The weather was so great that the woman thought the heavens were mocking her current feeling – ah, it is another day to busy herself and prepare for things she needed before her shop opens. Getting up, she felt these feelings roaring inside her – still living, still longing and still beating for a certain person. It was gloomy, it was painful, it was vivid yet unclear. These feelings are her enemies every morning she wakes up. Contemplating whether to just call this day an off or just go through life.  Sometimes her insanity always wins, but often-times her sanity knocks her awfully hard that thankfully would make her divert back to her senses. Also tricking her mind would work, but then as she glances at her bed side table, she starts to have these thoughts all over again. What if she did what she couldn’t that day? What if things went the other way? Would it go better if it were the other way around?

 

She thought about it countless times. She regretted it too. Hoping that that day, it was just a dream. A dream she can woke up to and leave it as it is. A dream she will forget later as time passes. But it wasn’t.

 

Joohyun seems to fight over the thoughts that would later make her feel more miserable. The woman starts to check time again before stretching her body to wake Yerim up. Her sister can be very hardheaded when getting up from bed – she figures she would rather waste her energy to this girl than thinking things that will not happen.

 

“Unnie..” her sister grunts, still closing her eyes, “just five more minutes”

 

“No more five minutes, Yerim. You can now go shower while I prepare breakfast” she replied, still pestering her until she gets up.

 

“Is Seungwan unnie already here?” the little girl asked, still her eyes closed. Sometimes this girl can be very tricky, she also wonders whom she got it from.

 

“Don’t start me with changing the subject,” she sighs, she really knows her sister too well “and yes, Seungwan is still on her way. So now get up before I decide to cut your allowance”

 

“No fair!” she yells, finally getting up, “I am already awake, see?” then presents a big grin while spreading her arms to hug her older sister.

 

The older laughed not allowing the pouty girl to engulf in a hug. Still, she refers Yerim not doing her antics to give in what she wanted later with her soft and giggly smiles. Oh, how she loves it when her sister smiles, it could cast all her worries away.

 

Preparing breakfast early in the morning is a routine for her. Joohyun would like to make sure her sister wouldn’t leave empty stomach and even make healthy lunchbox for her to eat. She also likes it when Yerim demands something, but then again, the girl can be very picky so leaving her no choice. Pouring the milk on her sister’s glass while she has tea – she checks on her wristwatch after realizing her sister had consumed more time than she expected. Ah, this girl, she really gives her no choice.

 

“Yerim, breakfast is ready!”, she shouted but in a calm way, “are you coming down or do you want me to change my mind?”

 

“Alright, alright! I’m coming just a second!”

 

With that said, the girl ran towards the kitchen with a goofy smile and her hair being messy.

 

Before the woman continues to sip her tea, knocks from the door can be heard and so she gets up to greet the expected visitor her sister mentioned. She was also greeted with a smiley Seungwan with a bag in her left hand that contains baked goods she assumes, and a mail in the other hand that she thought she got from mailbox before entering the threshold.

 

“Good morning!” she greeted, “done with breakfast?”

 

“Currently having it with Yerim. You know how she can be,” the other smiles, without any hint of surprise on her face.

 

The short haired Seungwan shook her head but a lovely chuckle came out from . The owner leads her to the kitchen where her sister enjoys her healthy breakfast. Yerim stood up the moment she saw who just came with a very sparkling look in her eyes. She loves sweets and Seungwan loves to bake cookies or chocolate muffins for her. Spoiled child indeed.

 

The two sat down on the empty chairs while the younger one was rummaging in the bag the visitor brought for her.

 

“New recipe?”

 

“Kind of. I told Yerim I had this new recipe stuck in my mind and tried it out,” Seungwan smiled sheepishly.

 

Yerim’s smile was so bright that after seeing the piece of muffin inside the box, she went to immediately take a bite, her eyes closed as she savors it. Clearly showing she loved it even without a word.

 

“Unnie, you should try!”, then proceeds to feed Joohyun with nothing but a very satisfied face.

 

“What do you expect from the great Son Seungwan?” it is all she can respond because honestly, what can Seungwan not do?

 

Joohyun went ahead to check if she missed something inside her bag, then later proceeds to pack the lunchbox inside her sister’s bag because she often forgets it. The great Seungwan helped them with the necessities to be brought back to their shop and Yerim was already done doing her ponytails that once messy just recently.

