[T/W]: mention of death and dead bodies, mention of ??, cursing (but not that much lol)

004

WHEN YOU AND JONGIN GOT TOGETHER, things were complicated, to say the least. You and Jongin were acquaintances—you were a friend of a friend to each other, so to speak. But you guys never hung out together or knew each other that well. 

When you hit a roadblock at the beginning of your end-of-term project for your honours class with Professor Wu, you didn’t even think of asking Jongin for help. You needed a model for your photography project and since it was your honours project, you couldn’t just ask anyone to model for you. 

“Just put up one of those flyers,” your boyfriend at that time, Myungsoo, told you nonchalantly. “And write that they’re paid.”

You frowned. “But I don’t have money to give.”

“Didn’t you receive some prize money from the university?”

“I mean, I could use that money,” you replied. “But I only have 250 dollars left. Is that going to be enough, though?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Trust me, 250 dollars could go a long way for a university student.”

So, you took your boyfriend’s advice and put up flyers a bit all over the campus. You even made sure to use the bright orange paper that would catch people’s attention and bolded the prize money at the bottom. You were skeptical about Myungsoo’s idea, but when you had a whole line outside your studio waiting to audition, you told yourself to never question him again.

However, with your bad luck, the model you had picked from the auditions backed out at the last minute because he had the chance of making an appearance in a famous magazine or something (you then proceeded to complain to Myungsoo for the next week or so). 

“Hey, Sehun’s best friend is kind of good-looking,” Sehun’s girlfriend told you as you two were hanging out in the student council room. You two became friends after you helped her out with a charity event by being the photographer. Ever since then, you two had been kind of close. “Maybe he can be your model?” 

You scrunched up your nose as you flipped through the magazine that your previous model was in (with fake distaste, might you add). Though, you got to admit that he did a pretty good job, which was regretful because you really wanted him.

“If I just wanted a good-looking person then I don’t think I’ll be stuck with this problem, now would I?”

She shrugged. “It wouldn’t hurt.”

“Fine!” you said as you threw your hands up in the air. “Tell him to meet me at my studio tomorrow at 3.”

You didn’t expect much when you agreed to use Sehun’s best friend as your main subject for your project. You expected him to be handsome, obviously, but you didn’t expect him to be drop-dead gorgeous. (And honestly, that was an understatement). But you also didn’t expect the guy your friend referred to be Kim Jongin.

(Really, how could you have forgotten that Sehun’s best friend was Jongin?).

“Oh,” you said the second he walked in. “Hi, Jongin.”

Jongin rubbed the back of his neck and then waved awkwardly at you. “Hey.”

You cleared your throat. “So, uh, you model?”

His cheeks reddened. “No, um, actually, I– uh, need the money.”

You blinked quickly. “Right, of course.” You wanted to reject him at this point. Not to mention how awkward you felt with him. Having a good connection between the subject and the photographer was important. But all you could think of was the deadline that was slowly approaching. Taking pictures was one thing, but there were also other aspects you needed to think about, such as retaking pictures if necessary, editing them, and so much more. You didn’t have a choice but accept his application.

“Um, just come with me to my desk for a sec?” you asked him and he followed you. You then motioned him to take a seat in front of your desk and took a few documents out of the drawer. “Here are some forms that I’m going to need you to look over and sign.”

“Okay…” he said as he took the papers and pen from you.

“And I’m also required to explain my project and ask you the same questions orally,” you added and shrugged. “Fine arts department’s protocols.”

“Sure, shoot.”

“My final project is a photographic one where I have to use two of the four elements of nature as the theme,” you said. “I was left with earth and water, unfortunately.”

Jongin furrowed his brows. “Why unfortunately?”

You bobbed your shoulders. “I wanted fire or wind,” you explained. “But I wasn’t allowed to pick—my professor assigned them. And unfortunately, I don’t know what I could do with those two as a theme. But don’t worry,” you waved your hand nonchalantly, “I’ll figure something out as soon as you sign the stuff. When things are official, I tend to get more inspired.”

“Cool,” he said as he nodded to himself. “How does the whole process work?”

“Before we get to the process, how do you feel about taking off your clothes?”

