There's a place we know
What's cold enough won't grow

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pangs of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did, but for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say, that could have saved someone we care about.

That’s feeling that had been consuming Jennie for the last  year, she would like to say that she was young and naïve and that’s the reason why she let her ex-manager control her, but really that’s no excuse, for the past year all she could think of was, what if she had talked to Chaeyoung right after management talked to her, what if she had run after Chae when she left the club, could she have stopped her from leaving, could she have fixed what she broke? 

She knows what ifs are useless but she can’t help but wonder, plus it was kinda hard to forget about what you did when the consequences were displayed everywhere you looked, ”Broken Heart Syndrome by Rose, Out Now! includes number one single ‘Standing In The Dark’ “stupid ads, where always there promoting her ex-girlfriends album, an album she was sure contained at least 10 out of 12 songs about her, if not all of them.

So there you have it a year of feeling nothing but regret, for Jennie at least, and for Chaeyoung…well a whole year of nothing but pain… I suppose is bound to take its toll…

We have seen the dark
And the darkness took its toll

Here’s the thing about heartbreak, it hurts, a lot, while physical pain can be unbearable, so can emotional pain. Emotional pain is often more dangerous than physical pain because unlike physical pain, we aren’t always entirely aware of our emotional distress. It can lie dormant or simply ignored for long stretches of time. It can then rush over us in a single wave, potentially overwhelming us and even tipping us over the edge.

So you see there’s nothing romantic about pain, pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair.  Is always there, is funny if you think about it, I mean one day you’re completely smitten with another person, and the world seems great, everything is better, more pleasant… The funny thing is how this all changes when we fall out of love or have our heart broken. Things quickly change for the worse. This only goes to show us that our world is as bright or as gloomy as we make it out to be.

If you think all that Chaeyoung did during this time was write songs, you are wrong, this is another thing about pain, it can bring the worst out of people, when things start to go south in our relationships, many of us will start to distance ourselves from our partner, our friends or we even start to attack them directly because we blame them, we need something to blame.

Needless to say she went on a rampage pushing away everything and everyone that got close to her, drinking away her nights, working away her days, she lost sense of reality; and that’s another thing about pain, it demands to felt, the harder we try to pretend that we are fine, the stronger its presence will become until it starts consuming you inside out.

When then is the breaking point for this, when does the pain stop, how do we know is time to move on? Needless to say it took Lisa and Jisoo having a intervention for Chaeyoung to snap out it. 

And the journey waits for no one
If no one breaks the mould
And our hearts are stronger than we know

For Jennie  the breaking point was 6 months ago, when that girl quoted Chaeyoung’s song to ask her a question…”If the world is ending right this second, if the sky is falling who you gonna call?”   that’s the moment she realized what ifs would do nothing for her, she had spent a year of her life pitting herself about happened without doing anything to fix it, so when a 14 year old quotes a song written by the love of her life. She realized enough is enough, it was time to change things around and fight back.

“I’m coming out.” that was the first thing Jennie said when she walked into the cafe where Lisa and Jisoo where waiting for her..

“You are already out, what are you talking about?” replied Lisa a half eaten noodle on .

“No I mean I’m coming out.” said Jennie looking at the girls, determination in her eyes, she was done having a pity party,  “I spoke to management and pretty much said I’ll do it even if they fire me.”

“Holy !” Lisa exclaimed.

“Jendukie, are you sure about this? I mean it was about time but still…” Jisoo asks.

“I’m sure, Chu. This is the first step to getting Chaeyoung back. And this time I’m not giving up.” 

