“Looking for the light in your life is one of the hardest things that lead to happiness’

Baekhyun knocked a couple times on the front door but each time no one answered the door. Luckily Chanyeol had shown him where he kept a spare key; lifting his head to look up near the roof of the porch he spotted a certain dead lamplight, it was high enough that only Chanyeol could reach but Baekhyun found a way.

Resting down what he had brought with him, he climbed up on the bench that sat against the outside wall of the house and stepped up cautiously on the windowsill. He reached forward grabbing at the light before twisting the bottom of it open and in the casing of it lay a key. Baekhyun smiled to himself before fixing the lamp back up and hopped down, unlocking the front door, gratefully.

"Chanyeol!?" he shouted, shutting the door behind him. No answer came back but Baekhyun just assumed that he could be sleeping. The house was dim, all the lights were off but it made sense since it was still light out although the quietness of the space left Baekhyun feeling a little bit uneasy.

He looked around the living room and was surprised to see that it wasn't messy with discarded tissues, there was no blanket strewn about as a sign that the male had lounged on the sofa for hours and not one flashing picture on the TV to show he had been watching 'Zootopia' back to back. Baekhyun's eyebrow raised as he walked over to the stairs, he looked up at the even more still and dark platform before he climbed to the second floor and tried to call out to the male again. 

"Chanyeol!?" Baekhyun made his way towards his best friends room that was down the hall. His home always felt safe and cozy with its soft beige and white colours and its neat appearance. 

Baekhyun reached the males bedroom door and twisted the doorknob only to walk into another empty space. Baekhyun was really confused now, the blankets and sheets were a mess so he knew Chanyeol had been residing in there but where could he be? Did he go out? Just then he heard a noise coming from the direction of the bathroom at the end of the hall.

"Chanyeol is that you!?" Baekhyun called out in question, "I came to check if you were okay; I brought cake" the smaller informed, walking over.

When Baekhyun pushed the door open the plastic bag he was carrying fell loose and crashed to the floor just as he laid eyes on the sight before him. Chanyeol sat on the toilet seat, his tall, lean form folded awkwardly while he hugged his knees to his chest; the male was dressed only in his underwear. On the floor by the toilet was a discarded empty bottle of pills and in Chanyeol's shaking hand was a mountain of white tablets.

The taller looked over at a stunned Baekhyun and he took in Chanyeol's state. There were dark circles under his eyes indicating the lack of sleep, his face looked a bit thinner as if he hadn't been eating but what made Baekhyun's chest clench tight was the look of pure distraught on his best friends face, tear streaks all down his cheeks.

Chanyeol turned his attention back to his hand full of pills, the appendage not being able to stop shaking and Baekhyun pounced into action. He took long strides to where the male was about to bring the pills to his mouth and slapped them out of his hands, the small tablets went scattering and Baekhyun turned an incredulous face towards his giant friend.

"What the hell, Park Chanyeol!? What were you thinking of doing just now!?" Baekhyun's chest fell and rose rapidly with ragged breaths which was surprising because it felt like something was weighing heavily on him. The male didn't answer, just leaned forward with his arms stretched out over his knees and kept his head down.

"Chanyeol!? Answer me!" Baekhyun exclaimed. He then heard sobs coming from the male and the smaller stopped shouting and watched Chanyeol's shoulders shake with his growing tears. This was hurting Baekhyun; seeing his friend almost take such a drastic measure, the smaller couldn't even bare to think of it.

"Baekkie" Chanyeol said in a small voice and Baekhyun swore his heart burst at the saddened tone it carried, "I made a big mistake," he said.

"Chanyeol please talk to me. You can't just lock yourself away it won't help, I mean look what you were about to do?!" Baekhyun stated. "If this is about what’s been going on, you can't let Minho and all those others get to you like this". Everything made Baekhyun want to go straight up to the senior and sock him in his ugly face.

"Everytime" Chanyeol started softly and Baekhyun lifted an eyebrow in confusion. "It's always the same every time. I confess and they avoid me, talk behind my back, say rude things" Chanyeol looked up, fresh tears streaming out of his eyes. “But things went further this time and I just didn’t know what to do”.

