“This concludes today's podcast episode. And remember, you’re beautiful and we all make mistakes sometimes and this is okay, my friend. We can take them and learn from them. Take those lessons and take the energy from them and remember, you always have support from your family, friends and professionals. Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Have a wonderful night, until next time. Listen to Samm Henshaw’s The World is Mine while you unwind from today’s heavy topic. Love you, guys.”

Sehun was stupidly in love with a voice. He pulled his blankets over his head and listened to the singer. He was so glad a friend of his recommended the podcast to him. The boy was suffering from a major depressive episode since his grandfather died and with all the visits to the therapist, the stationary therapy he had a few months back, he seemed to get better. Maybe also to the podcast, the dude doing it never reveals his name and only revealed his nickname so far that wasn’t helping. Especially since the guy had such a fantastic taste in music and then there was his supposed soulmate, his arch-nemesis. They had to be, with that taste in music.
He felt it approaching, the song that’s going to be stuck in his head and he almost prepared himself mentally but was confused since it wasn’t the typical 80s bull he had to suffer from usually. It was a song about going to church, fast-paced, probably nice to listen to in the original. He pulled out his phone, transcribing the lyrics he heard until he had a result. He was surprised, it was the same artist as the DJ mentioned earlier, but just another song. Was his arch-nemesis listening to the same podcast?

He should really go to the library and do his stuff the next morning, at home he was tempted to re-listen to all the podcasts. He opened the Soulmate app and posted a status:

how is that soulmate of mine suddenly able
to listen to good songs? reveal urself finally,
we need to talk about that horrendous music
taste of yours.
Samm Hershaw - Church (feat. EARTHGANG) >
 

1 reply: kardash_fan7845 - ur tellin me they listen 2 sumfin else than 80s DURING REASONABLE HOURS??

→ you: yes, cant believe it myself…
←  kardash_fan7845: cuz im curious, checked the listnin sec, no luck again
→ you: maybe they dont use this app??
←  kardash_fan7845: they listen to 80s, ofc they dont use technology
 

Sehun received a message from Jongdae:

i checkd every forum possible, no luck on
my side, looks like they really dont use the interwebz

Sehun was hearing those weird songs since he turned 21, when his depression hit hardest and his mind was in an extremely dark place. Life made no sense at all and he didn’t just once attempted to take his own life. These songs tended to make him so angry, he forgot about his problems and dark thoughts. Sometimes it felt like they tended to appear when he was at rock bottom. The most memorable one had to be three years ago, before therapy in the hospital, when he stood drunk at a bridge, thinking about if he should go through with it, but out of nowhere he was humming Super Trouper by ABBA and angrily threw his bottle of whatever into the bin and went back home. He didn’t even know why he hated 80s music so much, it just made him instantly angry.

For five years now, he tried to find that soulmate of his and he felt like it had to be a forty-something-year-old with that taste of music. And he was unable to find them. It triggered him at times, making him so unbelievably angry. Most of his friends had somehow found their soulmates: Kyungsoo had been friends with his soulmate since such a young age and once he had driven with him in the car, Chanyeol starting to hum a song that was immediately stuck in Kyungsoo’s head.
“So, Kyungie, you’re really my soulmate, had wondered when you’d be pissed about me having Never Gonna Give You Up on repeat stuck in my head,” had been Chanyeol’s first words, when Kyungsoo was humming along. That’s at least what Kyungsoo had told him afterwards.

His phone vibrated with a notification from twitter:

Hey guys, next podcast will have a special guest
appearing. Be prepared for a jam session.
xoxo, Min

Oh, jam session, that did sound interesting, maybe as a way to weaken the blow from this week's topic that resonated a lot with Sehun: Depression. Even if he was on the way to recovery after all those years, he still tried to understand his body and mind more clearly. To listen more closely to his body and pick up warning signs before it’s too late. He had a strong affinity for addiction and his therapist called out his ignorance one. Instead of starting at the root, he tried to start to ignore it. It just made it worse over the years for him and he was prone to addictions. Min, the DJ, listed a few different options, some of the easy ones were looking for a new hobby, sport, or weird things like gaining your faith back if talking to a god helps you. Min mentioned that he did rage videos about video games as mechanics or levels and whatever. He’s also working for a network of youtubers. Listening to him would never give way to think about someone with such a soft and soothing voice to spit curses that make up to forty percent of a video in seven minutes.