Jongin did a double-take. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re not doing nudes.” You chuckled awkwardly. “I usually have professionals do shots.”

“ shots?”

You almost wanted to pull your hair in frustration. “We are not doing photography,” you repeated, a bit more sternly. “I already have an idea and concept in mind for the water theme part. But because there’s water involved and the model–” you stared at him up-and-down before looking away briskly, “–might get wet, I need your consent.”

“I’m not like going to be completely in front of you, right?” he asked, his arms around his body.

“No, you’re not,” you replied, almost rolling your eyes. This was why you didn’t like working with amateurs. “And there will be more people other than me, you know?”

“I thought this was just a small photography project…?”

You almost scoffed. “You think a broke university student would be willing to throw 250 dollars for just a small project?”

“Well, I guess not?”

You went back to the main thing. “And, lastly, do you give me your permission to post your pictures online, use them in my portfolio, and/or put them up for public display like let’s say in a public exhibition, etcetera?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Perfect!” you said and clapped your hands excitedly. “Just to let you know, once again—protocol, you know—because you are getting paid for this, you do not have the option to back out of this, unlike other projects.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Alright,” you said and then pointed at the bottom of the page. “You just need to sign here, here, here and… here.”

Jongin did all that and handed you back the documents. You signed the consent form and then gave it to him. “Here is your copy of the consent form. This is kind of like a contract, so please do not lose it. If you have any other questions or whatsoever, you have my contact information at the top, my professor’s and also the head of my department’s.”

“Cool,” he then said and got up along with you. “When are we going to start?"

“I still have a couple of things to complete like hiring the stylist and makeup artists and stuff. So, I’ll just text you the time and place?”

He nodded. “Alright, I’ll see you then.”

Jongin was about to leave when you grabbed a hold of his wrist.

“Sorry, um, can I have your phone number?”

He slowly pulled your hand away from his wrist and laughed awkwardly. “Oh, I am flattered. But, uh, I already have a girlfriend and I don’t want to make her mad by giving out my number to pretty girls. Sorry.”

You were speechless for a second and almost wanted to hit the back of Jongin’s head (but you figured that it wasn’t the best thing to do to someone you weren’t close with). “I need your phone number to contact you about the shooting day, dude.”

His mouth fell agape upon the realization and slapped a hand to his mouth. “Oh!”

“Yeah.” You handed him your phone. 

“Right, sorry about that,” he said as he punched in his number and gave it back to you.

You pocketed the phone into the back of your jeans.

“And for your information, I have a boyfriend.”

THINGS WERE HECTIC AFTER GETTING YOUR SUBJECT FOR YOUR PROJECT.

After assembling your usual crew and your stylist and makeup artists, and then found an appropriate place to shoot, you sent the time and place to Jongin who replied that he was free. You were going through some last-minute stuff with your crew when Jongin arrived in a hoodie and jeans.

“Hey,” he greeted you all and then showed you the tray of hot cups of coffee in his hands. “I brought coffee.”

“Oh, hey,” you said and your eyes lit up when you saw the drinks. “Oh, my God. You’re a life-saver.” You took a sip and then introduced Jongin to your crew. “Hey, everyone! This is Jongin. He’s going to be the model. Please be nice to him and go easy on him because it’s his first time doing this.” You then raised the cup of coffee to the air. “And also because he brought coffee for everyone!”

“Aye!” the rest of your crew shouted in joy.

You chuckled and then motioned Jongin to the stylist and makeup artist. “This is Irene and Nana, they will be taking care of your looks for the whole day. After you’re done, my assistant will explain today’s concept to you, okay?”

When Jongin was all-ready and dressed up, you didn’t expect his handsomeness to go up. You knew that he was handsome, but with all the fancy clothes and makeup, you honestly didn’t know what to think anymore. “Oh, wow,” you muttered to yourself while Jongin was listening to directives from your assistant.

“I know,” Nana replied and whistled lowly. “You have found yourself a gem, girl.”

“Gorgeous, gem—we’ll have to see after today’s shoot.”

“Maybe you should take your advice from earlier on and go easy on him, as well,” Irene then commented. “You did say that it’s his first time modelling, right?”

