JIWON

A month has passed and today is the first day we all go out facing the world. We had a schedule tour in Japan this few months. A tour without our leader; without my Hanbin. It’s hurt and sad but we need to hide it because we don’t want to worry our fans.

While Hanbin being away, we practice and practice nonstop along the re-recording all our songs for the tour. We just listening to everything that have been ordered by the management even when we protest they won’t budge a bit. They said this is a rule that we must follow.

What people don’t know is we are still contacting Hanbin. Every time we have a dance practice, we will make a video call without the staff knowing to make sure Hanbin guides us. We really can’t live without our leader. When we are all together, we forget the entire problem and it feels like nothing can separate us.

Later after the practice I always sit at the studio alone; where Hanbin and I were always spending our time writing lyrics, battling rap, joking, laughing, cuddling and sinking in our own world. It feels like home; wherever he’s around. But now, I feel so lonely, so alone.

My train of thoughts were interrupted when the sound of my phone ringing. I look at the caller id and Hanbin’s name is on it. Without thinking much I grab my phone and pick up the call.

Hanbin: hey hyung.

Jiwon: hey baby~

A silence goes on for a minute listening to each other breathing. How I miss the owner of this voice so much. I can’t open my mouth to continue the talk when his breath makes me so calm.

Hanbin: hyung, you still there?

Jiwon: yeah~ I’m here. Sorry. How are you?

Hanbin: I’m good. I guess. How was the practice? Sorry I can’t monitor too long cuz Hanbyul wants to watch some Disney.

A sigh comes out from his mouth. I know it’s just some excuse but I don’t blame him. If I were in his shoe, I would do the same. Hanbin has a rough time and monitoring us while not in the same place can make him more hurts. I understand that completely but I don’t want to talk about that now.

Jiwon: Everything’s okay. Don’t worry.

Hanbin: haha~ I don’t.

Jiwon: Hanbin that laugh doesn’t sound as it is.

I just sigh and smile how he wants to cover it up.

Jiwon: I miss you. A lot.

Hanbin: me too. How I wish I can turn back time. How dare can I have a thought like that—

Jiwon: hey stop. No! Don’t torture yourself.

Hanbin: but still I—

Jiwon: Everything happened for a reason, Hanbin. You’re not doing anything wrong. Everyone can have their own thought and it’s not even a fault to have it. The thing is what has you do with that thought. You push it away and you scared of it and that’s enough. I know you baby~ you won’t do anything that can harm us.

Another silent and this time I can hear he sniffles his tears back. Damn! I hate listening to his cry. I don’t like how Hanbin now. Why must people hurt this pure boy?

Jiwon: Hanbin, everything will be alright. I promise you baby~ you trust me don’t you?

Hanbin: you trust me hyung?

Jiwon: I trust you will all my life Hanbin.

Hanbin: same goes to me hyung. I love you.

Jiwon: I love you more baby.

Hanbin: please send my regards to the members. Make sure they do well on the tour. I might not be there but I have my eyes on.

Jiwon: hshfdfhd~ Hanbin. This is why I fell in love with you. You wreck head. Worry about yourself first. We’ll never disappoint you; promise.

Hanbin: guess I’m the only one that disappointed you guys.

Jiwon: ! Hanbin I didn’t mean like that. Don’t get me wrong.

Hanbin: HAHAHA~ hyung chill. I’m just joke. Lol what a bunny. kekeke

And this is what I call my Hanbin. That laughed and that giggles at the end;

Jiwon: make sure you take care of yourself. Don’t skip meals. Don’t stay up late. Don’t worry too much. It will be fine. Promise me binie?

Hanbin: I promise you bunny.

And that the last call I got from Hanbin until this day; where we going to start our tour. Maybe he doesn’t want to disturb us. I don’t know. But what I know Hanbin will always watch us and we will make him proud.

It’s damn tiring; all the continuous faking they have to endure to their fans or more to themselves. The rule is simple—all they have to do is to follow what is scripted on, and by the means of following it is to “shut your lips and do as what has told” thingy. Not to mention the worst, they can’t even mention Hanbin’s name at all. Throughout the concert, none of those moments they feel content. The stage that used to be their playground has turned into an empty space void of neither happiness nor excitement; even if there is, it’s just all acting for the DVD’s sake.

When they are on tour, they have never read any articles or news about Hanbin. But they know it still don’t have any progress. Everyone knows Hanbin isn’t guilty so why they need to push and pull the investigation?

