“Mina! Is this true? You’re going to be sent for the exchange program?” Nayeon exaggeratedly shot up from lying down at the sofa accidentally knocking Momo’s head, who was sitting at the floor, with her knee.

“Really?” Momo asked with Nayeon showering her with sorry while rubbing the back of her head to ease the pain. Momo took a glance at Sana that was seated at the end of the couch, the girl looked like she doesn’t care but her tensed posture gave her off.

“Who told you?” Mina raised her brow, surprised. She remained lying on her back in the loveseat.

“Jennie, she sent a photo in our group chat saying she’s going and I kinda saw you name at the list too. Aren’t you enrolled as an international student? And on top of that you’re also the vice president of the international students organization. Is that even possible?” Mina forgot that Nayeon was actually part of the Central Student Council before, meaning conversations about these topics would be common with her group of friends.

“That’s what i’ve been saying. I’m certainly sure that i am not eligible for the program. They also pointed out that it was a good thing that my term will be ending this upcoming student elections and I clearly have no plans to actually run again. It’s been stressing me a lot” Mina flailed her hands as she explained with several heavy sighs escaping her lips in between her sentences.

“I could tell. Getting sent for like a whole semester or even a year to another country when you’re already studying abroad is crazy” Nayeon shook her head. She was reminded why she quit being a part of the council this year it’s because of the unnecessary stress it gave her moreover she is now a graduating student.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore” Mina whined like a child covering her eyes with her arms.

Sana would’ve gushed about Mina being cute, if not for the fact that she just heard that the girl would be leaving soon but what disturbs her more is that heavy feeling that is starting to cloud her chest. Is it bad that I expected Mina to share things like this to me?...

Mina never intended for them to learn about this news especially Sana. She was still working it out, she did not apply for the exchange program. So why was she listed as a candidate? She had no plans to go somewhere else.

***

Sana uncomfortably shifts in her seat, she went to a coffee and pastry shop to- I don’t know to cheer herself up? Or to get away from their house? She wished she could sort her feelings while she’s out and far from the person who caused her to think like this.

The empty plate placed on the side of the table is a sign that Sana had finished her slice of cake and she only has the matcha smoothie left for her. The person on the other side of her table is not part of her plan, heck she doesn’t even thought of wanting his presence near.

“It must be fate to run into you here”

Those were the words he said before occupying the seat. It was all casual talk at first then turning a little deeper with subtle flirting here and there, Sana wouldn’t have noticed if she didn’t know him but she knew all of him. He used to be her world until the time he no longer wanted to be. She hated herself how could he still affect her this way, she felt so fragile that at any point she could break like the way he shattered her when he left.

Maybe the pain she felt this afternoon was adding up making all this unbearable to her.

She had enough today.

The world is against her right now but during these moments where she feel the weakest she hopes Mina would be there pull her out of this mess she always found herself into.

So she pulls out her cellphone trying to stop her hand that was sweating from uneasiness and started to type a message.

‘Can you please come and get me? You always do’

It was a lie if Mina said that she is not worried. Sana would never ask her like that if there was nothing wrong. She pushed the café door with her eyes darting to every corner to find Sana fast. Mina saw her sitting at the table near the window and there was a guy accompanying her. She was skeptical at first on why would Sana ask for her then as she walked closer with Sana looking up at her, Mina hated herself for not being there earlier.

“Sorry it took me awhile” Mina wrapped an arm around Sana before giving her a soft kiss on her temple. Mina stood beside Sana her hand not leaving the girl’s shoulder. “Oh, am I interrupting something?” She offered a smile to the guy.

“No. Nothing at all”

“I’ll be excusing Sana then, I apologize but we really need to get going” Sana felt Mina run her thumb on her nape as she conversed and it somehow made her feel that she’s alright.

Sana was now seating at the passenger seat in Mina’s car. Releasing a shaky breath, Sana wanted to explain everything to Mina before they go but it was hard to draw the right words. Mina was fast to assure her that she could tell when they’re back home or when she’s comfortable enough to talk about it.

During their drive back, Mina’s mind have been running wild. She’d always hate people who is dangerously close to Sana. She wants all of them to back off and have them know that dSana is hers. Why can’t she just make it official already?

“With that face you got there and you’ve never been in a relationship?” Momo seriously think it’s ridiculous. Being beautiful effortlessly meant there were lots of people after you, asking or even pleading to be with you. How did Mina manage to dodge all of them? 

“I’ll date someone when I see them as a potential life partner, I don’t want to invest time to a person I don’t see myself with in the future.”

“I think it would be hard to win your love”

—

“Why are you so good in lots of things?” Momo awed as she observed the very hard lego set Mina just finished putting together.

“Because I easily get bored and lose interest fast so I always find something else to do” Mina shrugged her shoulders, she didn’t thought much about her answer.

