“You look nervous.”

“I don’t like flying.”

“Really? I would’ve never guessed,” Soobin remarked, brushing her shoulder against his as the two walked over to the security line of the airport. It was as affectionate as they could be, Sunggyu supposed, given that his hands were on his bag and hers were, well, just stuffed into her coat. Her smile at him, though, was warm and soft, and it grew bigger the longer that they looked at each other.

She liked him. Why did that still seem so surprising? They’d been together for nearly three months. And after three months, Sunggyu generally could get a feel of how it would go. Three months passed with Ran Woong, and Sunggyu wanted to marry her. Then three months passed with Woohyun, and Sunggyu was starting to feel similarly. It terrified him. Was that what he really wanted? Sunggyu couldn’t say with complete certainty. His doubts took ahold of him, and the next thing he knew, Sunggyu was suggesting to Woohyun that they should have an open relationship. And here he was, nearly three months after that, with Heo Soobin by his side.

Sunggyu had no idea where their relationship was going. All he knew what that he was going to China, right now. He was a few steps away from the security line, a few steps from not seeing her in weeks.

A part of him felt relieved.

He wasn’t relieved just to get away from Soobin for awhile but from Woohyun too. This whole open relationship wasn’t doing any three of them any good. Sunggyu needed to take a step back and re-evaluate things. As thing would turn out, this extended trip to China wasn’t ruining his life. It was going to save it, hopefully.

Soobin’s shoulder brushed against his again, but it didn’t seem intentional this time. It just happened because they were walking so closely together. “I thought you would be more nervous about managing a new team in, um, China,” she spoke the last word softly, as if it were forbidden.

Catching that Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Ah, no, that’ll be fine. I’m not worried about that. I know the team pretty well already,” he explained. “I’ve been over there so many fu….I’ve been over there a lot.” He nearly let a curse slip out in front of her, which he somehow had refrained from doing for three months.

But Soobin still caught it and laughed. “I like your confidence,” she remarked, hiding her great grin behind her fist. They were at the line when her laughter abated, and they faced each other. Soobin just might’ve looked regretful as she pulled a hand out of her pocket and patted his upper arm. “There’s nothing to worry about with flying. The pilots have flown dozens of times before.”

“I know,” Sunggyu replied, grimacing. But as soon as he felt the corners of his mouth dip, he picked them back up again. He put on a pleasant tone too, “So I guess this is goodbye.” He let go of his bag for a moment to give her a hug, and Soobin squeezed him back.

“Goodbye, Sunggyu-ssi,” she whispered to him. “I’d give you a kiss, but…” Soobin pulled away and nodded to the old ladies behind Sunggyu, entering into the security line. They were watching the young couple, unashamedly, until they realized that the couple wasn’t going to do anything more than just hug. Sunggyu was just as let down as they were.

“Oh, okay,” he muttered and clutched onto his bag again. Taking a step backwards, Sunggyu waved back to Soobin. “Thank you for the ride, and I guess I’ll see you in a month.”

“It’s going to be a long month,” Soobin raised her voice the further he stepped back. “Take care. Tell me when you get in, hm?”

Sunggyu nodded, still waving, and turned around. That was their goodbye.

But Sunggyu still had someone else to say goodbye to, but he did it from the departure gate, minutes before he was to get on the plane.

Sunggyu: I’m about to board the plane. Do you want me to call you when I get in?

Woohyun: If you want to.

Sunggyu chuckled at that. Woohyun was playing at being coy, but then again, he answered the message before Sunggyu got onto the jet bridge. And when Sunggyu stepped onto the plane, Woohyun’s coy mask slipped even lower. It made Sunggyu stop in the middle of the aisle and throw his head back with a loud laugh.

Woohyun: Where are you sitting on the plane?

Sunggyu: They got me a window seat.

Woohyun: Maybe your neighbor will switch with you.

The terrifying thing about flying is that you’re not on the ground. Humans are made to be on the ground and not in the sky. Having a seat by the window was just a constant reminder to Sunggyu just how far from the ground he was, and it made him sick with anxiety. Somehow sitting in the aisle made him feel more secure, more ‘grounded.’ Maybe it was because he was farther from the window or because he was surrounded by people at either side or because he could easily run down the aisle when the plane eventually plummets to the ground. In any case, it was Sunggyu’s preferred spot on the airplane. Woohyun knew that. Whoever made his flights didn’t know. Neither did Soobin.

Sunggyu: I’ll call you later.

With that message sent, he put his phone back into his pocket and greeted his neighbor who happened to be one of the old women from earlier. “Hello, can I ask you for a favor? Do you mind if we switch seats?”

Already in his first steps away from everything, Sunggyu already realized this: Soobin didn’t care to ask why he was nervous about flying. She only guessed at why he was nervous. Something about that rubbed him the wrong way, but he couldn’t figure out why. Sunggyu could understand if she was too shy to kiss him ‘goodbye,’ but he couldn’t understand why something seemingly so small made him feel uncomfortable. What did it mean? It had to mean something, right? Sunggyu knew that it meant something when Woohyun’s messages gave him more comfort than Soobin’s soothing touches. It meant that he liked Woohyun more than her. But it wasn’t like Sunggyu was well aware of that already.

But there is a significant difference between being in love with someone and wanting to them to be a family. The typical person falls in love more than they settle down. Sunggyu would like to think that he was the typical person, but here he was, dating a man and a woman at the same time.

How did his life end up like this? Would he still be like this if he hadn’t gone to the restaurant that one fateful night?

Maybe?

Sunggyu sighed and shifted in his seat. When he did, his eyes fell onto the two old women. Before they had exchanged seats, the old women were sitting across the aisle from each other. Now they were side by side, both looking out the window and chatting excitedly. One of them was a little too excited and a ‘darling’ fell from her lips as she pointed to something out the window. Hm? Sunggyu narrowed his eyes and shifted again in his seat. The women were holding hands too. And was that a ring? Sunggyu grinned as he closed his eyes and moved his head to the other side.

It was comforting to see that it could all work out for some couples.

But would it work out for him? It seemed dubious now (especially since Sunggyu wasn’t quite sure about how he wanted things to pan out). After checking into his hotel room, he called Woohyun first, but the younger didn’t answer. Sunggyu left a voicemail, asking Woohyun to call him back if he was free. And Woohyun did respond later, but it was just a text message that rolled in when Sunggyu was on the phone with Soobin.

Woohyun: I’m tired.

Sunggyu stared at the message as he fell back onto his bed. Woohyun was avoiding talking to him. Wait. Sunggyu bolted upright. Was it possible that Woohyun was with someone else right now? He could be! That’s what they both agreed to months ago. Sunggyu rolled his phone in his hands as he contemplated whether or not he should ask. No, Sunggyu didn’t want to know. He didn’t like thinking about Woohyun being with another guy, a guy who apparently ‘tired’ Woohyun out.

With that thought in his head, Sunggyu got up from his bed and went out onto his room’s balcony, letting the cold air cool off his hot head.

A few more steps away, Sunggyu realized this: Woohyun was mad at him, and Sunggyu couldn’t blame him for him. From the moment he suggested dating Soobin, Sunggyu immediately regretted it. The hurt look on Woohyun’s face tore at him, and it still did whenever he could recall it. That was why Sunggyu tried to recant the suggestion altogether. But then Woohyun was adamant about going through with it, about opening the relationship. He also got a date before Sunggyu did. It really sent Sunggyu further down the spiral of questioning and doubt. Did that suggestion cause an irreparable rift in their relationship? Did Woohyun think that Sunggyu was no longer enough for him?

“We both have options, hyung. We should explore them.”

Did that mean Woohyun also had his doubts about their relationship?

Sunggyu would never know because Woohyun wasn’t the best at communicating his feelings, or his plans. Sunggyu later found out through Heeyeon that Woohyun took the day off on Monday. She’d messaged him later that day, wondering why Woohyun showed up for work when he wasn’t supposed to. Was there something wrong? Yes, there was plenty wrong between them, like how Woohyun could be so considerate to the point of irritation. Sunggyu understood that Woohyun didn’t want to tread on Soobin’s toes and let them spend time together. But Woohyun also had no idea how many times already Sunggyu had canceled dates with Soobin in order to be with him. If Woohyun called him and said that he was having a bad day (and needed someone needed to pull his mind out of the little hole it could dig itself into), Sunggyu would then call Soobin and tell her that his ‘best friend’ needed to be cheered up. Then they’d reschedule their date. Of course, she had no idea that he was cheering his ‘friend’ up with hugs and kisses rather than beer and sports on television. Soobin just assumed that Sunggyu was a devoted friend rather than the liar that he was.

Yes, Sunggyu was completely aware that he liked Woohyun more than her. But still Sunggyu’s feet were colder than ice.

However, Woohyun’s cold shoulder felt like absolute zero. Sunggyu sent him a picture of his hotel room. Nothing. A picture of his breakfast? Nothing. Selca? Not even a ‘.’ in reply.

Sunggyu didn’t give up hope. He knew how to make the other speak.

Sunggyu: Do you want me to buy you something while I’m here?

