Subin and Naeun have been sitting at the café for at least thirty minutes. Silently. And occasionally sipping on their lattes.Naeun probably had already taken at least a hundred of selcas while killing time. Once in a while, she peaks up from her phone only to see her boyfriend’s fingers move vigorously on his landscape-positioned phone. Games. Naeun checks the time: 4.55pm, about time. Subin puts down his phone after checking the time, finally ready to spare his girlfriend some attention. Five minutes. The thought flashes through both of their minds. Subin gets up form his seat, grabs his drink in his left hand, while he throws his right arm up in the air for a stretch. He finishes what was left in his cup. Subin smiles at his girlfriend, and walks across the table, props his left arm on the edge of the table and rests his right hand on Naeun’s head.

“Look at this, my Naeun looks so pretty.”

Subin compliments Naeun while looking at her screen. She has uploaded three selcas onto her Instagram. Naeun nods. Her smooth hair gets laced into Subin’s fingers in the meantime. Naeun remains silent, she swipes the screen to show her boyfriend her latest Instagram. Last five minutes. The caption reads. Subin fails to notice the line. The line that detates the ending. 4.58pm. The time at shows on the top left corner of the screen.

“Subin ah...”

Naeun pauses. Silence again. Naeun prepares herself. You only have two minutes left. She reminds herself.

“Shall we take a break?”

Naeun looks up, gently smiling. She knows Subin likes when she smiles.

“What is it, Naeun?”

Subin cannot register. Break? What break? What do you mean break? ... wait... break? Naeun remains silent just long enough for Subin to work out his thoughts. Having been together for 3 years, she knew just how long her boy needs to figure out what she means. She is patient. She has always been.

“Let’s not see each other for a while.” Naeun says, her smile fades slightly.

Subin’s brows lock to the middle. How can he imagine the words he just heard. He never thought of a single life. He never prepared himself to face such a situation as he had never imagined breaking from Naeun. It has been three years and he is only familiar to Naeun’s presence. Her soft words, her smile, her scent.

“Subin ah- It’s 5 o’clock soon-” Seungjun calls from behind the counter.

Naeun takes the call as an indication that it is time for her to go. She stands, picking her handbag as she does so. Her hand lifts naturally, wanting to wave goodbye. She hesitates, and drops her hand back to hold her handbag.

“Let’s take a break, take care, Subin.”

Those were the last soft words Naeun left the quiet Subin before she bows at Seungjun at the bar and walks out the café.

Seungjun, seeing that Subin has no intention of going to punch in his attendance card, does it in his stead. The elder then makes his way to the young man, still standing at the table.

“Hey what’s up with you.” Seungjun says as he pats Subin’s back.

“Nothing… uh- No I need to think…”

Subin mumbles as he collects the empty glasses from the table he and Naeun just shared, and brings them to the sink behind the bar. The water runs in the sink, hitting the titanium sink, missing the glass just by a bit, but Subin doesn’t seem to notice. Seungjun enters the kitchen in a while, as he hears that the water has not stopped running.

“What’s the matter Suub?” Seungjun asks as he turns the tap off.

“I’m not so sure, hyung. Let me think.”

“Yes sure you can think, but make sure you don’t break a glass or plate. Ah- you should just stay at the counter today. Okay?”

Subin only nods quietly. His brain does not seem to function that well. He is suddenly afraid of all the unfamiliarity. The relationship that he is so used to. The only girl that he has ever been so comfortable with. Let’s take a break. Naeun’s voice rings in Subin’s head. For most of it, it is the unexpected words that is leaving Subin in blank.

For the rest of the evening, Seungjun warns the other part-timer, Jihun, to just leave Subin alone, help him out a little if he needs. Luckily for them, Thursday evenings are never too crowded to begin with. Subin has his muscle memory to depend on, plating slices of cakes or desserts. Seungjun also trusts that Subin can handle the payments, which the young man does not disappoint. Through his five-hour shift, Subin slowly gets better, his reaction improves a little. His smile returns, when serving customers. He traces the relationship back bit by bit, to the start of their dating days.