Sehun didn’t notice he fell asleep until the next morning and checked the clock. Paling, he realised he might be too late for his study date with Kyungsoo at the library and he sprung up, stumbling into the kitchen in briefs only, filling his kettle and starting the water, measuring his coffee spoon, before he remembered he still had to clean his French press. Grunting, he did it while the water was heated up and he filled it to the brim, rushing back into his room, he snatched his clothes before he moved into the bathroom for a shower. “How late is it anyway, right now?” Sehun asked himself, while brushing his teeth under the shower. Once he stepped outside and had been dried and dressed, he saw he still had half an hour and finally wound down, being able to drink his coffee. 
“Huh, feels like I might get a phase,” he mumbled into his mug standing at the window. The nights turned colder and the windows started to fog up. The weather that day wasn’t any better, it was cold and wet, raining every once in a while. Checking the time again, he slipped into his jacket and packed his backpack.

Kyungsoo:

I’ll be ten minutes late, had to get Chanyeol
to work, he overslept
Need the car myself later

Yawning, Sehun sent him a thumbs up and lit a cigarette. Thinking back to the evening before, he stared at the cigarette in his hand; this was an addiction, just like the caffeine he drowned himself in. He forgot his coffee mug at home—how would he get through the day? He was just as unlikeable without coffee as Kyungsoo without his double espresso in the morning. Pressing his cigarette into the ashtray, he nudged the automatic door opener to the uni cafe open. Business was easy, it was in between the first lectures of the morning.
Sehun knew most of the people working there by face, but there was a face he might have seen in the cafeteria, but he couldn’t remember. 

Picking out something to eat, he stole glances at the barista, who smiled at him when he caught him staring. Clearing his throat, Sehun stood at the counter, mumbling, “Morning, ehm, the vegan bread roll and coffee.”
“Morning, that’s 4.65,” the barista smiled at him again, telling the other person behind him the order. Sehun took a bill out of his wallet.

Wait. Sehun stared at him. Could it be?
“Is there something on my face?” looking up at him with big eyes, his change dropping into the open palm of his hand. Sehun broke out of his trance, “I, oh, no, thank you. Ehm, it’s just, uh, how to say it? Your voice?” Sehun started rambling.

The barista stared at him until his face lit up, “Oh, you’re asking about my voice, that means you know the podcast and not the videos, don’t you?” Sehun could just dumbly nod. How was it possible that he would meet this man at his uni? He glanced down at the man’s name tag, it said Minseok Kim. “Hey, I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anyone about this.”
“Sure, if you go for coffee with me—” Sehun clasped his hands over his mouth and Minseok just barely managed to catch the coffee mug that almost tipped over when Sehun's hands shot upwards. 
“Woah, easy there, tiger,” Minseok raised a finger and served another customer before looking back to Sehun. “If that’s what you’re going for, I'm sorry, but I’m interested in neither gender, but we could still go,” he added with a wink. Sehun’s paranoid mind told him that he was just imagining everything that was going down, “Really?”
Minseok pushed his glasses back up and wiped down the counter, before serving another customer, one reaching around Sehun to place their cup away, getting back change from Minseok, after being chastised that the cup belonged on the tablet. 
“Sure, if you really want to, I don’t know, maybe lunch at one, if you have no seminars or lectures?” MInseok looked back up at him and Sehun felt himself suddenly get shaky.
“Eh, yeah, we meet at the stairs—” suddenly Sehun’s phone vibrated, “Sorry...yeah?”
“Sehun? Where are you, are you really in the cafe flirting with the barista? Sehun, I swear!” Sehun looked around in shock until he found the caller standing near the library entrance, eyes locked with Sehun’s.
“K-k-kyungsoo!” He almost left with the paper bag with his food and before remembering someone, giving a quick wave.

◌◌◌

“So, you’re telling me you invited the barista to coffee by asking him accidentally?” Kyungsoo was scribbling down notes from a book, not looking at Sehun. The latter just nodded, his eyes trained on the screen of his laptop. His presentation made him so damn mad, the approaching deadline for another one clawing at the roots of his neck hair.

“Sehun, take it easy, you start curling your fists again,” the end of a ballpoint pen tipped against his whitened knuckle. Stunned, the other looked up, but Kyungsoo still wasn’t looking at him.
“I’m just unsure, why wasn’t he weirded out? Why would he say yes to a stranger that just stared at him? Is he serious? Why me—” Sehun whispered.
“Sehun, Sehun, your hands. Relax, your breathing, control your breathing. Look here, follow my finger, breathe in, hold now, exhale, hold again. Repeat.” Sehun followed the whispered words from Kyungsoo while he was drawing invisible squares on the desk between them, out of sight for everyone in the group workroom, most of them wearing headphones anyway. But he did so that it wouldn’t confuse and frighten Sehun more.
Sehun was shaking, his hands cold and cramped, his breathing shallow. He was in a downwards-spiral of a panic attack because he couldn't trust people.