Woohyun: Eung

Sunggyu: Okay, but it’ll cost a phone call.

Sure enough, later that afternoon, Woohyun thawed a bit and called.

“Finally!” Sunggyu cheered when he answered the phone and shut his office door behind him.

Woohyun scoffed. “Are you happy now?”

“I am!” Sunggyu wasn’t even going to bother hiding his happiness from the other. “It’s weird, not talking to you for a day. How has your day been?”

“You want to know that badly that you keep texting and calling?” Woohyun’s question was laced with sarcasm.

“Yes,” however, Sunggyu still answered it truthfully, which drew a laugh from Woohyun, who’d appeared to that completely and then told him about his day.

But Sunggyu could still sense a slight bitter chill from Woohyun’s voice. And Sunggyu wished that Woohyun would just admit to being mad at him.

Why wouldn’t he just tell him?

Mad or not, Woohyun began answering his calls now. He only answered though. Never would he start the conversation. Sunggyu could tolerate that for now. It was obvious that Woohyun needed to be reassured of his feelings for him, and that’s exactly what he’d do.

And Sunggyu truly felt a lot for Woohyun. He found himself fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist frequently throughout the workday. Occasionally, he caught himself smiling, just gazing at it. His night felt colder and longer. He was constantly checking his phone for new messages or calls. And that was all for one reason: Woohyun.

Someone joked if Sunggyu had gotten married recently because he was acting like a newlywed that had to fly away from the nest for the first time. When he truthfully answered “No,” someone else chimed in that it would only be a matter of time until he married whoever he was dating.

“Who are you dating, sir?”

“Heo Soobin, a secretary at our branch,” and Sunggyu hated how her name came out like a reflex.

Sunggyu knew that he loved Woohyun, but would he ever let himself acknowledge it?

For two months, Sunggyu was away in China, spending long days in the office and passing out alone in the hotel room every night. It felt eerily similar to his first weeks as a ‘widow,’ and his team was all too nice to him as well. “It must be hard to be away from home for so long,” they’d often tell him. Yes, it was, especially when his efforts to bring ‘home’ to him failed.

“You said that you’d visit me, if I stayed longer than a month,” he whined to Woohyun over the phone on the night that he was told that his stay was extended.

“Things are picking up around here,” Woohyun was speaking again with that cool tone. Sunggyu took in a breath, about to say something in reply, but the other quickly added, “And my passport expired.”

That dashed every last hope Sunggyu had. “Woohyun-ah!”

“Soobin would probably come if you asked,” Woohyun suggested that with such ease that it irritated Sunggyu. Soobin wasn’t a replacement. She was her own person. She was something different to Sunggyu. She was his girlfriend, and Woohyun was his…Woohyun.

“I don’t want…” Sunggyu caught himself mid-sentence and just groaned, kicking his feet in an annoyed fit.

“You want me?” Woohyun guessed with a chuckle, and when Sunggyu didn’t answer, he was the one to whine, “Hyung!”

“You promised you’d come,” Sunggyu reminded him.

“I said that I’d try,” Woohyun retorted. “I tried and I couldn’t do it.”

“But did you really try?”

And Woohyun answered with the most unconfident “yes” that Sunggyu had ever heard. Woohyun was lying. He still must be mad.

“Woo–”

The younger interrupted him again, “Don’t hold be sulky because I can’t come, okay?”

“Fine,” Sunggyu gave in, just a bit, “But if I have to make this trip again this year, I’m booking two tickets. I seriously can’t take being alone in hotel room anymore.”

“Really? Who will be using the second ticket?” Woohyun , chuckling. Sunggyu could perfectly envision the cheek grin and shoulders shaking in glee. And it made him frown all the more.

Sunggyu let out a frustrated sigh and grumbled, “I’ll find someone.”

Woohyun was laughing heartily now. “I miss you, hyung,” he offered like it was an apology.

“I miss you too,” and Sunggyu took it. He raised up his wrist and gazed at the slender chain. “I wish that I knew when I was coming back.”

“Me too,” Woohyun muttered softly. He then raised his voice only to tease the other again: “Things aren’t the same without you. I can actually hear myself think now without you always talking.”

“Eh, thinking is no good for you anyway. You think too much,” Sunggyu was in a better mood and joked back. “And am I the only one talking? I think not! I caught you talking to the robot vacuum cleaner the other day!”

“It was stuck! I was saving it! It was scared!”

“It can’t feel scared! It’s a robot!”

‘Home’ wouldn’t come to him, but the thought of it cheered up Sunggyu. And eventually the second month came an end, and Sunggyu finally came home, came back to everything.

He knew what he should do.

Sunggyu: Soobin is picking me up from the airport. I can’t meet with you tonight.

Woohyun: Neither can I. I’m meeting with someone tonight.

Sunggyu: Who?

Woohyun: Do you really want to know?

“Who are you texting, Woohyun?”

“Sunggyu,” Woohyun told his date. He then broke out into an evil chuckle and elaborated, “I’m just giving him a good scare.”

“When is he coming back?” Sungyeol asked as he looked over his friend’s shoulder to read the conversation. “, Woohyun. Is this why you called me out tonight? To freak Sunggyu out? What are you two doing? Playing relationship chicken?” Sungyeol chided the other and gave him a good shove. Woohyun frowned at that. No, that wasn’t the reason (entirely). He had a sneaking suspicion that Sunggyu would ask Soobin to pick him up, just like he’d asked her to drop him off. Woohyun understood perfectly: Soobin was the partner that Sunggyu could acknowledge in public. And Woohyun couldn’t really forgive Sunggyu for that, which was probably also the reason why Woohyun was being petty right now.

And Sungyeol didn’t like being roped into his pettiness, not one bit. “Do I really have to tell you guys how dumb and immature that is? , I’m younger than the both of you,” Sungyeol kept ranting. “I don’t know how you guys got worse by actually dating, but you did. Congrats.” He finished his tirade by clapping right in Woohyun’s face.

Woohyun slapped down his hands. “He’s going through…”

“Gay panic?” Sungyeol broke in.

Woohyun rolled his eyes. “Don’t act like you know how it feels,” he grumbled and then took a long sip from the soju bottle. The both of them were tucked away into a corner of his mother’s place, and so Woohyun could afford to be utterly crass like that.

Sungyeol scoffed at that. “Well, I’ve seen you go through it already, so I have some idea,” he argued.

Honestly, Sungyeol might have a point. Woohyun was pretty bad when he was in college. It wasn’t like he had a steady boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time. In fact, there was absolutely nothing steady during those times. He’d go out on group dates, flirting with all of the girls there and later making out with one of the guys in a dark, nearby alley. Those were confusing and unsettling times for him, and it took Woohyun a good while until he could settle and commit to a person, a man, who was his boyfriend for a number of years until they grew apart. Since was a quite a journey towards acceptance for him, he was being lenient towards Sunggyu and was patiently waiting for him to finish his journey.

Although Woohyun’s patience was running out.

Sungyeol’s was too. Once he finally opened his mouth disparaging of his friend’s relationship, he couldn’t stop: “At least you can say that you were young and immature. In college, we were all dumb and didn’t know any better. But Sunggyu does. So what’s his excuse? He’s fifty.”

“He’s two years older than us,” Woohyun corrected him (needlessly).

“On a good day,” Sungyeol shot back, just as seriously as the other. They then met each other’s eyes and broke out into a laugh.

“Why am I still with him?” Woohyun ‘jokingly’ lamented as the laughter died down.

“I honestly wonder that sometimes,” Sungyeol replied soberly. He shook his head as he drank. “I just don’t get what he’s doing. You’re a catch.”

Woohyun nearly spat out his drink. Oh, wait, he did a little. “You really think so?” he asked while wiping his chin with his sleeve.

“I don’t want to date you, but I can appreciate you,” Sungyeol explained. He put his arm limply around Woohyun’s shoulders. Yet he wouldn’t face his friend. Instead he took another drink after sneering, “Unlike someone.”

“He appreciates me,” Woohyun fought back, weakly.

And Sungyeol knew it. “If you say so,” he yielded and his arm dropped from the other. After a few moments of silent drinking, Woohyun got up from the table to grab them a few more bottles. When he came back to the table, Sungyeol was looking up at him with wide eyes. He just remembered something. “Hey. Are you still seeing other people too?”

Woohyun shook his head and slid into his seat. “Not tonight, but maybe next weekend,” he vaguely replied as he readied the new bottle for them. Who Woohyun would be seeing highly depended on what a certain man did. If that man acted a certain way, pushed him a bit too hard…The cap popped off the bottle, and it shot across the table.

Sungyeol didn’t pick up on Woohyun’s implications. He was too fixated on the recent past. “Nuh uh. I don’t like it. This isn’t you,” he remarked, shaking his head all the while.

Woohyun had to agree with that. Never ever in his wildest dream would he think that he’d be in an open relationship. He was a romantic, but now he was thinking that he was one of those hopeless romantic that found themselves in unhealthy relationships. Was this really that bad?

“I know. I don’t like it either,” the truth slipped out of his liquored lips.