“It sounds like it’s a good thing”

“Oh no, it’s one thing I despise about me”

“‘because you think liking Sana would end up the same?” Mina was surprised that Momo connected it that way but she’s right. Mina was doubting herself.

“I never want that to happen”

“But you love ballet right and you still do for many years now” Mina wonders how Momo would always know what to say. Does she read minds? We don’t know.

“...I do” Mina whispered to herself she understood what Momo was trying to say.

—

“You’re so independent it amazes me” Sana wowed when she learned that Mina has been living alone since she started highschool here in korea.

“When you’re forced to watch over yourself plus a dash of tough love it happens. The bad thing is expressing myself became a little challenging. I’ve been trying to break that habit of mine”

“I swear you’re doing good at it”

Mina had been thinking about it, is she prepared to be committed? Momo would always remind her to stop doubting and start believing in herself. Should she? Mina is not sure though.

***

Mina had been watching Sana ever since they came back. Sana managed to explain in fragments she insisted on telling her before they got down the car. Mina was able to put the pieces together. That guy in the café was Sana’s ex boyfriend, she said that it was a bad break up but with the way Sana avoided in delving more Mina knew there is something she’s not telling.

Sana was reminded how that guy became manipulative in the span of time they were together, he also became obsessed over her after they broke up. It took a huge amount of courage to turn him down when he wanted to get back again. It used to be all about him.

And that triggered the inkling fear that was crawling it’s way within Sana. Would it happen again? Is she really giving out her heart and let someone else to take over it? She knew Mina is a genuine person, she’ll never intentionally hurt her. Is it okay to trust Mina? It was too late to turn back anyway. So by the time she sent Mina that message earlier she surrendered herself and hoped for the best.

***

“Mina?” Sana’s mumble broke the silence. She has been carefully watching Mina who’s focused on doing some papers for two full hours now. Mina said it’s something about turning over responsibilities. She noted the way Mina sat straight in her seat, face void of any emotions.

“Mina?” Sana repeated, her voice a little louder this time thus successfully gaining the other’s attention.

“Yes?” Mina looked at her with a soft expression, patiently waiting for her to say something but she noticed that Sana was hesitant. Seconds later Mina decided to return her gaze back to her papers, hoping that her simple act could make Sana feel comfortable to tell what’s on her mind. “What is it? I’ll listen” she encouraged.

“... what’s this between us?”

Mina flinched. It was involuntary and subtle but not enough to remain unseen. She tightened her hold on her pen. She actually wanted to talk about it too, she was just... not prepared?

“On second thought. You don’t have to answer that I don’t want to know.” Sana gave a tight lipped smile as she fell back to her bed. She considered which is much more painful. Is it to hear that all of this, everything that they have is nothing or to know that Mina is trying her best but she still wanted more?

Mina bit her lip. She doesn’t know what to say. Is it because she believe that she’s not enough. 

Enough to receive Sana’s affection,

Enough be beside her, 

Enough to make her smile and feel contented, 

Most of all enough to make her feel loved.

Sana felt her side of bed dip, so she willed herself to sit back up and tend to Mina. She held Mina’s face her thumb caressing her cheek softly, a fond smile broke out to her lips when the younger leaned to her touch. Sana wonders why Mina was never aware on how well she expressed her emotions in her own way, because right now Mina’s pair of eyes are adorned with the most loving gaze Sana had ever seen.

Mina reached out to cradle both Sana’s hand with hers bringing it up to lean down her forehead on to their clasped hands, eyes tightly closing. She released a deep breath and she felt Sana tighten her hold as if to make her feel she’s not going anywhere.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before... and it honestly scares me that i hold this much feelings for you. I didn’t even know i was capable to feel such emotions that is so strong” Mina voice was soft yet clear. She placed down their clasped hands into her lap, her gaze trained to Sana’s thumbs that was caressing hers to ease her nerves.

“There were times that i’ve been cold or distant- sometimes both and i’m sorry that was me being a coward running away from this growing feeling. Then these several weeks I’ve been thinking if i probably did something good in my past life to have someone like you. I know you’re waiting for me. Waiting in uncertainty... it must be hard.” Mina finally gazed back up at Sana. “There’s this thing that I wanted to ask you” Mina leaned closer. A little more and their noses would touch.

“I don’t think you should. Not when you feel the need to because i’m behaving this way” Sana moved back and shook her head in disapproval, she knew what Mina was thinking about.

“Alright, not now.” Mina smiled, soft and understanding. “Let me just...” Mina threw herself to Sana pushing her back down to bed and snuggled her close. The tip of her nose and lips grazed Sana’s jaw.

“I love you” Sana wasn’t sure if Mina wanted her to hear it. She said it so hushed that it barely passed as a whisper. So instead of words she chose to pull Mina closer to her and gingerly placed a kiss on the corner of the younger girl’s lips.

******

i'm in this mood :] 

Have you misana'd today?