More than a year ago

“You.” Two males gasped in surprise when they looked up. Earlier they bumped to each other, one was coming out from the toilet while another one was going in. When they both looked up, they’re surprised to see each other face. “A-Cheng, is it you? But…”

“Gosh, my search didn’t come in vain. I found you, twin.” The male squeaked in delight and moved to hug the other male who still looked shock.

“A-Cheng.”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“But the fire.” Cheng loosened his hug and smiled staring at his twin.

“I was saved by someone, who later became my adopted father. I have been searching for you, Jun, all this time.” Jun blinked.

“My twin… my twin isn’t dead.” Jun’s tears welled up to his eyes. Cheng smiled and his eyes were misty too. Jun pulled him for a hug and cried, don’t want to let go. He was relieved he wasn’t alone anymore.

 

 

“Jun. Can you help me?” Cheng asked. They’re meeting again, it became constant since their first accidental meeting. The twin had been sharing about what life has become for them for 13 years they have separated after the fire that burned down the orphanage they lived since young.

Cheng learnt that Jun lived with a kind family he encountered when he was in hospital after the fire. He was hospitalized from a burn he got on his right hand and he shared a room with a boy. The boy’s family felt bad for Jun who lost everything after the fire decided to take him in after their son seemed to attach himself to Jun. Jun was grateful to the family and eventually growing up to be a very good boy and did well in his study to repay the kind family, he became a lawyer. The boy became his younger brother followed his every step even taking the same course and never separated since Jun lived with the family. When both are 24 and 23 respectively, the younger brother suddenly confessed to the family that he loved Jun and wanted to marry him. Jun was shocked and refused feeling the parents won’t like it, even though deep in his heart he has feelings for the younger too. What shocked him more, the parents are okay with it and heeded to their son’s wishes. After asking his answer and he couldn’t say no when it was his deepest dream, they’re preparing for the engagement and the wedding will be held after the younger finished his study, one year from then. It was the best moment of Jun’s life until it was robbed away from him. A month ago, his fiancé who fetched his parents at the airport from their couple trip involved in a terrible accident on their way back home. Jun lost his entire family in one day and left alone. He was a living dead before he met Cheng again.

Cheng told Jun how his life after being adopted by the guy who saved him from the fire. His adopted father was very nice and kind man, he lived comfortably and finished his school normally. For the first two years after the fire, he didn’t remember about himself thus why he couldn’t go back to find his twin. His adopted father wasn’t from the neighbourhood so he had moved away. It was later that he got his memory and asked his adopted father about Jun. His father knew nothing because Cheng was the only he found in the fire and then both of them agreed to start finding Jun. It took a long time as Jun and the family also moved from the neighbourhood and somehow they found each other accidentally in a town thousand miles away 13 years later. Cheng was glad he found Jun before it’s too late for him. Cheng took a breath, he actually was thinking how to break the news to Jun.

“Cheng? What is it?” Jun looked at his twin.

“Jun, you know I won’t let you left alone, okay?” Jun nodded. “You, I want you to live with me and father.”

“A-Cheng.”

“Please.”

“Okay. Is that what you want me to help you because it doesn’t sound like a help to me.” Jun said looking at his twin worriedly. Cheng took a breath.

“Yes. It’s not. But before I say about the help, I need to tell something.”

“A-Cheng, you scared me.” Cheng smiled and reached to hug his twin.

“I’m sorry. I should have found you sooner.”

“A-Cheng.”

“I have lung cancer.” Jun stiffened.

“No… no.” Jun muttered. Cheng hugged him tighter. “No, don’t leave me too.”

“I won’t let you alone. I want you to live my life. This is what I want you to help me with.” Cheng said rubbing Jun’s back who already started to sob.

“What do you mean?”

“Father already knows my condition and I already told him I found you. He wanted to meet you and I already ask if you could stay with us. He agreed… and I wish that you two will be there for each other once I’m gone. I want you to help me taking care of father after I left.”

“A-Cheng.”

“Jun, please. I don’t want to leave you all alone and so do father.” Cheng let his tears fall. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I will leave you too.” Cheng felt his heart clenched. Jun felt the same and hugged his twin tighter. The fate was too cruel, he was just feeling a bit better to know that he still had someone in this world. Losing his entire family was a big blow to him, his parents and his husband-to-be. He was happy when he got to know his twin that he thought died 13 years ago was still very alive.

“A-Cheng, don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please… live with me and father.” Cheng coaxed him. Jun nodded while crying. The twin spent some time calming their sadness in each other hug.

 

 

Two weeks since Jun moved in with Cheng and his father, Uncle Guan. Guan was a very attentive father, according to Cheng he never married but he loved kids and having them as his sons were his blessing from god as Guan said. Maybe Guan reminded Jun to his fiancé’s father, he felt connected to the elder and began to treat him as his father as well. Cheng was glad that Jun accepted Guan and Guan also happy to have Jun, for that he was glad and could leave in peace.

Cheng lost weight because of his health condition and it worried Guan and Jun. But Cheng always forced them not to mind it because after all, he couldn’t be saved anymore. In the little happiness, there’s also sadness whenever they reminded of Cheng’s limited time.