He finally started to calm down, tightening and loosening his grip on his hands until he felt better. Kyungsoo was looking at him, one hand covering Sehun’s wrist, the other on his keyboard, “How are you?” he closed his laptop, and concentrated his whole attention on Sehun.
“I, I don’t know, I feel a phase coming and I’m afraid I’m turning into a hermit again...”
“Sehun, I told you, you can move in with me and Chanyeol, and no, I see it in your eyes, we’re not together, we’re best friends. You know that, why are you looking at me like that? And we have a room left, the living room, if you would live with us, our rent would be less as well. Or you crash innit for some time...”
“I don’t want to impose myself on you,” Sehun interrupted on his side, despite knowing Kyungsoo’s stance on it. Chanyeol would be happy to have the bachelor student in his close proximity. And Sehun was nearing his bachelor thesis, maybe some time out of his own apartment would really help. Kyungsoo just stared at him with this accusing facial expression and Sehun clasped his hands together, smiling sheepishly down on them. “I might take you up on that offer.”
“Finally,” Kyungsoo groaned and fell back in his chair, almost tipping over with it. “Just took me two years to ing convince you.”

Sehun glanced at his laptop clock, it was only 11:24, so he still had one and a half hour until he would meet Minseok. Minseok…. He tapped his fingers against the desk. 
This was too out of a chliché story. Why would anyone agree to someone asking them for coffee so fast? “Oh god,” Sehun clasped his hands over his mouth, trying to silence the slight shriek, “Sorry.” He mumbled with an embarrassed laugh towards the three or four other people in the room. Kyungsoo hummed, signalling him to continue, without looking at him.
“I didn’t tell him my name, I just left.”
“That’s so Oh Sehun, you would even forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck,” Kyungsoo tried masking a laugh, but failed miserably.

◌◌◌

Sehun managed to not overthink the whole Minseok ordeal for once and focused on his assignments.

“Sehun, should I wait with you for him?” Kyungsoo, the reliable friend he was, rubbed Sehun’s elbow. The latter was on his third cigarette already and shaking his leg. “Oh, Sehun, there’s a friend of mine walking,” without looking, Kyungsoo slapped his hand against Sehun’s stomach, but the smaller used such force in it while he turned around and an adorable wide smile split his face, “You would like him.”
Sehun couldn’t react so fast, still slightly bewildered from the sudden hit he’d received. But he almost started running away when he heard the name of Kyungsoo’s friend.
“Minseok, I would've never guessed I’d see you at the cafeteria, who’s the lucky soul managing to get you into that hellhole?” Minseok and Kyungsoo fell into each other’s arms and swayed from one side to another. Sehun and Minseok made eye contact, “The pretty confused looking reindeer caught in the headlights behind you.”

Who’d known that Minseok was also a sociology major and studied together with Kyungsoo? But Sehun had never guessed that he could click with someone so fast and well like he did with Minseok after he managed to overcome his initial awkwardness and his penchant for meticulous overthinking and overanalysing. He met Minseok by mistake a few times at the campus and Minseok was always quick to either compliment him or just ask how he was doing, always focusing his whole being on Sehun, sometimes it made him a bit uncomfortable, but maybe it was just Minseok’s nature and he usually adapted quite fast to changes.

“And it isn’t weird that I listen to your podcast and am still acquaintanced to you?” Sure, Sehun was still anxious, usually, he didn’t have such luck after all. Minseok had asked him if he wanted to accompany him to a vernissage from one of his friends and had saved his number in his phone, Sehun wasn’t even able to comprehend what was going on earlier that day. He was used to be cranky and cautious, not a lot of people had his number, but it felt so easy with Minseok.
“No, no, you’re not the only one. Some friends only know my rage videos and don’t know that I have an ongoing podcast,” he pulled him over, closer to himself, when Sehun was concentrating on a video installation. “And I’m pretty happy if I can get feedback to my podcast, that one is keeping me sane after all.”
Sehun almost missed the last part, but  he just smiled at Minseok and squeezed his shoulder, ”Thank you for inviting me, this here is pretty cool.” Sehun, humming a tune in total bliss, started following Minseok viscerally, completely enamoured but the artistic scenery.