“Then why are you doing this?”

Woohyun groaned and drug both hands down his face before answering. “I thought…I thought he wasn’t going to see her for this long, okay? I thought it was going to be a few dates, and then he’d…I don’t know.” He reached for the bottle again and took another swig. It almost hurt to swallow it. He took on too much. And it was all hitting him right now. “I’m not going to do this for much longer, I’ll tell you that,” the next truth slipped out. “And if he’s serious about her, then I’m gone.” And it was the first time that Woohyun admitted to it, out loud. The idea had been bouncing around in his head for awhile, and it finally bounced right out.

And Sungyeol seemed glad that it did. His arm wrapped around Woohyun again in a weak attempt at a hug. “It’s a genuine relief to hear you say that. You still have some sense in that head of yours,” he quasi-praised his friend. Sungyeol let go of him after rubbing Woohyun’s head roughly. “Let’s talk about something else.”

Woohyun gladly welcomed the change in conversation. “The game ,” he remarked and finally stuffed something into his mouth that wasn’t a soju bottle (rice).

“It totally . What’s with them?”

Sunggyu: No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Just be careful.

“Why did I say that?” Sunggyu lamented out loud. He was at baggage claim, waiting for his bag to come around. From the moment he touched down in Korea to baggage claim, Sunggyu was wondering how to respond to Woohyun’s message. For some reason, he couldn’t ever just say ‘no’ to him. He always had to add something else. Today it was ‘just be careful.’ He hated that he was like this. He hated how affected he’d get over this.

But seriously?! Sunggyu finally came home from China after two months. Woohyun knew what day he was coming back, and he made plans with someone else?! Soobin asked yesterday if she could pick him up. Whereas Woohyun never offered, and he never planned to. Instead, he planned to meet with some random guy rather than his own boyfriend. What was this?

Or, Sunggyu’s eyes grew wide at the realization, what if it wasn’t ‘some random guy’ but some guy that Woohyun had been consistently seeing this whole time? And how would Sunggyu know? He always refused to know!

Sunggyu had to sit down. His mind was falling to pieces. But with nowhere near to sit, he just crouched down on the floor. And he fell on his when he heard Soobin call out his name.

“Sunggyu-ssi? Did you get your bag?”

“Oh, not yet. It should be coming soon,” Sunggyu stumbled through his words and he got up onto his feet. “Ah there it is! I’ll get it, and let’s go!”

Sunggyu had a hard time peeling his eyes away from the phone. It was on silent, but every so often, he’d open it up to the lockscreen, only to see nothing besides emails notifications. But he tried his best to refrain from doing it, after all he was eating with Soobin right now. They were at a pretty nice Italian restaurant too, fancy but still cozy. He ordered them a nice bottle of wine to celebrate his return, and the two of them ordered food that they could barely pronounce. It would be a lovely date if only he could focus on it.

Soobin was being too tolerant of his behavior. When she caught him looking at his phone for the fifth time since they sat down, she just grinned at him and asked if he needed to attend to something. It would have to be work-related, she assumed. But it wasn’t. And Sunggyu sheepishly answered ‘no,’ and after stuffing his phone back into his pocket, he rested his hands upon the table.

And that’s when Soobin slid her hand across the table towards his. He instinctively flipped it over, thinking that she wanted to hold hands. But her hand bypassed his palm, and her fingers hooked around the bracelet on his wrist. “What’s this?”

“Hm?” His mind was still playing catch-up, but he looked down and saw her fingers glide across the chain. “Oh, it’s an old bracelet,” he replied. “Careful. It was pretty cheap, and I don’t know how well it holds up.”

Soobin immediately retracted her hands into her lap. “I’ve never seen you wear it before,” she remarked. Something about the tone of her voice made Sunggyu heat up with guilt. It was so pointed. Did she know? How could she?”

Sunggyu pulled his hands back into his lap too. “I’ve started wearing it recently,” he admitted under his breath, and under the table, he clutched onto that wrist, hiding the offending chain.

“Did she give it to you?”

“Hm? What? Who?” Sunggyu stammered.

Soobin broke out into a giggle. “Who?” she repeated. “Just how tired are you? You barely said anything on the car ride over.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Sunggyu didn’t quite know what he was apologizing for. “I’m just jet-lagged.”

The woman hummed and scrunched her nose in thought, until she finally decided to shake her head. “I think it’s more than that,” she argued. “You’re more than just tired. It’s almost like your mind leaves your body for a moment. It happens quite often, almost every day, honestly, even at work. I’ve noticed. It takes you a good minute to notice me when I’m at your desk, or even sitting on it.”

“Ah, that!” he exclaimed with a clap. Perhaps too excited that he could finally answer a question for her. “I get really into my work sometimes. I can get really focused, and everything else fades away.”

“Hm,” there was that hum again, a warning before another disagreement came. “I don’t think it’s just that. I think it’s because of her. It is, isn’t it? You really miss her, don’t you?”

“Beg your pardon?”

Soobin leaned over the table and lowered her voice, “Your wife.” There was a sad, slender smile on her face. “You must miss her. You must still love her.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes. They fell to his lap. “Ah, well…” he struggled to find something to say. But he was just struggling in general to acknowledge the right thing to say about his ‘wife.’

“I mean, of course, you still do. It hasn’t been a year since,” Soobin was stumbling through her words now. Sunggyu’s reaction made her anxious, but there was no way that she was as anxious as he was now. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours since he last talked to his ‘wife.’ But it had been more than 24 minutes since their last text. And Woohyun still hadn’t responded.

“Have you heard anything about her yet?”

“No,” Sunggyu answered quickly and too honestly. Realizing this, he cleared his throat and added, “I don’t expect that I will. It is North Korea after all.”

“I suppose you’re right. It was silly of me to ask,” Soobin reprimanded herself. And what was really silly of her was how she continued: “It must be hard for you to go to China so often, where you met her. It must not be helping this whole thing.” Sunggyu had no words for her and only stared at her in confusion. And so Soobin kept going: “Even though it’s silly, I hope you can hear something. I just feel like you need more closure. It might help you move on.”

“Can we talk about something else? Please?” Sunggyu begged. And to show how intolerant he was of this conversation, he began eating again. He motioned to her that she should too.

But Soobin didn’t lift a finger. “I’m sorry,” her voice was small. But then the hum came, heralding her discontent. “Actually, I’m not really. I just…we never talk about her. And you shut me down every time I try.”

“I don’t like talking about it,” Sunggyu fought back, hoping that she’d back down again.

She didn’t. “You talk about her with your best friend, don’t you? Why can’t you open up about it to me?” Soobin challenged. And Sunggyu was the one to recoil into his seat. His head hung lowly.  The best friend was Woohyun. Soobin was talking about the actual Woohyun now. This was getting far too close for comfort now. Sunggyu was scrambling to find a way to get out of this.

And since he was reeling, Soobin took advantage of it and continued, “We’re in a relationship. I know that best friends are best friends and that Woohyun has seen you through a lot and you two are very close, but…I’m your girlfriend. I can be there for you too, if you let me.”

Sunggyu lifted his head again to look at Soobin again. She held his gaze steady, determined. Something about her stubbornness (and the tick with her nose) had always reminded Sunggyu of him.

Soobin slid her hand across the table again, but this time she held his. And her hand never felt so small before until now. “At some point in time, we have to talk about it. We can’t ignore her forever,” she spoke soothingly. “I want to help you and to help ease your pain.” The small, sad smile spread across her face once again.

But there was no pain. Sunggyu wasn’t a widower. The person that he deeply cared for was still alive. Heck, Sunggyu was waiting for him to message him back! He was the exact opposite of a widower!

This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Sunggyu had figured that much when he was in China, but now that he’d returned to it all, Sunggyu knew it was ed up. What had he been thinking? That dating a woman would ‘straighten’ him out? That he’d be able to have his cake and eat it too? To always be with both? Always hurt them both?

And then there was Heo Soobin. She was nice and pretty, but they honestly didn’t get along well. Soobin chalked everything up to Sunggyu being an ornery widower, a depressed man who needed to be fixed up. But he wasn’t any of that. Just like how she was nothing like Woohyun even though they had similar ticks.

This relationship was leading nowhere. Soobin was caught up in the fantasy of healing a broken heart, and only seemed interested in hearing about his wife and that torrid love story rather than in getting to know him. And her lack of interest had never bothered Sunggyu because he had someone else already interested in him. He had someone else already satisfying his emotional needs, and he was already satisfying someone else’s. That was why it took Sunggyu so long to figure out where his relationship with Soobin was leading to because it was heading nowhere from the start.

And all other relationships would lead to nowhere because he’d already arrived at the place where he wanted to be.

“Soobin-ssi?”

“Yes?”

Sunggyu: I know it’s late, but can you still come over to my place tonight? We need to talk.

“Oh? He just asked me over,” Woohyun cheered and nearly fell out of his chair when he shoved his phone into Sungyeol’s face, nearly knocking the glass out of his friend’s hands.

