[A/N] PLEASE READ THIS:
I'm saying it here again because some may not read the tags fully. 
This chapter contains a very limited POV of the whole Woojin ordeal. 
Now, none of us truly know what happened, so this is merely a wild guess of mine on what could have gone down back then. 
I still support all of them, so please know that I'm not writing this to pick sides or put the blame on anyone.
I guess it's partly an attempt at healing my own wounds in the process of writing this...

But it's bound to be triggering for some and I'm truly sorry for making you relive that moment. 
It just needs to be touched upon for the story to progress, so here we are.
That being said, the focus in this chap is mostly on that part of their story, so you should be good to skip it and continue on with the next one.
Take care, everyone. <3
 

Needless to say that it only remained a plan. Before Felix even had a chance to say good morning to Jisung, the older had vanished with Chan and Changbin, probably to put a few finishing touches on one of their many works in progress.

At that point, Felix was still only mildly irritated, so he tried to focus on something else instead.

And so the days went by, their schedules either so busy that there wasn’t much time to talk or they simply had no energy left to spare on anything that wasn’t related to their work.

Idol life had never been as fun as Felix had imagined it when he was younger. But lately, things had gotten even harder. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but something was off. The atmosphere between the members wasn’t as cordially and fun as it used to be. 

Shortly after Chan’s birthday, Double Knot was released. And in hindsight, Felix felt that he should have heeded the advice in the lyrics, because of the events that came soon after.

One night, Chan asked them to gather in the living room. Everyone was tired and would have preferred to take a shower after long hours of practice, but he insisted, so they complied grudgingly.

Felix had been dealing with a bad feeling that he just couldn’t seem to shake off all day.

Turns out he had every right to when Chan raised his voice a little and everyone went silent to listen.

His voice was uncharacteristically cold and formal, not much left of the gentle leader he usually was. “I really wish there were a way to do this in a less hurtful way for all of us. But there’s something all of you need to know.”

Felix’ eyes widened in fear of what was to come, his gaze wandering across the room, trying to see if any of the other members had any idea what this was about. He saw Minho visibly shrink in on himself and felt the same dread looming just at the back of his mind, but apart from that, the other members all looked just as surprised as him. Everyone except for Woojin who had his gaze lowered, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

Felix had rarely seen him so nervous, but it all made sense as soon as Chan laid eyes on him and asked him to speak.

“Go ahead, Woojin. We’re all ears.” His voice was even colder than before, hinting at an unspeakable pain that he tried to cover with a harsh tone. Felix knew his leader too well than to believe he truly meant to sound so mean, but, although only rarely, he had encountered that side of Chan before and was aware that this meant trouble.

Woojin hesitated for a minute, fiddling around with a loose thread on his jeans before he took a deep breath, looked back up and into Chan’s eyes.

The leader nodded barely noticeably and that was probably the last bit of encouragement Woojin needed to find his words.

“I’m so incredibly sorry, guys. There’s no way this won’t hurt you all, but I’ve been thinking about this long and hard, please believe me.”

Felix hung on his lips, a quick glance around telling him that he was not the only one. 

“I- I know how this must sound to you all. I’ve honestly felt like this for quite some time, though, so please rest assured that this is a decision that I haven’t made quickly.”

“Say it, Woojin. Don’t beat around the bush. Tell them what you told me.”

Chan’s tone had lost some of the bite but none of the coldness at that point and Felix was getting so worried that he needed something, anything to ground him. So he felt around without taking his eyes off of Woojin, eventually finding a warm hand that more than willingly intertwined with his own. The light squeeze helped enough to stop the shaking.

“Don’t make this harder for me than it already is, please Channie.”

“Excuse me? I’m not the one who’s about to break our hearts as if it meant nothing, Kim Woojin.”

“Look, I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t breaking me a little with every further day that it continues, man. I love you guys so ing much. You’ve become a second family to me and I wouldn’t want to miss you all in my life. But I can’t go on like this.”

“Go on like what, hyung?” Jeongin suddenly asked into the heavy silence that had fallen, demanding to know what everyone else apart from the oldest two had no idea about yet.

“Innie, oh my god. My baby, I’m-” Woojin was visibly struggling, his eyes reddening at a worrisome pace.

“Just say it, please. You owe us as much, hyung.” That was Jisung’s voice, calmer and yet more broken than Felix had ever heard him. He realised that it was his hand he was holding when it started to shake, so Felix tried to calm him down with gentle thumb along the back of his hand.

Woojin was looking at each of them slowly, silent tears running down his cheeks, but he just let them. “You’re right, Ji. I do.” He took another deep breath and continued, voice more stable and filled with conviction, “I decided to leave the group.”