“Yup,” you replied, popping the ‘p’ at the end. 

“Oh, God helps us all,” Nana added dramatically and even did a little prayer.

“Shut up, I am not that bad,” you said and then turned to the oldest girl. “Right, unnie?”

“No comment,” Irene replied.

“You just get a little bit…” Nana said and tried looking for an appropriate word to describe you.

“Crazy?” you suggested.

She snapped her fingers at you. “Right! Just a little bit, though. And only when it’s for an important assignment, like–”

“My joint-project with my boyfriend for my honours class with Professor Wu?”

“–the one we’re supposed to be shooting for today? Yes, that’s exactly what I am talking about.”

“It’s like you have a different personality, that’s all,” Irene casually added.

“Whatever,” you said, a bit sulky about the way your friends and co-workers described you. “Tell the others to get ready. We’ll start in the mansion and then work our way out to the gardens.”

Irene dressed Jongin in blue and red pyjamas made out of silk and slippers. It would have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that she left all the buttons unbuttoned. You knew you told the male to expect some sort of or some skin showing (hell, you knew yourself). But you were not prepared for that image to come to life. One look at him and anybody could tell that he was a ripped football player.

“Alright, Jongin, are you ready?” you asked.

But you didn’t wait for him to reply as you started the photoshoot.

YOU GLANCED AT YOUR WRISTWATCH as you waited for Jongin to arrive. His first photoshoot was a disaster and Jongin was probably slightly traumatized by how different you were acting towards him as soon as you put yourself behind the camera. (And you pretended that you didn’t see Nana hand over a 20 dollar bill to Irene for their bet—whatever they betted on, you didn’t want to know.)

But Jongin couldn’t model properly on that day. You, at first, thought it was because he was an amateur, that it was his first time being taken in pictures by a professional that wasn’t just a profile shot. But you were wrong. The guy was plain awkward in front of not only the camera but also in front of you. You had to stop the shoot and apologize to everyone as it was not going in the direction you had planned. It was mainly your fault for not hiring a professional model. 

Since it was your fault, you thought it was your responsibility to familiarize yourself with Jongin so that he would be comfortable enough to model in front of you. 

“Hey, sorry for being late,” Jongin said to you as he arrived. “Practice ran longer than usual.”

You lifted one of your favourite smaller digital cameras and shook it in front of him. “Ready?”

Jongin chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. You almost sighed in frustration. Not at him, but yourself. You were the reason why your project was not doing well. You then put away your camera back into its bag and shrugged at him. The football player looked at you with a confused expression. 

“Are we not going to take pictures, today?” he asked you.

“Whatever for?” you replied. “It’s not like it’s going to help you, right now.”

You winced at how cutthroat your words sounded. You really needed to be careful with your words. Although Jongin couldn’t back down from the project as he signed a contract, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t make your life a living hell, resulting in you not being able to complete your side of the project, at all. That was the last thing you wanted.

You then apologized before saying, “I’m just really stressed. This project is really important to me.”

“Because it’s your final project, right?” he replied, not as offended as he seemed to be a few seconds ago. “Is that what you want to become, later? A fashion photographer?”

You tilted your head. “What makes you think I want to become a fashion photographer?”

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Did you ask a bad question? Did it seem too much like an interrogation? 

“Hey, Jongin,” you said with your arms crossed. “Are you scared of me or something?”

“N-no…?” he stuttered. “You’re just… intimidating?”

“Those two words mean the same thing, don’t they?”

“I–”

“I don’t bite, you know,” you replied. “And no, fashion photography is a genre that I am interested in, but not what I want to do when I graduate. But I wouldn’t mind doing that as a side-gig.”

“What are you interested in, then?”

Your eyes glimmered at his question. “Have you ever heard of this thing called the World Press Photo exhibition?”

“What is that?”

“It’s this annual exhibition that showcases the best visual journalism of the year,” you replied, almost giddily with a smile. “Thousands of professional photographers travel the world and go to these places to capture a vision or a story that can make people more than just feel. Those photos can make you stop, think and act.” You sighed deeply at the thought of your dream. “That’s my dream career. That’s my goal. Imagine. With just one click of your shutter and the image that you have captured might have the power to change lives—to make an impact in this world.”