Sungyeol didn’t seem to mind. His eyes were glued on the phone, brows furrowed in confusion. “Isn’t he with what’s-her-name?” he asked. Woohyun nodded and sat back down in his seat. He slipped on his hoodie quickly and…shoes? Where were his shoes? Ah! There they were! Near the entrance! Sungyeol’s eyes, however, were still on the game and not his friend, struggling to get his together. “Wah! What a lame date, calling it off so early. We haven’t even drunk that much,” Sungyeol derided. He then felt the table jerk underneath him. Woohyun knocked into it while getting up. That man was more unsteady on his feet than a newborn fawn. “Or maybe you have. Do you need help getting over there?” Sungyeol offered.

Woohyun shook his head, which caused him to stumble, but he used that momentum to head towards the entrance. “Taxi Ahjussi will take me over to hyung’s place,” he replied. He then plopped himself onto the floor and struggled to find his shoes (or just matching shoes in general).

Sungyeol popped up by his side. “I hope that you give him more specific instructions than that,” he remarked with a nervous laugh.

“Got it!” Woohyun exclaimed as he managed to slip his feet into Sungyeol’s shoes. He then grinned at his friend and waved as he got back onto his feet. “Bye, Sungyeollie!”
“Bye, Drunky McDrunkerson!” Sungyeol bid him farewell. And once Woohyun was out the door, Sungyeol went back to his table, clicking his tongue and shaking his head. “Poor kid. He’s so eager.” He then let out a deep sigh and lifted his head again. “Auntie! Woohyun went out to meet with Sunggyu-ssi!” he tattled on his friend

Woohyun’s mother came out of the back room at his shout, but she seemed more excited than concerned. “Oh, son-in-law is back from his trip?”

“Oh eung,” was all Sungyeol could reply because he expected a different reaction.

“Well, you can still stay here as long as you’d like. I’ll get you some more food,” she offered and slipped back into the room.

Sungyeol let out everything, a sigh, a groan, maybe even a fart, as he fell back into his chair. “Son-in-law?” he repeated with a scoff. “More like son-in-. I hate that guy. He …just like number 9 on this team! Come on! The goal was wide open!”

How Woohyun was able to make it to Sunggyu’s house was a miracle. Woohyun could partially remember hailing a taxi, but the next thing he knew, he was at Sunggyu’s door, not even bothering to input the code but knocking on the door. He almost knocked on Sunggyu’s face too when he opened the door, but instead Woohyun turned the misstep into a ‘cool’ move and leaned against the doorframe.

Sunggyu, on the other hand, was just astounded at the sight of the other (and already dressed in sweatpants). “I didn’t think you were coming. You never replied to my text,” he confessed happily, but then his grin turned into a frown. “Are you drunk?”

Woohyun giggled and pressed his weight against the doorframe, leaning his head against it too. “Yeah.”

“This is what you do when I tell you to ‘be careful’?” Sunggyu chided him, but his tone was too light to take seriously. And he was smiling a lot. Woohyun could see two Sunggyus smiling at him, and the world was spinning with joy. Then there was a pull at his wrist. Sunggyu was helping Woohyun inside, and away from the helpful doorframe. Without it, Woohyun didn’t quite know how to stand. Sunggyu seemed to be aware of that. “Come in and sit down. You’re going to fall over.”

Woohyun felt like he was going to crash onto the floor at any moment, so he went to the one place that would welcome his crash with pillowy softness. He missed this. The way that it felt. The way that it smelled. The memories it held.

“What are you doing in here?” Sunggyu asked, wavering at the doorway of his own bedroom.

Woohyun pulled himself up into a seated position. “It’s late, and you called me over,” he slurred. He then did his best to wiggle his eyebrows, but in reality, he just scrunched and relaxed his face a few times. “I know what that means.” To drive his point home, Woohyun slapped the spot next to him.

“I wanted to talk with you and not…” Sunggyu stopped and sighed. Woohyun was still hitting the spot next to him, and it seemed like he wouldn’t stop until Sunggyu joined him. So he did. “I guess we aren’t going to be able to have a talk tonight, are we?”

“Nuh uh, no talking,” Woohyun mumbled, barely moving his lips as he maneuvered himself closer to the other. “Just…” He cupped the other’s face and brought their lips together. Two months was too long for them to be apart, to be without this feeling. And it was just like Woohyun remembered it being. Even though Sunggyu tasted like rich, red wine, which clashed with the cheap soju soaked through his tongue.

“Just what?” Sunggyu teased with a laugh when they finally part. His arms were around the younger, holding him close and steady. And Sunggyu laughed even harder because Woohyun was kissing down his neck with a feathery touch. Woohyun’s weight eventually became too much, and they fell back onto the bed, gradually, softly. When they were fully reclined, Sunggyu reached for Woohyun and tried to get the younger to face him. When they did, Sunggyu’s hands held his face gingerly, and Woohyun’s eyes were everywhere but on his. “Hey. Did you really leave who you were with just to see me? I half-expected that you wouldn’t come. Was it because you missed me?” Sunggyu asked. Woohyun moved out of his hold and brought his head back down to Sunggyu’s chest. But he still mumbled out the answer. “Hm? What?” Sunggyu wouldn’t let it drop. He had to know.

So Woohyun lifted his head and repeated, “Just Sungyeol.”

“Just Sungyeol? Hm? You were just hanging out with Lee Sungyeol?” Sunggyu asked while patting (and messing with) the other’s hair. “Yah, were you messing with me?”

Woohyun put a finger onto the other’s lips, sealing them shut. “Sh! No talking,” he commanded. His finger then dragged down Sunggyu’s chin and hooked underneath his jaw. Woohyun shimmed up higher until they were eye-level and he lifted the other’s chin. “Please.”

“Okay, okay, no talking.”

Woohyun leaned down to kiss him again. All he wanted was to regain the feeling that they had on their last night together. Woohyun wanted to feel loved by Sunggyu again. Two months of short conversations, shoved into what available time that they had, hardly gave him that same feeling. It wasn’t the complete feeling of being together that he experienced that night.

And he wasn’t going to get that feeling tonight either. When Woohyun tried to slip his hand underneath Sunggyu’s sweatpants, the other grabbed hold of it. “Not now,” Sunggyu muttered through pants. “Woohyun, let me tell you something first.”

Woohyun shoved a finger against his lips again. “No talking!”

Sunggyu pulled his hand away roughly. “Look, I know you’re drunk but…”

“I’m not listening!” Woohyun exclaimed as he sat up so quickly that the world was spinning again. This time, it scared him. It all scared him. Woohyun put his hands over his ears, but he still couldn’t drown out the sounds echoing through his head: Soobin, the red wine, ‘we have to talk.’ “I’m not listening!”

Those sounds stopped once Sunggyu pulled Woohyun’s hands away and held them to his chest. They were both sitting up now. Sunggyu with his back to the headrest and Woohyun on his lap. And Woohyun’s eyes were on his own hands in Sunggyu’s, like handcuffs. He was trapped.

“Woohyun, this is important,” Sunggyu insisted. And then he went off onto a long, lumbering discourse about who knows what because Woohyun couldn’t follow it. He could barely sit upright, but he blinked and tried to concentrate on what Sunggyu was saying. He soon gave up. Sunggyu’s speech wouldn’t make sense to a sober mind, let alone a liquored on.

He talked about his trip, but he kept slipping back and forth between China and his date tonight. Then all of the sudden the speech traveled to North Korea, and Sunggyu spoke of politics and car salesmen. ‘Would the Koreas ever get together?’ Sunggyu asked that once, twice, maybe three times? Woohyun didn’t know. Sunggyu was talking in circles, and it was making him dizzy and so tired. He felt his eyelids drooping lower and lower at the sound of Sunggyu’s deep voice talking incessantly, melodically, almost like a lullaby.

But then Woohyun heard something that he could understand and couldn’t ignore. Just with that sentence passing through his ears, Woohyun sobered quite a bit.

“What did you just say?”

“Woohyun, it was a joke. I didn’t mean it,” Sunggyu immediately retracted. Eyes wide and terrified.

“The you did!” Woohyun shouted back. He yanked his hands away from the other and rolled off of the bed, with great difficulty because Sunggyu was trying to hold him still. “Get off me. Get off!” He kicked at the other as he shouted. Sunggyu let go, and Woohyun fell onto the floor with a thud.

“Woohyun! Oh my god, are you okay?”

“No!” Woohyun could taste the bitterness of his voice on his tongue. He rolled onto his and glowered up at the other. “What the is going through your mind to think that’s okay to say?” He tried to mock the other but it didn’t come out coherently (and it didn’t need to. Sunggyu knew what he said):“Let’s go find the witch again? And what? What do you want her to do to me?” Woohyun got up onto his feet with difficulty. Not only was he still very much drunk but the tears didn’t help either. “What do you want from me? What do you want?” he shouted at the other until his voice rasped.

