‘Your words are your strongest weapon’

Chanyeol shivered as he was led away, he wanted nothing more than to sit at that table with his friends and talk to them like he used to but seeing them so angry with him made his chest hurt. Even Baekhyun barely talked to him anymore and when he saw him sitting there at the table his urge was strong to go over, he wanted to see his friend's smile that always calmed him but all he got was an indifferent look like Baekhyun didn't believe he was actually standing there as if he wanted him to go away, is that really how things turned? 

Ever since he got back from the US he's sensed a change in his friend, everytime he came around, Kris by his side as he always was, the male would find a way to retreat and sometimes Kris would find a way to stop him from approaching the other. 

The strong grip on his shoulder made Chanyeol wince as it was resurfacing pain from a fresh bruise on his shoulder. He missed Baekhyun, he wanted Baekhyun; he had succeeded in asking him to come over albeit he seemed a bit hesitant.

Kris steered him into an empty classroom, shutting the door behind him. He pushed Chanyeol harshly who stumbled forward and crashed into one of the desks, hitting his stomach. He fell to the floor in pain and rough hands instantly wove their way into his hair and pulled hard earning a loud yelp from Chanyeol. 

"Shut the up" Kris gritted his teeth. Chanyeol didn't know how things became like this; he was so nice until....until he wasn't.

The taller didn't know what he did to deserve this, what had triggered the other. Was it because the older has been wanting to have but Chanyeol was too scared to try? He just didn't know but for weeks on end the slightest thing enraged his boyfriend, enough for him to put his hands on the younger, telling Chanyeol that he could never escape from him because he was weak willed, pathetic and could be nothing more than a play thing. 

He dragged Chanyeol to his feet by his hair only to drive a hard punch to his already bruised stomach, another yelp left the younger as he keeled over, tears forming in his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from them1?" Kris spoke aggressively as he pushed Chanyeol again who crashed over chairs and onto the floor. 

Chanyeol looked up at Kris, shaking from fear. Kris's eyes were smoldering with distaste as he looked down at him. Chanyeol knew he was crying, he felt the wet tears running down his face. "Crying again?" Kris mocked before kicking at his legs, "ing pathetic".

He came around to where Chanyeol was, the younger trying to escape, to get to his feet but Kris mashed his foot into his leg and Chanyeol cried out. "Please" Chanyeol whimpered, begged even only to get punched in the mouth. He felt blood trickle from his busted lip. 

"They don't love you Chanyeol!" Kris yelled "They will never love you like me, Look at how they treated you in the cafeteria! Do you really think they want to be friends with you anymore?" he spoke urgently. 

Kris roughly pushed Chanyeol against the wall before he softly caressed the giants bruised, tear streaked face and then Chanyeol felt his rough calloused hands wrap around his neck and squeezed, choking him. 

"Yet you still went behind my back and did what I told you not to do!" Kris squeezed harder as Chanyeol clawed at his hand "I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I'm sorry" Chanyeol cried, wanting this nightmare to stop.

"You worthless piece of , no one would ever want someone like you you're lucky you have me" Kris said darkly, "if you had just behaved none of this would’ve happened but it's time I teach you a harsh lesson". He dropped Chanyeol to the ground and started to kick and punch him roughly.

Chanyeol cried out in pain at each blow, why won't this stop? When will it stop? Will it all stop if he never talked to Baekhyun again? Did he want to do that? Baekhyun didn't talk to him anymore and he hardly saw him in the hall, Kris always made sure that they never ran into each other; he had even taken Chanyeol's phone and told him how the smaller kept messaging about how much he hated him. Chanyeol believed it, he has been the worst friend; were they even friends anymore? Had he been foolish to invite him over? Would he even come?

But despite all that as he screamed at the feeling of his ribs breaking, his arms bruising and legs becoming numb; he saw Baekhyun's smiling face he used to share with the younger on a daily, the fun times they had together with everyone else or just the two of them, their deep talks of secrets they shared with each other. All Chanyeol wanted was to see Baekhyun, he wanted Baekhyun here so he can take him away from this nightmare. 

"Baekhyun! Baekhyun!" he cried desperately while he felt his clothes being ripped. “I need you!” 

"After all this you still call for him!? He doesn't ing you love you, you !" Kris yelled. Chanyeol felt his torso become bare and his eyes flew open at the greedy, harsh eyes of Kris. 

"No!" Chanyeol's eyes were wide as he felt the males hands on the button of his pants and he tried to squirm away, but only groaned in pain at his cracked ribs. "No! Please No!" tears after tears came out as he repeated these words to deaf ears.

All over he felt Kris’s touch and he'd never been so disgusted, felt so used. "Baekhyun! Baekhyun please! Baekhyun!  Help! Baekkie!" he screamed over and over until Kris muffled his shouts with his hand and he had his way with him. 