One day, Jun was home while Guan and Cheng went to the hospital for Cheng’s weekly check-ups. Cheng refused to be hospitalized in his remaining days because he wanted to stay with his father and his twin so he made a deal with his doctor to frequently visit for check-ups and medicine to lessen the pain. Someone rang the bell and Jun frowned. He wasn’t inform that they had a visitor today. Jun went to receive the unexpected guest. When he opened the door, he was suddenly engulfed into a hug by an unknown guy who he didn’t get to see the face.

“Why you leave me without a word? Do you know that you hurt me, baby? It’s hard to find you as well. Chengcheng, I miss you.” The guy babbled while crying. Jun was baffled but regained his composure when he’s sure that the guy mistaken him as his twin.

“Err, you got the wrong person.” Jun said and at that the guy leaned back, hand holding Jun’s shoulder. Jun gasped a little once he saw the other guy. In one second look, he thought he saw his late fiancé. Donning the same hairstyle and hair colour, almost similar in built but his late fiancé is slender than this guy, Jun could mistake this unknown guy as his fiancé if he didn’t look closely at the face. Their face wasn’t the same but emitted the same aura because of the similar style and build.

“Chengcheng, baby?”

“I’m not Zhoucheng, I’m his twin, Junhui.”

The guy heard the voice and noticed it was the wrong person. But then he widened his eyes. “Oh gosh, he found you. He finally found you.” The guy looked relief. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I thought its Chengcheng.”

“It’s okay, it could be confusing.” Jun just smiled.

“Where is he? Is he here? He supposed to be here, I got this address when I’m searching up for him.” The guy mumbled to himself at the end of his words. Jun smiled.

“He lived here but he’s outside with his father at the moment. Do you want to come in?” Jun asked. The guy nodded quickly. Jun just smiled, his heart ached a little. This unnamed guy really reminded him of his late fiancé and it hurts.

“Do you want some drink?”

“Water please.” Jun nodded and left to get some water. He then placed it for the guy and sat down. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Yibo, Chengcheng’s boyfriend.”

“Ah.” Jun nodded in understanding. He felt amused that his twin had a boyfriend that very similar to his late fiancé. But then he fell in thought, his twin purposely left his boyfriend…

“How long you have met Chengcheng? He always told me he’s searching for his twin, Uncle Guan was helping him too.” Yibo asked after drinking some water. Jun smiled lightly.

“Few weeks ago. I just started to live with them two weeks ago.” Jun said. Yibo nodded. “I… didn’t know he has boyfriend.”

“You see… he used to live in XXX Street, in the same neighbourhood as me. We’re co-workers for five years and a couple for three years. More than a month ago, I had a job in another province so I left for a while. We’re just fine when I leave but I couldn’t contact him when I was away and when I return, he moved away. He also resigned from the company and I was lost. It takes me some weeks to track him down.” Yibo explained. Jun nodded lightly. He could tell that his twin left without a word because of the cancer. But his boyfriend managed to come here. Jun felt the need to explain to Yibo about this because he wanted his twin to have no regret before he left.

“About that, Yibo. There’s something you needed to know. About A-Cheng.” Jun started. Yibo started at his boyfriend’s twin. Jun took a breath and was about to talk when the door open. Cheng’s happy tone was heard and Guan’s small laugh accompanied it in the background. They’re just back from the hospital and as always for them not to feel depress and worry about his situation, Cheng would crack random jokes and be jovial like he always was.

“Who’s shoes outside, Jun- Yibo.”

“Chengcheng.”

“How…” Cheng felt anxious to find his boyfriend there. He felt the need to run and bumped to Guan when he turned back. Guan held Cheng who almost fell.

“Cheng.” Guan called out. He had known that Cheng left Yibo without a word. Jun walked to Cheng and hugged him one arm.

“A-Cheng. Don’t run, tell him. I don’t want you feel any regret. He deserves to know about this. And… he loves you sincerely that he’s here, going through the hassle to find you again.” Jun coaxed his twin. Cheng trembled and clung onto Jun.

“But…”

“Talk with him, son.” Guan rubbed Cheng’s back. Yibo was there standing anxiously as he looked at the father and sons. He didn’t understand anything but he felt broken when he saw how thin his boyfriend is and yet he’s crying there. Yibo felt his heart was stabbed once the glassy eyes looked up to him.

 

 

Guan and Jun stayed in the kitchen while giving space to Yibo and Cheng to talk. Cheng let Yibo hug him as they sat on the couch and they both cried while Cheng told about his condition. Yibo didn’t let go of his hold all the way feeling devastated to know about the cancer. Cheng was kept apologizing and telling him to leave but Yibo stayed. He didn’t stop telling Cheng that he loves him and he won’t be able to leave, he didn’t want Cheng to face it all alone. Cheng felt bad like he wasn’t deserve any of this but he couldn’t force the stubborn Yibo to leave. Even though one of the things he like about Yibo is the stubborn trait, at this time Cheng didn’t really appreciate it. He didn’t want Yibo to see him in his death bed that’s why he left but knowing the younger, Yibo would stay now that he found Cheng again.

“Jun.” Jun turned to Guan. “The doctor talked with me today.” Jun gulped anxiously. Guan looked solemn. “We… have to prepare for the worst. Cheng needed to be hospitalized.”

“When?”

“If his blood coughing occurred again, we have to force him. Cheng was still stubborn about it.” Jun exhaled and nodded.