“It was a joke,” Sunggyu repeated. He was out of the bed too. “Just a joke! Did you not…”

“That’s not it!” Woohyun shook his head and held out his hand, preventing the other from getting too close. Sunggyu took the hint and backed away. Woohyun lowered his hand and brought it to his chest. “It’s easier to accept that you love me if I was a woman, right? It’s easier to be with me, right?” he asked, his voice breaking. He then took a step back, and then another. And with those steps, he was able to see the whole picture. “No. No! Not just easier. More serious. Why aren’t you more serious about me, hyung? Because we’re two men, we can’t…we can’t be a real couple?” Woohyun shouted so loudly that it echoed in his ears.

“I know I haven’t been,,,”

“I  know you haven’t been!” Woohyun shot back. “I know. I know everything. I know what you want.” He turned around and stomped off towards the door. “Stay with her. I don’t care. I’m done,” he grumbled. This time, he was going to grab whatever first two shoes he could find and go.

But it was difficult to do so with these annoying hands grabbing at his shoulders and the voice trying to lure him back into the fox’s den,“Woo-woohyun, what are you talking about? I…”

“I’m done!” Woohyun stood his ground (figuratively. He was still wobbly at this point. And it didn’t help that he was wearing to left shoes).

“Wa-wait!” Sunggyu stuttered as Woohyun reached for the doorknob.

Woohyun faced him for one last time. “ off,” he hissed below his breath, which he still hasn’t managed to catch. His chest was still heaving and his heart was hammering against his chest until it render itself useless. The hot tears did nothing to extinguish the anger burning inside of him. And worse of all, Woohyun still couldn’t make out Sunggyu’s face as he said his parting words. “I hate you. I seriously really hate you.”

Sungyeol must’ve had a premonition that something bad was about to happen. He arrived quickly after Woohyun’s call and took him back to his apartment that he shared with his younger brother. There Woohyun didn’t do something like sleep, but rather he just shut down. He didn’t want anything to do with anyone or anything, not even himself.

But Woohyun knew how to rally himself at this point. He didn’t slip back into that depression he had post-partum, but he was significantly more ‘down’ than usual. Still he carried on with life, even though his support system was missing one crucial pillar. But the Parthenon was still standing, even though it was in ruins. So Woohyun could too.

Three days later, his structure was about to take another major hit. Sunggyu was calling him. Woohyun let it go to voicemail, which he’d listen to when he was good and ready and had a beer in hand. It was as he was getting a beer when his phone rang again. And again it was Sunggyu, even though he left a message just a few minutes prior.

Curiosity made Woohyun listen to them a whole lot more quickly than he normally would have.

This was the first message: “Woohyun, I hope you’re not ignoring my calls, but, I mean at this point, I couldn’t really blame you if you are because of the way that I’d been treating you…But it’s not like you’re blameless either! Punk! You weren’t listening to me. ‘We have to communicate openly.’ Bull. You ing at communication. And you assumed that I…ing this message . Just delete this one. Pretend that it never happened.”

And this was the second (and apparently ‘improved’) message: “Look, Woohyun…I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. This whole…thing was just really stupid and hasn’t been fair to you. It’s not right. You never really wanted it in the first place, I know, but you let me do it. And it’s all because I wouldn’t accept things. Well…that’s over now. It’s all over. I broke up with her. I’m not going to see her anymore. I’d…I’d rather see you. Please call me back, even if you don’t want to be with me…especially if you don’t want to be with me. I want to know. So call me back.”

Woohyun did him one better. He went to his place.

“Woohyun,” Sunggyu looked and spoke like he was encountering a ghost.

Woohyun had no patience for niceties and just cut to the chase: “Just tell me straight. Are you done? Are you really done?”

“Done with? Oh, yeah, that,” Sunggyu answered his own question. “Well, honestly it depends on you. If you don’t want to, uh, well…”

“Let’s do this inside,” Woohyun proposed as he slipped into the other’s apartment. Sunggyu’s neighbors didn’t need to hear them fight (or make-up).

And Sunggyu agreed, “Please.”

Woohyun was safely inside, with the door closed behind him, but he wasn’t about to take off his coat or shoes. He wasn’t even going to remove his hands from his pockets. Depending on how the next few seconds played out, he could very well be out that door again. “So you’re saying that if I want to be with you, it stops,” Woohyun reiterated.

“Yes,” Sunggyu replied with a nod, so sure. “And well, it already stopped. We broke up.”

Which just confused the younger. “Why? Why now? Why all the sudden? You’re not just saying this to me just to get me back, are you? Because of the other night?” he asked.

“No!” Sunggyu denied, waving his hands in the air. But then he lowered them, jamming them into his own pockets. “I mean, not entirely because of that. I do want you back, but I also meant it. I really mean it. And I had meant to say it the other night, but…I ed up. You were ed up. And it was just a ing mess.”

Woohyun chewed on the inside of his cheek as he soaked the new information in. He took out his hands, only to cross his arms over his chest. “But you still want to get married and have a family,” he reminded the other.
“So do you!” Sunggyu exclaimed, gesturing at the other. His face then contorted in confusion when Woohyun shook his head. “You do, don’t you?”

“Hyung, we can’t. You know that,” the younger replied, hanging his head.

“What do you mean we can’t?” Sunggyu asked, while he stepped closer to the other. “We can! We’ll figure it out. We will!” he insisted with such confidence that Woohyun finally raised his head again to look at him. And Sunggyu was just a step away from him. “I made up my mind. I don’t want to do this with anyone else.” At that Woohyun cocked his head, and his hands traveled to his hips. This was unbelievable, so much so that Woohyun had to stifle a laugh. Where did all of this confidence in them suddenly come from? It was surreal, unreal. And the next thing to spill out of Sunggyu’s mouth really had Woohyun question everything: “I love you.”

Oh, Woohyun couldn’t laugh at that. He even felt it hard being so close to the other when he felt so conflicted. This was all too overwhelming. “I can’t…” Woohyun muttered as he turned back towards the door. And when he did, a sharp gasp came from behind him and a sharp grip took his shoulder. Woohyun craned his neck back enough to glare at Sunggyu’s hand, and the older easily let go. Woohyun craned his next back even further, and he saw Sunggyu with both of his hands up in the air, eyes so wide that they were almost round, and nervously chewing at his lips. Sunggyu looked positively terrified at the idea of Woohyun leaving.

“You can’t what? What can’t you do?” Sunggyu dared to ask when Woohyun lingered in front of the door for a second too long.

Woohyun sighed and turned back towards the door, hanging himself back. “I can’t decide,” he grudgingly admitted below his breath. “I’m still really mad at you.”

“I know,” Woohyun couldn’t see Sunggyu, but it sounded like he was smiling. Why? “Sleep on it, here.”

Woohyun scoffed and half-turned towards him. “And with you?” he asked. Sunggyu nodded, to which Woohyun quickly shook his. “That wouldn’t help.” He then narrowed his eyes on the other. “You can’t fix everything by saying you love me.”

“Then how can I fix it?” Sunggyu asked in earnest.

“By actually loving me. No one else, just me.”

“I can do that,” Sunggyu acted as if it would be no trouble at all. Well, he already broke up with Soobin, so he was acting on it already. “That’s not hard at all.”

“Okay,” the younger accepted it.

For a moment or two, they just stared at each other, Sunggyu with a slight smile and Woohyun with a sulky expression. Sunggyu finally broke the silence, “So are you not going to leave? Are you staying?”

Woohyun’s head rolled down again, eyes on his feet. “I took the last bus here, and I don’t want to hail a taxi,” he mumbled.

Sunggyu laughed. “You’re ridiculous,” he remarked. “Take your coat off and make yourself at home.”

And Woohyun did just that. Since it was already late, the two could only talk for a short while longer before they needed to go to bed. Woohyun was grateful that they did talk more though. It put his heart further at ease, and he could act more naturally with the other, like they used to. Slowly but surely, they were falling back into their usual routine. Woohyun even took out the heartburn medication that Sunggyu regularly forgot to take even though he’d usually have a flare after eating a late dinner.

“This is why I missed you,” Sunggyu commented after taking it from the other. He then popped the pill into his mouth.

“Missed me?” Woohyun laughed in disbelief. “It was only three days.”

Sunggyu swallowed water and the pill down harshly. “So?” he asked, followed by a cough. “Is there a rule that says I can’t miss you after three days?” It was probably a rhetorical question, given the fact that Sunggyu left the bathroom to go into the bedroom without waiting for the other to answer.

Or did he know that Woohyun was going to follow him anyway? “No, guess not,” Woohyun gave in and watched the other settle into his bed. After he did, Sunggyu rolled over onto his side, beckoned the other to come over, and patted the spot next to him. The past three days, Woohyun didn’t foresee himself ever getting into that bed again, and when he first came to Sunggyu’s apartment today, he still didn’t think he’d be in this bedroom just hours later. But now there was no place he’d rather be. So he crawled right in next to the other. “I missed you too, hyung,” he confessed after snuggling up close to Sunggyu.

“But do you love me?” Sunggyu asked, wrapping his arms around the younger. But Woohyun didn’t even feign to make an answer. He just ignored the question and just let his hands roam along the familiar paths of the other’s body. Sunggyu let out a frustrated sigh. “To be honest, I never thought I’d see the day when I told you it twice and you don’t say anything back.”

