"Sana?" Mina called, kicking her shoes off. Immediately Ryujin came running full force, smashing into her legs and wrapping her up into a tight hug. Mina returned it, letting Ryujin take her hand and lead her into the kitchen where Sana and Yeji were making dinner. Mina smiled teasingly, "What's this mess?"

"Yeji and I are making pasta." Sana cheered, setting the pot that she was holding down. "How was work?"

"Tiring. Thanks again, for watching them. I couldn't get out of my shift."

"Pssh, don't worry about it. They are angels." Sana smiled, before frowning, "you look tired."

"I am, working 16 hours will do that to you."

"Go take a nap, I'll wake you up for dinner."

Mina obliged, throwing herself down on the couch and falling asleep almost immediately.

They continued like that until the tell take sound of Yuna crying upstairs threatened to disrupt their peace. Sana almost sprinted into he baby's room, scooping the child from her crib.

"You need to stop crying little one, your mommy is sleeping." Sana cooed, bouncing Yuna up and down in her arms. The baby smiled, and gripped onto Sana's shirt. The woman smiled as well, trying to take in all of Yuna's features.

She didn't even realize she was crying. She didn't realize until she was brushing tears away as she looked down at the baby.

"Your Mommy is an idiot isn't she." Sana whispered, "I tried so hard to tell her, but she never realized. You could be calling me Mommy right now if I wasn't such a coward."

Yuna just babbled in response, twisting around in her arms.

"I know," Sana responded to the babbles, "But Mina has Dahyun, and so do you. I just need to get over it."

Yuna just looked at her.

"I can't. I can't just get over it. I'm pathetic aren't I?" Sana cried, rocking the baby back and forth, "Such a fuc-flipping pathetic waste of space."

...

Sana wasn't sure when she figured it out.

Maybe it was when Mina chucked a pint of milk as hard as she could at Jennie Kim in the cafeteria.

When Sana had to drag Mina away, who was shaking from the adrenaline of fighting those two es. When Sana ran her fingers soothingly over Mina's busted knuckles, trying to calm the girl down.

Maybe that's when Sana realized she was in love. She knew she had feeling, ever since she first saw Mina standing in their house. But she just dismissed it another sibling, a sisterly feeling. But it was becoming painfully apparently that it was more.

And painfully apparent Sana wasn't the one Mina was destined to love. Dahyun with her charming smiles, lilac moped, and cigarette hanging from her lips scooped Mina up, away from her. It was okay, because Mina was happy.

as long as she was happy.

...

Sana let her eyes flutter over the letter once again, rereading Mina's apologies, her rambles. How Mina thanked her for being her, but Mina had to go. Mina had to die.

It was terrifying.

Nayeon tried to assure her, Mina was going to be fine. She was going to be found safe and alive. It was hard to believe her when her eyes were a similar shade of red, and Sana had heard her crying the night before to Jeongyeon. Crying about how they could've done something, they should've gotten her help sooner. That they should've been more patient.

And it was Sana's fault. Because she was a coward, and couldn't stand up to Jennie Kim. Because she started tormenting Mina on top of everything going on in her life.

As a day became a week, one week became two, hope was lost. The thought of seeing Mina outside her funeral seemed to leave them, and they started preparing for the worst.

And Sana had her first heartbreak. Her heart ripped out and shattered, stomped on, degraded. It hurt. It hurt so bad. But she kept quiet, because everyone was hurting.

Then Mina returned, happier, and alive. And Sana's heart was slowly pieced together once again.

...

She told her once.

When Mina didn't return home and scared the living hell out of her and Momo. That maybe Mina had snapped once again.

It was just a case of miscommunication, and after a quick fight, Sana found herself snuggled up to Mina in her bed, arms wrapped the younger, talking in sleepy whispers.

"That's okay." Sana smiled, sleep tainting her tone, "I love you Mina, you know that right?"

"I do. I love you too Sana."

It quickly became apparent that Mina didn't understand what Sana meant. Sana waited days for something, anything. What she got was Mina sneaking out with Dahyun in the middle of the night, Mina and Dahyun getting together.

Then Mina left. She left in a blur, and Sana begged Dahyun for a little information on her. Dahyun gave her her phone number, but Sana never called. She had nothing to say.

Then she came back. The same beautiful Mina as before. Happier, healthier, and her and Sana reconnected.
...

She never let go of the hope that one day Mina would realize she was waiting for her. She tried to fill the time with dates, and one night stands. Mina didn't like the fact that Sana had someone different in the apartment everyday, but for Sana it was better than listening to Mina and Dahyun giggle in their bedroom through the paper thin walls.

Her hope was lost when Mina asked Dahyun to marry her. It was one those anniversary, and everyone knew. Everyone but Sana. She spent the night sobbing on Tzuyu and Momo's couch, confessing everything to them.

They just watched with sad eyes during the wedding, watched as Sana progressively got more drunk and rowdy throughout the night. Watched the next morning as Sana sobbed into their toliet, head pounding with a hangover.

Then the girls came along. Ryujin and Yeji. Then Yuna. And Mina was so happy. So ing happy. And Sana was not.

But that didn't matter.

As long as she was happy.

...

Sana watched as Yuna's eyes drooped close, nestling into her chest, small hand grasping onto her chest. And she watched her sleep, rocking back and forth through the room.

"I could've had you."

But Sana put the baby back down, finished making dinner and was just about to wake Mina up as Dahyun walked through the door. She emerged into the kitchen, holding Ryujin who had run to greet her and gently woke Mina up. Sana watched as Dahyun laid a gentle kiss on Mina, who wore a sleepy smile. 

As long as she was happy, Sana was willing not to be.