“I will try to talk with him.”

“Thank you, son.” Jun smiled mildly.

“We’re going to be fine, right dad?” Guan nodded and opened his arms. Jun went to hug him and cry a little.

“I believe in that. I’m glad, we have each other. Cheng is a gift to me and he brought another gift to me.”

“Cheng is indeed the best. I always see him as my guardian angel, how I wish we didn’t lost the 13 years away from each other.” Jun cried. Guan felt bad and rubbed Jun’s back.

“Eh, is that a group hug and you two leave me behind? That’s mean.” Both of them loosened the hug and smiled as Cheng stood at the kitchen door with red eyes and puffy pink cheeks from crying. Yibo was standing behind him. Guan called Cheng over and Cheng came hugging both of them. Jun wrapped his arms around them to tighten the hold. Guan smiled softly and rubbed both of their back.

“Yibo, come here son.” Yibo looked at Guan. He came closer and Guan rubbed the younger male’s head affectionately. He always considered Yibo as his son since he dated Cheng. Everybody had tears in their eyes and silently enjoyed the warmth they shared in the hug. Eventually Cheng who exhausted himself from crying and going to hospital, he fell asleep in Jun’s hold. Yibo helped Jun to bring Cheng to his bed before Jun let Yibo to accompany Cheng. The family retired for the day, leaving each other in their own thought.

 

 

Jun rushed into the building. He was coming here in rush after he realized a message on his phone. He was just finished a court session earlier and his phone was on silence. Once he saw it, he didn’t wait any further. It was from Guan, telling him that Cheng was rushed to the hospital.

Jun saw Guan and Yibo in front of the surgery room. “Dad, Yibo.” Both of them looked up. Jun took a deep breath, panting as he arrived in front of them. “A-Cheng…”

“He’s still inside.” Guan said, getting up to hold Jun who was about to collapse from running and anxiety. Yibo on the other hand was full of tears, looking so broken on the seat. Guan brought Jun to sit. “He will be fine.”

“What happened, dad?”

Yibo was the one answered that question. “Chengcheng suddenly collapsed and fell in the bathroom. He coughed blood all this while but he hid from us.” Yibo told them after he found out Cheng hid some bloody tissue from them. Guan had told them about Cheng needed to be hospitalized due to the serious blood coughing. Jun also had talked to Cheng but his twin still stubborn and wanted to stay home. They couldn’t do anything when Cheng sulked with them whenever anyone brought up the topic.

Jun sighed heavily. Guan patted his back and smiled when Jun looked up to him. “Everything will be fine.”

“I’m not ready.” Jun said. Yibo sniffled beside him. Guan reached to rub Yibo’s back as well.

“No one ever will, sons. But if it’s time, we need to let him go. Let’s not make him suffer more.” Guan said as a lone tear slipped from his eyes. Jun noticed and wiped it away. Guan gave a bitter smile which replied with a same bitter smile by Jun. Yibo looked down, crying into his palms. Hearing the sobs, Jun turned to the younger male. He felt bad for his twin’s boyfriend. Feeling like an older brother, Jun reached to hug Yibo. The younger male curled into his arms and cried on his shoulder. Jun patted his back comfortingly. Guan just watched them. Since Yibo found Cheng again, he had come often to their house and Jun also accepted his presence as his twin’s boyfriend. Jun somehow felt obligated to take care of the younger as well.

They waited about two hours and finally the light turned off. A doctor and a nurse came out. The three males got up and approached the doctor.

“How is he?”

“Zhoucheng’s family?” They nodded. The doctor looked at them. “He’s safe for now. But…” The doctor paused before delivering them the worst news. Yibo plopped down once he heard, Jun managed to catch him. Guan staggered a bit but he held onto the wall to keep himself standing. The doctor and nurse felt bad but it’s their job. Jun held himself together and turned to the doctor.

“Can we see him?”

“We will transfer him to the ICU ward in one hour, you can visit him there. There’s procedures, and only one person at one time is allowed. The nurse will help you later.” The doctor said. Jun nodded and thanked him. The doctor and the nurse left after that. Jun helped Yibo to stand up and sit again. Guan already sat down after he couldn’t hold himself anymore.

“One week… Jun-ge, one week…” Yibo brokenly repeated the word. Jun bit his lips. He didn’t know what to do, he’s sad too but he needed to be strong. They can’t be weak altogether, Cheng won’t like it to see the sadness he brought to them.

“I know. We need to be strong, for him. Let’s not make him worry more.” Jun said, holding Yibo’s arm and looked at his father. Guan was looking at him. They achieved a silent agreement.

“Let’s make his remaining day the happiest.” Guan said coming closer to them and hugged them both. Yibo cried even more while Jun held his tears. Guan exhaled.

 

 

“Hey, baby.” Yibo gave a little smile that hidden behind the mask he was wearing. Cheng was still in ICU and they needed to wear specific outfit with mask and glove to visit him. Cheng smiled weakly at his boyfriend.

“You have been crying.” Cheng said trying to reach for Yibo’s cheek. Yibo held the hand and brought to his cheek. Cheng weakly caressed the covered skin with his thumb. “I’m sorry.” Yibo shook his head.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Chengcheng. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. You need to rest, you’re having a battle there.” Yibo said. Cheng smiled.