You then realized that you have babbled on about your dream to someone you barely knew. Your cheeks reddened upon the realization. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to talk your ear off about this.”

He shook his head furiously. “No! I mean, that sounds amazing! So, photojournalism is what you want to focus on in the future, right?”

You furrowed your brows. “You don’t think that photojournalism isn’t interesting?”

Jongin mirrored your expression. “Why would you say so?”

You bit your bottom lip as you looked down. “Just… my boyfriend is a photographer too. A much better one with a lot more experience than I do. But he thinks that I can’t make it big with photojournalism—that it’s going to be too tough for me and that it would be hard for me to make a living.” You then looked up. “So, I’m taking fashion photography as a class, just in case.”

“I mean, as long as you have the passion and determination, why would you allow others to tell you whether your dream is worth it or not?” Jongin then asked, surprising you a little with his question. “And besides, that exhibition sounds really interesting. It would be cool if they showcased it here.”

You lit up at his words. “Hey, I’ll let you know, then if you’re into it!” You then waved your hand to the side. “Enough about me. What about you? You’re a dance major, right? What’s your dream?”

“I haven’t figured it out yet,” he replied. “I just love dancing. That’s my life passion and a way for me to express my feelings.”

“A way for you to express your feelings, huh…” You then grabbed Jongin’s hands in excitement. “I’ve got an idea!”

“ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?” Wonwoo, your assistant asked you, as Irene and Nana were preparing Jongin for the shoot.

“Nope,” you said as you looked over the lighting and equipment one last time. “But it’s a chance I am willing to take. Jongin might not be a professional model yet, but he is a professional dancer.” You then turned to your friend and clapped his shoulder. “Trust me on this, okay?”

“Not that I have a choice,” he replied as he followed you back to the camera. “But you know you’re contradicting your words…?”

“You’ll thank me for being part of my team as soon as this shoot is over.”

“If you say so.”

Jongin was dressed in the same outfit as last time. He was about to wear the same slippers when you told him not to. 

“Huh?” was his only reply.

“Don’t wear them,” you repeated. “You’re going barefoot.” You then threw him a bouquet of colourful flowers. “Here. Use this as a prop. But don’t only think of it as a prop. Think of it as an extension of your body.”

He nodded and got in position in front of you.

You then motioned Wonwoo. “Cue the music.”

Dramatic music started to play over the speakers that you have brought especially for Jongin. As a professional dancer dancing in front of people, he should be used to being in front of not only a crowd but also a camera. Distracting him with music was a good incentive; it allowed him to pretend as if he was dancing. And like magic, it worked wonderfully. Jongin instinctively relaxed and allowed his body to follow the music. You followed along, not allowing a single movement to go unnoticed and untaken. You were keen on capturing every single detail.

“Alright, cue the wind and flower petals.”

Your crew listened to your directives without a single complaint. You were worried that Jongin would get cold as you were taking pictures outside now and adding on the wind machine. But he stayed extremely professional from the beginning that you were surprised that this was only his second time doing this. 

“Move the lighting towards his face, please!” you said. “And Jongin, I want you to look far away with a solemn expression, look to your right at a 45 degrees angle. I want you to look pensive, at the same time.”

The whole shoot was going so well that you were satisfied with the pictures you had taken within half an hour.

JONGIN HAD INVITED YOU TO ATTEND AN EXHIBITION WITH HIM.

You were still in the process of editing the pictures from the photoshoot so you hadn’t seen him since. Nonetheless, you were surprised to see him inviting you out. You two had a few elective classes together, but it was only after collaborating on your project that you two started interacting with each other in class, to the point you two would sit with each other. You two had gotten closer but not to the point that you would invite each other out.

But when Jongin had mentioned that he had gotten tickets to the World Press Photo exhibition that was finally held in your city, you couldn’t help but accept his invitation. You did ask Myungsoo whether he wanted to come with you guys or not, but your boyfriend had replied that he wasn’t too interested and that you should go with Jongin instead. You almost got into a fight with him but refrained from acting out because you didn’t want the fight to linger in your mind when you were supposed to be enjoying the exhibition. 