That day Chanyeol was in a classroom by his boyfriend who left him and alone in the room. He couldn't move, everywhere hurt; he felt like he had no tears left to shed and his throat was sore from screaming. Why hasn't anybody heard? Why did no one come? Chanyeol stayed there and curled up into himself, agonizingly. Why was Baekhyun still not here? He has already dropped so far down the dark hole, when was he going to jump in after him?

"Baekkie, please help me" Chanyeol muttered to himself. 

Baekhyun went to Chanyeol's house that day but no one answered. He once again retrieved the key from the broken lamp and hurried inside, memories of that time still fresh but no one was actually home this time. Where could he be? School ended hours ago. Something was really going on with his friend and he felt useless not knowing what it was. After lunch all the students had attended an assembly announced over the intercom and Baekhyun didn't see Chanyeol there either. This was so strange, what was going on? Even Kyungsoo was becoming concerned. 

Baekhyun went to the living room and sat to wait until he came back, wherever he was. His chest has been aching so much lately it felt like nothing would take of the big weight that seemed to have perched itself there. Baekhyun leaned back into the couch and pressed the heels of his hand into his eyes as recalled Chanyeol at lunch; thin looking, sad, and scared Baekhyun would've been the first to know what was going on if it was back then, now it seemed like the male avoided him, hid from him. What had become of such an unbreakable friendship?

Suddenly he heard the front door open and Baekhyun sat up quickly moving peering from his spot on the couch to the doorway. He saw Chanyeol standing their wearing a ragged pair of gym wear, Baekhyun watched as his best friend slipped off his shoes only to sway and hiss in pain. Baekhyun quickly went over to steady him and the sudden touch startled Chanyeol who backed away with a frightened look on his face but it was also Baekhyun who was surprised and frightened. 

Baekhyun looked at the face of Chanyeol that was beaten and bruised badly, a busted lip and a black eye. "Chanyeol" he whispered as if scared the male will disappear if he talked normally, "what happened to you?" the smaller asked incredulously. This felt like a punch in his gut.

"WHO DID THIS TO!?" Anger bubbled, pure and hot as Baekhyun took in Chanyeol who only lowered his head and tried to move only to fall to his knees. Baekhyun crouched to the ground immediately. 

The smaller felt livid but also on the verge of tears, witnessing his friend struggle to move. Baekhyun quickly helped, slinging one Chanyeol's arms over his shoulder and wrapped an arm around the giants waist. Chanyeol groaned while he was laid down on the couch, one arm went to drape across his stomach and he stared at the ceiling before passing his eyes over to Baekhyun who was still in shock at Chanyeol's state. 

This time he couldn't hold back the tears when he saw the lifeless look in Chanyeol's once bright and shining eyes. Baekhyun knelt by him. "Oh God, Chanyeol who did this to you? We have to get you to a hospital!" Baekhyun stated. 

Chanyeol offered no answer just closed his eyes. "Yeol what happened?! What's been going on with you!?" Baekhyun questioned but the male still did not answer just let out shaky breaths. 

"CHANYEOL, SPEAK TO ME! FOR GOD SAKES SPEAK TO ME!" Baekhyun shouted hysterically; anger, sadness, hurt and heartbreak all rolled over him. 

Chanyeol coughed and Baekhyun rubbed at his chest despite all these overwhelming emotion enveloping him. "Baekhyun?" he heard the taller whisper. 

"Yes, yes it’s me, Chanyeol please tell me what happened" Baekhyun answered. 

Chanyeol didn't look at him, "where were you?" he asked and Baekhyun looked at him confused. 

"What?" the smaller questioned. 

"WHERE WERE YOU!?" Chanyeol suddenly shouted getting up, forgetting about his pain. He turned to the one he's always called his best friend, eyes frantic. Baekhyun was taken aback. 

"I CALLED FOR YOU! I SCREAMED FOR YOU! I NEEDED YOU!" Chanyeol gripped Baekhyun's shirt shaking him with each word while big tears fell. "SO WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!" he continued to shout before he flopped over onto Baekhyun shoulder sobbing hysterically.

"I am falling further down this black hole, but your not jumping in after me" Chanyeol stated "do you hate me that much? Is it because I'm weak? Pathetic? Worthless?".

Baekhyun knelt there stunned as he listened to the taller. From that point he noticed that his best friend was being wrecked from the inside out and that their wasn't much he could do in that moment and his heart broke over and over again as he realized how useless he was to the one person he loved with all that was him. Chanyeol clutched onto him like he were a life line and Baekhyun believed that in that moment he really was. 

Baekhyun stayed over that night, and tended to the collage of wounds he found later on the taller. They all looked disgusting on his friend’s beautiful skin. Chanyeol didn't talk after his scene on the couch, he just stared into space trembling as if it were cold, Baekhyun felt it hard to look at him without the big grin and sparkling eyes that gave him so much warmth. 