“Thank you, Yibo.” Cheng said, the same glint twinkled in the eyes. Yibo couldn’t help but smiled as well. Not matter how sunken his face right now, for him Cheng will always the handsome man he ever see. Yibo reached to touch Cheng’s face. “Remove my mask, Yibo.”

“But you need it.”

“Just for a while.” Yibo was reluctant but Cheng gave his kitten eyes and he couldn’t say no. He tentatively reached and pulled down the oxygen mask. Cheng smiled wider. “Remove your mask as well and come closer.” Cheng weakly said. Yibo did it and leaned down. Cheng reached to give a kiss at the corner of the lips. Yibo closed his eyes feeling the small touch. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Chengcheng.” Yibo placed a kiss on Cheng’s forehead, caressing the cheekbone before leaning backward. He put back the oxygen mask despite Cheng’s protest.

“How’s father and Jun?”

“They’re fine, uncle is outside while Jun left for a while to do his work. He will come back later.” Cheng nodded a little.

“You haven’t go to work lately.” Cheng finally remembered to ask. Yibo smiled.

“I ask for a month-leave. I want to be here with you, baby.” Cheng just smiled as he closed his eyes taking a deep breath.

“You must live well after I left.”

“Chengcheng, please.” Yibo held back his tears. Cheng opened his eyes and looked at Yibo. He reached to hold Yibo’s hand on his face.

“Yibo, I can’t hold up for long. Please, promise me you will live well. You won’t cry when I’m gone. You will continue your life, working, going out with friends and find new love.”

“Chengcheng, no. I love you, only you.” Yibo couldn’t help his tears. Cheng reached to wipe it away.

“Promise me.” Yibo closed his eyes, holding the hand on his face.

“I promise you I will live well for you, I won’t cry. But I won’t love another.”

“Yibo.”

“I can’t, please, don’t ask me to do that, Wang Zhoucheng.” His voice was strained. Cheng sighed.

“Then, can you promise me another thing?” Cheng asked. Yibo looked at him. “Take care of my brother. Jun, I know he’s a strong twin of mine. But he had once lost his adopted parents and his fiancé. I’m sure he will break once I leave too. I know he will hold on because there’s my father, but Yibo, I hope you could be the pillar to him in case he falls. To be his saviour in case he drown. I won’t ask you to love him like how you love me even though the idea sounds okay, but please, take care of him for me.”

Yibo closed his eyes, leaning closer to the warm hand. “I promise you.”

Cheng smiled. “Thank you, Yibo. Thank you my love.” Yibo wiped the tears that stained Cheng’s face. They shared a small smile, a sad and full of love.

Yibo spent a little more time before he got out. Guan went inside after Yibo when Yibo said Cheng was looking for him. Yibo went to sit outside, looking blankly forward. He was so into his thought before he heard someone cleared the throat beside him. Yibo turned and found Jun. “You’re back.”

“Mm, how’s he?”

“Just same but he talked much today. Uncle is inside with him.” Yibo said. Jun nodded. “Jun-ge.”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Hm? I’m fine? Why you asked?” Jun asked back. Yibo shook his head and leaned back to the seat. Jun didn’t say anything and just sat in silence. Yibo glanced a little.

“Jun-ge. I’m scared.” Yibo suddenly said. Jun glanced at him.

“It’s a scary thought but we could only prepare ourselves. Let’s hope that he will not be in pain.” Jun paused and exhaled. “I can’t stand to see him pain.” Jun voiced out his worry for the first time.

Yibo nodded. “I understand, I feel the same.”

“I want to replace him. Why him? Why not me? I should die instead of him.”

“Jun-ge, don’t say like that.”

“Isn’t it better? After all, I already lost my family. It’s better if I’m the one who sick.” Jun groaned and rubbed his face.

“Jun-ge.”

“I’m sorry. Just something happened at work and I-”

“It’s okay, you didn’t need to stay strong all the time.” Yibo said. What Cheng had told him earlier, he began to realize. His boyfriend’s twin is also a human, he’s not a superhero. Yibo felt bad that he constantly seeks for Jun’s comfort when he had his episodes being broken worrying about Cheng. Not even once he had seen Jun’s tears since the doctor said Cheng had one more week or so. Jun had been strong for him and also for Uncle Guan. They fell in silence as Jun didn’t answer Yibo and Yibo also didn’t know what to say. He just watched Jun from the side.

 

 

“Hey.” Cheng smiled when he saw his twin. Jun smiled back and sat down. “How are you feeling?”

“Weak.”

“Any pain? Want me to tell the doctor?” Jun asked. Cheng shook his head.

“I’m okay, Jun.” Cheng opened his palm asking for Jun’s hand. Jun gave his hand. “You look tired.”

“Something happened at work but don’t worry, I have it under control.”

“You should have rest too.” Cheng scolded. Jun chuckled and squeezed Cheng’s hand in his.

“I will after this. I miss you, twin.”

“I am too. It’s very stuffy here.” Cheng said. Jun looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I would bring you out but I can’t.”

“It’s okay I know.” Cheng smiled. “You’re always like this, you always think of me first before yourself since young.”

“I’m the elder one between us.” Jun stated. Cheng smiled.

“We’re just a minute apart, brother. Can’t you once think of yourself too? You have done so much for me.”

