"come on, a brief background of surprise wouldn't hurt." sooyoung trails off but the moment she watches seungwan annoyance soften into amusement, she'd fallen in love. "should i be more scared of your dad? i think your mom looks good as you."

seungwan laughs, "and what does it have to do with her personality?"

sooyoung smiles, titling her head to the side and looking thoughtful, "well, for starters you look warm, smart, beautiful." she is ticking off each attribute on her fingers and grinning as seungwan's blush deepens. "i could go on counting past my fingers, but my point is, i'm sure it's not your mom."

"yeah, it's my father. so be careful with your mouth and behave," seungwan quips, poking a finger into her chest but it ended up on her neck. nonetheless, sooyoung smiles and reaches up to capture her finger, held it tightly in her grasp as she watches seungwan worry her bottom lip between her teeth.

sooyoung savors these unseen moments, allows them to fill her heart, chip away at the barriers.

"i'll be on my best behavior so you wouldn't be alone when you wanted to pee." sooyoung teases, giving her hand a light squeeze while her eyes flicks briefly outside of the car.

and she thinks that just maybe by the time they've gone outside, seungwan would be biting her lips because she couldn't control her giggles. sooyoung no longer think in terms of if and has starts believing when.

the driver hits the break, nothing but sort of a mansion waiting for them outside.

–

"sooyoung, are you staring at my pictures?" seungwan asks her, she recall now as she tries to find comfort in the warmth evading the cup of tea she's holding instead the warmth of her embrace.

sooyoung turns her head back to her direction, concludes seungwan looksso wistful that way; the streak of sun as it sets cast across her face like that of splattered paint.

sooyoung have averted her stare, unable to look at seungwan further, unable to suppress her feelings any longer yet somehow glad the woman can't figure she's taking advantage of it, most of the time. she decided to admire her when they're alone, not when her parents are just around the corner.

feelings, she wonders as she ponders over seungwan's innocent baby pictures, are such an odd, abstract concept. a confusing abandonment of emotions must not be described, only felt; a disturbing flaw, characteristic of every human. a trait none of us wished to accept.

"i am, actually enjoying the view." she replies. took her a couple of seconds to compose herself and answer as succinctly as she could, but you see, when you're at the living room, looking at the baby pictures of the woman you fancy hanged in the walls for the guests to see, even the description of what you're feeling is a mess. it must be her nerves, yeah.

she takes a seat next to her, "you okay with the tea? is it too hot?"

seungwan turns her head to her direction, shaking her head briefly, "it's licorice and peppermint, mom's favorite."

sooyoung lost herself in her eyes. their rich earthy tones captivated her, the way they crinkled at the edges when she smiled. she feels her heart leap at her gaze, even if seungwan is looking past her, and she figures it must be the quiteness of their house that have created what she's feeling right now.

"sooyoung? are you still staring at my baby pictures? i swear–" seungwan's beautiful looking face equal parts into worried and confused when sooyoung didn't respond.

and sooyoung just need seungwan to understand that she would stay with her, that she would hold her close.

"i'm here," sooyoung breathed, breaking her gaze so quietly that she wasn't even sure she'd spoken the word outside of her own head. so she took the cup of tea from seungwan's hand instead and set it down on the table in front of them, "you shouldn't be having this in the first place. you're a disgrace, young lady. this should be consumed after dinner."

–

"ah, seungwan has been talking about you."

sooyoung's smart guess is right. seungwan's mother, much like her daughter, is the real embodiment of an ideal mom. while her dad, the man remains quiet as it took the seat onto the end of the table.

"have you been eating on time? seungwan, you look so thin." her mother asks, carrying the calm demeanor throughout their meal yet it breaks once her daughter tries to reach for her own glass of water and almost knocked it down, had it been for sooyoung's quick reflexes.

"i do, mom." seungwan replies with a smile, "yeri often checks on me. she almost gets herself a room in the penthouse."