 

It had always been like this. Joohyun taking care of her sister while her bestfriend who drives them both to school and to their shop. It was a great idea that they planned to build a small café just around the city – was not that popular though but at least they got regular customers. Seungwan who likes to bake and whatnot while Joohyun loves to make coffees and ironically, does not drink them. Sure, life can be confusing, but can you really tell if a person likes a coffee just by seeing they love the smell and to mix and grind those beans? She doesn’t understand herself either.

 

Just like the other ordinary days, she would encourage people around her including her staff at the café to do well and not letting any of them to skip meals even though they get busy at such rush hours. She would also like to make sure that they feel comfortable while working so the pep talk for 10 minutes is a must before starting their work. She thinks so much – just like what she is and apparently her bestfriend knew it before she could even say it.

 

After dropping off her little sister at the campus, Seungwan drove off to their shop. They are 30 minutes early and they needed that time to prepare stuff. Cleaning, arranging, baking, tracking transactions and whatnot. Business things.

 

Unlike the ordinary days, Seungwan observes that the other woman would somehow lost track of time or noticed that the latter would space out every now and then. Very unlikely to a Bae Joohyun she knew all these years but then again, she always knew the reason why she’s being like this.

 

She knew, even her little sister does.

 

“Still thinking about her?” Seungwan asked, a little sadness in her voice hinted. She does not want to remind her any piece of memories she had. She did not mean to fresh up the wounds have made. But she also did not want Joohyun to be like this forever. Seungwan wanted to help her in any way she could.

 

Joohyun let out a frustrating sigh. Her answer was too obvious. She wished she could just forget everything but it was really hard for her.

 

~~

 

It was 10 in the evening when they arrived at home. Tiredness were visible to their faces when they came in. Joohyun first said goodbye to her friend after putting the laptop on the table with still a lovely smile on her. It was a tiring day for them, at least not as tiring as during Mondays – but they also deserve some days off. They are close during weekends, the owner herself made sure they both can have a long day rest and time for their family.

 

With Yerim already in the house, she noticed that the girl was not in the kitchen or in the living room. Usually she could be seen experimenting smoothies or shouting at her playmates on the phone about how dumb they are for not playing so well.

 

“Unnie!”

 

She turns her head as a figure can be spotted walking towards her carrying a small box.

 

“Do you want some tea?”

 

“Yes, please”

 

Putting the small box on the table beside the laptop, her sister went on to get some tea bags for her tired sister. Yerim came back to serve the tea, as Joohyun opened the laptop after sitting in one of the empty chairs. Her sister then after resumes whatever she’s doing with the box – she presumes she’s just seeking for things she lost while cleaning or something.

 

“I thought you opt to have paperless bill?”, she asked referring to the mail Seungwan brought. Still her focus on the small box, searching while putting papers from it aside.

 

“Oh that,” Joohyun smiled, “will check about it. Totally forgot to do it online tho”

 

“You’re getting old” Yerim teases

 

“Says the one who often forgets her lunchbox”

 

Her sister laughs defeated. The noise of flipping papers echoed as the younger grunts getting irritated as she obviously hasn’t found what she was looking for.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Looking for my papers,” she responded softly, “I have to compile those for my portfolio so I can have free time this weekend”

 

Ah, being the girl that she is.

 

Joohyun set her attention again on her laptop – checking emails and whatnot. Her mind being clouded with work is her way to distract herself, but then the continuous grunts from the other was too disturbing she decided to halt her work to maybe help the younger. Or maybe she needed rest. She’s been thinking too much.

 

“Maybe you left it somewhere else..”

 

She was about to stand up to offer a hand to the hopeless being – but Yerim pulled out a box from it that caught her attention. It was smaller than the box she was carrying. It was unfamiliar but has a mystery vibe on it.

 

“Ah not this,” keeping up, she pulls out another set of papers and put on a big grin on her face indicating a success, “found it!”

 

Finally, after segregating the things she needed, she lined up the papers to put them back in the box.

 

And her sister, was still focus on the smaller one.

 

“Where did you get this?”

 

Yerim’s responds got her more curious. She was told that she found it at her room while cleaning, assumes that it was not being used so decided to hide it in the storage room. When asked if she saw what’s inside, her little sister just shrugs telling she has no idea on what’s in it.

 

The younger then went to place the things back, leaving Joohyun bewildered with these thoughts in her head that would make her go crazy again.

 

The box was so familiar yet not. Or maybe again she’s been thinking too much.

 

After minutes of recalling where she might spot or seen it, the petite decided to open it to answer her questions. Maybe it is just an ordinary box. Maybe it is just some of those things she forgets like the usual, that doesn’t have to have any meaning at all. Or maybe opening it already would not make her thoughts go wild because honestly, that’s the easier way to do so.