Late in the night he awoke to crying, he knew it was Chanyeol. Baekhyun walked out into the hall and towards the bathroom, dreading the Deja Vu he felt. When he swung open the door, Baekhyun was horrified. Chanyeol sat on the floor with a razor in hand violently slashing at his wrist. It took effort to wrestling the sharp object away from the male. 

"Baekkie?" Chanyeol said softly as the smaller wrapped his wrist. Baekhyun looked at him with sad eyes but the only thing that stared back at him was dull brown eyes and a washed out smile. Yet Baekhyun felt so in love with the person that sat before him, witnessing him like this drilled a hole into his chest. 

"I hurt, right here" Chanyeol patted his chest over his heart with a faint smile before taking Baekhyun's hand and placing it there. The smaller felt the steady beats, yet the person that once owned this big heart might as well have been dead.

Chanyeol talked that night and Baekhyun sat with him on the cold bathroom floor and listened while he told him all that had happened during the time he’d came back. How Kris was lovely at first, treated him well but one day things changed and he never had a clue why or how; he tried his best to be a caring boyfriend. After that things started getting worse, Kris would lay hands on him over the smallest things, tell him how worthless he was and that no one loved him, that Baekhyun himself couldn't stand him anymore. 

He told the smaller how Kris took his phone and told Chanyeol how Baekhyun didn't want to see him ever. Chanyeol spewed out all that was in his heart, all the way up to why he came home so beat up yesterday. Baekhyun listened with shock and disbelief, he felt nothing but terrible hurt for his best friend it was like Kris ripped his heart out too.

"Baekhyun through that whole time, I only ever wanted you to come and get me" Chanyeol said looking over at the male. "I only ever wanted you to keep your promise and jump into the dark hole after me but I now realise that wouldn’t have been fair.".

"Chanyeol" Baekhyun started feeling his heart throb and ache at the fact that he couldn't keep his promise to his friend.

"Yesterday" Chanyeol interrupted "while he was attacking me. I kept calling your name. I missed you so much, I thought about you a lot. I pictured your perfect smile that I hadn't seen in a long time, I thought about out friends and how I missed our sleepovers and junk food parties but most of all I missed our deep talks and secrets we told each other; we entrusted in each other".

Baekhyun was stunned, for a minute he thought his Chanyeol had finally returned but that wasn't the case. His best friend huddled in on himself, and rocked himself gently as he stared absently at the floor, Baekhyun knew this was just the last dregs of the old Chanyeol filtering out only to leave a shell of what once had been. The older sat there for a while watching the love of his life before he got up to exit with a wrenching heart. 

It hurt to love and it hurt for that love not to be reciprocated but It hurt most of all, when the one you love was breaking before your eyes. Baekhyun left the house that night, not being able to take that empty shell of a home. 

Baekhyun never did see Chanyeol the next day, in fact he didn't see him for the rest of their highschool years. Kyungsoo, Sehun and Jongdae had asked where he was and what had happened, and Baekhyun had explained it to them vaguely, knowing the Chanyeol he knew wouldn't have wanted them to worry much but all three was still livid and hunt down Kris in the halls one day and beat him to a pulp. Although before that, the male had hassled Baekhyun many times to ask him where he was hiding Chanyeol to which the smaller had no answer. Kris went back to the US senior year and Baekhyun felt relief because every time he saw the male, he was reminded of what he had taken from him. A friendship, love and his heart. 

But time heals wounds, you may not forget them but they become more bearable and that's what Baekhyun had learned to do each time he had nightmares or thought about that night or the things Chanyeol told him about. He had lost someone super important to him and Baekhyun couldn't help but wonder if one day the two best friends will ever cross paths again. 

Chanyeol's house had been put up for sale a year prior and despite his best efforts, Baekhyun bought the place for himself. He didn't know why he did it, maybe because he could see all the memories that all five friends made? Was it because he didn't want anyone else to live here and wash away a once lively home and family memories? Or was it simply that deep down he couldn't let Chanyeol go? Whatever the answer it didn't matter, it would be his home to come back to even though he was packing up to go off to college a city over.

Baekhyun closed up another box at the same time his phone rang, he was wasn't packing too much, just clothes and important things to him. He had left the house as it has been for years, beige and white colours with black furniture. Chanyeol's room has also remained untouched, his closet being the only thing emptied as if he went on a trip and was coming back later. 

He answered the call, "Baekhyun are you on your way? Kyungsoo and Sehun want to go out and celebrate our 'new chapter in life'" Jongdae spoke over the line. 

His friends were more or less back to normal, for a while after Baekhyun had told them what happened, the three had gone into shock and heartbreak. Baekhyun had consoled them knowing what it felt like to have no one to turn to as your world was turned upside down. 

