“Go.”

“No.”

“Go!”

“No!”

“Taemin!”

“Let’s just-“ I try to shove my way past Kibum hyung but he grabs my arms and scowls. “Let’s just abort the baby. He doesn’t have to know!” I whisper-shout but Kibum hyung hates me and so he is shaking me in his grip, making my head dizzy.

“He has all the rights to know! Don’t be a !”

Right. If only I was attracted to one this day wouldn’t have been happening. If only I drooled over a cat rather than a hot dog life would have been easier. I am not even half-way through feeling dizzy and feigning my own fall when I’m legit pushed toward someone I don’t want to see ever again.

I have my reasons.

1 being he’s talking to some noona so like what the I don’t want to end up jerked into between them and go hey guys because that’s weird but of course to creatures like Kibum hyung that’s very normal. 2 being we are in school and school means studies and studies are what I clearly am not interested in but I’ll still give its example. 3 being it’s Choi Minho and everyone, even the most irrelevant, unfunny teachers know the guy’s craze over kids and I am sure if I were to tell him guess what, I am carrying your baby he’ll for sure start practicing dad jokes and just hell to the no.

Thank goodness God gave me legs so I break my stumble halfway through ending up on the floor before Minho and instead stand erect. At first he glances to my side and gives the look.

You know how ’s looks? Yup, that face. As if you’ve seen your own , that is.

After he realizes that I’ve started looking elsewhere he makes another face which is borderline the does he want but you see Choi Minho, the is the thing I did not want but my hoe still asked for it hence this whole accident.

I don’t even know who am I trying to kid. It wasn’t even a road so how did an accident happen??

“Hey.” I finally say, hands desperately trying to shove themselves in pockets of my jeans which do not exist. And then I realise that I have a hoodie so I shove my hands in there and still not look him in the eyes.

“Hi Taemin.” Are you hey, Yoona noona? No. So please. Nonetheless, I smile and slightly bow because I know for a fact that somehow my mother will appear in thin air and slap my face for being so rigid towards a senior. “What brings you here?”

This. I instinctively draw my hand closer to my flat tummy under the pocket, knowing very well that she can’t see and as the seconds tick by, it’s like Minho hyung is getting a hint so he is bouncing his big- eyes between me and Kibum hyung who so professionally pushed me to my doom and then smirks.

He smirks.

At me.

“What is it, Taemin-ah?”

And I don’t know what happened but Yoona noona is suddenly doing this thing with her hands which is like so should I go? so in return, I am beaming awkwardly and she’s walking away and I am also walking away because I want Choi Minho to follow me but of course he doesn’t follow and shouts.

“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to talk to me!”

Yes you dumb, that’s the whole reason why I am walking away to a less crowded place but I am sorry I forgot you took a sieve plate instead of a bowl when God was distributing intelligence so I don’t blame you for just standing there and expecting me to walk all the way back with this being in me and tip-toe and whisper that we should talk privately.

When I don’t stop is when he starts trailing behind me and jogs up to me. By then we’ve reached the backdoor of the building which is very deserted if not entirely ridden off humanity.

“Do you want to change a one-night stand to more?” I can hear the mockery drip down his tone and when I adjourn a turn and set my jaw is when his previously creeping up smug smile gets diffused into a a perplexed blink of eyes. “What?”

“You are coming to the doctor’s with me after school.”

He furrows his eyebrows, visibly taken aback by the tone and the order.

“Doctor? With you?” I don’t reply anything and instead hand him an envelope, which he stares at for a good 2 minutes, constantly looking at me and then envelope and then back at me and the envelope.

You see, if only you use your brain and open the damned envelope you don’t have to waste my 2minutes and oxygen in the air around me.

“What is this?” he questions with the paper unfolded before his face. If only he can read.

It’s an envelope you uncultured swine and you use your stupid big hands to open it and slide out a piece of paper which you then read by using the knowledge you earned in this vicinity of hell that we are standing in.

“Your report card, you failed in Common Sense.” I deadpan, noticing how his eyes have started skimming through the Greek written on the piece of paper. I say Greek because I am as sure as my uality that he understands nill to zero about it and is just pretending he does so he impresses me which I don’t even know why because that’s impossible.  I see him flip through the attachment and the report itself and then back at the attachment. He does it for a good 2 minutes. Again.  And then a small smile creeps up his lips.

