21

Habit is a scary thing. What is even scarier is that you never realize the existence of your habit. Until the day when the people or the thing you are used to changes, and you come to your realization how lenient you are to that habit. But there is no turning back for it anymore.

Seola filled the bathtub with cold water. When the tip of her toe touched the water, she got goose bumps immediately. She paused for a while, but did not stop her mind to take that cold bath.

When you get numb after being too hurtful, maybe ultimate chillness can stimulate the pain.

Another day soaking in rain before going home. However, there was no one anxiously running over to her as usual. No one worries about her, no one nags her.

"Text me if you didn't bring umbrella with you. I can pick you up from your company. How if you catch a cold getting wet in the rain. Go to take bath now." Seola remembering the tall girl would wrap her in a thick towel, starting to nag crazily. Then she would push her hurriedly into the bathroom and urge her to take a hot bath using an elderly tone.

"Come on, finish this ginger tea." After the hot bath, opening the door, a cup of warm ginger tea and smiley girl could be spotted awaiting. Seola does not like ginger tea. Eunseo knows, so she will adjust to an acceptable taste. "I added some brown sugar, it won't taste bad. Drink it."

She missed the garrulousness she used to think annoying.

"Eunseo, I'm sorry..." Seola covered her face and immersed herself in the cold water.

The water was cold, her body was cold, but it seemed nothing could be colder than losing Eunseo.

Eunseo will not come back anymore, Seola also knows she does not have the face to ask for her forgiveness. Her mistake was too outrageous. If she were Eunseo, she would probably break up sternly with someone like her as soon as possible. She would not be that tolerance and enduring like Eunseo.

22

No one in the office dares to get close to Seola. Just one glance can make the whole body tremble. These days, the vibe Seola exuded was even cooler, creating a lower-pressure of atmosphere around. Her colleagues outside her room lowered their heads down and worked diligently in silence. They were afraid of activating the explosive trigger of their superior.

Her dark circles looked even more obvious, reflected on her white face. No matter how tough she pretended, it barely could hide her paleness and fragility.

Losing Eunseo, Seola seemed to have changed a little, yet she also seemed to have no changes at all.

Still the usual workaholic. The only difference was Seola would complete all her tasks before going home. She always got off from work before the last shift of the bus service ends.

The home without Eunseo, terrifies Seola.

Recently, Seola has been receiving messages from Exy frequently. She knew from the bottom of her heart that her friend was worrying about her. Nevertheless, she ignored the messages without replying. She has no extra strength to confront with her friend.

After the continuous bombardment from Exy, she finally replied "Working overtime" to her, and continued to turned a blind eye to Exy's messages.

What Seola did not expect was that Exy would appear in her office directly with spicy fried rice cake. She wondered how Exy got away from the security guard.

"Hey! Here I am!" Exy put the food in front of Seola.

Seola took a look at Exy, silently pushed the rice cake to aside and continued typing on the keyboard.

"Don't you feel surprised?" Even if she asked so, Exy knows nothing much can surprise Seola, shrugging indifferently. "Fine, next time I'll buy bread earlier before coming. It's been late, most of the bakery shops are closed. Come on, buy me a favor, eat it."

Exy pulled the rice cake back in front of Seola, opened the cover and took out the chopsticks, placing them nicely.

"Your condition isn't good." Exy did not tell the truth completely. If she were to tell her, she might have to say Seola's dark circles matched perfectly with her pale face, in this dark environment with only dim light. Another words, Exy thinks Seola looks exactly like a ghost right now.

Seola reluctantly pick up the chopsticks but she had no appetite to eat at all. She repeatedly stirred the food and then put the chopsticks down.

Exy frowned. This was the only way she could think of. "I talked to Eunseo before I came."

"What did she say?" Hearing the name of Eunseo, Seola looked up and her eyes lit up instantly.

"As expected, you only respond to her name." Exy shook her head. "She told me she eats well and sleeps well. Even gaining two kilograms. Don't have to worry."

Nothing much on the information. Seola looked like a deflated balloon and lowered her head, whispering, "I know, Meiqi's place is much better and warmer than my house."

"Huh? You know where she stays?" Exy was dumbfounded. If Seola knew where Eunseo was, why did not she go to her? Rethinking the conversation she had with Eunseo, Eunseo apparently did not know that Seola has known where she stays.

"One day, I followed Meiqi back after her class, she didn't realize about it."