He stayed over at Minseok’s place, that had been pretty weird since the two only had known each other for a week. But setting foot in Minseok’s studio where the magic happened had been pretty cool.

◌◌◌

“Hello and welcome back, my friend, I hope you had a blast of a week. I sure did.” Sehun smiled into his coffee, he’d never been better, to be honest. He knew Minseok was the reason and apparently he was the reason why Minseok felt the same way, at least Sehun hoped so. “I made a new friend this week, well, at least I hope he sees me as a friend too.” Sehun hid his face in his pillow, feeling so embarrassed that Minseok was talking about him like this. “It’s funny how we never met before, since we seem to roam in the same friendship circles. Yes, I asked around, I was a bit pitiful because no-one thought they should introduce him to me. But how can I not if he asks me so cutely for coffee—as some know, I work part-time as a barista—and I turned the whole thing into lunch at the cafeteria. Sneaky me, don’t you think?”

“Lame!” Someone hollered in the background and Minseok snickered. But Sehun was confused, he thought he had also heard that voice before.
“Ah, yeah, the lame giant is here again, usually he helps me with the technical stuff but he’s the ominous person for today’s podcast. He’s a musician and sound engineer and you can find him on numerous platforms under the handle real-underscore-underscore-pcy. Loey, welcome, hello, how are you? Do you want to introduce today’s topic?” Minseok introduced his guest.
“It would be an honour,” the sonorous laugh was indeed Chanyeol. How small the world is. And Sehun understood what Minseok meant that their friends didn’t introduce them earlier. “Expect us jamming same pretty much lame songs. And I know at least one listener will give us some pretty mean messages afterwards.” Chanyeol’s chuckle was always so healing to hear, his laugh as well, as long as you weren’t in close vicinity to his hands, that is. “But the main topic was Soulmating , correct? You said you might have found your soulmate?” Sehun felt a stab at his heart. He was glad that Minseok apparently found his soulmate, but why was he feeling so down suddenly. The void was opening under him again and was gnawing at his feet under the blanket and he curled into himself, breathing swallow and thick.

“Yes, they hummed the song I had stuck in my head when we had been out and they didn’t realise it, that was kinda a clear sign to me, because who would have Tainted Love all of a suddenly stuck in their head.”
“Oh. oh, tainted love, oh, tainted love, now I know I’ve got to run away, I’ve got to get away, ” Chanyeol broke out singing, strumming his guitar he had with him apparently. Sehun cringed and felt somewhat endeared at the same time. The void was the tips of his toes, but wasn’t close enough to bury its long, rusty nails into his feet, trying to pull him under.
“Haha, yeah, exactly. You know this site soulmate.org where people try to find their soulmates?”
“Yeah, yeah, some of my friends use it or used it. Posting rants about their soulmate having a horrendous music taste.” The pause after that sentence was lingering, “Guys, Loey just winked at me to underline that he’s talking about my taste of music.” 
Chanyeol acceded to it, “Oh, that reminds me, you asked to share my founding of my soulmate before the podcast.” He plucked a few strings on his guitar and Sehun knew he was smiling down at the soundwave ring he received from Kyungsoo. Chanyeol fell into an obscenely long monologue of how he met Kyungsoo and how they have been friends for years before they realised they belonged to each other in some sense.

“Kyungsoo, my best friend and soulmate is also an avid filmgoer and watcher and he used to quote Breakfast at Tiffany’s. ‘ Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. ’ ” Sehun started to overthink his relationship with Minseok they build in such a short time. “But what is this type of love people talk about? There’s this misconception that love has to be romantic.” Minseok was humming along. “But what about the types of love that aren’t romantic, the love of a mother towards her child, the material love of a collector towards his vinyl collection, the unconditional love of a friend towards another?”
“Yeah, I get what you mean, the same goes for soulmates actually. It isn’t uncommon that some people still believe your soulmate has to be something exclusively romantic, you don’t have to marry them, but it can also be a normal friend, someone you trust with your life, or even your enemy. And the link to find them differs for some people, as I mentioned before, my assumed soulmate was humming it and I know I had sometimes songs stuck in my head that could have been from them, some have marks or there even have been reports about people talking about the classic red string of fate.”

