Birthday Present

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Description

Moonbyul received the most beautiful gift on her birthday that was given by Yongsun

Foreword

hi~ this is my first time to write a moonsun fanfic and I'm planning to do more. I'm still a beginner with writing so I apologize in advance for any incorrect grammar or words thank you.

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Comments

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byulietopme #1 Oct 18, 2020 19:40:11

Chapter 1: awww this was really cute

Moon_22 #2 Oct 15, 2020 07:04:33

Chapter 1: OMG! did that really just happened? <3 daebak!

creepychan025 #3 Apr 24, 2020 14:52:53

Chapter 1: this is really cute

NobodyAnywhere #4 Apr 16, 2020 11:43:12

Chapter 1: This was really nice, though, will there be a continuation?

Wendysaegyo #5 Dec 30, 2019 06:24:48

Chapter 1: ?

asian_fanfics_88 #6 Dec 29, 2019 07:21:31

Chapter 1: OMG! An story where Yong takes the lead! I loooved it! Even though you're new in this I can tell you're up to great things! Keep the great work, author! And thank you for this story :3

DragonKingYeba #7 Dec 22, 2019 17:23:45

Chapter 1: Omg the ending tho like what did they do after lol

Star1221 #8 Dec 22, 2019 15:28:55

Chapter 1: Daebak ♥ I love how Yong is making the efforts ♥ thanks authornim ♥

Squidgery #9 Dec 22, 2019 10:39:29

Chapter 1: Such a cute fic :3 I love affectionate Yongsun! Since you asked for tips maybe something to look out for is consistent tenses? The fic is in past tense but sometimes you have put verbs in the present tense, e.g.

Those words draw a smirk > those words drew a smirk
The two exchanges small pecks > the two exchanged
She feels the same way as she do > she felt the same way as she did

This didn't really stop me enjoying the fic but I think your writing would be even better if you worked on that a little ^^

Moonsun2626 #10 Dec 22, 2019 06:05:26

Chapter 1: I love it pls continue it