After she found an excuse to leave the room, with Seulgi seemingly reassured albeit a bit emotional, Joohyun finally had time to start processing what she had just heard.   Her head was buzzing with annoyingly conflicting emotions, and she was having a hard time untangling them. She was glad that Seulgi trusted her and needed her, and happy for Seulgi that she had found someone she cared for, and that cared for her, but she was also a bit annoyed at herself for not realizing it sooner.  And then there was this other feeling, deep inside, that made even less sense; a feeling of pain and loss. She shook her head and put her fingers on her temples.  

“Do I have feelings for Seulgi?” she asked herself, and realized with disbelief that she couldn’t dismiss the thought right away.  It was becoming clear to her now that maybe they had always been there, right under the surface, fed by the need to always be there for her, always by by her side, just enough that they never become more than a nagging thought when someone got too close to her, or seemed unnecessarily friendly.  

“Am I okay with her being in a relationship with someone else?” she then asked herself, pondering long and hard about what she really felt.   Seulgi’s happiness was paramount to anything, so if that is what she wanted, then how could she not want that too? But was she ready to let her go?  Closing her eyes, she realized that it really depended on who this person was. It would have to be someone really special for her to accept this, and at this point it was hard for her to think who could be special enough for her Seulgi.  But finding out would have to wait for another day. Realizing it was already late and that she was way behind on her schedule for the day, she let herself get submerged in all her overdue tasks. 

The next morning as she woke up, she sensed that some of those confusing feelings were still lingering, and realized she really needed to talk to someone about this, even if just in a theoretical sense, but that meant it was also one of those rare times when she regretted not having spent more time actually making friends.   However, there was one friend she knew wouldn’t judge her, who she could be herself around. Picking up her phone she dialed the entry labeled “Jendeukie” and hoped it wasn’t a bad time.  

However, it didn’t take long before she got a happy “Baechu! What’s up?” from the other end. 

Hesitating momentarily, Joohyun wasn’t exactly sure what to say yet. “Hi Jennie.. not much.. I just realized it’s been a while since we met.. would you be free anytime this week?” Joohyun said cautiously. 

“Sure, I think I have some time tomorrow afternoon. And yes, we need to catch up for sure”, Jennie finished, with what clearly sounded like a nervous laugh. 

“That’s odd,” Joohyun pondered. “I thought I would be the nervous one.  I wonder what was up with that?”. After agreeing on a time and place and hanging up, Joohyun continued staring blankly at her phone for a while before snapping out of it. “Now I just need to keep myself busy until then” she thought to herself. 

Deciding not to be too obvious, Joohyun had agreed to meet Jennie in an office building with an underground garage and meeting rooms for idols to meet and collaborate privately.  Taking the elevator up to the 24th floor, her heart was beating fast. She still hadn’t quite decided what to tell her, but she knew Jennie wouldn’t judge. Although she didn’t like opening up to people, she sometimes did with her group members, especially Yeri and Seulgi, but she couldn’t even talk to Yeri about this.   However, since she was almost certain Jennie was straight she felt like she could be more herself around her. It was a bit tiring to always keep your emotions in check in public, but she really felt it was important to be a positive role model so she didn’t mind, but that made it nice to have a friend like Jennie she could vent to without judgement.  “Also, she’s the only person I like to hug. Her reactions are priceless.” she thought to herself with a devious smile. As she exited the elevator, she noticed Jennie was already walking down the hall, so she snuck up behind her and gave her a surprise back hug while whispering “Jenduckie hiii” in her ear. Jennie squealed and put her hands on the sides of her head before calming down when she turned and saw who it was.  

“Baechu, seriously! I will smack you one day.. “ she said with an embarrassed sneer before hugging her back.. 

With her arm still wrapped around her, Joohyun followed Jennie down the hallway to the meeting room.  “Why can’t it be this easy around other girls?” Joohyun thought to herself wistfully, before distracting herself by squeezing Jennie’s side a bit just to get another startled frown as response . 

Sitting down next to each other on the couch, Joohyun turned and leaned her head against Jennie’s shoulder.. “Jennie.. It’s been so long.. I have missed talking to you..” Joohyun said, drawing out the words with a mock whine, startling herself a bit.. Somehow with Jennie she could be the kid she sometimes felt she still was on the inside.  

“Aww” Jennie said and tousled Joohyun’s hair a bit.  “You know I am just a call away.. You’re the one who’s always busy doing something..“ she continued.  