Baekhyun pulled a weeping Chanyeol into his arms tightly. His heart really ached for his friend. The smaller felt Chanyeol bury his face in his shoulder and felt stupid for how quick his heart began to beat relentlessly, it wasn't the time for these feelings.

"What's wrong with me, Baekkie?" Chanyeol sniffled "is loving me that bad ?"

No, because I love you, was what Baekhyun had circling throughout his mind but thought better of saying it. "Is it so disgusting that I like men? Am I just that horrible? Am I monster, abnormal?" the younger continued questioning himself, crying fully now.

"Chanyeol, you're none of those things. Don't listen to Minho and his band of idiots or anybody that say those things to you" Baekhyun said.

"You're disgusted too, aren't you Baek?" the male said so quietly that the smaller almost missed it.

Chanyeol sat up and looked into Baekhyun's eyes, his big round ones wrought with emotion and sadness. Only now did Baekhyun register how close their faces were as Chanyeol peered at him and Baekhyun flicked his eyes to Chanyeol's plumped lips before quickly looking back into his eyes. Baekhyun swallowed a lump.

"You find me digsuting too, don't you? You think I'm some who deserves to disappear" Chanyeol stated and Baekhyun looked at him with wide eyes.

"Chanyeol, no! I would never" Baekhyun exclaimed,'' There is nothing wrong with liking whoever you want, you're not disgusting at all. Everyone else are just small minded".

"Then why do I feel like I fell down a dark hole?" Chanyeol questioned as a sigh left his lips.

"If you ever fell down a dark hole, then I'll jump in right after you" Baekhyun stated honestly.

Baekhyun felt his heart leap when Chanyeol offered him a small smile before pulling the smaller into a tight embrace. He buried his face in Baekhyun's neck. "I'm so sorry, Baekkie. You're always there for me" Chanyeol apologized.

"Don't apologize, I'll always be here, even if you didn’t want me to be" Baekhyun said feeling relieved that Chanyeol's mind was now far away from those pills.

Baekhyun waited downstairs while Chanyeol cleaned up, he had arranged the now smushed cakes on two plates and filled two glasses with warm milk. Baekhyun went over to the living room and set the food down before leaning back into the couch and letting go a long sigh. He couldn't believe for days Chanyeol just sat in his room, contemplating all those horrible things only to almost overdose himself on the stress and anxiety of it all; he's glad he came as soon as he did. Had the older come any later.... Baekhyun shook his head not wanting his thoughts to go down that path, he's just glad his friend is okay.

Chanyeol came down stairs some time later wearing pajamas and plopped himself down next to Baekhyun who had also borrowed a pair of the males nightwear, although it was more like a kid playing dress up as both the pants and top were to big for him.

"You brought cake?" the taller commented when he laid eyes on the treat and Baekhyun nodded.

"Yep, your favourite to cheer you up. The guys send their regards as well. Sehun said he'd beat your if you don't hurry back and show Minho how you were unaffected" Baekhyun delivered to which Chanyeol smiled softly as he picked up the plate with the chocolate cake.

"But I was affected" the male said, and Baekhyun glanced over from eating his own treat to see Chanyeol poking at his before taking a small bite.

"It's the first time something so hostile happened to me like that and I did let it get to me" Chanyeol shook his head with a sigh. His hair was wet from the shower and hung over his face showing off how long his hair had gotten, it needed a trim.

"Down dwell on it, just stick with us and don't pay attention to anyone else" Baekhyun advised, taking a bite of the big strawberry fruit on top of his cake.

The smaller watched Chanyeol put down his barely eaten treat on the coffee table and Baekhyun addressed him with a puzzled stare, would it have been better to bring ice cream? Chanyeol ran his hand through his hair and the older found himself following the taller males every movement; the way his thick finger carted through his wet locks and how some stray droplets of water slid softly down the side of his face. Baekhyun's eyes then roamed down to Chanyeol’s long, smooth neck and watched transfixed as his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed.