Which, by the way, I am definitely not drooling over.

“Woah, whose pregnancy report is this?”

I want to face a wall but there is no wall, so instead I grab a pole and press my forehead against it. How I wish I could pole dance but then again, this is something I’d never do in front of this frog. I mean what if he gets again and wants to take me right here and I end up chopping his because I hate him? I don’t want to give birth in jail!

“You….are pregnant?” Finally. But at this point, I don’t even know if I should be happy that his dumb ing got it or set myself on fire because his dumb ing got it. I stare at him and he stares back with a hybrid between a smile and an amused look and then I angle my body away because a wise man just needs hints.

Okay so neither is he wise nor is he hints so I guess he’ll just stare till I manually tell him. And as if suddenly God blesses him with a brain, he inches in and whispers. 

There is literally no one here so I don’t even know why he has to be so extra.

“Wait. Did I take it?” No you did not. That’s the whole problem. When God was distributing common sense, you were busy so you didn’t take it. “The ity. Your ity?” I am gulping and scrunching up my face like what are you talking about? But then he looks back with a face which reads you know what I am talking about where he nods and smiles and nods plus smiles.

And then I knee him in the groin, watching with sheer contentment when his face contorts in a mixture of what the and this time  I am smiling because yes, that’s what you get after the . “I told you to use protection but no, you had to satisfy your tic tac sized .”

Okay that’s a lie because neither was he the one to suggest not using protection nor is his tic-tac sized but I must insult him so much that he begins hating me and himself goes I don’t want him to have my baby. However, when he gives me a sorry look, I almost get all warm from the sorry-ness in it.

“How I would have known you were the chosen one and capable of getting pregnant??” He has got a point but can we just not disregard the fact that he straight up took all the blame of coming in my when in reality it was me and my drunken on apple juice who whined at him to?

I mean, to everyone that might be cute because he is not playing the blame-game unlike me but what if it’s his way of telling me that he has dementia and sometime later, he’s like who you at the kid??

Why am I imagining this unborn baby going up to him and screaming daddy and him making a face as if it’s the other daddy that the kid meant?

These pregnancy hormones are inducing dad jokes in me and that isn’t funny.

“Whatever. I am aborting it because there are no commitments and I have my whole life ahead to think of.” I am brist-walking away but he jogs up to me, being so loud that I wish to just slap him in the face but I don’t do it because then that will mean I have to touch him and ew, I don’t have a frog kink.

“I’ll help you with everything. Finances, health, studies, everything!” That’s a good offer but no thanks because that means being as close to you as possible which is again, ew.

Besides do you even know how to spell finances or health or everything, you’re not even out of the ground. Wait, if he’s not even out of the ground then what am I?

However when he notices that I am ignoring him, he shouts after me. “You’ll be killing a human baby!”

If only someone lets him know of his origins. I wonder if he ever looks at a frog and goes wow, that kind of looks like me.

“Correction! Half human half frog!”






Can someone shove a banana up Kibum hyung’s mouth so he shuts up about interfering in my life??

Can’t he let me eat in peace? It’s been 20 minutes and he hasn’t stopped talking and it’s really a wonder how someone can argue with himself for so long knowing that the other person is ignoring him and will never pay any heed to him.

“He even volunteered to take care of everything!” He is saying and I am stabbing the chicken on my plate and praying to God that somehow Jinki hyung or Jonghyun hyung appear out of nowhere and have a with him so his mouth and both shut up. I mean there is no difference, really. Half his opinions, which he thinks are master pieces are just pieces of chipotle he has eaten last night.  “You’re-“

I enjoy a moment of silence because maybe God paused his disc, his cassette from ruining my mental health but when I discern that the pause is very inhumanely long and awkward, I look up and I am staring at a Kibum hyung who’s staring at someone beside me. I follow his gaze and thank God He sent my least favourite person to have lunch with me.