For Chaeyoung it came in the form of pictures, she was cleaning her apartment and she stumbled upon a box of memories, pictures, movie tickets, gifts, letters, pretty much everything related to Jennie, she knew something had change when she started writing a song about letting go “I don’t wanna be angry anymore, I don’t wanna be bitter anymore”

So, could Chaeyoung really blame Jennie for not being strong enough? Probably, but she could also blame herself for not being there for Jen after all she didn’t talk to her at all after she found out about that guy, she always waited for her to come talk to her, she didn’t attempt to figure out what was going on, and that’s it, Chaeyoung thinks, that’s why everything went down the drain, not because management got in the way, not because Jennie was following orders, but because neither of them made an attempt to fight for each other…

That you and I could learn to love again

After all this time

Maybe that is how I knew you were the one

That you could still believe in me again
After all our trials
Maybe that is how I knew you were the one

6 months, thats how long it has been since Chaeyoung sent that tweet to Jennie, and that’s how they spent the first month, tweeting each other relentlessly, commenting on each others instagram pictures, promoting each others music…

The second month Chaeyoung started hanging out with the girls regularly, well all of them except for Jennie, they were still in the tweeting stage, all though now they were moving on from first name calling to nicknames, Jennie was back to being Jen again and Chaeyoung was Chae, or Rosie again, then Chaeyoung went on tour to Europe and she found herself sitting on top of the London Eye, and all she could think about was the irresistible urge to call Jennie and tell her everything she was feeling, and that’s how they spent the next 3 months, on phone calls, and texts.

Jennie was lying in her bed, re-reading every tweet Rosie had sent her… when she was interrupted by the sound of her phone, looking at the screen she saw a number she didn’t recognize… 

“Hello?” Jennie answered, confused.

“Hi, Jen.”

“Rosie? Are you ok?” The brunette sat up, after hearing her favorite voice on the other side of the speaker.

Chaeyoung chuckled, making Jennie’s heart go crazy, “Yeah... why wouldn't I be?” 

“Because it's two in the morning, And you haven’t called me in 1 year and 3 months, and you’re in London right now probably enjoying yourself so I just…”

“Jen! You’re rambling…” Chaeyoung was smiling, she had to admit she had missed Jennie’s voice and hearing it again after such a long time was doing things to her.

“Sorry” Jennie said softly. She was happy as well, and a little confused, why would Chaeyoung be calling her

“Is okay… um I know is late, but I’m on top of the London Eye,  sitting by myself and the view is incredible and all I could think about was how much you would love it here, plus it’s been a while and I think this phone call was long overdue…” The blonde said, biting her lip.

“Yeah.. no… its fine…um how…do you…I mean…you think maybe… you could go back and um take me with you? Someday…oh and the girls too of course… if you want…” Jennie bit her lips and rolled her eyes at herself, how is it that this girl still makes her brain stupid after all this time.

“Yeah… someday…  I’d love that.”

Eventually things were less awkward and got to a point where teasing each other was normal, where calling each other at 2:05 a.m. was normal and familiar…

To awake and know we made it through the storm
And someone saves their sweet embrace
For you and you alone

Phone calls were easy, is like the fact that you’re not looking at how people is acting makes it better, you can make you own assumptions on the other feeling, or maybe is because we think that the other person won’t see how much we are struggling, but now seeing people face to face that’s a different thing, there’s no walls, no barriers, you can see each other completely, one look in people’s eyes and we are done for. 

Somehow Chaeyoung thinks this is where they really start again,  where they find out if the last six months, of talking like they used too can translate in person, Chaeyoung thinks it will, she thinks they’ve both moved on, they’ve both changed, and they’ve both grown. 

Now here she is standing next to the stage, the stage where Jennie just performed, waiting for her.

Life always goes on. Love brings us to the gates of heaven and then watches us as we crash back down to earth. But we usually survive the fall. More importantly, we all can survive the fall if we keep our head on straight and understand that all we are experiencing is a natural part of human life. Life will go on and we will keep living, long after we have our hearts broken the first time, second time or third time. No matter how bad our situation may seem, it will all one day be a distant memory.

As Jennie finishes and walks out of the stage, Chaeyoung meets her face to face, making the brunette stop and lose her breath.

“I liked the song, you sounded great”