But Jongin saw right through you as you two were waiting in line to get inside the exhibition.

“Something on your mind?” he asked.

The problem was between you and Myungsoo. So, you didn’t know what got to your head that you thought it would be a good idea for you to spill about your relationship woes to an outsider.

“I feel like my boyfriend is being very distant nowadays,” you explained. “No matter what I do, I just feel this empty space increasing every day. I tried talking to him and he told me that he would work on it. But, I just feel like it’s not enough, you know?”

Jongin’s brows furrowed. “Is there anything specific that he does that makes you think that way?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. He doesn’t really speak to me about his days or his projects anymore. We used to talk about our future and what kind of projects we would like to partake in. We would talk about our days and what we did, or tell each other about some interesting stuff that we saw or that happened.” You then paused and pursed your lips. “I don’t even know why we’re in a relationship, anymore.”

Jongin took your words in without any judgement. It was normal for a couple to go through rough patches, he must have thought. Truthfully, you thought the same as well, but it was getting tiring when you feel like you were the only one making and putting efforts into your relationship.

“I know this is going to sound like the lamest advice ever, but,” Jongin said, “have you ever thought about sitting down and talk about your relationship instead?”

You blinked at him.

“I mean, it might sound weird because you two aren’t a couple who’s been with each other for like three months,” he continued, almost defensively. “But it sounds like you two simply have communication problems, that’s all.”

You knew Jongin made sense. And truthfully, it wasn’t in your character to be expressive to anyone, in general. That was what your art was for. But your friend only wanted to make you feel better, and you didn’t want him to be crestfallen if you tell him that his advice was useless.

So, you shrugged nonchalantly as you told him, “I’ll try.”

You two ended up visiting the exhibition in complete silence. Truth to be told, it was the first time that you ever felt like a silence could be suffocating and… awkward. You used to thrive in silence—you enjoyed it because of your introverted, shy personality. But there was just something about Jongin that pulled you, forced you, in a way, to want to continue to speak to him, if that even made sense. It was never in your nature to go out of your way to interact with other people unless necessary. But you and Jongin had become closer—closer than you'd like to admit—and well, perhaps, he could potentially become a good friend to you in the future.

You spent more time at the exhibition more than anywhere else. Surprisingly. You expected Jongin to get bored of it after an hour or so. In the end, you were at the exhibition hall for a total of four hours, not missing any of the pictures displayed and all of the stories hidden behind them. As a matter of fact, you were the one who had to convince Jongin to leave because your stomach was growling (and convince him that going back for another round should be left for another time). 

As thanks, you treated Jongin to some coffee and he ended up bringing you to this café he had always wanted to try from Instagram. You tried not to frown when you arrived at the shop. It was neatly decorated with floral designs and pastel colours with candles lit up a bit everywhere in the shop. If anything, it seemed like a pretty hot date spot judging by the romantic atmosphere it gave off and not to mention the number of couples who were already in the vicinity. 

“What would you like to drink, Jongin?” you asked as your eyes surveyed the menu displayed in front of you. 

“I’ll have a latte,” he answered. “What about you? Have you decided?”

You hummed. “Yeah, I think I’ll have a milk tea.”

But while you were perusing the menu in case you missed a drink that you haven’t seen (or tried before), Jongin already went ahead of you as the lined moved and paid for the two of you.

“Hey!” you protested. “I said that I was going to treat you.”

He gave a small scoff before smiling at you. “Did you really think I was going to make you pay for our drinks even though I was the one who invited you out?”

You tried to ignore that throbbing sensation in your heart. In all honesty, it wouldn’t be the first time. When Jongin posed in front of you and your camera, your heart started beating faster, stronger at the sight. You brushed it off, thinking it was because you found an irreplaceable muse. Someone who could bring your vision to life. It was a different feeling from this one. You shook it off. It was not a good time to be thinking about your turbulent, indescribable feelings for Jongin that you couldn’t—didn’t—want to understand at the moment.

Which is why you were grateful for the distraction when Jongin asked what was your favourite piece from the exhibition.