They also make an effort to save Hanbin like asking some help from the staff to investigate on few things or passing bits of info to certain people that could lend some hands in the case. But all they got is “focus on your tour” and “we’ll discuss later” things; yeah, no big deal. Every single time they asked that question, that’s all the answer they got.

Not to mention some private investigators they have paid to get on few evidences or any useful information about Hanbin’s case but all they got is nothing with their money burns in the air. Those people went missing without any clues of their whereabouts and they can guess who’s behind this. All their efforts are useless.

They can only pray for the truth to come out but if it continues like this, they don’t know if they can see the sun rises again. But all they can do now is working their asses off and finish the tour as fast as possible. They are too tired wearing a mask even it is not useful when their fans know them so well.

6 months later……

“HYUNG!!!!! Jiwon hyung!!!!!” Jiwon is awakened quite harshly from his sleep when he heard his name is been called out in a scream amidst a war. And a minute later, Donghyuk bursts into his room. He jumps onto Jiwon’s bed where the rapper is lying on and shoves his phone to his face.

 “What the hell Dong—“ Before he can start his lecture, Donghyuk ushers him to read whatever it is on the younger’s phone and being very tired plus drowsy from sleep, Jiwon just plays along. He looks at the phone but Jiwon can’t fight the sleep so his eyes starting to close back.

Donghyuk who notices the lack of response after a minute holding the phone turns back his attention to his hyung. Only to find Jiwon is sleeping again—while sitting like what?! He slaps Jiwon’s face hard.

“The Dong?!” A startled Jiwon caresses the sting on his left cheek. He regains his consciousness and starts to look at Donghyuk’s phone back.

And his eyes grow twice its size.

B.I Reportedly Tests Negative For Illegal Drugs; Police Release

Statement Case Closed

Feb 27, 2020

“I—Is this true? Like seriously true?” He still can’t believe it, even though his eyes keep coming back to the bold title, then to Donghyuk, then to the title, then he becomes static like a statue. Jiwon has his jaw dropping and eyes almost popping out of his socket. Donghyuk is beaming watching him.

“Yup hyung! And according to the insider, Hanbin hyung has been a scapegoat by someone else who is responsible for this.” Donghyuk has told him with a calm and little too excited voice.

Jiwon’s face dropped, he turns to Donghyuk with a harden face. No longer smiling. “By someone you mean that ? Seriously? ! I knew it’s her. She’s such a loser for sake!” All of a sudden, Jiwon explodes. He’s on his feet, eyes bulging out of his sockets as if he could devour a shark with only a stare. To say Donghyuk isn’t surprised would be an understatement. He’s whipped out of his wit with the sudden lash out.

Jiwon hasn’t stopped yet. “That’s why Sajangnim did that to Hanbin. He’s threatened too.” There is a continuous mutters of ‘I knew it, I ing knew it all this time’ coming out from his mouth, as he paces here and there inside his room with no pants on and no shirt to cover all his muscles. Damn, Jiwon looks like crazy! It almost scares Donghyuk out.

“Hyung?” He has to call out for Jiwon, feeling very taken aback and confused with his out of nature’s behaviour. But Jiwon doesn’t stop his paces. He keeps pacing and muttering things under his breath. He’s worrying the younger.

Donghyuk comes down from the bed, approaches Jiwon and takes him to sit again on his bed. “Hyung, are you okay?” He asks with full concern. Jiwon nods his head. “How long did the article come out?” Jiwon asks.

“Around 20 minutes ago. I’m pretty sure everyone already knows about it. Jaeho hyung came barging through upstairs Yunhyeong hyung said. He’s excited over the news. Hyung, this is a miracle! Finally, Hanbin hyung is proven innocent.” There is tears in Donghyuk’s eyes as he said it, looking at Jiwon with smiles over his face. For the first time ever, the younger looks happy and Jiwon is glad about it.

Suddenly, something pops into his head. Jiwon’s eyes widen again. He abruptly stands up, once again taking Donghyuk by surprise. “I need to see Hanbin. He can come back now.” He enthusiastically said as he charges forwards for the door, but before he makes it, his body falls to the ground 3 meters away from his door. Donghyuk watches in horror his legs go limp and head hitting the floor hard with a loud thud. The younger is on his feet and kneels by Jiwon’s side.

“Bobby hyung! Hyung!!!” He calls for him but Jiwon won’t wake up. He’s not faking it, he’s really fainted. And what alarmed Donghyuk further is the trail of red coming down his nose. He yells for help.