Okay, if he just sits and minds his own business, I don’t mind but he goes as far as dumping the piles of vegetables on his plate into mine and I am beyond angry and taken aback. “You have to eat lots of vegetables.” No. I don’t. Are you my mother? Are you my father? Are you a human even?

No.

You’re a frog.

And frogs don’t talk, unless you’re in Disney, then they do. But are you in Disney?

I slap my fork over his knuckle but Minho hyung doesn’t even budge and slips banana milk in my lap. Which, Kibum hyung had to stand and confirm from his spot and giggle afterwards because remember what I said about him having a condition where he thinks everything is funny?

“Eat up, Taemin-ah.” Kibum hyung is saying and I am glowering at him but he is still laughing and he is not even decent enough to titter behind the back of his hand so I don’t get pissed off. He laughs in my face, mouth open and voice loud for everyone to look our way.

And then this Choi Minho is looking so cluelessly at me that I want to smash the veggies in his face.

How about I stand and walk away while you bury your face in the pile you’ve set up on my plate? How about you jump down the depths of this girth so I live in peace?

“What the is your problem?” I ask and I am getting up but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back down.

“You need to eat a lot. You have to gain weight.” As if I care?? This thing is going out of me whether you like it or not.

I am starting to think it was Kibum hyung’s master plan of getting Minho a custom baby because of how much laughing he has to do at me.

Just when I think I’ve lost him while storming to the washroom, I get reminded that I am pregnant and find myself emptying my stomach in the bowl.

You hate me, don’t you, you little satan?

You want me to starve to death, is it?

I swear if Oxygen was a food, I bet this little minion would be like oh is that Oxygen? Sorry dad, that’s going straight out.

The most hideous fact about throwing up is the aftertaste. I mean no ing ? Never in the history of pregnant women or…men has anyone gone oh, I like the taste of vomit, is there any candy flavour for it?

I am heaving out a sigh and gripping the sides of the toilet-paper covered commode because the last thing I want is 1 for 1 free where AIDs come with this pregnancy. Getting up, I think I am done but as if hit in the chest, I double over once again, coughing and gagging my way into emptying the last bits of peanut butter sandwich and the chicken I had literally just inhaled because Kibum hyung won’t shut up and let me eat.

“Are…you okay?” I feel someone rubbing my lower back and seriously God? Of all the places you want him to help me, you send him here when I look like I am feasting on vomit?? And can you please, please make him stop touching me because that’s lowkey making me shy. He then gets in my face and looks with a sorry face which I get blown away by because wow, I did not know that he could look that way. “Do you want me to-“

I want you leave me the alone but of course that’s asking for the impossible so I’ll ask for a second impossible thing which is leave me the hell alone!

When I shove him into the cubicle and am retreating, he has the audacity to giggle?? At me?? He thinks I look funny.  I bet he won’t laugh once I kiss him with these vomit covered lips.

That’s just disgusting.

I rinse, gargle, spit in the basin, hoping he’ll take the hint and disappear off the face of the earth but he is a persistent frog, pondering for a common agreement which is never coming. “It’s giving you a hard time, isn’t it?” Yeah, like son, like father.

Just like you were giving me a hard time that night. How I wish that hard time didn’t exist.

I ignore him smiling to himself out of the washroom and hope to somehow have magical powers to repel any frog in my vicinity.

I wish this whole throwing up was just a gag reflex when I look at him and not this little being inside of me.







“Do you want me to drop you home? It’s not okay to stand for so long.”

This, this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell him anything.

And I’m sure this is exactly why Kibum hyung made me tell it to him. So he doesn’t have to take care of me, knowing very well that clinginess runs in Chois.

“How about you go yourself?” I slip past him but he grabs my backpack and swings it off my shoulder, slinging it on his own.

“How I wish I could but I don’t think my body is magical. Oh and If you ever feel sick, don’t hesitate in taking a day off. I’ll teach you what you missed.”

How I wish I didn’t stare at him staring at me and smiling like that as if making fun of me. I don’t even know if that was a compliment or he just wants to get away with trying to convince me he cares.

Whatever you do, Choi Minho, I don’t think you understand that I’m Lee Taemin and that all your efforts are in vain. I don’t speak frog and don’t want to in the near future too.