Jongup had barely slept that night. His head ached and his eyes were burning. He had cried so much, he just wanted to turn back time. 

It was almost eleven when he forced himself out of the bed and walked to the kitchen, where he found Youngjae. 

"Wow, you look like ... How do you feel? Junhong told us you didn't feel good last night..." the older asked and gave him a cup of coffee. 

"Oh... Yeah I feel a bit better" Jongup mumbled. He had expected Junhong to tell the other two everything, but as it seemed, the younger still kept it to himself. This made Jongup feel even worse about what he did. He regretted it so much and he knew he had to talk to Junhong right now. 

He thanked Youngjae for the coffee, took the cup and went to his room, where he grabbed his phone. 

Jongup:
Junhong... I'm sorry

Zelo: 
You really think "I'm sorry" will make it better? 

Jongup: 
I know it was stupid... I wish I could turn back time, I am so sorry

Zelo: 
Leave me alone, Jongup. I don't want a boyfriend who keeps hiding me because he's too dependent on other's opinions. 

Jongup: 
Junhong, please... it's not that... I don't want to hide anymore 

Zelo: 
You should have decided on that before hurting me like that. 

Jongup: 
I'm sorry, please give me a chance. I will do better, I promise 

Zelo: 
It's too late, Jongup. Accept that you ed up and leave me alone. 

Jongup dropped his phone and lied down on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow. What had he done? 

... 

For about a week, Junhong did not talk to him. Jongup texted him again and again, but the younger had even blocked him. 

It was Friday and Jongup came home from school. Entering the apartment, he heard Junhong's voice from the living room. Instantly, he felt the pain in his chest again. He took a deep breath and then went to the living room, where he found Youngjae and Junhong on the couch, playing video games. 

"Hi Uppie" Youngjae said, "How was your test?" 

The younger shrugged. "It was okay I guess." He carefully looked at Junhong. The boy was ignoring him completely, staring at the TV screen. 

"Do you wanna play with us?" Youngjae asked and offered him the third controller, but Jongup shook his head. 

"I have to do homework." 

"Wow, when did you start doing your homework?" Youngjae grinned. 

Jongup shrugged and went to his room. Of course he had not planned to do his homework, he just did not think Junhong would want him there. Jongup put his headphones in, started the music and lied down on his bed, closing his eyes. 

It did not take long until he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, it was already getting dark. He went to the kitchen, where he found Youngjae. 

"Did Zelo leave?" 

The older nodded. "Yeah, he has an appointment I think." 

The younger took a seat next to him and sighed. "Youngjae... I have to talk to you." 

"Okay, what is it?" 

Jongup thought for a bit. He was really scared about telling him, but it had to be. Junhong was right, he should not care what others thought. He should not hide his true self. 
"It's a bit hard for me to talk about this... Um..." he cleared his throat. "It's that... that... I'm gay." 

Jongup expected everything. He expected Youngjae to laugh, to get mad at him, to freak out completely or kick him out - but none of those happened. 

"Okay." the older just said, smiling. 

Confused, Jongup looked at him. "Okay? What do you mean?" 

Youngjae shrugged. "Well, I'm not that surprised to be honest." 

"Huh? Why?" 

The older giggled. "Well... I didn't plan to tell you, but... the night at the party... You guys were pretty loud." 

Jongup stared at him for a few seconds. Then, the realisation hit him and he felt his cheeks getting red. "Oh my god..." he mumbled, hiding his face with his hands. 

"No need to be embarrassed tho. Zelo doesn't know either that I heard it and I don't think anyone else did, they were all super drunk. But anyways..." His look got more serious. "You and him. What happened?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Do you think I didn't notice the weird vibes between you two earlier? He didn't even look at you and you seem super done recently. Just like he doesn't want to hang out since we were there for the barbecue. So what the hell happened? I felt like you two were a thing before that day." 

Jongup told him everything. When he reached the point that had ruined everything, he felt the first tears run down his cheeks and when he was done talking, he was already a sobbing mess. 

"... that's gonna be hard to fix..." Youngjae mumbled and hugged the younger. "But we will try, okay? I feel like this is also my fault for a certain part." 

"Why would it be?" 

"Because I made these stupid jokes which made you feel so insecure that you couldn't tell me." He sighed and look his cousin in the eyes. "We will try to get him back okay? I'm there for you." 

... 

Youngjae had told him where Junhong's school was and so it came that, three days later, Jongup was waiting at the gate to the school yard. 

He was nervous, because there for sure would be many people, but this was the only way to talk to the younger because he would not expect him to be here. 
The bell rang and two minutes later, the first students left the building.

At first, he didn't see Junhong. Instead, there suddenly was Daehyun standing next to him.

"Hey Jongup" he said, "What are you doing here?" 

"I wanted to talk to Zelo." 

"Ah, I see. I'm here to pick him up, because his ex keeps stalking him when he goes home after school. Hey, do you wanna come home with us?" 

"If Zelo is okay with it..." he mumbled, as he saw the younger walking towards them. A few meters behind him, there was another student. His eyes were fixed on Junhong and Jongup could feel the anger boiling up inside of him. He knew that guy was Junhong's ex, the younger had shown him a picture of him. 

"Hey Dae, thanks for coming." The boy sighed. "He's been after me the whole day... I really start thinking if i should change schools." Junhong shot his ex a glare, then he looked at Jongup. "Oh... Hey. What are you doing here?" 

"I want to talk to you. It's important." he said, trying to look Junhong in the eyes. The younger looked to the ground. 

"Okay. Let's go home, then we can talk." 

Daehyun was the only one who talked on their way to the boy's home. Luckily, it wasn't far to the house. When they entered the hallway, Jongup heard loud voices from upstairs and Daehyun sighed. "Just ignore them, Jongup" he said. 

Daehyun disappeared to the kitchen, where he tried to stop the fight between his parents, while Jongup followed Junhong to his room. 

"What do you want?" the younger asked, as they had sat down. 

Jongup cleared his throat. "I want to apologise once again. I understand you are mad at me, I would even understand if you could never forgive me, but I want to ask you to give me one more chance. I know I hurt you and I hate myself for that... I promise it will never happen again... Please Junhong, I need you in my life. You made me so happy and I feel like the biggest for ruin it... I miss you so much..."

Junhong shook his head lightly. "Thank you for your apology, but I really don't know if I can do this. You hurt me so much and I started thinking that maybe the whole thing with us was a mistake... I need someone I can rely on and I can trust fully, you know... And I don't think you can give me that... I thought I knew you and that's why I accepted to keep it secret, because I had the feeling you would never hurt me but now I don't feel like I know you at all anymore."

He was cut off by the sound of a door being slammed outside and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to hold back the tears. Then, he looked back at Jongup. He really loved this guy, and he wished he could be with him like before, but he could not handle another heartbreak. There was already so much bad in his life and he needed someone he could feel free with.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly, "please leave now."

Jongup nodded and walked to the door, where he turned around one more time. "Junhong... Can we at least.... Be friends?"

The younger looked up and gave him a sad smile. "We can try."

To be continued.... (Again)