"Bravo..what a stalker..." Exy really did not expect someone as arrogant as Seola would actually conduct such a behavior. "Since you know where she lives, why don't you find her?"

"Let's go. Give me some time to keep my things." Seola did not respond positively. She just turned her head to the other side and quietly packed up. She did not make any eye contact with Exy.

From Seola's office to the building entrance, Exy talked non-stop while Seola showed no response.

"Such a rude girl! Only people as kind as me can endure you for so many years, continue befriending you." Exy looked at the rejected spicy rice cake in her hand, with little warmth remained. Forget it, it would be better she brings it back and finishes it on her own. The next moment, she ran into Seola who suddenly stopped walking. "Ouch, that hurts..."

Seola who was being rammed replied in a low tone, "Watch out when you're walking."

"You're the one who stopped out of the blue. Don't blame me for the crash."

Seola ignored Exy and sat down on a wooden bench next to the park. "Every time Eunseo picks me from work, she will sit here waiting for me." Seola smiled and reached out her hand, touching that empty seat, as if Eunseo is sitting there. "There's one time when the temperature dropped drastically, but I only brought a thin sweater with me, thinking I surely will catch a cold going back home. The moment I stepped out from the building, I saw her running towards me, holding a down-filled jacket. She was shivering but insisted to wait for me. Do you know the reason she waited for me outside instead of inside the company? She said waiting here can see the light from my office." Seola looked up at the skyscraper, picturing the silly scene Eunseo counting the floors looking for her office.

Exy sat down and said, "That's really something she will do."

"I've been wondering how she feels waiting for me those days?" Seola's eyes reddened while saying, but she refrained her tears from falling down. "Why did I pretend not to see when she has something to tell me? Why did I choose to believe whenever she said she was fine, knowing the fact that she's good in hiding her emotions? Why didn't I ask her if she was really doing good? She keeps her feelings from me, I keep mine from her... Aren't we just the perfect match?"

Exy patted Seola's shoulder. "Just cry if you feel so. You may cry if it makes you feel better."

"I have no rights to cry..." Seola shook her head and smiled, instead of crying. "I watch all the movies and dramas she watched on Netflix. I listen to all those music in her Melon song list. Now I know her movie and music taste. Now I know how she always cooperates with my own preferences, not telling me any of her problems. How she doing all the things I like, trying hard to become the person I will like. And yet, I don't know anything about her, the things she likes. Everything. Honestly speaking, she's the one who suffers the most, she's the most exhausted one. When I get to know now, it's all useless. I want her to be herself. The reason I like her, it's not that I like someone who resembles me myself, isn't it?"

"Wait a minute! What did you say?" Exy looked at Seola with widened eyes, and Seola smiled again. Exy's heart twitched, that smile looks even more pathetic than crying. "You like her? Are you really saying that you like her?"

"I like her, do you need to be this surprised?"

"No..you.." Exy wrinkled her brows, remained silent for a while, sorting out her thoughts. "Do you want to figure out the definition of liking someone first? I hope you're not saying this because you're just being unaccustomed for losing Eunseo. Or simply saying this out of guilty after realizing how good she's been to you. If you think in these ways, you're wrong. That's not what Eunseo wants. She doesn't need you to compensate her, just because you feel regretful and guilty.

Seola looked at Exy mindlessly. "Why can't I like her?"

"You can, but... I don't know how to explain. Fine. Let's say you realize that you actually like her after breaking up. If this case, my advice to you, is stop this thinking. Now, immediately, this moment. Cut off your feelings to Eunseo now."

"I don't understand."

Exy sealed her lips, struggling if she should say it, but Seola was staring at her. So she tried to euphemistically explain her thoughts. "Although what I say might hurt you, but as you know, Eunseo was hurt because of you. We're friends for so long, of course I always wish for your happiness. But to tell the truth, you're not qualified for her, you're not suitable to be her girlfriend. You have wasted Eunseo's love for years, you know how precious youth is. What I really want to say is, Eunseo deserves someone better. Someone who will treat her much better."

"Can't I be the one who cherish her and treat her well?" Seola looked sincere.

Exy patted Seola and embraced her gently without saying anything else.

Seola buried her head in Exy's neck, biting her lips, trying to control her emotion. Her body was slightly shivering.

Now, she lost not only the qualification to cry, but also the qualification to like Eunseo, what more to say the qualification to love Eunseo.

To Exy, maybe what she perceived was Seola losing Eunseo. However, to Seola, what she lost, was her entire world.

To be continued...