“Depends which category,” you ended up saying.

“So, you have one for each?”

You raised a brow at him. “You mean to tell me that you have one for the whole exhibition?” You shook your head. “It was already hard enough for me to only pick one for each category. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pick one from the whole thing.”

“Fair enough,” he said with a small nod. “But if you were to pick one from your favourites, which one will it be?”

It took you a while, to remember the pictures and their stories. But if there was one that made an impression on you…

“The photo by Patrick Brown,” you ended up saying softly. “I mean, props to the one who actually won the photo of the year category. But I feel like this one also deserved to win too. I just can’t imagine how the photographer ended up in that situation. To take pictures of the dead bodies of the Rohingya refugees. Or why is it that they had to resort to fleeing from their home country. The refugees have most likely seen all types of horrific stuff happening to them. And I find it even more disheartening that the photographer witnessed another type of horror, as well. It also puts me into the photographer’s perspective—how he must have felt as a photographer with white privilege, and as a passerby who couldn’t have done much, but take this picture in order to tell this story to the world.”

You didn’t even realize you were babbling until you noticed how silent Jongin was. “Oh, sorry. You only asked which one if my favourite and not a whole explanation. I must have bored you.”

“Not at all!” he quickly refuted. “I was just thinking… how amazing it must be, to see the world through your eyes.”

Red blossomed on your cheeks. You were taken aback with his comment and didn’t expect it to hit you this deep. You ended up being a stuttering mess, unsure of how or what to reply. So, you ended up with a lame, “Oh, um, th-thanks” while avoiding his eyes. 

Eventually, it did lead to an awkward silence. You spent the last minutes watching that drop of condensation drip down from your cup whereas Jongin was scrolling on his phone, probably on Instagram, you assumed.

“Hey,” you then said as he hummed in response. “Wouldn’t this be the kind of place you’d bring your girlfriend?”

Jongin froze midway through and closed his phone before shrugging. “I actually invited her out for the exhibition, thinking that it would be a cool date, you know? Especially after how you talked to me about the World Press. I bought the tickets in advance and tried to find a nice café nearby and everything. But she wasn’ too interested, in the end.”

Your mouth formed an 'o' before replying with a small, faked wince, “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he said with a tilt of his head. “I should be the one apologizing.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What for?”

“Well, I only invited you out after my girlfriend said no. And it was more… your thing.”

“My thing?” you said, almost offended, but you knew Jongin meant no harm. “Since when appreciating photos is something that belonged to me?”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“I do, but if that’s your argument, then I should apologize as well,” you refuted. “When you first asked me to go with you, I asked Myungsoo to come along.”

“Well, yeah, Myungsoo is your boyfriend.”

“And Jennie isn’t yours?”

Jongin seemed taken aback before shaking his head with a half-smile. “Touché.”

SEHUN’S GIRLFRIEND WAS HANGING OUT WITH YOU AT THE NEW SET. You finally finished editing the first batch of photos from the earth concept, and you were finally ready for the water one. You racketed your brain for a whole week before coming up with the theme. A cliché one, as much as you hated to admit it, but if done well—especially with Jongin’s visuals—you were certain that you could take phenomenal pictures.

“So… I heard from a little birdie that you’ve been spending a lot of time with a certain…  football player?” she mused.

You raised a brow as you tested your camera. “Is that little birdie, your boyfriend?"

She didn’t even bother answering your question. “I’m just saying. You and Jongin must spend a lot of time for him to actually talk about it to Sehun.” She then stood in front of you and the camera, obscuring your view. You tried not to sigh in annoyance. 

“What’s up with you and Jongin?” she then asked. “Is there something going on between the two of you?”

You rolled your eyes. “I don't know. Is there still something going on between you and Jongdae sunbaenim?”

She raised her hands in defeat. “Fine. Avoid my questions all you want, but eventually, you know that either you’re going to have to answer them yourself, or someone other than me will ask you the same questions.”

And you didn’t need her to mention a name for you to know who she was talking about.

“How do you feel about him, though?”