Subin and Naeun started dating in their final year in high school. When everyone told them they should only focus on their studies, they started going out. Naeun had had feelings for this boy since the first day they met. In that new classroom, with all new faces. Subin walked in, and it was as if he brought wind with him. His hair hung from his forehead so naturally, swaying left to right as he walked. Their eyes met, Naeun smiled, and Subin politely nodded, taking it as an excuse to avoid further eye contact. But Naeun had her eyes locked on him. For each tennis match Subin played, Naeun was always on the spectator stand. She would cheer him on every time, and be the first to bring water and towel to Subin whenever a game ended. Fast forward to their final year in high school, on an outing at the start of the school year, their classmates cheered them on as they were pushed to the center of the crowd to do a couple dance. Naeun took Subin’s hand and stood close enough that only the two could hear. She whispered to Subin, asking him to be her boyfriend. They spent the rest of their high school days on study dates that were mostly initiated by Naeun. But they did work towards a common goal, that they achieved, to enter the same university. Naeun would help Subin on his literature subjects while Subin would help Naeun with her sciences. When all the adults were not supportive and said they should quit dating and study harder, the two stayed together and studied even harder. They both did well in their college entrance exams and got into their dream majors. But they were still living on their parents’ allowance and couldn’t afford fancy dates. Naeun did not mind at all, just hanging around in the comic café excited her enough. Sometimes she would make kimbap and they would cycle into the park and choose a bench with splendid view to enjoy a meal together. Subin took up the part time job at the café because he would like to bring Naeun to the movies more often, and treat her a good meal once in a while. Which she rejected mostly, and said that it was okay to just watch movies at home as the couch was definitely more comfortable than the theatre seats. On the second year they were dating, Subin finally managed to surprise Naeun with a fancy dinner on her birthday. She blamed Subin for spending too much but was still pleased, and smiled ear to ear through the night. Lately, their dates had been short and mostly repetitive. They hung out at Seungjun’s café before Subin’s shift during the weekdays, and go for a short meal and stayed in Naeun’s dorm during the weekends. They usually enjoyed a movie in silence, or simply sat next to each other while they completed their homework.

As Subin sit at the bar having flashbacks, Jihun flips the sign on their glass door. Closed. It is already 10pm. Jihun cleans up the last table before he heads to the kitchen to put away his apron and collects his bag. He says goodbye and heads out, all while Subin was not aware. Seungjun places a glass of what seems like transparent liquid in front of Subin. Subconsciously, the young man picks up the glass and takes a sip, larger than usual as he did not know what is coming. He coughs out immediately. That burn in his throat catches him off guard.

“You’re really out of your mind, Suub.” Seungjun comments, finding it funny the boy does not realize the soju, even with its strong scent.

Subin shakes his head, “You don’t know, hyung.”

Subin lifts the glass and tilts his head back. He pours the drink down his throat, knowingly this time. His jawline shows, and his neck muscles contract as he swallows, his Adam’s apple moving vertically down then back up, a few times till he finishes the glass.

“Hey, take it easy.”

Seungjun purposely pours soju into a glass to trick Subin into drinking but never expects the boy to finish it all.

Subin asks quietly if he could have the remaining soju from the bottle, which Seungjun hands over. Subin then stands, bows his goodbye, and collects his bag, which he hides his half bottle of soju in. Subin heads back to his dorm, which is not far from the café. He scrolls his Instagram on his way back, and he opens up Naeun’s profile. His left thumb swipes once. Then twice. And a few more times. No Subin. How long has it been that Naeun has not been posting their photos? Or how long has it been that they have not taken a photo together? Subin tried hard to recall, until he scrolls to see his face. He opens up the post. One year ago. The last photo of them together on Naeun’s Instagram is dated a year ago. What have I been doing for one whole year?The thought flashes in Subin’s head. He then opens up his own profile. One pitiful photo, and it is a picture of food. The photo of the dish he treated Naeun last birthday. Now he sees it, how he neglects his girl for the longest time.

Subin drags his feet back to his dorm. He lives in a suite with five other seniors, and shares a room with Sejun. It is late at night, but the seniors are probably still working on their thesis. Seungsik, Chan, Hanse and Byungchan are all in their final year, and they have no time to waste. Sejun is out, Subin can tell from the absence of light under the door. Sejun is a social butterfly. It is common that he isn’t back in his room till midnight.

Subin enters the room, but does not turn on the lights. He sits on the edge of his bed, and feeds himself soju again. Soon enough, he finishes what is left in the bottle, and he is quite at his limit. Subin’s head spins and he can only put himself down on his pillow to stop it from feeling heavy. Still holding onto his phone, his finger types away. Sorry for not being a nice guy, you’re the only girl who will accept me… It sends, in a private message to Naeun. Shortly after, Subin falls asleep.