Joohyun mock pouted, but had to admit Jennie was right. She did only call her when she was really bored or needed an outside perspective. With a pang of regret, she realized she really needed to be a better friend “Yes yes.. But you could call me too you know..” Joohyun said a bit defensively, looking up at Jennie.  

“But you’re my Unnie,” Jennie said,..” I can’t just impose on you like that.. “

Joohyun had to admit this was on her.  “Oh well, we are here now.. And we need to talk.. “ she said, in tone a bit more serious than intended.  Sitting up straight, she put her hand on Jennie’s leg to calm herself. “Lets just say I have been made aware of someone meeting up with someone else in secret, and that feelings may be involved, so I needed to talk to you about it..”   Joohyun said, becoming increasingly puzzled by Jennie’s embarrassed expression and her face turning red. “Wait no.. could it be.. No that’s not possible, she’s straight..or is she? “ Joohyuns mind raced at the possibility that against all odds Jennie could be the mystery person. It didn’t help when Jennie covered her face with her hands. 

“How.. how did you find out? We were so careful..”  Jennie said with a quivering voice..  

Joohyun was incredibly confused, with feelings of both relief and betrayal hitting her hard both at once. “Uh well.. I mean she told me but..” 

Jennie looked at her through her fingers.. “She?..”  she said in a confused tone of voice. 

“Well yes, I mean, Seulgi admitted it to me, I just didn’t realize it was you.. This is so awkward.. This isn’t why I wanted to talk to you, I had no idea.. “ Joohyun couldn’t help blushing now.  She leaned back and covered her face with her hands. This made everything so complicated. She felt an intense desire to just sink into the couch and disappear. 

“Wait no no.. “ Jennie said, putting her hand on Joohyun’s arm.  “I have no idea what you mean about Seulgi, I thought you meant me and Ka.. “ she stopped mid sentence and covered suddenly.  

Joohyun put her hands down, instantly realizing she had jumped to the completely wrong conclusion and betrayed Seulgi’s trust at the same time.. “Jennie, what do you mean, you and “Ka”? Who is this Ka person?” she quickly said in a suspicious tone, hoping she could make Jennie forget about Seulgi if she switched the focus instantly. 

Jennie leaned back and put her hands on her face to hide the tears that had just appeared, and Joohyun realized she had been a bit too harsh again. “Oh my god, I am such an idiot, I thought you had found out, and then I’m the one that says it” Jennie said angrily through gritted teeth.  Taking a deep breath she put her hands down and looked at Joohyun pleadingly. .”You HAVE to keep this between us.. I can trust you on this right? I can’t keep it to myself anymore anyway so maybe this is for the best.. Ka.. is Kai.. from EXO.. we.. may be dating.. “ she finished, looking down shyly.

“Whoa!” Joohyun said, both amazed and relieved.. “That’s.. great?  I mean he’s not my type but I always hear people say he is both charming and hot, so good for you!”  

Jennie blushed vividly and smiled awkwardly. “Yes.. he’s amazing.. We had such a romantic dinner in Paris with the view of the Eiffel tower..  You can’t even imagine.. “ Jennie seemed briefly lost in her own thoughts, and Joohyun couldn’t help feel a pang of envy. “But of course, we can’t tell anyone… I mean technically I can date per my contract, but who knows what our fans will say.. “  

Joohyun nodded, thinking about how badly things went for Hyuna and E’Dawn when they admitted they were a couple.   She couldn’t even imagine how they would react to Seulgi and her girlfriend, whoever that might be, but Jennie’s situation wasn’t ideal either.  “I understand, jenduckie, and don’t worry.. Your secret is safe with me.. And I am here for you if you need me… “ Joohyun said as comfortingly as she could.  But she also realized she now couldn’t talk about her own situation since she had admitted it was about Seulgi, so she was about to change the subject by suggesting they get some food, but Jennie had other ideas.  

Putting her hand on Joohyun’s shoulder, Jennie smiled mischievously. “So what’s this about Seulgi? Did you just get really embarrassed when you thought I was dating her? And does that mean she is dating someone? Now you have to tell. But you know you can trust me. “ she said in a devious tone of voice.  

Feeling that the tables had turned dramatically, Joohyun was lost for words. Blushing, she put her hands on the side of her face and a finger on each ear, and had the sinking realization that she couldn’t make this go away. Now she just had to decide how much she should say.