Jisung arrived only a couple minutes later at the studio Hyunjin had booked, having speed-walked there as if the devil were right on his heels.

His sudden knock on the door actually startled Hyunjin and he was about to give Jisung an earful as he walked in, but seeing how frantic the younger appeared made him worry instead.

“Ji? Bro, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just didn’t want you to wait for your Americano too long. Here.” He almost shoved the cup into Hyunjin’s arms, only then realising how much his hands were shaking.

“-”

“Yeah, no. That doesn’t look like nothing’s wrong, Han Jisung. Who sent you into frightened deer mode? Who do I have to beat up for you?”

Hyunjin was only half-joking when he said it, growing more worried with every second that Jisung remained silent. “Did you see a g-ghost?”

At that, Jisung looked at him and narrowed his eyes for a second. “If only.” A deep sigh followed and Hyunjin put his cup aside and closed in on Jisung, reaching out to massage his neck gently. “Tell me whenever you’re ready, okay? Doesn’t have to be right now, but you don’t have to deal with this on your own, Ji.”

“Thank you. Really.”

“Not for that… Anyway, care to see some moves? I found this song the other day and just can’t quite figure out how to translate it into motion.”

“Sure. No idea how much I’ll be able to help, but anything to take my mind off of things.”

They spent the next hour in mostly silence, Jisung trying his best to keep his attention on Hyunjin and helping him with the occasional remark instead of thinking about whatever the hell Changbin and Felix were up to. 

But Hyunjin didn’t miss that Jisung’s mind wasn’t entirely there with him, so he stopped dancing and walked over to drop down next to him, his right arm casually wrapping around Jisung’s shoulders.

The latter didn’t even realise what had happened at first, but he snapped out of his thoughts when Hyunjin squeezed his shoulder gently. 

“I know what I said earlier, Ji, but this seems to be affecting you quite a lot, so-”

“You’re right, man. I’m just afraid that it will freak you out and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Try me, pabo. You clearly need someone to listen to you and help you figure things out…”

Jisung glared at him for a second at the ‘pabo’ but gave up with a sigh. “Have you ever felt anything more than friendship for any of the members?”

“You seem to be forgetting that we were mortal enemies not too long ago, Han Jisung.”

“I was a fool to think you would take this seriously…”

“Bro, I’m just trying to lighten the mood a little.” Hyunjin admitted with a sunshine smile before he went on in a much more sober tone, “I’m honestly not entirely sure, though. Haven’t really thought about it that much, I guess? I mean, my masculinity isn’t fragile enough to deny that under different conditions, I’d probably be attracted to all of you to some degree? Chan hyung really wasn’t taking any chances when he selected us, even when we were still raw and unpolished diamonds at that time.” Hyunjin smiled to himself for a moment and went on, “But I’ve also experienced us all in varying states of absolute foolishness and I’m not sure whether I would want to spend the rest of my life with any of you guys in the way you’re suggesting.”

Jisung remained silent, just nodding his acknowledgement.

“Uhm… so I take it that you do feel this way about someone in the group?”

“No , what gave me away?” Jisung’s tone was dry and bitter, the sarcasm hitting Hyunjin right in the face. But he knew he had to get through this wall of bitterness Jisung was raising around himself in order to help him.

“Look, bro, I’m really trying to help you here and your sarcasm is not the way to go, okay? So let’s start with baby steps. How deep are your feelings for him? More like a crush that will fade soon or are you absolutely smitten and in love?”

Jisung just laughed humorlessly for a moment. “ man, I have no idea. I just know it hurts to see him with others and I hate to be so jealous because I know he’s just a big ball of sunshine and love and needs affection to thrive. But he doesn’t seek it from me that much and that also hurts and makes me hate myself for wanting to keep him to myself despite having absolutely no right to.”

“You really jumped into the deep end of the pool there, man…”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Have you tried talking to him about it yet?”

Jisung shook his head no. He had thought about it, of course. But they were a relatively new idol group who weren’t even around long enough to be past the company implemented dating ban. And he may be reckless at times, but he wasn’t ready to risk all of that for something he wasn’t even entirely sure about yet.

Hyunjin mused for a moment before he spoke up again. “Perhaps you should try to get closer to him again? See how you feel, see how he reacts?”

“You know I at that, Hyunjin.”

“You at subtlety, yeah. But bro, going on like this will only make you more miserable. Please promise me to try, at least.”

“Are you giving me an alternative?”

“No.”

“Great.”

Hyunjin pulled him into a bear hug then. “You got this, Ji.”

“I guess…”

They went silent. Jisung’s mind going straight to the task at hand, bombarding him with what could go wrong, but Hyunjin broke that train of thought with his next question.