“It will never enough, A-Cheng. For the 13 years we have lost.” Jun said, he smiled sadly.

“I’m sorry, I should have find you sooner.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you tried hard.” Jun reached to ruffle Cheng’s hair. “I have the greatest memories in the past days we met each other again. It’s great too. And let me spoil you some more, okay?” Jun caressed the line of his eyebrow before pulling down his mask and left a soft kiss there. Cheng smiled softly. “I love you, my twin. Thanks for coming back to my life.”

“I love you too, brother. Thanks for being my brother.” Jun’s eyes turned misty as he found Cheng’s teary one. No one needed to tell him but Jun knew. Cheng is his twin so he knew. Cheng also knew that he knew. That right now, this moment, will be their last chance to talk to each other. Jun rested his forehead next to Cheng’s and whispered softly.

“I will let you go and live well. Don’t worry about me, I don’t want to hold you back and let you suffer more. I love you, brother. I really love you.”

“I love you too.” Cheng whispered back.

“Mom and dad may be waiting for you there. Tell them, I love them despite the lonely childhood we have.” Cheng smiled and nodded a bit. Jun wiped away the tears fallen from Cheng’s eyes. “Do you want me to call Yibo in? I will let him stay with you tonight.”

“Please.” Jun nodded and left another kiss on the forehead before he stood up. “Jun.” Jun looked at his twin. “You’re my best twin, and I believe you will get over this and stay strong on your feet. Live well, and see you again, brother.”

Jun smiled. “See you again, A-Cheng.” Jun whispered and turned away. He took a deep breath and stepped to the door. Tears were welling in his eyes but he refused to cry. He got out from the ward and saw Guan with Yibo. They looked up when they realized Jun already came out from the room.

“Yibo, A-Cheng asks for you. And you can stay with him tonight.” Jun said and he turned to Guan. “We both will go home and get change, dad. We will come back later.” Guan nodded. They stood up, Yibo went to prepare to get into the ward again while Guan followed Jun leaving the hospital.

Yibo went inside after the preparation and saw Cheng was waiting for him. “You usually sleep at this time, baby.” Yibo said as he sat down on the chair where Jun occupied earlier. Cheng smiled to his boyfriend.

“I’m waiting for you. Can you sleep next to me? I want you to hold me.” Cheng pleaded. Yibo turned soft and nodded. The doctor or nurses could scold him for doing this but he couldn’t reject Cheng. It was in his hunch that he should just listen for anything Cheng wanted tonight and he’s scared of that feeling. Carefully not to disturb the tube attached to Cheng’s arm, Yibo eased into the small space beside Cheng. He wrapped his arms around Cheng. Cheng snuggled closer. “You should remove the gloves and mask.”

“But…”

“Please?” Yibo exhaled and made a space to remove the gloves and mask, leaving it on the stand beside the bed. Cheng smiled and leaned his head onto Yibo’s shoulder. He melted into the warmth. “You’re warm as always.”

Yibo toyed with the hair like his boyfriend always loved whenever they cuddled on the bed like this. Cheng closed his eyes, smiles stretched on his lips. “Sleep now, you need to rest.”

Cheng smiled. “I will. But can you sing for me, please?”

“Chengcheng, your voice is always better than me.”

“I want to hear you sing, please?” Cheng asked attacking his boyfriend with his pity kitten eyes again. Yibo exhaled and leaned to give a little kiss on the forehead.

“Fine. You’re lucky I love you.”

“And I love you too.” Cheng removed the oxygen mask and reached to kiss Yibo on the lips. It was just a simple press of lips but it was full of love. Cheng wanted to deepen the kiss but Yibo stopped him.

“Baby, it’s not good for your health. You may get unknown virus or infection, your immune system is low.” Yibo said. Cheng sighed.

“Fine, sing for me.” Yibo hummed, placing the oxygen mask again. Cheng snuggled back closer while Yibo started to hum some tune.

The perfect shade of blue awaits the right weather, like how I wait for you
From a thousand miles away, I gaze at the curling chimney smoke
The calligraphy beneath the bottle, elegance of the Han Dynasty
Our meeting I foreshadowed

The perfect shade of blue awaits the right weather, like how I wait for you
The moonlight smudged away the remnants of our ending
Like legendary porcelain obsessed with itself, your eyes full of laughter

(Lyric translation of Qing Hua Ci by Jay Chou)

Cheng smiled as he closed his eyes. He reached to intertwine his fingers with Yibo. “Thank you for loving me, Yibo.”

Yibo hummed ‘I love you’ and continued singing till the end. His tears fell at the loosened grasp of their intertwined fingers a moment later. He leaned closer burying his face into Cheng’s hair, inhaling as much as the unique scent of his lover. He left a kiss. “Good night, Chengcheng. I love you so much.” He whispered and willed himself to sleep. He wanted this to be just a nightmare so that he woke the next morning, Cheng will smile to him again.

But deep in his heart, he realized it wasn’t a nightmare. His Cheng had gone while in his arms, holding his hand tight.

 

 

The funeral was a blur to the three of them. Yibo was lost, Guan was in pain to see his son lowered six feet down. Jun stood still next to them, no emotion running on his face. Yibo was kneeling in front of the grave as one by one acquaintance that turned up to Cheng’s funeral left the graveyard. Guan, Jun and Yibo were the last one remain. Jun coaxed Guan to wait him in the car when the father helplessly looked at the crying guy in front of his son’s grave. Guan listened to Jun and left. Jun stood behind Yibo.