"No, I'm not on my way yet, so you guys go without me. I'll meet you guys tonight" Baekhyun informed them as he climbed the stairs before hanging up. 

He walked down the hall but stopped at a certain door. Baekhyun put his hands against the door and slowly pushed it open, the familiar blue and black engulfed him. A flood of memories flashed before him; when Chanyeol and him were kids and played forts in here with his sheets and pillows, did homework together and they even read their first magazine together here. A sad smile broke out on Baekhyun face, it's felt like a really long time since he's smiled, no matter how little. 

Baekhyun ran his fingers along the wall, over Chanyeol's guitar and piano, his band posters. He moved to the bed that was slightly unmade as if someone was going to sleep in it but never got around to. Suddenly something colourful caught his eye and he looked over towards the dresser and recognized the white envelope with the pink hard sticker. 

Baekhyun went over to it and picked up the familiar object, his 'brilliant idea' that stayed as a plan that never passed the final stage. 

The smaller ran his hand along the still crisp white paper that brought up all kinds of  thoughts and feelings, he then noticed the flap was lifted slightly: open. The smaller stared at it and came to remember that it had been downstairs on one of the side tables all those months and days ago, he hadn’t thought the taller would notice it.

Baekhyun tucked the envelope into the back of his pocket; chest feeling unknowingly light. Even after all these years his feelings never did change as he thought they would, this letter held the deepest thought of his heart towards the one that will always own his heart, it was the most valuable thing he had but was completely forgotten about, knowing the taller may have read it made Baekhyun feel something indescribable. 

The older looked to his right and saw one of the drawers of the bedside table were open, he went over to it and noticed a similar object like the one he just tucked away. Except this one was blue and had a strawberry sticker on it. Baekhyun picked it up and turned it over, on the back in bold letters was his name. He recognized the handwriting instantly and felt his heart rate pick up. What is it? When did he make this? Should he open it?

Baekhyun turned it back over and peeled off the sticker, curious as to why there was an envelope with his name on it. He pulled out a single sheet of paper, unfolding it to reveal a letter written. 

Dear, Baekhyun,

I'm writing this to you in the middle of the night, I can't sleep as you constantly pop in my mind every time I close my eyes. I miss you, he won't let me see you but I miss you; you're all I think about. 

I think about your pretty smile that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy but I never no why, I think about how you pout randomly when your mad or in thought and how cute you look doing it. I think about the time you stood up for me in middle school when that kid spread those rumors and how you have beautiful fingers; you tend to tap out rhythms as you concentrate and hum beautifully. It always soothed me, I wish you could be doing that now. 

I wish you would come break me free from this dark hole, I'm waiting for you to jump in and grab me so we either can fall together or find our way out together. 

I opened your envelope and realised for a long time since we were kids, without knowing I've been watching you. Smiling a secret smile whenever I caught you doing things off guard like dozing off or when your trying to wiggle your nose, all these warm my heart everytime; just seeing you alone makes me happy beyond relief. My day was never complete without seeing you and now in this moment it's felt like my  life has become tragically incomplete. 

Is this love Baekkie? Am I in love with you?

But instead of Baekhyun reading the last few words a deep voice spoke up behind him.  "Am I in love with you?" Baekhyun jumped at the interruption but his heart hammered away at his chest and he slowly turned around. 

There standing before him was someone he never thought he would see again. Chanyeol stood there looking even taller than when Baekhyun last saw him, he was buffer, had more muscle and his face was full and healthy. He was also wearing a camouflage military outfit but the smaller didn’t register it, Baekhyun just stared as a smile fleshed out on the taller males lips; a smile that he has seen a million times before but always made his heart pound, a smile that he thought was gone forever. His eyes crinkled at the corners and his pupils sparkled. Baekhyun felt overwhelmed with emotion as he dropped the letter, tears rolling down his cheeks and he rushed forward into the open arms of his best friend. 

Chanyeol hugged him tightly, lifting him up off the ground. "You’re here, I've missed you so much" Baekhyun mumbled into his shirt. 

"Me too" Chanyeol replied. "I love you," Chanyeol said softly and Baekhyun's heart finally exploded, he finally let his feelings consume him and release after he's kept them pent up for so long. 

Baekhyun leaned up and kissed Chanyeol long and passionately, he had been waiting to do this for years, feel those soft lips against his. Baekhyun pulled away and smiled, he was happy to see familiar lively eyes although he saw that they also held darkness that he knew wouldn’t be able to be removed, Baekhyun still loved the man in front of him. 

"I love you too Chanyeol, I've loved you for 7 years". 

"Then I guess I'll have to make up for loss time" Chanyeol grinned. Baekhyun had never felt happier.