Naeun wakes up constantly through the night. She finally checks her phone at 3am after telling herself to resist for countless times. Subin’s message appears on her screen. She then puts her phone down, before looking up at her desk. Thirty empty strawberry milk bottles. Each of them she enjoyed and washed them clean before collecting them on her desk, just so no insects will attack the room. Bomin has been bringing her breakfast every single day for the past month. That explains the bottles, and the newly lit flame in her heart. She feels bad for Subin. But her heart is swaying, and is telling her to let go. Familiarity is good and comfortable but you can get deceived from it. She types in a message reply to Subin, but deletes the line, and tucks her phone away, before going back to sleep. Have a good night. Her phone lit in the darkness, facing her desk top. The new message reads, from Bomin. 3.01am.

“Suub suub!” Sejun slaps on Subin’s sleepy mercilessly. “Get up, I am leaving for school, and you’re going to be late!”

Sejun knows that if he doesn’t wake his roommate up, Subin is going to sleep past his classes into the evening. Subin sits up, and feels a sting in his head. He holds his head and crunches his body into a ball.

“Alright, get up, go wash up and drink some soup.”

Sejun drags Subin out of bed, and pushes him into the shower, while he sets the table with a bowl of hot soup. Subin’s head still spins a little, but as he allows himself to stand under the running water, his clouded mind clears a little. Let’s take a break.Naeun’s voice ring in his head once again. Maybe it is for the better. You deserve better. Subin’s voice answered. The shower seems to have washed away his troubles and his mind starts to clear as he walks out.

“Oh my, thanks hyung! You’re the best!” Subin jumps from behind, but fails to aim properly with a giddy head. With fast reflexes, Sejun catches him just in time so he doesn’t fall.

“Careful. Anyway Seungsik hyung made soup so you’re lucky you get this for your hangover. Anyway, I gotta go. Eat up and don’t be late for class!” Sejun says as he grabs his backpack before rushing out the door. What more can Subin wish for than to have such sweet dorm mates.

After the soup, Subin feels much better that now he can stand on his own two feet and walk in a straight line. He clears the dishes and grabs his school essentials before heading out. Subin gets to class just on time. He thanks Sejun in his mind as he sits in class for the rest of the day, like he would on any other day, not thinking much on his new pseudo-single life.

Subin meets up with his tennis club friends for activities in the afternoon. No questions on Naeun the whole day. The tennis club members know Subin has a girlfriend. And some of them had seen her on the spectator stand during the start of his first year in school. But she has not been coming to support Subin on his games for a while now, that they all almost forget how she looks. Subin wonders if he has made it unobvious that he got dumped or for whatever reason that he does not hear any mention of the girl that was his girlfriend the day before. So who is she now...? Subin questions himself, not sure of their current relationship anymore. Aside from that single question, Subin had a good time at tennis.

“Who is that?” Subin asks Woojin, his practice partner of the day.

“Oh him? He’s been coming on and off for a while, you haven’t seen him? I heard he used to be a tennis club member. But he’s graduated, definitely. I think his name is Seungwoo…? Not quite sure though.” Woojin replies.

Seungwoo. He has some nice broad shoulders.

Tennis has definitely help Subin concentrate better on his task and the exercise is just what he needs to stay alert for the long night. Subin’s shift is 7pm-1am on alternate Fridays, as Seungjun’s café turns into a bar and extends operating hours to 1am on Friday nights. The street outside the university is extremely active on Friday evenings, and remains lit late into the night. Seungjun feels relieved to see that Subin seems much more like himself compared to the night before. Ultimately, he is most glad Subin will not break plates or glasses on a crowded Friday evening.

“Hyung, do you think you can add me some shifts for the weekend?” Subin asks on his way out after his shift.

“More than glad. 12-6pm on both days will do? Then I can count on you to open tomorrow?”

“Yes sir!” Subin salutes. Anything to occupy me.

Subin draws the keys on his way out and returns back to the dorm. As expected, his mates are still either awake or out. Subin drops to his bed and quickly falls asleep. He badly needs to recharge after a long day of school and work.

Thanks to the ten alarms, Subin manages to finally wake up at 11am. His room does not seem much different from it was the time he returned hours ago. Sejun spent the night out. The time on his phone gave him a small shock but he quickly collects himself and washes up to get ready for his shift. Seungsik sees the maknae in the house rushing around like a busy bumble bee, and knows right away this boy must be running late for something. Seungsik, being the big brother of the house, knowingly packs some cereal and milk in a small lunchbox and stands by the door when he knows the boy will be rushing out.

“Here you go, you have to eat breakfast still.”