When he was speaking, Woohyun’s gaze drifted slowly back up to his, and he held it for a few heartbeats after Sunggyu finished, waiting just long enough for Sunggyu’s expression to crumble. At that moment, Woohyun kissed him.

“Is that a yes?” Sunggyu sounded worried, and it reminded Woohyun of his terrified expression earlier that night. It was cute, so cute that Woohyun continued to press light kisses up to the other’s ear and hummed.

“Eung.” He turned his lips to brush against the older’s ear as he whispered. “I’m showing you.” After which, Woohyun pulled away and sputtered into a laugh at Sunggyu’s disgruntled face.

“Get off it,” Sunggyu sneered, pushing the other slightly away from him. But a half-second later, Sunggyu was on top of him, tickling him, mocking him saying ‘I’m showing you.’ But Woohyun (literally) wouldn’t take it laying down and ‘fought’ back. They had to stop shortly afterwards and call it a truce. The both of them were too well aware of each other’s soft spots and weren’t afraid to take advantage of it (which probably extended further beyond just tickle-fighting in their relationship). But they couldn’t harbor a grudge at each other over it. As well as knowing each other’s soft spots, they knew every other spot, soft or hard, good or bad, that composed each mosaic of the person that they were. Truces followed shortly behind the steps of fights. Apologies came after hurt. And love was with them through it all, even through the ‘hate.’

That was what family was like. More than lovers, Woohyun and Sunggyu were family.

But Sunggyu still wanted to hear those three words from the younger, in spite of all of the ‘showing’: “I get if you don’t want to say it tonight, but you’ll have to say it to me soon. This is getting ridiculous. Everyone knows that you love me.”

They both of them were on their backs, laying side by side, breathing heavily. Woohyun barely had the breath to chuckle but he did anyway. “Really? Everyone?” he teased.

Sunggyu rolled onto his side again, facing the other. His fingers were playing at Woohyun’s shirt. “Eung, everyone and their mothers,” he answered through a pout.

“Then they can tell you for me,” Woohyun shot right back, and Sunggyu shot him right in the arm with a sharp jab. “I’m kidding! Owie, that hurt,” Woohyun lamented as he pouted deeply and clutched onto his arm as if he’d been actually shot.

“Sorry,” Sunggyu quickly apologized, sneaking his hand underneath Woohyun’s to massage the tender spot. “I just…don’t like being the only one who says it.”

“Hyung,” Woohyun called out to him and placed his hand over Sunggyu’s. He flipped onto his side to face him and laid their hands over his heart. “I wouldn’t be here right now, if I didn’t care about you.”

Sunggyu huffed, “So you can say that, but you can’t…” And Woohyun smacked him with a pillow before he could finish.

Woohyun would say those words when he was good and ready, and when every last bit of hatred and resentment against Sunggyu melted away. But for now, as they drifted off to sleep together, Woohyun hated how late Sunggyu’s confession came. Sunggyu always seemed to wait until the last possible moment to say ‘I love you.’

When Woohyun woke up the following morning, he was alone in bed. With his eyes half-closed, Woohyun slid his hand over to the empty spot next to him. It was still warm, and he exhaled deeply while burying his face into the pillow. Sunggyu was still nearby, possibly the bathroom. No, wait, not the bathroom. There was a ruckus coming from the kitchen, followed by a low hissing curse. And that was Woohyun’s cue to roll out of bed.

“Good morning,” Woohyun mumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. And when his eyes adjust to the light (and the morning), he saw Sunggyu with his hands in the sink, water pouring down on them.

“Oh good, you’re up,” Sunggyu truly sounded relieved. “How about we just go out for breakfast? I can’t do this right now.” He pulled his hands from the sink and showed the red, wet mess to the other. “I already burned myself.”

Well, that woke Woohyun up. “How?” he asked as he came up to the other. “Let me look at it,” he commanded and took Sunggyu’s hand into his. Soon he found which finger had been burned. It was red and angry, and Woohyun just wanted to soothe it. So he put it into his mouth, his tongue brushing against the burn.

“Don’t do that,” Sunggyu yelped as he yanked his hand away from the other. “I need to run it under water again.” But before he could put his hand underneath the tap again, Sunggyu’s phone rang from the bedroom. And the burn was forgotten as he scurried off to answer it.  “Oh, who could it be?”

Woohyun’s heart sank to his stomach while he watched Sunggyu disappear into the bedroom and heard him answer the call. Not knowing what else to do, Woohyun prepared a cloth for the other, soaked in ice-cold water, turned off the tap, and followed Sunggyu into the bedroom, who had already finished the call and was tossing his phone onto the bed. “Here,” Woohyun offered the cloth to Sunggyu. But the older wouldn’t take it and just held his injured hand out to the other, who gave in and wrapped it. While he did, Woohyun dared to ask, “Who was it? Soobin?”

Sunggyu sputtered into a laugh. “No, it was my bank with an offer,” he replied. “Soobin won’t be calling me ever again. I told you. We broke up.”

Woohyun hazarded a glance up at him, still holding onto his hands and applying pressure. “She won’t try to get back together with you?”

“Not with the way I left things,” Sunggyu responded with a shake of his head. “I told her that she was right. I’d never get over my wife, and I met someone who was basically her in another body, and I wanted to make things work with that person.”

“That person?” Woohyun picked out.

“Eung,” Sunggyu grunted. “If she assumes that you’re a woman, that’s on her.”

Woohyun looked down at their hands, and from underneath the cloth, he could see a glimmer of silver around his wrist. Did Sunggyu really have it on this whole time? Did he just put it on this morning? Woohyun’s finger brushed against it as he asked, “It really took you this long for you to realize that you wanted to work things out with me?”

“Yes,” Sunggyu answered bluntly and probably immediately regretted it after seeing the other’s face fall. Woohyun let him go too. “Aish,” Sunggyu hissed as he held the cloth on his own. He wouldn’t look up at the other. “I don’t ing know what I was thinking.”

“I don’t either,” Woohyun admitted. “Did you think that I’d stick around and be an uncle to your kid? That she’d never find out about us?”

“I wasn’t thinking at all, not a single ,” and the curses kept flying out of his mouth as he threw back his head. “Ah , I was being stupid, really ing stupid.”

Woohyun tucked in his lips, fighting back from smiling. This, this was what he need for the last bit of darkness in his heart to be chased away. “You might be really ing stupid, but I really ing love you,” Woohyun finally said it, after over a year. Sunggyu, however, didn’t seem to know if it was a joke or if it was for real. He looked up at Woohyun, frowing in confusion. So Woohyun showed him again how earnest he was. He hugged Sunggyu and said, “I mean it. I love you, hyung.”

Sunggyu brought the other even closer to him and rest his head on his should. “Me too. We’re going to make this work,” he promised.

“We will,” Woohyun believed in it this time, even if he was laughing as he said it. But that was only because the wet cloth was dripping down his back. “You’re getting me wet.”

“Sorry,” Sunggyu apologized and quickly let go. “Come on, let’s go get breakfast,” he suggested and head towards the closet to change. Before he got there, he turned around and showed his injury to the other again. “Do you think I can bring this?”

“Let me get a better look at it,” Woohyun offered and came up to his side again.

And he’d never leave it.

“Are you sure?”

While they’d been dating for a long time. they’ve been exclusive for about a month when Sunggyu asked the question. But Woohyun hesitated before giving him an answer. This was a big for them. It wasn’t a decision to take lightly.

“Do you not want to?” Sunggyu was getting upset because Woohyun answered with ‘are you sure’ instead of the expected ‘yes.’ He huffed, “Do you not want to move in with me? What? You don’t want to be ‘tied down’?”

“No, that’s not it,” Woohyun replied. He was still sitting on the couch, while Sunggyu had leaped off of it and was now pacing in front of him.

“Then what is it? What’s wrong? I-is it too fast?” Sunggyu stammered. He then waved his hands in the air after thinking of something, “I didn’t mean to presume too much. I just thought it’d be easier to move-in together, you know.”

“So you just want me to move in with you to split the cost of rent?” Woohyun asked with a sly grin.

“No.”

“Ah, because it’s easier to sleep with me when I’m already in your bed?”

“No!” Sunggyu finally caught onto Woohyun’s teasing and stopped right in front of the younger, with his hands on his hips. “Stop it, you’re doing this on purpose. Are you trying to make me mad? What do you want me to say?”

“I’m teasing you just a little, but I’m also genuinely asking. Are you sure?” Woohyun became serious once again. He lifted himself from the couch and stood next to the other. “If we move in together, it’s just a matter of time until our relationship is questioned, and we’d have to come out. Are you sure it’s okay?” he explained his worried to the other.

And honestly it was kind of amazing how much Sunggyu thought and didn’t think about things. Especially when his heart was involved, once he settled on something, he just went for it. He had settled on Woohyun, for good, but he seemed to have forgotten to ‘come out’ to his family. Having another guy suddenly move in with him would make his family curious.

