yeah, I didn’t expect that honestly” I expressed in honesty.

            “But it made me feel a little bit uneasy” He muttered softly. Unable to catch his words, I asked if he said anything. He shakes his head before giving me a warm smile. Seeing his smile at me like that, his hair fall neatly over his forehead and his dark eyes locks with mine make my heart hammers in my chest.

            He has a very alluring visual.

            ‘God bless me’, I thought to myself in my head in glee. I caught some glances over us, or more precisely, over Tae. The ladies who are present at the same place as us at this moment are all stealing glances at how attractive Tae is. Tae was totally unaware of his surrounding, nonchalantly looking at the posters that are hanging on the wall as he speaks to me.

            We entered the movie hall after waiting for a few good minutes, Tae gesturing me to go ahead when we found our seats. ‘Such gentleman’, I silently squeal in my heart.

            We decided to watch some action movie as I am not good with the horror one. “Damn moves” I unconsciously spurted out of my mouth, realising it few seconds afterwards and quickly covering my mouth with my hand. Unfortunately, Tae has heard before I managed to shut my mouth.

            “Yeah, some goddamn good fighting moves” He agreed. Even though the hall is dark, the only light that illuminates on our face is the one from the screen, I could see a smile carved on his face, and his gaze is fixated on the screen.

            I softly exhaled, shifting my gaze back on the screen.

            The credits rolled up the screen, and people began to scattered out of movie hall. I hang my handbag over my shoulder and stood up. Tae was waiting for me at the end of the row of our seats, I slowly approach him. He went down one stair and extended his hand at me. “Eung?” I hummed in confusion.

            Confused and unsure, I decided to just rest my hand on his and to my surprise, he holds it tight before proceeding to go down the stairs. My eyes are blinking madly, but not even a word comes out of my mouth.

            Is he trying to help me down the stairs?

            My heart pounds heavily in my chest, I bit on my lips as if trying to not let Tae hear it. “Thank you” I mustered all my strength and spoke when we are finally out of the hall. He smiles softly, his hand is still holding to mine tightly.

            ‘Is he not going to let my hand go?’ I talked to myself in my head. A gang of guys brushed against my shoulder as they passed, making me stumble a little bit. “Are you okay?” Tae asked, concern after witnessing the scene. “I’m good” I shrug it off.

            “I guess I’ll hold into your hands until the place is clear” He stated. “If you don’t mind” He glances at me, waiting for my reply. “Ah, oh. Um, yeah, sure” I stuttered in embarrassment.

            In my head, I was debating whether he was just trying to be nice, he’s just well-mannered and polite and gentle or if he’s showing interest at me. ‘Since we are just friends’, I thought to myself, slightly feeling a little bit disappointed at my own remark afterwards.

            ‘I shall not fall easily with these kind gestures. Maybe he’s just being a gentleman’, I convinced myself.

            “let’s get something to eat” Tae spoke up, breaking me free out of my endless thoughts. “Sure, what do you want to eat?” I asked, turning to my right to look at him. Damn, he’s tall and gorgeous that my heart skips a bit for a moment.

            “I have a good restaurant in my head,” He confessed. “I think you’re gonna like the food”

            “I’m up for it” I exclaimed in joy.

            We stood in front of a vintage-looking restaurant, it’s a mixture of vintage and modern design, definitely my kind. “I swear the food is so freaking good!” He exclaims. “Let’s go then! I’m hungry” I shyly confessed.

            He giggled at my words before taking steps into the building that is standing firm on its ground in front of us.

            We took a look at the menu after we settled down at a vacant table, scanning the whole menu carefully. While Tae has already decided on what to eat, I was still debating on what to eat as I found all the food look pretty appetizing. “I,” I softly let out of my lips. “Don’t know what to eat” I pouted, eyes are still scanning at the menu.

            Tae rests his arms on the table, crossed as he looks at me. Leaning slightly inwards, he asked what looks appetizing the most. My eyes linger around the menu, back and forth from one menu to the other.

            After taking almost ten minutes of debating, we called one of the waiters to take our orders. I pointed at the spaghetti bolognaise, with garlic breads and fried chickens as the side dish. Tae ordered a chicken chop as his choice of meal. We both landed on the same menu for the drinks; iced coffee.

            The waiter excused himself after he finished taking the orders, and left our table.

            “The design is pretty, isn’t it?” Tae asked as his eyes wander around the restaurant. I looked around as well, admiring the beautiful pattern across the ceiling, the choice of decorations that they put up and everything else. “Yeah, it is. I’m happy to be able to witness this” I said, eyes are still wandering around.

            I feel an unwavering stare as I was looking around, and turn to look at Tae. He quickly looks away as my eyes lock with his for a moment, making me snort.

            “I think I fit in the surrounding real well, do I look great with these decorations as my background?” I jokingly questioned Tae, wanting to hear his response.