“Thanks hyung! You’re the best! Oh and thank you for the soup yesterday too!” Subin takes his breakfast, and hugs Seungsik in one arm before rushing out the house, his shoelace half undone.

“Tie your shoelace, don’t trip!” Seungsik reminds the maknae while seeing him out.

Subin barely hears Seungsik’s voice as he rushes into the lift, but he does notice his shoes were loose. Subin takes the time in the lift to tidy himself up. He has 15 minutes to get himself to the café and set up for opening. Nice. He sure has no extra time to spare for other thoughts. He arrives at the café in no time and quickly wipes all the tables of any overnight dusts. Saturday’s special menu is handmade soufflé pancakes, and he has to get the batter ready beforehand. I got Jihun to come at 2, I’ll come in after 5oclock. Subin receives a text from Seungjun. This means he has to handle the café alone for a good 2 hours. The crowd usually do not come until 2 anyway. But there are a lot to prepare in the first hour. Soon after opening, the pastry delivery arrives, and Subin starts to tally the numbers, while he arranges them in the display fridge.  Subin gets back to the kitchen to prepare the soufflé batter, as he knows they will need many batches for later. When all is done, he gobbles down the cereal and milk Seungsik packed him. Before he can finish chewing his food, the first customer arrives.

Subin stands at the kitchen door which is right behind the bar area and observes his first customer. That guy looks like he’s in high school, why will he be in this area-? Oh wait. Today is Saturday, that could happen. Subin shakes his head for being silly, and proceeds to stand behind the counter.

“May I take your order?”

“Yes please. Can I have a Strawberry Ade, Iced Americano and you’re serving soufflé pancakes today?”

“One Strawberry Ade, One Iced Americano, and yes we have soufflé pancakes on our special menu today, would you like some?”

“Yes please, and one soufflé pancake.”

“Alright, please make payment and I will serve it to your table.”

The boy pays before picking a table by the window that looks right out onto the street. Subin starts by preparing the drinks and sends them to the boy’s table before he disappears into the kitchen to make the pancake. The next time he is out with the pancakes, the boy is not alone anymore. Subin drips syrup onto the pancakes before serving it to the table of two.

It’s him. Subin finally catches a glimpse of the person sitting opposite from the boy. Seungwoo. Subin remembers the name. After all, he had just seen Seungwoo the day before.

It’s him. Seungwoo notices Subin right away. It is the first time he sees the young man close up, and he catches the details. Subin has thick brows, long lashes, and his child-like cheeks are especially adorable. Seungwoo nods as Subin serves the table then looks back at the younger boy across the table.

Subin walks away after his job is done, but his ears are up like that of the bunny, listening to the conversation at the table.

“So, you’re here to have dessert, Dongpyo? What about tuition?”

“But but! I’ve seen the soufflé pancake so many times and finally I get to try it!”

For the next hour or so, Subin serves a few other customers here and there. While doing so, Subin will observe the table by the window from time to time, checking on his first two customers of the day. Seungwoo is tutoring the younger male. The young boy seems a little playful, and has a short attention span. Whenever he gets distracted, Seungwoo will tap his pen on his student’s forehead to knock some focus back into him. Subin observes that Seungwoo will smile a little as he nods in approval whenever the boy has answered a question right.

Around the time that Jihun arrives for work, the duo wraps up their short tutoring session and left the café together. Subin watches as Seungwoo walks out the café. He’s so tall. And still, nice shoulders. For the rest of the afternoon, the café seems more occupied than the first two hours. Subin finds himself mixing batters again and again and cleaning up table after table. At some point, a short queue even forms outside the café. That keeps Subin busy for the afternoon but he finds himself reminded of the duo seated at the table by the window occasionally.

Subin bids goodbye to Seungjun and his co-workers and leaves for the day. He heads back to the dorm straight as he knows that Seungsik, being the mom that he is, will make everyone dinner no matter what. Subin does the dishes after the meal and wishes his dorm mates good luck on their thesis writing before heading back to his room. He decides to work on his project that is due in two weeks. This is really unlike him as he usually does not start on his school work until it is the last minute. Subin finds it easy to work when time is pressing him. He gets himself to focus quickly on his project and before he knows, it is late into the night. His room door swings open. Sejun is back.

“Wow, is this Saturday night we’re talking about? Rare Sejun hyung is back!” Subin teases as he turns his head to confirm the intruder.

“And yes I am!” Sejun shrugs as he props himself on the bed.

Sejun has a reason to be back. He has to catch his roommate. Sejun signals Subin to sit opposite him. Both in their beds, Sejun starts on his questioning.