“Who, Jongin?” you asked and she nodded before you shrugged. “I mean, we’ve been hanging out a lot this past couple of weeks. He seems to be a really nice guy. Kind of introverted until he warms up to you, I think? And surprisingly, we share the same interests.”

“A total heartthrob, isn’t he?” she commented with a dreamy sigh. “I bet you he made your heart race plenty of times.”

Your hands froze at her words before you quickly resumed your work. Your friend probably said it offhandedly—she wasn’t even paying attention to your expression. You tried not to think about her words and how they hit somewhere in your own heart. There was a certain truth to it, one that you didn’t dare to admit to yourself. 

It was better to live in denial. 

Especially now that things between you and Myungsoo were slightly getting better.

Slightly.

The door to the set was suddenly opened, revealing Jongin who first popped his head in and then smiled when he saw you. He then waved at your friend as he walked to you two and gave you a side-hug with a small peck on the top of your head, before hugging your friend. “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked her.

“You know, just skipping on my council duties and hanging out with my friend,” she replied before she asked, with a smirk, “What are you doing here so early?”

You focused on your camera, pretending to not care about his reply even though you were curious. 

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck. “My class ended early so I thought that I could come by earlier and hang out with our photographer, here. So, I brought some coffee. If I knew you were here as well, I would have bought another cup.”

Your friend waved it aside and patted the back of her jeans. “Don’t worry about it. I have to go soon anyway, or Kyungsoo will have my head for skipping on my duties. See you guys, later.”

You and Jongin waved back at her before you showed your hand to Jongin, who looked at it puzzlingly. 

“You said you brought coffee,” you answered his silent question. “Where is it?”

He scoffed mockingly. “I bring you coffee and this is the thanks I get?”

You wriggled your fingers at him and he finally handed the beverage to you. “Thanks, Jongin.”

He then took the seat next to yours. “So, what are we shooting today?”

You then looked at him up-and-down before tilting your head and said with the most serious expression you could muster at the moment, “We’re taking your nudes.”

He choked on his drink and turned to you with wide-eyes, disbelief evident in his expression. “N-nudes?!” he exclaimed, almost appalled. “I thought you said that we weren’t going to take any nudes.”

“Yeah, but since you’re going to be soaked and everything, and I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold with wet clothes and everything. It would be much simpler if you were .”

“I-I can’t shoot photography!” he said loudly, almost shouting at you indignantly. “This– this is a violation of my rights!”

You frowned at him. “You signed a contract, Jongin. I thought we were friends.”

He started stammering even more. “Th-that has nothing to do with our friendship.”

You couldn’t help it when you saw how panicked he was and started laughing at him. “Oh, god, Jongin! Your expression– Of course, I’m not going to do photography with you. If you don’t want to do it, of course, I’m not going to force you to do it.”

“Y-you mean to say that if I gave you my consent and that I was willing to do act as a model, you wouldn’t mind taking pictures of…” He trailed off as he looked down at his own body before suddenly covering himself with his arms.

You tried not to laugh at him and how innocent he seemed to be at that moment. “If ever it comes to the point us two will collaborate on a photoshoot, it will remain strictly professional, Jongin.” You then shrugged one of your shoulders as you said, “And besides, not everyone can do it, either.”

But before Jongin could say anything else, your crew finally arrived to help set up and prepare Jongin for today’s shoot. You then motioned him with your head to follow Nana and Joohyun, who had just arrived. 

“Okay but before I go, can you tell me what are we going to do, today?”

You winked at him before heading back to the original set, where Wonwoo had called you over. “It’s a surprise.”

YOU CHUCKLED SOFTLY WHEN YOU SAW HOW SHY JONGIN WAS BEING.

He was still listening to Wonwoo’s directives when Irene and Nana came by your side. Nana slung an arm around your shoulders and sighed dreamingly. “Did I ever thank you for blessing us–” She then shot a subtle glance over at Jongin, who was wearing a hoodie that revealed his chiseled chest and sported a pair of swimming trunks, and wriggled her brows. “–for hiring him as your model?”

“No,” you said and tapped on your chin. “But I do recall you making a bet about how long he was going to last, though.”

