Every part of Youngjae is telling him that spending time with Jaebeom is a bad idea and it means trouble, but he sends the text anyway because his yearning heart take precedence over all the other warning signs.

Youngjae: Movie tomorrow night?

Nervously chewing on his left thumb nail, Youngjae waits with baited breathe for a response, his heart beating so fast.

Jaebeom: Sure. Let’s do that.

Youngjae lives alone and answers to no one, so he jumps up and down on his couch in pure glee when the reply comes. He knows that a romantic relationship- which he wants- with Jaebeom is practically unattainable, but he refuses to wallow in misery and worry. It’s better to enjoy whatever time he’ll get to spend with Jaebeom.

********

Movie night with Jaebeom the next evening goes extremely well for Youngjae. Long after leaving the cinema, they both can’t stop talking about how great Bad Boys for life was.

The walk from the cinema to a steakhouse Youngjae suggests is not long, so they leave their cars parked near the cinema and just walk to the steakhouse to enjoy some fresh air as well as get a bit of exercise. That’s Youngjae’s suggestion after Jaebeom complains about being stuck in his office chair all day today.

“Is that all you’re getting?” Jaebeom is surprised at Youngjae’s order for roast chicken and a side salad

“I can only handle so much after eating so many snacks while watching the movie.”

“I hope your stomach is feeling okay?!”

“Yes I’m fine thanks.”

The lighting in the restaurant is a little on the dim side, and sitting in the corner at a small table allows for private intimate conversation. Youngjae can’t help appreciating the the romantic ambiance right now. Since everything is so perfect, He allows himself to imagine that he is on a date with Jaeebom. There is no harm if Jaebeom doesn’t know.

He wonders how Jaebeom would react if Youngjae took him to a romantic 5-star restaurant. It’s been years already since college and since Youngjae had that huge crush on Jaebeom, yet here he is still fantasising about doing dreamy stuff with the same guy like a teenager in love. It’s almost ridiculous. How hard can it be to get over someone, Youngjae wonders?

Jaebeom’s steak and Youngjae’s chicken arrive and everything just looks divine. Jaebeom’s well-done eye of round steak nearly makes Youngjae regret his choice. Without wasting another second, they both start digging in. Jaebeom orders them a bottle of red wine to go with the meal.

“Honestly I’m surprised you enjoyed bad boys for life. Back in the day I heard that you were more into romance films such as titanic.” Youngjae says, inviting some conversation to the table after they’ve been eating in silence for too long. The silence isn’t exactly weird or anything. He just prefers to talk.

“I think my tastes changes over the years.” Jaebeom doesn’t know why but he feels so embarrassed hearing this from Youngjae. “I owned a few romantic films on my computer, but I’ve never been …that into romantic. At least I don’t think so.”

“That’s a little disappointing. I was looking forward to all the chick-flicks you’d make me watch with you.”

Jaebeom gets all flustered. “Okay that was a rumour I’ve never been into chick flicks.”

“I know.” Youngjae laughs. “I’m only messing with you. So what kind of person are you these days?”

“I’m always tired, so I reline at home a lot. I guess I got boring with time.”

“I disagree. You’re still very fun to hang out with.” Youngjae isn’t even dating Jaebeom but he can confidently say that hanging out with Jaebeom tonight is a lot more exciting than some dates Youngjae has been on recently. Of course Youngjae can’t rule out the fact that all this enjoyment could be owed to his huge crush on Jaebeom.

“That’s nice to hear. Thanks.” Jaebeom smiles, flattered.

********

The weeks that follow continue to see Jaebeom and Youngjae spending more and more time together despite their demanding jobs. On weekdays when they can only meet in the evening after a tiring day at work, they settle for dinner, evening coffee, seeing a musical, going to the movies, going to the mall and other laid-back stuff. Weekends provide them the time they need to do stuff that actually gets their blood flowing like the time they went paintballing and the other time they went to Monsta X concert.

It’s another Saturday night but this time Jaebeom suggests they just take it easy and do something more on the calm side, a proposal that Youngjae is remarkably quick to accept.

“Was the paintballing too much?” Jaebeom asks, already grinning even before Youngjae replies. They are talking while slowly leisurely walking along the walkways among the stands at the night market, stopping every now and again to take a closer look at the merchandise or to try different kinds of spiced foods, and desserts.

Jaebeom is supposed to be out playing pool with Jinyoung and Mark, but he cancelled on them, saying he has a date with someone. Suspicious as always, Mark asked why Jaebeom is suddenly being discrete about whom he is seeing lately. Tnakfully Jinyoung came to Jaebeom’s rescue, telling Mark to give Jaebeom some space.

Jaebeom truly feels awful about lying to Markand roping Jinyoung into those lies. He also is also perfectly aware of how wrong it is of him secretly spending so much time with Mark’s ex, and he has honestly been trying to avoid Youngjae, but the harder he tries to forget Youngjae, the harder it gets not to miss him. At this point it’s impossible for his mind not to randomly wonder off with thoughts of Youngjae. Sometimes he’ll be hard at work then suddenly he’ll start thinking about what fun thing to do next with Youngjae.

Sometimes when he is walking to a restaurant to have lunch, he’ll pass by a clothing store, see a sky blue fuzzy sweater through a shop window and he’ll start smiling thinking of how cute Youngjae would look in it.