“Yibo.”

“Can I stay here for a while?”

“I will be here as well.”

“I want to be here alone.”

Jun sighed. “I will leave you for five minutes. I will come back.” Yibo thanked the elder. Jun left.

“Chengcheng. I’m sorry, I tried not to cry but it’s hard.” Yibo started when he was left alone. He stared at the gravestone with his lover’s name and picture. He sniffled. “Allow me to cry just for today. I will not cry tomorrow and the next days. I promise you, didn’t I?”

Yibo took a breath stopping himself from sobbing. “You’re the best thing happened in my life, Zhoucheng-ge. Thank you. I could never say enough about how much I love and feel for you. Rest in peace, baby. I will keep my promise. I will.” Yibo wiped his tears. He stayed there for a while, gathering his thoughts and memories of his lover intact in his mind.

Eventually he stayed for too long and Jun had come back for him. This time, he got up when Jun pulled him to stand. He stumbled a bit as his legs became numbed from kneeling too long. He heard Jun sighed. “A-Cheng won’t like to see you crying.”

“I know. I will just cry today. I promise it will be all.” Yibo said still looking at the grave. Jun also turned to the grave.

“A-Cheng, don’t worry about this idiot. I will make sure he won’t do anything stupid.” Jun said. Yibo turned to Jun.

“I’m-”

“I have consider you as the family, I’m going to take care of you.” Yibo stared at Jun blinking few times. The words made him feel warm. He smiled lightly after.

“He also wanted me to take care of you. He’s worried about you.” Yibo said. Jun looked at him in disbelief. “Jun-ge, don’t think that you’re alone now. You have uncle and you have me.” Yibo said. Jun exhaled and nodded.

“I know.” They shared a small smile. Cheng wanted them to take care and support each other, to be together not alone. It was something Cheng left for them, a bond-like family. “Let’s go, dad is waiting.” Jun broke the silence. Yibo nodded. Both of them said goodbye to Cheng and then left.

 

 

Yibo stared at the lunchbox on his table. It had been near a year since Cheng’s funeral. Yibo had returned to his work and this time, he didn’t live alone. He brought Guan and Jun to live with him. Guan agreed to follow Yibo because he didn’t want Yibo to live alone and he wanted Jun to live together so Jun came as well. Jun followed a month later as he was settling for his workplace.

It was like a settled routine later that Jun will prepare breakfast for three of them and packing lunchbox for himself and Yibo before going to work. When the sons returned home, Guan already prepared dinner for them. When it’s on weekends, they will go out spending times together anywhere they wanted to go. Sometimes, they went to visit Cheng. Yibo felt comfortable with the life he had now.

But lately he was questioning himself. He was being too aware about anything Jun did for him. He didn’t know what this is and he’s afraid. Because the last time he felt like this, he fell in love. And it’s Cheng. He didn’t want to feel like this just because Jun is his twin. Yibo felt terrible and it’s eating him inside.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Yibo startled when someone tapped his shoulder. “Oh, sorry to startle you.”

“It’s okay. I was not paying attention too.”

“So, have you go lunch yet?” His co-worker asked. Yibo blinked.

“Oh, right. I will.” Yibo reached for the lunchbox and the water bottle before walking to the pantry to eat. He ate the lunchbox while thinking away. After he’s done with his lunch, he reached for his phone and dialled a number. The person picked up after the second ring.

“Yibo, son? Is there anything? You never call at this hour.”

“Uncle. No, I’m fine. Just… I feel I need to talk with someone.”

“I’m listening, son.”

“Uncle… I don’t know. I’m becoming too aware this day.”

“Aware of?”

“Jun-ge. I mean, everything is just the same like before. Nothing changed… but lately I feel… I’m afraid.”

“You’re falling for him.”

“I don’t know, uncle. I mean… is it because he’s Chengcheng’s twin? Or…”

“Son.”

“Yes, uncle.”

“Have you ever see Cheng in him all this while?” That question silenced Yibo.

“I- I…”

“It’s very simple question, Yibo. If you ever see Jun as Cheng, maybe you could be concerned about the feelings you feel for him now. But if you never did as such, then you’re genuinely falling for Jun.”

“But, uncle, Jun is Chengcheng’s twin…”

“Cheng would want you to be happy, despite anyone who your heart chose. I know my son.”

Yibo closed his eyes, remembering the moment when he made promise with Cheng back then at the hospital. He exhaled. “Thank you, uncle.”

“It’s nothing. I’m glad you talk to me. And I would be happy for you two if you got together. You deserve happiness and so do Jun.”

“Yes.” Yibo thanked Guan again and bade his goodbye. After talking with Guan, he felt lighter. He didn’t find the answer yet but at least a tiny burden was lifted from him. Yibo felt a bit at ease and promised to himself to find the answer to the question.

 

 

“Chengcheng. You’re okay right? Or actually, you expect me to feel this don’t you?” Yibo stared at the gravestone. “Don’t worry a bit, you always hold the special place in my heart.” Yibo gave a little smile. “Please bless me for tonight. After all, he’s tough cookie to crack.” Yibo said and stepped forward to touch the stone. “I love you, Chengcheng. Always.”