“Haha… Did I?” Nana answered and then turned to Irene. “Unnie, do you remember making that bet?”

Irene shot a small glare over at the younger one. “Don’t drag me into this.” But then nudged you with her elbow. “But, speaking of Jongin though. You two have been spending quite some time together.”

You groaned out loud as you threw your head back in exasperation. “Ugh, not you too.”

Nana almost squealed out loud at that point but then remembered one important fact. “Wait, don’t you have a boyfriend though?”

“Yes, that was my point from the very start,” you replied, almost snapping at her. “So, my answer to whatever questions you might have is that, yes, I have a boyfriend. And no, nothing is going on between Jongin and me.”

“Because you have a boyfriend,” Irene said as a matter-of-factly.

“And also because he also has a girlfriend,” you added. “Hence, nothing is going on between the two of us because both of us are not available. Capisce?”

“That sounds like a lame- excuse but whatever,” Nana muttered under her breath. “Keep living in denial.”

“That’s what I was planning on doing,” you mumbled back before barking orders at the rest of your crew. “Alright, let’s get this started people.” You then turned to Jongin who seemed uncertain so you went up to him, “Hey, you understand what we’re doing today, right?”

“Yeah,” he said with a determined nod, and without any warning, took off his hoodie, catching you off-guard. “Is the water warm?”

You coughed, hoping that the blush on your cheeks will go away. “Uh, yeah. Let us know when it gets too cold for you and we’ll just change the water. Let’s do this quick so you won’t actually catch a cold.”

He nodded and got into the bathtub carefully. You then motioned your lighting crew where you wanted the light to hit. It was a delicate situation because you decided to go with different coloured lighting and the photos would come out different from your expectations if not handled correctly. Once the lighting was done, you motioned Wonwoo to bring the chair over and place it over the bathtub. You had given your assistant hell because it wasn’t a very common chair. But luckily, he was able to find and purchase it just in time for the shoot.

You took your seat and began to take pictures. Jongin progressed immensely since the first time you have taken pictures of him and it was crazy for you to think that prior to this, he didn’t have any modelling experience. You wanted to get closer to his face but the chair wobbled, causing you to tumble forward. You closed your eyes shut, expecting the water to splash your face but you were surprised to see that your face remained dry. You opened an eye and gasped when you realized how close your face was to Jongin’s. Too close. So close that you could count how many individual lashes there were in his eyes. You then looked down to see that Jongin was the one who held you from falling flat into the water.

“You okay?” he asked, worry evident in his orbs.

Eyes that seemed to be a beautiful shade of mocha brown.

, you thought to yourself.

“Y-yeah, thanks,” you stammered.

.

“Wonwoo-ah, can you help her out and check if the chair is still safe enough for her to use?”

Your assistant helped you up and you let out a breath of air you didn’t even know you were holding in. You then glanced over at Jongin who was looking over the chair along with Wonwoo and then to Nana and Irene, who raised their eyebrows in both worry and suspicion. You bit your bottom lip upon realization and felt a headache coming.

Well, not just a headache.

You hit yourself in the chest, right where your heart was, hoping that the sudden pang you felt would go away as it was hindering you from thinking rationally. 

. . .

It was so much better living in denial.

[author's note]

Hello! My uni is giving me two weeks off and telling me to self-quarantine (the whole city, actually). Assignments and papers and exams are postponed until further notice so here I am with a new chapter! Because the chapter was getting too long imo, I decided to cut it and the second part will be up by tomorrow or after tomorrow.

On another note, I came back from London two weeks ago and I got to see SuperM in concert with a super good friend of mine that I made on AFF (hi, Angie, surprise, hope you liked the chapter). It was my first kpop concert, so I was super happy and emotional that I got to see our boys for the first time even though it's only 2/9. The NCT members were so cute T_T And Taemin was amazing as well.

Everyone, please be safe and self-quarantine yourself. Don't forget to wash your hands. And if you guys are in the same situation as I am, hope you don't get too crazy from staying at home 24/7! Let me know what you guys of the chapter in the comments and please upvote if you like the story so far!  

Last thing, if ever you're interested in the photo described in the chapter, click HERE. (t/w: dead bodies)