“JINHWAN HYUNG!!!!!!”

“It must be because he woke up startled. I’ve heard it’s not good for body.” Jaeho the manager’s voice calms the rest down as he is done examining a fainted Jiwon by his bed. The rest of the members; Jinhwan, Yunhyeong and a very much panicked Donghyuk standing by the bedside looking at the fast asleep Bobby. His face is serene, calm with the tiny tint of dried blood over his nostril. Yunhyeong is quick but gentle to wipe it off with a wet towel.

“Will kimbap be okay?” Jinhwan asks the manager.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure he will be just fine.” Everyone sighs in relief. “Just make sure he won’t wake up like that again.” They nod to the manager’s words. Then out of sudden, a loud smack landed on Donghyuk’s arm. The younger yelps in pain over the hard slap by Jinhwan standing beside him.

“This is your entire fault, Donghyuk-ah. Next time, don’t do it again.” Sternly Jinhwan reprimands him, earning a pouting Donghyuk.

“I won’t! It’s an accident! I’m too excited.” He his painful arm, feeling regret and sorry for making Jiwon fainted. But now since Jaeho said he will be fine, Donghyuk’s worried is lifted away. He is happy to know he won’t lose another brother.

Yunhyeong stands up from the bedside. “Hyung, about Hanbin…..” He trails off, enough time to have all eyes on him before he could continue. “Since he is off any charges, will he return to iKON?” Yunhyeong looks very hopeful, too hopeful in others’ opinion. Which is why when Jaeho gives out a quite heavy sigh, his face changed. The hopeful is gone.

“To be honest with……I don’t know.” Jaeho said. “With everything that’s happening now in the company; Yang Sajangnim’s charges and trials, the scandals, everything is pretty messed up. And I think you kids know well how the media looks over any drugs-related cases.” All heads turn down. “It’s bad. Really really bad, and I can say even now or after Hanbin returns, the rumours won’t go away.”

“So it’s a no?” Jinhwan’s voice is hard, very serious with his face stoic of any emotions. But not his eyes. He might be good hiding his emotions since this goes down but his eyes could never lie.

Jaeho sighs again. “Like I’ve said, I don’t know. In fact, I don’t even know what will happen next.” Silence comes engulfing them after the manager said it. Their eyes are everywhere; on the floor, over the window, on the sleeping Jiwon. It’s all messed up. If they can write it into a song, it will be a depressive Billie Eillish’s vibe songs.

Jaeho eventually left for some business he has to attend at the company. But he does say he will figure things out for them. They are thankful enough for his help. After he is gone, the three return to Jiwon’s room, watching over the sleeping man.

It’s Yunhyeong breaking the silence. “Does this mean Hanbin won’t come back to the group?” Nobody answers him, not even the sleeping Jiwon.

“Can you walk slower?”

Rolling his eyes isn’t Chanwoo’s things but it’s becoming his forte nowadays thanks to an annoying creature named Koo Junhoe. The maknae eventually stops on his walk, turns back to face the heaving boy behind him. Chanwoo exasperatingly asked, “And can you walk faster?!” But he swears—sorta, he doesn’t mean to yell. It’s just so hard to contain the bubbling anger towards June.

“I’m tired.” Well of course, Chanwoo can see that by the hands June has on his waist. “I need to rest.”

“Seriously, you’re the one bluffing around on interviews saying you have the nicest body in iKON but you can’t keep up with a walk? Wow.” He sasses, typical Chanwoo. June ain’t affected by it though as he finds a sit on an empty bench by the sidewalk.

“That’s two different things.” The older said, still heaving from the lack of air. “And where the hell are we going again?”

Chanwoo has no option than to take the seat beside June. “To meet someone I know. She has something about Hanbin hyung.” He looks around the place. Less pedestrians, less trouble. Apparently, they are in the side of town that is less crowded in a time where no one would come here. Excellent, Chanwoo thoughts. Nobody will recognize them here, considering both of them forgot to wear a face mask.

“Another private investigator? I thought we are over those people. Nothing positive comes from them after all.” June has a bewilderment in his voice. “Besides, I don’t think we need them anymore. Hanbin hyung is free. He’ll be back again.”

“You know, for someone who has been longer in this industry, although not AS LONG as me, you really have no idea how things work in this field.” Chanwoo strongly emphasizes the word with a face he makes mocking June. The latter would lie to say he’s not annoyed. Though it is true, Chanwoo has been the longest in this showbiz industry than any of them. He knows better about this cold war of fame and reputation.

So