This one time he and Mark went to an ice cream place together after work, Jaebeom got a blueberry cone simply because Youngjae likes blue. Admittedly Jaebeom is way in over his head and should be slowing down, but it’s far too late for that.

Other times he’ll be with other people talking and laughing but actually thinking about Youngjae’s smile, his weird sense of humour, his boisterous laughter, his warm personality and easy charm. Youngjae has a strong pull and it has Jaebeom in its grasp. At this rate Jaebeom fears he won’t be able to go back from this, whatever it is. Where it’s leading is a scary place, but here he is gently bumping shoulders with Youngjae, just shy of holding hands. God, he wants to hold Yougjae’s hand.

“What are you thinking?” Youngjae leans into Jaebeom and whispers by his ear.

The warmth of Youngjae’s breath of Jaebeom’s cold night air chilled ear startles him and he jerks back a little, looking wide-eyed at Youngjae.

Youngjae laughs, thoroughly amused. “I think I’m a bit offended, hyung. I’m here telling you how much I enjoyed Maleficent 2 and you’re spacing out?”

“Sorry.” Jaebeom bashfully says. “I was thinking about you though.”

“Really?” Youngjae brightens, his eyes glinting. “What am I doing in your thoughts?”

“Torturing me with your cuteness.”

Youngjae looks away to hide his reddening cheeks and calm his raging heartbeat. Why does Jaebeom have to make it so easy to fall harder for him?

They walk in silence for a moment until they stumble upon a place with men’s woollen sweaters. Youngjae slides his hand into Jaebeom’s and leads him towards the stand. Yes this is totally an excuse for Youngjae to hold Jaebeom’s hand because he has been dying to do so since they got here.

Meanwhile Jaebeom is taking deep breathes to make sure his heart doesn’t jump out of his chest.

“Do you wear woollen sweaters, hyung?” Youngaje asks while looking through the selection of available colours on the rack.

“I do actually.” Jaebeom spots a sky blue one and takes it off the rack, handing it to Youngjae. “Look, they have one in your favourite colour.”

Youngjae beams as he places it over his torso to picture how it would look on him.

Jaebeom grabs the same sweater but in sea green. “I think this colour is more my speed.”

“Do you like it? I’ll buy it for you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. I want to though.”

After a moment of deliberation, Jaebeom concedes with a nod. “Then let’s ask the saleslady for an extra-large size.

Youngjae wrinkles his nose. “You look so good in fitting clothes.”

“Oversized clothes are comfortable.”

“They don’t always look good on you.”

“Your words have no weight here. You wear oversized clothes all the time and they look great on you.”

“Alright you can have your shirt.” Youngjae allows with a laugh. He can accept this loss since he’s already bagged a compliment and a win by buying couple sweaters with Jaebeom.

After they explore a few more places including a store for gamers because Youngjae can’t resist; a candy store to give Jaebeom his sugar fix; and a sportswear shop just for the heck of it, the walking gets tiresome and Jaebeom suggests they try a sea food and cocktail bar close by. It’s a place Jaebeom has known since his cousin recommended it, and he is happy that Youngjae is his first date here.

Jaebeom hopes he isn’t being too obvious about trying to do everything he’d always imagined doing with Youngjae back in University. Sometimes Jaebeom got to hang out with Youngjae, but Mark was usually present as was only natural, and during those times Jaebeom couldn’t help wishing Mark wasn’t in the way- that he and Youngjae could go out and have fun alone.

Of course Jaebeom can’t make all those wishes come true now because for one he is a grown man and doing stuff like eating junk food at an all-you-can-eat buffet and drinking tons of beer at a local show then crashing a random party, is no longer that appealing.

Regardless, starting at a sort of different point as adults is just as great. Jaebeom still appreciates these moments and he’ll forever treasure them no matter where this whole thing leads them.

***********

“My dad liked to invite me to see the Seoul tower when I was a child, but I never saw the fascination.” Youngjae says. They are having a cosy dinner together on a different night at the n.Grill restaurant, one of the perfect viewing spots to view the Seoul Tower from.

Jaebeom tears his gaze away from the view outside to look at Youngjae with a tiny smile. “Do you see the fascination now?”

“No.”

Jaebeom’s jaw drops. “Then what’s the point of that story.”

“To tell you that this is an overrated experience, but then again it’s still better than the time you took me finishing. The terrible ramen you made was the highlight.”

“If you weren’t all the way over there, I’d smack you with my napkin.” Jaebeom half-heartedly threatens with a grin.

Youngjae laughs out loud at the threat. Of course he is only kidding. He loves doing all sorts of things with Jaebeom because Jaebeom lets’ Youngjae be himself. When they went finishing, Youngjae did such a hilariously bad job of it and all Jaebeom did was enjoy a good laugh about it. No judgement or frustration.

Youngjae can just picture what their dating life would be like and the very thought makes him giddy. It’s very easy for Youngjae to get lost in these moments about forget about Mark. To be honest he is sick of thinking about that. The more and more he falls for Jaebeom, the more the guilt over liking his ex’s friend gets pushed to the back of his mind.

Youngjae is tired of thinking and holding back. Next time they go out together, Youngjae will properly ask Jaebeom out.

**********

Jinyoung is lying on the couch and reading a book w