"and how about your condition?" her mom probes, worry etched on her features. sooyoung offered her hand to her under the table, aware of seungwan’s avoidance towards the topic. but here they are, and all she could do is to listen. it's a family matter afterall. "what did the doctor say?"

sooyoung could see the hesitance in seungwan's face, her lips pursed slightly for a moment before answering what they needed, "it's just temporary, i'll get checked again this week."

that had been two weeks ago, but as sooyoung continued to nurse herself with her glass of wine, she could still feel the same worry and sense of futility lingering at the back of her mind.

get to her as soon as you could. that had been the only thing on sooyoung's sleep clouded mind as she eagerly descended the stairs to the darkened foyer sometime in the dim early hours of the morning after receiving a call from seungwan. seungwan's voice was tense, panicking, almost choking in her own, mumbling something that she can't see anything and sooyoung had never drove that fast in her whole twenty-six years of life.

she was at seungwan's building before she'd even consciouly realized where she was going.

as the numbers in the elevator gradually ticked up towards her floor, sooyoung paced the lift like a caged lion, trying to control her agitation. she felt as though a heavy weight was pressing in upon her, crushing her heart and lungs. seungwan's phone call had terrified her, only confirming the unrelenting sense of fear that she'd been battling on her way to the penthouse when the elevator slowly ground to a halt at her floor, she found her heart racing with anxiety and fear. the penthouse was a mess, there were broken glasses on its neat carpet sooyoung always adore, but she couldn't care less, the woman living on it was what her mind was after. immediately sooyoung's eyes fixed upon the small figure, sitting slumped at the side of her bed, head bowed.

her heart suddenly in , sooyoung swiftly crossed the floor towards seungwan and was pulled into a long, tight hug- one sooyoung returned without question, tears burning the back of her eyes as she saw that she was trembling violently.

"sooyoung," seungwan can't keep the fearful tremble out of her voice, "i-i can't see a-anything."

sooyoung could remember clearly how hard she tried to stop the tears from flowing freely down her face, coaxing seungwan to calm down yet wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, literally holding her together as if she would break all at once.

a temporary blindess caused by stress was her diagnosis, one sooyoung couldn't pinpoint how and why at that time. why did it escalate into this? just how much does the woman is hiding from her? from basically everyone else?

"you're asking the wrong question," her dad interrupts, the first time it spoke through the course of their night. sooyoung almost flinch from her seat due to its cold tone, "what did your wife say?"

for a moment there is silence, sooyoung's brows drawing tightly together as she struggles to understand. wife?

but when seungwan answers, her voice is strangely wistful, "she said i should've taken better of myself."

watching seungwan, sooyoung sees the tension in her muscles, the almost imperceptible twitch of her jaw before loosening. she is still staring at her side profile- wondering what personal ghost seungwan has just mentally thought, and whether has she ever actually received the same words she uttered.

"she said?" the older man mocks; the hand that held the cutlery devoid of even the slightest tremor. in contrast to seungwan's hands resting on her lap, "oh, sweetheart. you're going to have to do better than that. how about you try again, and drop this pretense?"

sooyoung immediately stilled, her eyes softening from confusion to a dawning sadness. what?

the man's eyes is fixed firmly onto his daughter, and when he speaks again, he almost sounds like his usual commanding self, "until when will you make a fool out of yourself? seungwan, it's been three years."

at the mention of her name, the mentioned woman let out a sound that is a half laugh, half sob.

"five, if you count the moment we stepped out of the city hall and still think your opinion mattered even after i sealed off my last name to her." as seungwan stands up, sooyoung made the move to follow, her body instinctively guiding her, hand at the small of her back, "joy and i will take our leave. thank you for the meal. mom, happy mother's day."

–

"so, married huh?" sooyoung half whispers, her eyes fixing on seungwan's face.

seungwan holds up her left hand, and sooyoung catches a familiar sight. the glint of gold on her ring finger is clear to see.