            “I think you do” He softly mumbled under his breath, probably not wanting me to hear his answer. Fortunate for him, I couldn’t catch his words as our surrounding is buzzing with noises. I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to decipher his words.

            He looked up at me and mirrored my facial expression when he found me furrowing my eyebrows. I laughed, couldn’t hold it back.

            “What’s the purpose?” I questioned about his action, still laughing. I found it pretty funny that he mirrored my expression, and also cute. But keeping my opinion to myself, I waited for his answer. He took a while to answer as he was still laughing by the time I asked him that. Taking a breath, he fixes his composure and looks at me.

            “It’s just hilarious that you’re making such face” He answered. “Are you solving cases?” He jokes.

            “I was trying to guess what you just said” I giggle. The breeze from the air-conditioner makes me shivers once in a while, but it doesn’t stop me from keeping the conversation with Tae going. When the waiter delivered our orders to our table, Tae asked me to halt. Stopping mid-air with my utensils in my hands, Tae takes out his phone from his pocket.

            “Pose” He exclaims. I pose like he asked me to, he starts taking a picture. “Another pose” He asks again and I did as he said. He takes a few more pictures of me with my beloved food, stopping when he feels satisfied with the amount of pictures he gets.

            He hands me his phone and shows me the result of the pictures that he took. Every single one of it made me look really pretty; I couldn’t believe my own eyes seeing myself in the pictures.

            “I’ll send it to you” He said, starting to bombard my chat with the pictures. “I’ll take your pictures for you” I offered. He was hesitating at first, saying he doesn’t look good. I argued with all my heart to showcase that he is definitely wrong about it. He agreed to let me take his pictures after a few minutes as he handed me his phone.

            “Pose, Tae” I said from behind the screen, and clicking the shutter button as I ask him to change his pose every once in a while. When I was done with it, I scrolled through the pictures that I took.

            Damn, he looks so, so good. I thought to myself as I look at the pictures. “How do I look?” He asked, fidgeting with his hands in curiosity. I threw him a smile before giving him back his phone. “You look great! There’s nothing to worry about, to be honest” I answered.

            “Whoa” He mumbled. “You took great pictures!” He confessed, making me slightly shy. “I didn’t do much, you’re already naturally good-looking” I sipped my iced coffee.

            We decided to finally dive in our meals, grateful that the foods are still hot. “This is good!” I exclaimed after taking a bite of it. “I knew you would love it” Tae said, smiling at my direction.

            I nodded my head in joy. Good food does make you feel happy.

            “Here, have my fries” Tae says, stabbing into one of his fries with his fork and hands it to me. I take his fork and put the fries into my mouth, savouring it. “You can have my spaghetti” I twirled the spaghetti with my fork and hands it towards Tae. He leans in and takes a bite on the spaghetti directly from my fork, not even taking the fork in his hand.

            He nods his head as he chews on the spaghetti. I was stunned in my seat as I look at him still chewing on the food. Did he just, do that? My heart skips a beat.

            He waves his hand in front of me as he calls out to me. I blinked my eyes multiple times before looking at him, eyes are still wide open. “I’m okay the spaghetti is good I love spaghetti” I randomly muttered out of my mouth before turning to Tae to gives him a smile.

            “Your cheeks are red” Tae unnecessary pointed out, making me want to hide my whole existence somewhere. “It’s probably my blusher! You know, we put some on our cheeks” I stated.

            He nods his head upon hearing my answer, not saying anything more about my red cheeks. I take a glance at him, a smile visible on his face. “Why are you smiling?”

            “Ah, it’s nothing” He says, his smile grew even wider. I bite my lips to prevent the smile on my face to be obvious.

            He proceeds with another topic to talk about with me. Hanging out with Tae is never boring. He has endless topics to talk about; it’s about the big dreams, the goals or about the chocolate cake that he ate two days ago and the dog that he saw at the street aside from getting distracted with his good looks every once in a while.

            Sometimes as he talks, I would unconsciously stare at the long eyelashes of his, his silky smooth skin that is smoother than my wifi connection or his alluring dark colour eyes that lock with mine. I honestly found myself adoring everything about him. While ocean eyes are attractive, I found Tae’s dark brown eyes are alluring just as much.

            But I keep all these thoughts to myself, not wanting Tae to found out. “I should leave a comment on your picture when you post them on Istagram”, Tae says. “I’m going to write caption like ‘my photographer is an extremely attractive lady’ if I post mine” He adds.

            Hearing upon his words, I couldn’t help myself but to grin. “I don’t found myself extremely attractive” I confessed.

            He looks at me with furrowed eyebrows, “I disagree with that”.

            “Has anyone told you how pretty your eyes are? It’s dangerous for anyone to stare at it more than 3 seconds” I laughed at his statement. “I stare at my eyes on the mirror though” I joke around.