“Will you tell me who it is?”

Jisung simply snorted, at this point ready to just give up entirely and not fight it any longer. “Go ahead and guess.”

“Minho hyung?”

“Oh , Hyunjin, I said ball of sunshine. Hyung is a sweetheart and we all know that, but is he really someone you’d associate with sunshine immediately? Do better.”

“YAH! I’m telling him that!”

“You’ll kick your own , my friend.” Jisung pointed out and Hyunjin went silent because he was right.  

“Seriously, though. Minho hyung is a lot more like the moon to me. Same as Chan hyung. They have that calm and protective vibe, funny and quirky at times, but mostly like a silent guardian watching over us. They’re the hyungs for a reason. Woojin hyung, too. They balance out our chaos so easily.”

“Okay, fine. None of them, then. But who…? Jeongin?”

“DUDE, HE’S OUR BABY!”

“But he’s also a sunshine! And only half a year younger than you?!”

“Still a baby! , Hyunjin, I am not having a crush on Jeongin, okay?!”

“You’re insufferable… Seungmin then? Changbin hyung? Don’t tell me it’s me?!”

Jisung was ready to flip a table at this point. He turned around dramatically, taking Hyunjin’s face into his hands and looked directly into his eyes.

“I can’t believe you are enough of an idiot to forget the one person who anyone with two eyes would clearly refer to as the sunshine in the group.”

“...You?”

“God give me strength… Hwang Hyunjin, I may love myself, but I would certainly not be mad at myself for paying more attention to others than myself. Are you sure your one brain cell is still doing okay?”

“Stop calling me dumb and tell me!”

“Jesus Christ, it’s Lee Felix Yongbok, you sad excuse of an Aussie boo. How could you forget the love of my life is in our group?! I’m disowning you, I swear.”

Jisung just let go of him then and laid back down on the floor to glare at the ceiling.

“Love of your life? Lix?”

“I’m being dramatic right now, of course, but yeah, him. Graceful faerie, sunshine smile, hair so soft it might as well be a cloud, an entire galaxy on his skin, a voice that can only be called the eighth wonder of the world… Need I go on?”

“I had no idea…”

“Great, now you see what my problem is. We may have been close in the beginning, but lately, he’s hanging out with everyone but me.”

“He’s really close with Changbin hyung these days, isn’t he?”

“You don’t say… Guess who I ran into while I was getting our Americanos.”

It all made sense to Hyunjin as soon as Jisung had admitted the last bit. But Hyunjin was lost for words at that moment and could only throw himself over Jisung like a human blanket. “Oh, Ji…”

“ man, it just hurts so much and that ... But, uh- Can I try something?”

Hyunjin looked at him thoroughly then. “Try what?”

He noticed Jisung’s blush and how he was unable to hold his gaze out of discomfort.

“Try what, Han Jisung? I hope you’re not about to suggest we make out in order to help you realise it’d only be like kissing your brother and that you’re really head over heels in love with someone who isn't me. I’m not wasting my first kiss on something like that.”

“Your first-? Oh, sorry. I wouldn’t have thought that you of all people didn’t have it yet…”

Hyunjin just squished him gently in response, a mischievous smile flitting across his features before he leaned down and pressed his lips against Jisung’s for a second, eyes open and looking into Jisung’s to see his reaction.

The younger, however, was too shocked to react at all. “...What?”

“I was kidding, pabo. I had it already. So? Are you suddenly realising you’re deeply in love with me?”

“Did you just kiss me?”

“I wouldn’t call it more than a peck, to be honest. But yeah, I did. So? Any love declarations?”

“I hate you, Hyunjin! Get out of my face! The only thing I’ll have to admit is that your lips are really soft but other than that it .”

There’s no denying that Hyunjin found this reaction more amusing than anything else, so he didn’t take it to heart. Jisung seemed far too out of it to actually mean to hurt him with these words. That's why Hyunjin made up his mind.

“Okay listen, Ji. Here’s what you’re going to do now. You’ll take your cute little back to the dorm and talk to Lix. Not necessarily about your feelings, okay? I know that’s hard and perhaps it’s better to wait a bit for you to figure them out more clearly. Just, I dunno, ask him how things are going with his MCing for Pops? I’m sure he’d be more than happy to talk about that with someone. Just talk, basically. Or spend time with him.”

Jisung only mused about it for a while, wondering how likely it was that Felix wouldn't be tied up elsewhere already. But then he nodded, albeit very hesitantly.

"It pains me physically to admit this, but you're right. I really should."

"One day you'll thank me for making you do this."

And years later, they would indeed realise exactly how right Hyunjin was at that moment.

~♍~

Red is how I feel when I think about you

~♍~