"five years," sooyoung concludes, suddenly finding the sight of fallen leaves more interesting than the woman seated in front of her. the woman whom she has been eyeing for the past year. seungwan is undoubtedly complicated. undoubtedly the exact opposite of what sooyoung has so brazenly pointed out is right for her now. "may i know to whom?"

"sooyoung, don't tell me you've never done your research?" seungwan smiles, her gaze remained the same, warm, basked under the lowering heat of the sun on its way to rest for the day. oh, how sooyoung wished they could watch the sunset together, but then again, every day with seungwan feels like being so close to the sun, it warms her inside. sooyoung thought she'd been making progress. she feels like they've been on the verge of.. of everything not so long ago. and then what? a dinner with her parents to discover that she's been married so long ago even after sooyoung had meet her.

the problem is, sooyoung couldn't be angry. the pain and doubt are far too overwhelming for her to keep up any pretense of anger.

"no, because i respect your privacy." sooyoung finds herself frowning at her own words, somehow feeling a little bit of regret on the pit of her gut. should she have done it? no, she signed up herself for this. "and it's better to hear it out from you."

the truth is that not a single day had gone by since she wanted seungwan to let her in. seungwan is terrifying, terrifying to wonder if she'll actually walk towards sooyoung, or away from her. terrifying to wonder if her words and actions are only a product of circumstance, a moment of desperation as sooyoung watched the life drain from her eyes.

silence followed sooyoung after, and she has to lift her gaze from the ground to check if seungwan has heard her enough, because it almost seems like the words that had left is a whisper of assurance. a whisper of assurance for her own self.

it is even more terrifying to consider that there's a person behind this; a distant seungwan away from the world to see. because she deserves so much more than this, than being alone. she deserves someone who could fill her the same warmth that she brings to sooyoung.

"i've always thought that ring is just a prop to brush me off, or basically anyone that desires you," sooyoung starts again, unconsciously letting out a sigh after she has herself settled next to seungwan. "if i'm gonna be honest, i'll probably even do lengthy measures, say, how about hire an investigator to do background check on you?"

sooyoung hates herself for being such a coward, the feelings only weighs heavier as the time passes, and just when she feels so close, seungwan is suddenly unreachable. distant, distant seungwan.

seungwan smiles, "i'm not stopping you, sooyoung." she reaches for her hand, fingers sweeping off the spaces in between. "why didn't you, in the first place?"

"because you're basically harmless, and astonishing that my mind couldn't comprehend to think of other things than to have you near me." if sooyoung would hear herself five years ago, sure as hell she would cringe, have herself locked in the bathroom until her skin looked like a raisins just to clear herself from saying such things, but the sooyoung now, whom she considers so, so damn lucky to have been touched by the woman she adores, sooyoung would even rejoice.

"you're impossible," seungwan replies in between of her fits of giggles. the feeling beneath it echoes in sooyoung's bones, and she concludes its must've been like the music in heaven. but then it stops the moment she has her eyes closed, a second into enjoying it, recording it at the back of her mind and suddenly feels the light squeeze on her hand, "but i want to apologize. i'm sorry for-"

"don't," sooyoung cuts her off, finding her gaze back at seungwan's face, tracing and memorizing its details that sooyoung almost get herself lost along the moments of it, "you have nothing to be sorry for. i signed up myself for this. you're the fire and i'm the moth attracted to your flame."

–

"please, could you stop spoiling it for me, ma'am?" sooyoung frowns, pausing the series midway to throw a dirty look on the woman seated beside her. but the stupid grin on her face remained, sooyoung almost scoffed. adorable.

"no, i'm actually doing you a favor by telling you realistic stuff from overly dramatic scenes." seungwan shrugs, stuffing the pillow bellow her elbows as she rests on it, chin under her palm, her whole body sooyoung's direction and sooyoung can't help but to feel conscious of it.

sooyoung had opened a bo