            Tae is not satisfied with my counterattack, he’s giving his all to fight my statement as if his life is on the line. “Okay Tae,” I giggle. “I get it, you won”

            He crossed his arms upon seeing me raising white flag in defeat, his face gleams with satisfaction. “I guess we should pay for our meals” I stated after seeing the watch wraps around my wrist. Tae called for the waiter and asked for the bill. The waiter puts the bill on our table to let us see the amount, Tae takes out the money out of his wallet and gives it to the waiter without letting me pay.

            “My bill!” I look at him, surprised. “It’s on me. I shall not accept any refusal” He states out clearly. Even after several times debating about it with him, he still won’t change his mind, my shoulders drop in defeat.

            He grins widely as he sees me putting my purse back into my handbag. We left the table after we got his changes back, and walked out of the restaurant feeling full.

            “Tae?” I stopped as I reached outside, noticed Tae is nowhere behind me. He appeared a few moments later, approaching me.

            “Where did you go-” I was about to ask him when he hands me something. “It dropped on your seat just now”. In his hand, the letter my grandma gave me rests peacefully.

            “Oh! Thank you!” I said, taking it from him and putting it back into my handbag. Tae quietly stares at me as I do so. “I would be anxious and panic a lot if I lost it” I confessed to Tae who’s standing firmly next to me. “I have feelings it’s important to you” He mumbled. “It is!” I agreed.

            “Shall we walk around the park before going back home?” He suggested. I nodded, liking his suggestion.

            The breeze of the evening time softly caresses against my face, blowing a few strands of my hair backwards. I turned to look at Tae that’s walking next to me, noticing that he’s syncing his steps with mine. I grinned before looking away.

            “I have a few questions in my head”, he breaks the silence. He walks ahead of me and stopping at the railing. Slightly bending his back inwards, he rests his arms on the surface of the railing. I took a step ahead before stopping next to him, leaning back against the railing.

            “The letter,” He started. “Did someone give it to you?” He asked.

            “My grandma gave it to me before she passed away” I answered, the images of grandma appear in my head. He hums in response, nodding his head. “It’s important, right?”

            I nodded my head at his question. “It has a message that might determine my future,” I confessed. “But only a part of my future” I added.

            “Taehyung,” I muttered his name before turning to look at him. He lifts his head up and looks at me. “Can I ask something?”

            “Shoot it”

            “Can you read the words on the envelope?” I throw the question that has been playing in my head ever since the day we went to look for the vase. “Ava Jung?” He said, unsure. “Other than my name?” I asked after collecting every ounce of my courage. Waiting for his reply feels like I’ve stuck in an endless time loop. My breath is visible as I breathed out, my heart hammers against my chest. “I only saw your name” He answered. “Is there supposed to be anything else on the envelope?” He questioned.

            Upon hearing his answers, something in me shatters. Probably it’s the hope that is building as days passed, or the wish that sits at the bottom of my heart. Either way, I could feel my heart breaks a little, even if I have no reason to be sad about in the beginning. ‘I don’t have solid proof that he’s mine to begin with’, I thought to myself, trying to ignore the sadness that is slowly building up in my chest.

            As I tried to push aside the overwhelming feeling, I could feel it caught up in my throat instead. The more I try to convince myself that there’s nothing to be sad about, I found myself falling deeper into the emotion that I refuse to embrace.

            “Ava?” Taehyung’s hand softly grabs my arm, snapping me out of my own pool of thoughts. “Yeah?” I tried to plaster a smile across my face, not wanting him to know the emotion I’m feeling inside. “Are you alright? You look unwell” He asked, his eyes look at me in concern. His eyebrows furrowed together as he stares at me.

            “I’m alright! I was thinking about something. No worries, though” I tried to convinced him, hoping that he would take it. He stares at me for a few more moments, before nodding his head.

           “Should we head home?” He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets to prevent the cold. “Sure! It’s getting late too” I said, smiling at Tae.

            As I get home, I waved Taehyung a goodbye before entering the building. When I entered my house, Nayeon is nowhere to be found. Making assumption that she is probably out, I make my way to my room and closing the door afterwards. Turning the bed lamp on, I slide down against my door and sits on the cold floor.

            ‘He couldn’t see the other words’, the thought wanders around in my head. With every second counts, it feels like the same thought has multiplies into hundreds, thousands and limitless. ‘I didn’t even confess my feeling to him’, I talked to myself in my head.

            It’s probably my selfish wish that I have in my heart that makes my heart feels heavy or maybe the feelings that I have for him. Going against my wish, I started tearing up. “There’s nothing to be sad about, dammit” I talked to myself but it failed to hold all the tears back. I curled up and buried my face in my knees, I let out silent cries.

            I didn’t confess, and I didn’t get rejected too. But why am I crying? Throwing the same question at myself over and over again, hoping that I found the answer to this overwhelming emotion.

            But something does wakes me up and it’s hard for me to swallow,

            Taehyung is not the one.