 

Slightly opening it, she saw nothing but envelopes piled up. So is the light weight. It was lavendered envelopes – each have its dates, probably the dates it was meant to send. However, she was having a different feel about it. Something in it that made her heart pounding crazily that she doesn’t understand herself. Why would looking at these envelopes making her feel like she’s about to go insane? She’s been trying so hard to keep her sanity but these, these small pieces of paper would ruin it.

 

She picked up the first envelope, a beautiful scent was in it. It was lavender, she closed her eyes as she feels it in going thru her lungs. Apparently lavender’s scent would help reduce stress.

 

Joohyun never thought that opening it would make her feel more confused. How would she react to this? When the first two words read on the paper was something she needed yet pain was along with it.

 

“Dearest Joohyun,”

 

The brunette closed her eyes – oh how she missed that voice calling her name. How it sounded so differently with her coming out from . How it sounded so lovely it could count as a music to her ears.

 

Maybe she really needed rest. She thought about it just minutes ago but how can she just rest after finding out these letters?

 

Taking all her courage, she throws away all the negativity she’s been having as soon as she opened the letter. At least she could focus on reading it, she’s also been dying to know what she wanted to say.

 

Joohyun took a deep breath before continuing,

 

"Dearest Joohyun,

 

Hello, how are you? I don’t know if you would read it or do, I have the guts to give it but I’m still writing anyway. I’ve been in your shop a lot lately, and I haven’t realized it until you told me. Not until you asked me if I was okay. Not until you said I was spacing out for hours at the same spot that day.  I’m sorry if I couldn’t bring myself to open things up – I thought it would only cut wounds that are already open. Also, I do not want to burden someone I just met and knew for days, I can’t have a lot of things to be added in my already chaotic mind.

 

Still I am thankful for the free coffee and a slice of cake you gave me that day. It was new for me for someone to approach like you did. I got anxious and even made a mess. All the papers and sketches I had brought with me all day fell on the floor by my recklessness. I didn’t have a plan on showing it to anyone, but what can I do when you were observing me all this time. You even complemented me after.

 

You said I could be a great artist. Ah, that made my heart flutter. …."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Suddenly, a petite woman came towards her to ask such thing. Her voice was soothing – it was lovely and has a concern hint on it. It caught her attention since she is being persistent. Asking the same question three times or so?

 

Keeping her head down low, maybe staying like this will make her go away. The fact that she doesn’t really want to talk to anyone right now still bothers her but the fact that the other was too persistent she couldn’t help but raise her head a bit to give this woman a look saying to leave her alone.

 

But she regrets all of those thoughts right away after witnessing the woman’s worried look on her eyes. She had to look away after replying that she is because to tell you the truth, aside from she’s bad at staring at people’s eyes, she gets shy easily and guilty knowing they would look at her back with such curiosity and worry in it.

 

“Okay…” the woman says, “we’ve been calling your name for your order.”

 

Damn, she must have been too drowned at her thoughts. She must work on it. It would make other worry, so does the woman acting this way.

 

“Ah sorry, I just…” she stutters, not really comfortable with talking.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

Putting the money on the table for her bill, she hurriedly picks up the folder to escape from another questions. She knows she’s been acting weird in front of her like she had done some crimes and decided to walk away as soon as possible. But heavens, the soonest she wanted to go away, the slower it gets because she just had to scatter all the papers in the folder on the floor. It was chaos that she had to stop to glare at it. Hoping that the floor could just swallow her whole because of embarrassment.

 

Maybe she got anxious. Or maybe she got overwhelmed with the question that was asked. And it was just so happened to be a staff at the shop she’s been into recently.

 

“ah I’m sorry again,”

 

She took a step forward and squat to collect the papers not minding the other that was helping her piling those up.

 

“It’s okay” the petite woman slowly picking up the pieces, that having her so close was not helping her at all.

 

Her hands were trembling. She really is a mess.

 

“These are good.” She compliments that she had to halt to make sure she heard it right.

 

“You’re a great artist, Seulgi”

 

Lifting her head yet again, she found courage to look at this persistent woman. Somehow hearing it made her feel at ease. Somehow knowing she’s giving this lovely smile at her made her think that maybe, not all people will make her feel like crap. That not all people would make you feel less worthy.

 

She’s dying inside to hear it from someone else. Who would have thought that she less expects it to be spoken by some stranger that will make her feel valid?

 

That would at least make her feel worthy.

 

~~

A/N: Hello! The first chapter for this fic. Been working on it for months and here I am, posting it. Please excuse the grammar tho, but I’m hoping you’ll like it ;) see you next chapter!