Yibo left the graveyard and drove his car to a restaurant that he already booked. When he arrived there, the reserved table already occupied by the person he invited.

“Sorry Jun-ge, I’m stuck in a little traffic.” Yibo said as he sat down. Jun nodded a little, stiff. Yibo just smiled. “Let’s order then.”

“Why you bring me here, Yibo?”

“Why? Can’t I treat you?”

“No, you can but-”

Jun was cut off when the waiter came to take their order. He sighed and looked through the menu while Yibo started to order his dinner. Jun placed his order after him. The waiter then left. Yibo smiled when Jun looked at him.

“Yibo?”

“Hm?”

“Why you chose here?”

“It’s a good place with good food.” Yibo said with a smile. Jun frowned a little. Yibo exhaled. “Let’s eat first before I tell you.” Jun sighed and nodded. They pushed back the topic and talked about their days. The food was served later and both of them ate in peace.

Once Jun was done with his meal, he put down the utensils sipping his drink and then looked at Yibo. Yibo noticed and finished his food. “Will you talk now?” Jun asked. Yibo exhaled and put down the glass, he’s done as well.

“I have something to tell you.”

“I’m listening.”

“I have been thinking lately. You know, I’m very thankful for everything you have done to me since you and uncle live with me. You have sacrificed a lot upon my request. I’m very thankful.” Yibo said.

“Because we’re family.” Jun commented. Yibo smiled.

“The care you have given, I like it. I’m glad we have each other, the days aren’t really hard even though the pain is there. Slowly, I manage coming out from the pain. I’m grateful. You have been the strong one and helped me, I admire it and it makes me want to be better too.” Jun just nodded. Yibo took a breath. “And lately… I have been feeling. The gratefulness and the admiration brings me somewhere. This heart is beating again.”

“What are you-?”

“Jun-ge, I think I like you. No, I like you.” Yibo said affirmatively. Jun’s mouth fell open.

“Yibo, what nonsense you’re saying?”

“No, it’s real. I begin to have this warm feeling whenever you care about me, I anticipate the day to go back home and be with you. I know this feeling. And I want you to know, Jun-ge.”

Jun shook his head. “No, Yibo. You’re mistaken about it. It’s a trick to your mind, you’re seeing A-Cheng in me. Get back to your sense, Wang Yibo.”

“No, Junhui-ge. I’m not. I’m serious, I like you Junhui-ge.” Jun just shook his head and got up. He left without saying anything. Yibo got up to catch up as well but he was held back to pay for the bill. When he got out, Jun already left with his car. Yibo sighed. He went to his car and drove back home, hoping Jun went there.

 

 

Jun stood in front of a columbarium house that he visited sometimes. The door still opened even at this late night and Jun just went inside going to a corner that he’s very familiar with. Aligned with his eye-level when he’s sitting down, Jun leaned his forehead towards the cold glass after he sat down. “Sorry to come at this time, I’m disturbing your peace again.” Jun said. He glanced towards the other two inurnment spaces next to the one he was leaning against. “Good evening, mama, papa.” Jun said and smiled a little.

“Minghao, I miss you.” Jun let his tears fall. His head was full of thought. “Have you met A-Cheng there? My birth parents?” Jun said sniffling. “If yes, I hope you keep them accompany. Moreover A-Cheng, you know he doesn’t like a silent.” Jun smiled as he talked about his twin. It may have been repeated information because every time came here, he would talk about his twin and sometimes about his current life. Jun babbled away until he didn’t have anything to say, except the dinner earlier. Jun closed his eyes. “Minghao, baby. You know I only love you, I won’t love another other than you.”

Jun opened his eyes and stared at the smiling picture of his late fiancé. “I can’t think about Yibo’s confession. It’s wrong. It’s scary. He loves A-Cheng, A-Cheng is my twin. He may be confused of me and A-Cheng. I remind him of A-Cheng. Plus, if he’s serious. I love you, Hao, I cannot accept him. I love you and no other.” Jun sighed. “What should I do? He’s like the family I had apart from dad. I don’t want to lose him.”

Jun sighed again and leaned towards the glass again, as if his fiancé was there wrapping his arms around him while Jun leaned on the shoulder talking out his worry like in the past. Jun missed it a lot.

 

 

Guan was in the living room when Jun came home that night, it’s already 2 in the morning. “Dad.”

“Come here.” Jun came towards him. Guan noticed Jun had been crying and he could tell Jun went to the columbarium where his adopted parents and fiancé were. “Are you okay son?”

“Yibo told you?”

“He had once talked to me about his feelings.” Jun exhaled.

“Dad, I think it’s just a mistake. He’s seeing me as A-Cheng.”

“I have seen him and that’s not the case, Jun.” Jun looked at Guan. “He’s thinking about you.”

“But…”

“Here.” Guan gave him a letter. Jun tilted his head. “Yibo came back just now, thinking that you might come home after the dinner but you’re not here. We have a talk and he decided to give you time and space. So, he decided to stay somewhere else for a while.” Jun frowned. He opened the letter when Guan told him so.

Jun-ge,

Seeing that you’re not home I think you might feel uncomfortable after my confession. I understand it. And I decide to give you time. I don’t mind waiting for you.

