You rolled over in bed to the familiar cold that you had felt s many times before when Seongwha would sneak off in the middle of the night, saddened, but not disappointed. This time, he would not come back. You lie on your back, hands clasped on your stomach and eyes glued to the ceiling in the dark as you imagined what he could be doing, how he was feeling, how he was coping. You imagined all the new faces he would see, the comradery he would be thrown into, the discipline he would be forced to face and briefly, you smiled, knowing he would benefit from it. For so long, he had been an outcast, projecting those same feelings upon entering this relationship with you. He had been living a life that he had rather not chase and now, he would be among other people that were possibly like him, all with the same conviction and sense of glory. He would be surrounded with people who wanted to make a difference, whether this was the difference they chose to make. He might be with other students, with professionals, other engineers, but the excellent matter was that he was with someone. Most of this relationship, though it felt wrong to admit, you had wanted to be that someone, almost crossed the line into obsessive because you thought you were helping him, protecting him. Now, he would be with other people and he would survive. He would come home to you and love you like he had when he left, a new man. Whatever changes to his personality or body, you would happily endure because you finally realized this experience was a good one for him. While you loathed the idea that he would have to murder anyone to save his own life, the doings away from the battlefield, away from the violence would help shape him into the man that you couldn’t get him to be just yet. He didn’t need you, but you would let him want you, content that, while he was gone, he might have the chance to mature and be truly happy. He was already progressing as a person when he left you in the wee hours of that morning, tears in his eyes but smile on his face because he knew he was not fighting this war for something as abstract as freedom or love for his country, but for you and himself. He was determined to come home to you again, a new man, even more grateful for every moment he could spend with you without the past and his insecurities burdening him. He would leave for this war drafted, a slave to the system, but he would come back a free man, free from the spoils of war and free from his own demons. He promised. He had to. For you.

            “We thank you for your willingness to join the fight with us, but unfortunately, we are unable to accept you due to underlying psychological factors,” the woman behind the desk stated clearly and politely, choosing her words carefully as she looked the shaking Seongwha up and down, taking mental note of how he clenched and unclenched his fist as he stared back at her. “I realize that you may be upset, but we still thank you for wanting to serve your country-“

            “What do you mean I didn’t get in?!” he barked, jumping to his feet, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple.

            “Sir, we are unable to accept you because of your mental state,” she repeated, her voice starting to shake. “We cannot let someone like you in.”

            “Someone like me? What do you mean someone like me? What am I doing? What’s wrong with me?! Are you saying that there’s something wrong with me?!” he rambled, starting to pace about the small recruitment office. I-I passed all the health and physical exams with flying colors, I can take orders—I’ve been doing that all my life—and now you tell me that you can’t accept me?! On what grounds?” he ranted nearly pulling his hair out as he continued to pace frantically about the room.

            “For one, judging by your current reaction, this shows that you will not be too good uner pressure,” she started.

            “Not good under pressure? You think this is pressure? No, this is something way worse. Trust me, I can deal with pressure. I studied engineering when I was in school before I decided to answer this phony call of a draft. I stopped everything for you and you guys have the nerve to say that I can’t work under pressure when all you’re doing is insulting me by wasting my time while I try to help you guys? I-I was an engineer. I went through absolute hell to get to where I was and I didn’t even want to be there Then, when I finally decided that I like what I do, then you guys basically show up at my door to drag me out with a letter only to reject me?! What kind of bull?!” He continued to rave, face growing ever redder.

            ‘Sir, we really don’t think this is a right place for you. I apologize that we drafted you, but you must understand that the situation has become so precarious that we had to send that out to every male regardless of class, occupation, race or status. You are not the only one who has possibly been uprooted by the action and you still have the option to return back to the life that you say you miss. Sir, I truly apologize and I would appreciate it if you calmed down. I wouldn’t want to call security as you seem like an excellent young man. This war just doesn’t seem like the place for someone who reads books anyway. Consider yourself lucky,” she explained.

            “Lucky?” he scoffed, trying to calm himself as he sat back down across from her. “I finally get the chance to do something with my life only to get rejected and called a failure as if I haven’t heard that every day of my life and you want to call that lucky? I finally get to make a difference and go fight for a country but it doesn’t seem like they would want to fight for me. I mean, it was answer the draft or die, right? Do you like the idea that you just sent me out to die today?” he muttered darkly, staring her down as he neatly clasped his hands together on the desk.

            “Sir, I assure you, your name has already been put down in the records as “Answered” and you do not have to face the penalty that comes along with not entering the war. You have indeed done your part, but we can’t take you. I don’t make the rules, but I am so sorry that I have to be the one to tell this to you. Like I said, you are quite lucky to have an education and a decent job in times like this. We really do appreciate you trying to help, but you have done all that is required of you. You can go live now,” she consoled him, uneasy at his sudden change in demeanor. He was calm, too calm.

            “So, what was wrong with me? What were the underlying psychological factors?” he mocked, though his gaze was still steadfast and his body still calm.

            “Do you want the truth, my full honesty?” she inquired apprehensively, tapping her pen on the desk.

            “That’s why I asked the question,” he replied blandly, glanci