But it didn’t matter. Sunggyu was still settled. “We love each other, right?” he was trying to convince the other. “So it’s okay...I mean, it’ll be okay down the line. I know there’ll be problems and stuff. It’ll be hard, but I really think we can make this work. Your mom already like us, right? She knows.”

“She does, but my dad doesn’t,” Woohyun revealed. His father probably still had hopes that Woohyun was going through a ‘phase’ and would marry a woman later in life. Heck, his father had no idea that Woohyun was a woman for a short time. Their relationship wasn’t the greatest, but it wasn’t the worst either. But Woohyun had no idea what Sunggyu’s parents were like. What would happen to him?

“Oh, right,” Sunggyu mumbled, continuing their conversation. His hands went to the younger’s arms, rubbing them gingerly. “Look, Woohyun. Even if things don’t go perfectly, I think that we can still get through this okay. If we work at it, we can have, I don’t know…we’ll have what we had before, but for real this time. Don’t you want that too? You said you did,” his voice grew quieter as he spoke and his hands slowed to a stop.

“Yeah, I did…and I still want that,” Woohyun admitted and moved in to hug him.

“Then why are you giving me a hard time about this?” Sunggyu asked as he clutched onto the other. “Will you move into my apartment with me or not?”

“For now,” Woohyun finally answered. And he felt Sunggyu grow stiff in his embrace. Woohyun pressed a smile again his shoulder. “Until we find a new place.”

“Aish,” Sunggyu swore as he peeled the other off of him. “Stop giving me heart attacks,” he complained as he slunk off into the bathroom.

Woohyun followed him, saying in a singsong tone, “Hyung, I love you.” He clung onto Sunggyu’s back swinging them back and forth. “I love you so much. You know that, right? I love you. And you love me, more than I love you.”

“Hah!” Sunggyu scoffed and wiggled out of the other’s hold. “Get off.”

Before he let go, Woohyun pecked his cheek. “Let’s be together forever,” he proposed to the other.

“I won’t be able to last that long,” Sunggyu retorted.

“Of course not, we’ll both die before then,” Woohyun replied with a slight chuckle. His hand moved up and down the other’s back. “But we can try. Hm?”

Sunggyu glanced over at him as Woohyun rubbed his back. He then leaned in for a quick peck and said what the other was waiting to hear, “I love you too, Woohyun…Now go away. I have to pee.”

“Okay, bye,” Woohyun said as he back out of the room, waving.

But Sunggyu bolted out of the bathroom, after him. “Wait! You’re staying the night, right?”

Woohyun grinned and nodded. “I’m just going to watch tv for a bit.”

“Okay, just making sure,” Sunggyu muttered before slipping back into the bathroom.

When he did, Woohyun laughed. Did Sunggyu really think that Woohyun was going to slip out of the apartment when he was in the bathroom? Kim Sunggyu was silly, incredibly silly. But as silly as he was, Sunggyu was very serious about their relationship. There was no reason to question it anymore.

“Hyung can’t live without me.”

The following day, Woohyun went out to buy them couple rings. Moving in together was pretty official, and so Woohyun wanted them to have a more official sign that the both of them were taken than the bracelets. And just like with the bracelet, he asked Sunggyu to give him his hand and just slipped it on. However, this time, he told Sunggyu not to take it off. “Of course, I won’t,” Sunggyu replied as he inspected the ring. “We probably should’ve gotten these things sooner, right? These are better than the dumb bracelets.”

“I like the bracelets.” They proved that in both lives he lived Woohyun belonged to Sunggyu…and that he was the only man in Korea to ever give birth.

A few days later, Sunggyu came home with another thing to cement their commitment together, albeit a very practical one: a joint bank account. It was their ‘together’ money. They could literally invest in their future now, save up for future joint purchases. And there were many of those in the following months. They went on a ‘honeymoon.’ They bought new furniture for the apartment, including a bed. But mainly they were saving up for the largest purchase of their life, which was yet to come, yet to be discussed.

They couldn’t discuss that now because there were also several changes over the past months. First, Sunggyu quit his job after being hired at a Korean tech company. Although the pay was a bit less (at the start), he wouldn’t have to make long trips overseas ever again. And that was well worth it for him. As for Woohyun, he began hosting some shows with Heeyeon, which ate up more time than he expected it to and was a bit of a rough transition.

Then there were family troubles. Woohyun’s father didn’t quite approve of their relationship, but he tolerated it. Woohyun judged that it would take a long time before Sunggyu would be considered a part of “them,” in his father’s eyes. And at first Sunggyu’s parents didn’t like their relationship, at all. But Sunggyu made a special trip back home to talk through it with his mother, explaining everything that happened between him and Woohyun. He had inherited his belief in the supernatural from her, and so it was easier to make her understand his feelings. And she did. His mother believed it to be an act of God in some strange way, like Sunggyu did. She couldn’t be upset with that, if it was His plan. She also couldn’t be too upset with Sunggyu because he promised that he’d still give her grandchildren. Like Woohyun’s mother, she only wanted to see her son happy and settled. And it fell on her to convince Sunggyu’s dad, and he did eventually come around after actually meeting Woohyun. “He fits in so naturally with us, doesn’t he?” Sunggyu’s mother asked her husband, when she thought the other two weren’t listening. Sunggyu’s father only grunted in approval, but approval was all that Woohyun needed.

It was all official now. They were official. Sunggyu and Woohyun were in it for the long haul.

But that didn’t mean that Woohyun still didn’t have reservations. He still had a major one, and it came out one night as Sunggyu was brushing his teeth: “Do you like me better this way? As a man?”

Sunggyu came out of the bathroom, with the toothbrush hanging from his mouth, staring at the other laying on the bed with round eyes. He then pointed to the toothbrush and acted like his mouth was glued shut as he darted back into the bathroom.

“Just be honest with me, hyung,” Woohyun shouted after him. “Be honest with me, so I can stop wondering.”

He heard Sunggyu spit, and the older’s voice soon echoed out of the room, “Yeah, but then you’ll be fixated on my answer.”

“Either way you lose,” Woohyun replied in a singsong voice.

Sunggyu poked his head out of the bathroom and glared at the other. “Why do I feel like that’s often the case with you?” he asked. Woohyun just gave him the cutest smile that he could muster, at which Sunggyu sighed and silently begged Woohyun to give him a moment. Woohyun nodded and waited for the other to finish up in the bathroom. Afterwards Sunggyu came out and sat on the bed, still not looking at the other. “Yes and no,” he answered.

And Woohyun got it. “It would be easier if one of us was a girl.”

“Yes! Absolutely yes,” Sunggyu exclaimed with a clap of his hands. “I wouldn’t have to fight with my dad about bringing a girl home.”

“He came around,” Woohyun added as he sat up.

“Barely,” Sunggyu grumbled and scooted closer to the other.

And Woohyun did too He also dropped his voice, “So what’s better?”

Sunggyu hummed in thought, head hanging again. “Having you when you were thatpregnant was really awkward, looking back on it, especially since it wasn’t really you and…you know. You were there,” he ended awkwardly.

And it drew a chuckle from Woohyun. “I was.”

“So I don’t need to tell you,” Sunggyu replied with a shrug. “It was nice, but I also don’t needto do it again.”

Woohyun kept chuckling as asked. “Anything other than ‘the is better’? I mean, I wasn’t going to be pregnant forever, if I got stuck.” Sunggyu kept silent. He was thinking it over, and unlike usual, Sunggyu was picking his words carefully. Woohyun didn’t know if he had the patience for that right now. He put his arm around the other and jostled him a bit. “What else? Hm? Am I just a body to you? Male or female?”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re not,” he retorted. “But it’s hard to put into words. It’s like, now…you are more…you this way. You’re more confident, funny, pretty.”

“Pretty?” Woohyun picked out. That was the last thing he thought Sunggyu would say.

“Yeah.” Sunggyu nodded. The words came more easily to him now, “It was almost like your personality was put through a filter before, so thisbetter. This is Nam Woohyun. But…” he let out a sigh and patted Woohyun’s stomach. “I guess this thing is only going to birth once, huh?”

Woohyun batted his hand away. “It’s your turn for the next one, hyung.”

“Hm, I’ll pass,” Sunggyu barely gave it a second of thought. He then began to settle into bed, shimming underneath the covers, and Woohyun did the same. But he didn’t take his usual sleeping position. Instead he cuddled up next to Sunggyu and whispered, “Thank you,” before pressing a kiss on the older’s cheek. Sunggyu turned towards him and kissed his lips, once, twice, until he felt satisfied.

“Is your mind at ease?” he asked the younger with their lips still touching. When Woohyun nodded slightly, their lips moved against each other. And so Sunggyu took advantage of it and kissed him again, and Woohyun deepened it.

While there’d always be doubts about their relationship (but hey, that’s just life), Woohyun had one less. Sunggyu loved him more as a man than a woman because Sunggyu loved him.

And like Woohyun, Sunggyu himself had a question that he’d been holding in: “Woohyun, we never really talked about it, but how was it for you back then? What was it like?”

Woohyun shifted to look at the other better. “You really want to know?”
“I asked, didn’t I?” Sunggyu replied with a soft smile. “I want to know.”