Silence fell. A silence louder than Felix had thought possible. He was able to hear the blood rushing through his veins and squeezed his eyes shut, begging that when he’d open them it would all just be a bad joke, a bad dream that he would wake up from any second now. Right?

“You’re joking, right? Woojin hyung? This is just a joke, isn’t it?” Hyunjin, his voice revealing that he was close to losing it. Felix wanted nothing more than to hear the oldest member burst into laughter and admit that yes, it had just been an elaborate and very bad joke. Or perhaps that he needed some time apart from them.

But not this. Not something so final. 

He was a little shocked by the sound of his own voice when it croaked to life again. Much colder and resolute than he thought he was capable of. “It’s not a joke, though. Right, hyung? Everything you said… You meant that, didn’t you?” You don’t need us anymore and now you’re leaving us behind like a discarded sweater that you’ve grown tired of. 

Felix didn’t say these last words out loud, of course, but he felt them in his heart. Felt the betrayal of his blind trust in the oldest member. Felt his heart shatter a little more recalling the memories they had made together. Every promise they had made in the past. It just hurt like hell and tore him apart.

He didn’t need to hear more. No reasons Woojin could give would explain the pain he was causing all of them. And so Felix got up and walked away.

He didn’t hear Woojin’s distraught call of his name, ignored everyone else who may have attempted to stop him and just walked right out of their front door and down to a little park nearby.

And then he just sat there and allowed himself to feel everything he needed to feel. He ignored the tears that began to fall, bit his lips until the skin broke and his mouth filled with the faint taste of iron.

When that didn’t suffice to suppress the urge to scream, he sank his teeth into his underarm, bit down hard enough to leave a bruise and curled in on himself. He just wanted not to feel anything at that moment, to not be because that would stop the pain.

“Oh god, there you are, Bokkie. I was worried sick...” Upon seeing in what state Felix actually was, Minho’s voice became a lot more worried in an instant, though. “Oh baby, nooo, please let me see that.”

He reached out for Felix’ hurt arm but stopped short of actually making contact. 

“It’s nothing, hyung.”

“Try again, Lee Felix, I can see how deep these indentations are. Please stop hurting yourself. It won’t make a difference, baby.”

“But it will distract me from these thoughts, hyung.”

“Trust me, not long enough to warrant the level of physical pain you’re causing yourself right now... May I sit down?”

Felix only nodded, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes in order to stop the tears from flowing. As soon as his vision had cleared a bit, he looked over at Minho, realising that the older had his arms wide open in a silent invitation to crawl into his lap and into a hug that Felix knew would make him feel better immediately.

“Can I-?”

“Come here, kitten.”

A second later, Felix straddled Minho’s legs, snuggling into him as if his life depended on it. They remained like this for what felt like an eternity but actually wasn’t more than half an hour. 

Minho was relieved to find that Felix’ breathing had evened out significantly, so he tried his best not to move him too much when he attempted to stand up, but the younger woke up anyway, burying his face in Minho’s neck. “I don’t want to go back there yet, hyung…”

“Baby, we have to. Everyone was worried sick when you walked out. I promise you won’t have to deal with any of this tonight, though, okay? We’ll go straight to bed, yeah?”

Felix just nodded, attempting to put his legs down, but Minho wouldn’t have it. “I’ll carry you, Bokkie.”

“Hyuuung, I can walk, really.”

“Fine, but no running away anymore, okay?”

Felix nodded and held out his hand then. “May I hold yours until we get back?”

Minho didn’t need to be asked twice. His fingers slid easily between Felix’ and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

And that was everything Felix needed for the moment.

It took a lot less time for them to get back than Felix had anticipated, but Minho’s warmth grounded him enough to be able to walk back through the door.

Only then did he see how worried everyone, especially Woojin, looked at him as they gathered in the hallway in a hurry to check on them.

“Lix, are you okay?” Chan wanted to know, already taking a step towards him that made Felix shy away.

“Leave him be for tonight, everyone.” Minho intervened, stepping in front of the younger protectively. 

“Lee Minho” Chan almost growled back at him in response.

“I said. Not. Tonight. Christopher.” Minho’s tone had gained a threatening edge to it and even their leader didn’t dare to mess with him when he was like that. 

“Lix and I are going to bed now. Whatever needs to be discussed will be discussed in the morning. I suggest you figure out your position in this situation until then, everyone. Seo Changbin, you’re coming with us.”

And that were the last words that were spoken between all the members that night.

Changbin followed the other two only after he had exchanged a confused glance with Chan and Jisung, but they just shook their heads in a similar fashion.

A few minutes later, Changbin found himself snuggled up to Felix’ back while the latter had curled into Minho’s chest. And so they went to sleep, their world no longer quite as broken as it had been a few hours prior. 

~♍~

Blue is how I feel when my trust is broken

~♍~