“Haha, the enemy one,” Chanyeol was hollering. “What if I told you my friend believes his soulmate has to be his arch-nemesis based on the catchy tunes?” Huh, why were the two suddenly talking about Sehun? Were they? He had already forgotten about his breakdown earlier, the void just trying to reach for him, but the hole was closing up again.
“Why would they say that?” Minseok sounded genuinely interested. Sehun for other reasons.
Chanyeol inhaled deeply, plucking his guitar again, “Because his soulmate seems to be an avid 80s listener, Min.” He sounded dangerously knowingly. “And he doesn’t like them for reasons.”
“Oho, well, not everyone can have such an exquisite taste like mine,” Minseok chuckled. Usually, Sehun would agree, but suddenly he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“That’s debatable, Min, for reasons I know your musical taste isn’t as extravagant as you like to show.” Sehun knew that Chanyeol just winked at Minseok.

They started a deep-dive on what they would count as good music and suddenly it was clear that Minseok was indeed deep in an 80s hole as well as in this very non-mainstreamish music. Sehun did hope he wasn’t reading too much into it. Because he couldn’t fully remember the song he was humming two days ago at the exhibition, but Tainted Love was somehow striking a chord with him. Could it be?

“Say, Minseok, you said your new friend is listening to the podcast? Can I greet him?” Chanyeol asked after they slowly got back to the main topic after a while.
“Yes, yes. Go ahead,” Minseok chuckled again. Who wouldn’t be endeared by the big idiot that was Chanyeol?
“Hey Hunnie, Soo told me you met Min here and that you’ll stay over with us and don’t forget our library date on Thursday, Soo told me to remind you. Love you~”
Sehun felt embarrassment deep down in his intestines and he had buried his head in his pillows again, feeling such a second-hand embarrassment like he never did before. He understood why Kyungsoo was so prone to hitting Chanyeol out of the blue sometimes. The man must have a seventh sense for Chanyeol’s dumbness. “Yes, I didn’t forget this time,” Sehun mumbled to himself, being thankful for the friends he had that pestered him so much that he wouldn’t hole himself up again during this time of the year.

◌◌◌

After this commercial kind of break, the two started their jam session and it was so comforting to Sehun. He didn’t know that Minseok had such a soothing and healing voice when singing. He wouldn’t mind listening to him for hours, just talking or singing. He hummed the next song with the two of them together.

“Minseok, why you’re smiling so much suddenly?” Chanyeol asked over the music.
“Huh, well, I haven't told you yet, but I do feel my soulmate differently. The void that was confronting him just an hour ago is gone, he’s happy. That’s why it was hard to find out at first what was going on and I thought it was me, even visiting the therapist because, as I said before, I’m suffering from minor depression, that’s why I don’t think if I should use the term ‘suffering’ at all—”
“Min, it is a form of depression, I don’t think you should make yourself less than what you are, everyone experiences it differently and deals differently with it, suffers from it,” Chanyeol interrupted him.
“Mhm, okay, so, there had been times where my depression felt even worse, dark thoughts swarming my head, unhealthy thoughts, sometimes they came out of the blue, sometimes stayed and lingered, gnawing at me, like there was a shadow following, monitoring my every step. I got paranoid, but I couldn’t explain what it was. It didn’t feel like my depression, but someone else’s. I talked with my therapist about it, medicine wouldn’t help. So I listened to the music I liked a lot, that made me happy and would stay on my mind for days.”
“Did it help?” Chanyeol asked.

“Miraculously, yes, apparently. Every time it felt more dark and ominous than before I would listen to the most obnoxious 80s songs I could find. The darker the mood, the more extra the music. You have no idea how it feels to feel your own soulmate almost dying, Yeol. It might be a sombre note, we end today’s podcast on. But remember, my friend, you’re fantastic and it is okay to feel down sometimes. Not everyone can be happy all the time, but look out for yourself and don’t let it become an unhealthy habit of yours. There are people caring for you, friends and family. If you suffer from any kind of depression, don’t be afraid to reach out and look for help. No-one will judge you, despite what the voices inside you are telling you. Seek help from friends, family and professionals. You’re amazing and no-one can tell you otherwise. Thanks to Yeol for being my guest tonight. Good night.” Minseok’s voice got softer.
“Thank you for having me tonight, Min. The ending song tonight is A Place To Hide by Boogie Belgique.” 

Sehun realised he was crying, understanding what was going on, finally. He might have found his soulmate after so long. Someone that kept him alive for so long, without knowing him. Caring for him and looking out for him. With shaky hands he reached out for his phone, dialling the number that was on his screen.

Minseok was his soulmate.