“Well,” Woohyun began. “It was some of the best and worst times of my life.”

Almost two years since the switch, and Woohyun was finally able to open up about all of it to Sunggyu, including his conflicting feeling for the other and his depression afterwards. Two years might seem too late for some people to have this conversation, but two years was just enough time for them to move on.

And move on they did.

It started with a new apartment, with three bedrooms, a larger kitchen, and just more space in general. It was closer to an elementary school and was in a quiet neighborhood with several young families. They hadn’t moved in yet. They were still packing when they finally discussed it.

And it started with Sunggyu exclaiming: “Oh right! We need to move the things out of the storage unit!”

“Storage unit? What storage unit?”

For all the time that Woohyun lived with Sunggyu, the older never showed him the storage unit that they both technically owned in the underground parking garage. But once they opened the door to it, it was obvious why Sunggyu never did. For one, it was completely filled with boxes and furniture. And second, these were boxes of things and furniture for Bobae. When the older shoved these things into the storage unit, Woohyun didn’t know. Actually until this point he never wondered where it had all gone. How did he forget that Sunggyu never got rid of anything?

“It’s been two years. Why haven’t you gotten rid of this stuff?” Woohyun asked as he walked into the room and picked up the first thing he came across. It was labeled ‘clothes’ and Woohyun was overcome with the desire to tear it open and examine the clothes he’d picked out years ago.

“It’s not mine,” Sunggyu replied in a jovial tone as his hands gripped at the crib’s railing. “Some girl dumped it in my apartment and left.”

Woohyun chuckled, “How rude of her.”

“Right?” Sunggyu agreed. Woohyun turned around to show the other the box, but when he did, he noticed Sunggyu’s apprehensive smile and white knuckles. The words caught in his throat. The older’s voice even shook a bit as he brought up, “But it’s still good stuff…and we could still use it, right?”

“You kept all of this in case one of us had a baby?” Woohyun ventured a guess. Did he keep all of this for either of them or for both of them? Woohyun had to know.

“First, it’s your stuff, Woohyun. And second, I wasn’t about to build another crib. Let’s just say that,” Sunggyu replied.

Woohyun put down the box and crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want to have a kid?”

“Um well yeah, I keep telling you that I do. Ever since the whole switch thing, I thought that having one would be pretty nice. I could actually see myself doing it,” Sunggyu stumbled through his answer. He finally let go of the railing and opted to beat his hands against it instead. “I’d be good at it, don’t you think?”

Woohyun grinned. Indeed Sunggyu had told him on multiple occasion that he wants to have a family. But neither of them had ever spoke the words ‘I want a kid,’ until now. Woohyun’s smile grew wider. The dream the both of them had two years ago wasn’t dead. They could recover Bobae.

“Maybe we can ask the witch to help us out,” Woohyun joked, but Sunggyu’s face stiffened. “I’m kidding.”

Sunggyu shook his head several times. “I wouldn’t want to ask anything from that woman. She terrifies me,” he grumbled.

Woohyun looked back down at the box of baby clothes and recalled when he draped some of them over his belly, ‘trying them on’ for Bobae.

“So do you want to do it?”

“No! I don’t want to be turned into a woman!” Sunggyu quickly argued. “I don’t care if it’s ‘my turn.’ I didn’t piss a pregnant woman off and…”

“No, hyung, do you want to adopt a kid?” Woohyun cut him off. “Should we start looking into it?”

“Oh,” Sunggyu muttered and blinked a few times. Still dazed, he nodded and replied. “Yeah, we should. But it should wait until after the move.”

Woohyun pouted and feigned a whine, “We can’t pick up a baby tonight?”

“Haha,” Sunggyu laughed dryly. “I meant after the move, we’ll look into it, okay?”

“Okay,” Woohyun agreed, smiling to big that his cheeks were hurting. He then walked back over to Sunggyu, giving him a quick but tight back hug, before coming around to the other side of the crib. “Let’s carry this together,” he offered. And the both of them lifted it with a grunt. As they were carrying it out of the room, Woohyun praised, “Oh, it’s still sturdy.”
“Of course! I did a good job,” Sunggyu would’ve patted himself on the back too if he could. “I’m a master builder.”

As they continued to clear out the storage room, they once again reminisced about those times and excitedly talked about raising a child, what roles they would play, things that they’ve talked about two years ago. They were really on their way to living their dream once again.

“She’s ready to see you.”

Woohyun wasn’t ready though. He was far from it. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long, and it was finally here. And he was scared less. Woohyun didn’t know how else to overcome his nerves than smoothing down his hair and straightening his clothes. But what did erase a few nerves was the hand on his back.

“You look fine. It’s a baby,” Sunggyu whispered into his ear as he pushed the other down the hall. “She can only see black and white now. She won’t care how you look.”

“Shut up,” Woohyun muttered under his breath. And the both of them came to a halt in front of the open door of the hospital room.

When they applied at the adoption agency, Sunggyu and Woohyun assumed that they’d be getting an older child, and they were fine with that. But then a young girl became pregnant, who was unable to (and didn’t really want to) raise the child. Even though they met through the agency initially the girl was very indirectly connected to Woohyun through a friend of Heeyeon’s, and so Woohyun and Heeyeon sat down with her and shared their story. Woohyun could honestly relate to the girl, carrying a child that would be raised by someone else, and he was upfront about how he felt about it afterwards. And for his honesty, the girl decided to give her child to the couple.

However, that decision could’ve been revoked at any point in time, and there were times when the girl nearly took it back, claiming she wanted to raise it on her own. And that feeling only got stronger, the closer to the due date she was. But Woohyun couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. After all, he almost stole Yunhee. So he could understand her, but his heart was bruised from all of the hits.

Sunggyu wasn’t so understanding and expressed his frustration with the girl more than Woohyun did.

But then they got the call. Days after giving birth, the girl finally signed the adoption papers. The child was finally theirs and she was just within that room.

Sunggyu pushed him inside because Woohyun was hovering in the doorway for a bit too long. Sunggyu was more eager than nervous to see their child, but given that, he still let Woohyun hold her first.

“Are you ready to meet her?” the girl asked as soon as they were inside. Woohyun nodded and held out his arms to take the newborn, who was so small, so pink. She felt light and warm in his arms.

“Hi,” Woohyun spoke in hushed tones as cradled the child in his arms. “Hi, baby.”

Sunggyu was at his side, cautiously reaching out to touch her. “Hello, little one.”

“This is the right decision,” the girl spoke with a rasp. She’d been crying but still managed to smile. “You guys look so happy.”

And they were. They were really happy. This moment was literally a dream come true. The two men exchanged smiles before Sunggyu looked over at the girl and asked, “What’s her name? We agreed that you’d give her a name.”

“You remembered?” the girl seemed very pleased that they remembered their promise. “I know it sounds silly, but her name is Bobae. I…”

Bobae? Did Woohyun hear that correctly? He lifted his gaze from the child and that’s when he noticed the old woman standing next to the girl, unnecessarily checking her vitals. It was the witch! Woohyun froze as Sunggyu’s laughter rang through his ears. Did he not see the witch? No, Sunggyu didn’t. Only Woohyun did. And the witch turned around, winked at him, and then left the room.

Sunggyu soon shook the other out of it. “What do you think about it, Woohyunnie? The name?”

“Oh,” Woohyun muttered, quickly gathering himself. He smiled at the girl. “It’s perfect. It suits her. It really does.” He raised the child up higher on his chest, holding her more securely. His eyes fell down to her, to Bobae, who looked nothing like him. Chances are that she would never look like him or Sunggyu for that matter. But that didn’t matter. They were her fathers, always. Woohyun’s heart felt healed of all its pain and he leaned down to kiss her. “She’s mine.”

“She’s ours,” Sunggyu corrected him.

“No, all mine. Get your own,” Woohyun snapped back. He then gave an apologetic grin to the other. “I’m kidding.”

“Haha, very funny. Just let me hold her now,” Sunggyu said and maneuvered to take Bobae. It took them awhile to learn how to pass her, but they’d get better at it over time. After all, this was their first day of being dads. Give them a break.

“Hello, Bobae,” Sunggyu greeted her once she was safely in his arms. “I’ve been waiting solong to see you.”

Indeed, they’ve waited so long for this moment. But what came afterwards was a whirlwind of paper signing, transactions, instructions, and what have you. Hours later, they finally came home to their large apartment. They briefly showed Bobae her bedroom, who was asleep the entire time, but it didn’t matter to them. They were too excited. They finally got to bring their daughter home.

But that excitement wore the three of them out. The three of them were laying on the bed. Woohyun was humming softly with Bobae laying on his bare chest. She was soothed by the beat of his heart. Earlier Sunggyu had been doing the same, but not he was fast asleep on his stomach, snoring, still shirtless and still his hand on Woohyun. It had been on Bobae’s back, but it’d slipped down as he drifted off into slumber. All of this gave Woohyun a weird feeling of déjà vu even though he’d never lived through this. He might’ve dreamed of it as some point, but this was far better than a dream. It was real.

Woohyun truly loved his life.