Just please trust me. I don’t see you as Chengcheng. I know you’re different than him. If you asked me now, I would say I still love him the same. His place will never be replaced. It’s just my heart let you come in as well. As yourself.

Jun-ge, you’re very kind guy. Very admirable, strong and full of care. Your soft nature behind the strong will is very charming. I like it, I like it all. Moreover when you’re caring for me. Your smile, I admit it sometimes remind me of Chengcheng, but my heart sees it as you. It’s beating a happy rhythm whenever you smile to me. Your presence has been the light to me. You have been the reason why I could cope the emptiness since Chengcheng left. He left me you and uncle. He left me a family. I have promise Chengcheng to take care of you. He said to me if I fall in love with you that’s a good idea but he doesn’t force me to do so. My heart just opened up to you. I sincerely like you as you. I like you, Wen Junhui.

I also take times to reach this moment knowing my feelings for you. And it’s only fair if I give you time too. That’s why I decided to stay somewhere. It doesn’t mean I will be disappeared from your sight, you will be seeing me around. But I just want to grant you some space away from me. Please, give it a thinking. Give me a chance to show you that I fall for you not because you’re Chengcheng’s twin but I fall for you, yourself. Let me court you and we explored this feeling together.

-Wang Yibo

 

 

Today

A male in dark brown hair bangs covering his forehead put down a bouquet of flower in front of a grave. “A-Cheng. Hey. I’m sorry I’m a bit late this year but happy birthday, A-Cheng.”

He poured down a cup of liquor. “Cheer for another year to both of us. I hope you’re happy there. Yesterday, I dreamt about our first meet after 13 years. I still remember how relieved I am to found you again. You brought light again to my cold lonely life.”

“A-Cheng, even it was short but I’m thankful for the months we spent that time. You have given me a father, dad is healthy by the way he wanted to come but it was kinda cold these days so I told him to stay at home today. I will bring him another day, sorry A-Cheng. He said happy birthday by the way.” He paused. “Where was I? Oh, right. I’m thankful to you for taking me into your life so that I have dad. I miss you thou.” He sat there for a while talking about his everyday life until his phone rang. He picked up the call.

“Yes?” “Oh, I’m with A-Cheng.” “Um, okay, I will wait here.”

The call ended. He turned to the grave. “Someone is coming. He told me he already came here this morning but now he’s coming again. I guess he just wanted to accompany you on your birthday.” He continued to talk about stuff until someone called up his name.

“Jun-ge.” He turned to the call and smiled to the newcomer, a guy. He came to stand beside Jun and then made a bow to the grave.

“Happy birthday again, Chengcheng.”

“How many times you want to say it to him?” Jun said chuckling.

“This time I’m with you. And it’s only fair that I said, happy birthday, Jun-ge.” The guy gave a big smile. Jun just shrugged.

“Would you like to pour the liquor, Yibo?” Jun asked. Yibo nodded and got up taking the bottle and carefully poured onto the grave.

“Be happy, Chengcheng. And rest assure, I will take care of your twin with all my heart.” Yibo glanced at Jun who looked away, little pink dusted his cheeks.

 

 

Jun turned off the light and got on the bed. After coming back from the grave celebrating his birthday like any other years since his twin left the world, Jun took shower and decided to sleep. Jun curled to the source of warmth on the other side of his bed. “It’s still not 12 midnight yet, so. Happy birthday, Jun-gege.” Jun chuckled.

“Oh gosh, you keep wishing me, stop it Wang Yibo.” Yibo chuckled freely and hugged Jun closer. They fell in silence. Both were thinking away. Yibo was the one broke the silence.

“I love you.” Jun just smiled and pressed a kiss on the cheek.

“Our fate was like two sides of coin, don’t you think? I was your boyfriend’s twin and you’re similar to my late fiancé. We loved them and now we love each other. It’s weird but it’s a sincere feeling. I love you as you and I love him as him. It doesn’t make sense but here we are.”

“It takes a long time for us to be here, gege. I doubt that we just try to find the one we lost in each other. You’re once giving me hard time after I confess to you.”

“On my defence, I was afraid!” Jun squeaked in retaliation. The younger male just smiled.

“Don’t be afraid anymore. Chengcheng made me promise to take care of you and I believe he’s happy right now.”

“I hope wherever he is, he will bless us.” Jun said thinking about his late twin. “Yibo.”

“Hm?”

“Hao, he will always have a special place in my heart. I-”

“I know and you also understand how I feel for Chengcheng. Love for him and for you, is different yet same. Please, don’t overthink about it.” Jun nodded.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Wen Junhui.” They tightened their hug, cuddling closer as they let the night lulled them to sleep. Both hearts hoped for a brighter day ahead after tiring days of broken hearts and war with their feelings. They prayed for their happiness, as fate brought them together like two sides of the same coin.

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A/N: Hello Dolls ^^ So, this is very crack indeed. To my squad if you're here, I'm sorry that I come out with another WangWen and yet what a sad plot. I don't know why it turn this way too, hahah. Anyway I hope you took notice that I used their same like in real life. They're the pair of 96 97. Hahaha, I can't omit it away. Plus, I keep true to the trigger that make me itching to write this crackship. Okay, so I hope I don't need to supply any tissue? Hahaha. Hope you like and enjoy the story. See you soon in other story, Dolls, annyeong! COMMENTS ARE LOVED.