“So, what’s the reason for your empty soju bottle that day?” Sejun doesn’t beat around the bush.

“Hm… Hyung, I think I got dumped.”

“By who? Wait- You mean Naeun?”

Subin nods.

“How? Why?”

“I don’t know. She said let’s take a break. But I guess that’s a break up… right?”

“You could say that. But maybe she just wants some time to herself for a while.”

“I have been really bad to her... maybe she wants to break up but doesn’t know how to say it.”

“That could be the case. But what about you Subin? Do you want to break up?”

The question caught Subin off guard. He does not know if he is actually for a break up or not. He has been the passive one receiving love for most parts of the relationship.

“I’m not so sure. But I never imagined myself to be single again, or with any other girl.”

“Think about yourself, Suub. You have to know what you want.”

Sejun is right, and Subin knows. I don’t pay attention to Naeun much these days. Was I the first one to fall out of love? Subin thought. Was I ever in love? Out of nowhere, Seungwoo’s face appears in his mind.

Seeing that Subin is quiet for a while now, Sejun gets up from his bed and pats the younger boy lightly on the head.

“You think about it, Imma get supper. Let me know if you want some.”

Subin falls on his bed, and spends the rest of the night trying to figure out when or how he has fallen out of love with Naeun, and occasionally asking himself if he has ever loved the girl. Subin finally doses off into a night of deep sleep.

Subin manages to wake up earlier the next day, to a lively breathing person in the bed next to his. He washes up and gets dressed quietly, then carefully packs his laptop into his backpack before getting out. Seungsik greets Subin again in the doorway, handing him some sandwich before sending him off.

Subin arrives early at the cafe. He gets onto his tasks quickly. He cleans the table, prepares the coffee machine by loading the beans in, and checks the stock they have in the kitchen. After he knows he is ready for opening, Subin makes himself a cup of latte, and sits down at the table by the window, to enjoy his breakfast while he looks out at the empty streets. Soon, he finishes the breakfast the sandwich and cleans the tables. 11.45pm. It is almost time to open the café. Subin sits behind the counter and opens his laptop, thinking he can do some work before the official opening.

Soon after he starts typing on his laptop, he hears the bell on the main door ring, telling that someone has entered.

“Welcome-”

Subin stands from his seat and looks up to see his first customer. Seungwoo. The name rings in his head.

Iced Americno.

“Iced Americano please.” Seungwoo says.

“One Iced Americano, please make payment, I will bring it to your table later.”

Seungwoo makes payment before taking the seat by the window, this time on where Dongpyo sat the day before. This seat allows him to have a good view of the streets outside as well as the interior of the café, including the counter.

Subin gets the coffee ready before serving to Seungwoo’s table. He then returns to his laptop behind the counter. The Sunday afternoon doesn’t seem to be as busy a Saturday one. It may be because of the soufflé pancakes that Saturdays seem extra crowded. Seungjun’s aim for the café to be a conducive environment on Sunday afternoon for people who would like to work. Subin is able to serve a few customers and still work on his project throughout the afternoon. Seungjun comes in in the later afternoon to take care of the evening crowd and releases Subin from his shift. Subin heads back to dorm for dinner. Seungsik has ordered chicken for the house for dinner on Sunday. It is rare that they get full attendance sitting at the table, especially on weekends. But this is one rare Sunday dinner.

Subin and Sejun gets back into their room after doing the dishes together.

“Suub, have you found out about yourself? What do you want?” Sejun continues from where they left off yesterday.

“I’m not exactly sure… But I guess maybe, I have fallen out of love with Naeun much earlier than I thought. But the familiarity of her being my girlfriend lingers. To be honest I don’t think I can recall when I start to fall out of love… Sometimes it makes me think I have never fallen in love with her to begin with.”

“You must’ve done a lot of thinking, Suub. You have been together for three years right? It could happen. You are too used to her being around, of course you are long over the honeymoon phase.”

“I guess you’re right, hyung. But also, maybe we never had a honeymoon phase… All we did was to study and proof ourselves to our teachers and parents that we could do it,” Subin smiles as he recalls. “But it was a great time, having her as my study partner, but of course as my girlfriend as well.”

“If that is the case, maybe you were both too young. And maybe it was bound to happen. I mean the break up.”

Sejun seems right, and Subin nods, seemingly understanding the older’s view. Maybe he just needs a bit longer to get use to this newly found single life. The two chatted a bit more before bidding goodnight to each other, to recharge and prepare for their Monday classes.