Baekhyun didn't realize he had been staring and biting his lip until he felt a calloused finger pressed against his lip, pulling it from between his teeth. The older males chest pounded when his eyes met Chanyeol’s who smiled softly at him, somehow in this dim lighting of the living room, with the shadows casting over his face Chanyeol seemed more manly than Baekhyun remembered him being.

"If you bite your lip any harder, it'll bleed" Chanyeol told him and Baekhyun's face was hot as he looked at the taller. For a second he thought, This is it, he’ll notice his feelings; he'll know that someone loves him deeply.

"Did you mistake it for that strawberry you were so intently eating?" Chanyeol chuckled and Baekhyun only felt disappointment build in his chest at the fact that once again, Chanyeol failed to see his true feelings. Baekhyun forced his lips to turn up into a smile.

"It just tastes so good" Baekhyun said, half lying.

He then began to switch the TV channels in order to distract himself and ended up finding one of the duo’s favourite show; a prank series that they found funny. Laughing throughout the program at the various pranks proved to be a remedy for a bit before Baekhyun saw Chanyeol shifting in his seat.

The smaller regarded the younger who glanced at him repeatedly with an apprehensive look.. "What is it?" he asked.

Chanyeol sighed, "it's just that, I want to tell you... I'm not going back to school". Hearing that Baekhyun glowered at him as if he said he had sixteen fingers on one hand.

"What!?" Baekhyun exclaimed, "Chanyeol, if this is about Min-", "That's not it" the taller interjected looking at Baekhyun fully.

"Then what?" Baekhyun asked, confused and a bit unsettled.

The taller let out a breath, "My Aunt called a while ago. She wanted me to come to the US for a month or two to help look after my grandmother who's growing ill" he informed.

Baekhyun looked at him with wide eyes. "That's kind of sudden" he commented with astonishment.

"I know it is. But since my aunt just got a divorce it's getting harder to care for grandma and all the little ones" Chanyeol stated before he gazed on to the ground. "She has no one else to ask anyways" he mumbled.

Baekhyun stared at his best friend, he knew exactly what Chanyeol meant. He surveyed around the taller males home, fairly big but still and empty. Pictures lined the walls from different times in the past; a family smiling into the camera in every one, from trips they went on or the typical baby photos. Chanyeol's family had been a lively bunch, his mother a sweet woman and his father a soft spoken but caring man and his sister much like him but in girl form; goofy and sweet. Baekhyun had come over multiple times for dinner or to hang out with Chanyeol that they had become a second family.

But unfortunately during their summer before entering highschool, while Chanyeol was at home sick with the flu they went to Yoora's university graduation but never made it back home as they were in a multiple car collision that resulted in the deaths of everyone involved. Baekhyun had saw it on the news and hadn't thought twice before rushing over only to see Chanyeol weeping in a delirious feverish state while he sat in the living room, a phone in his hand.

Ever since then, Chanyeol has been alone, living off of his family's collective savings while Baekhyun was there to make sure he didn't go insane with such a dreary house filled of distilled happiness.

"When are you leaving? Are you going to tell the others" Chanyeol nodded "I'm leaving in two days, so I figured you guys could come over and hang out before sending me off" the taller smiled. Baekhyun smiled too but it was a sad one.

"Baekhyun?" Chanyeol addressed him. Now as Baekhyun focused on him he entertained the idea of confessing his feelings before the taller left but he didn't want to ruin what they had and Chanyeol didn't need that right now, not after all that had happened.

"It might seem like a long time but it won't be. I'm going to miss you" despite that, Baekhyun suddenly felt as if he's letting something slip through his fingers.  

Instead of waiting until evening to visit their friend, the four boys skipped school the day Chanyeol was meant to be leaving and went over to spend the whole day with him. It's been a long time since they had a gigantic party between themselves; they started the day heading down to the grocery store in search of food and ended up causing havoc in the store. Chanyeol and Jongdae came up with the great idea to race their shopping carts around the store while they collected the snacks, making a competition out of it; it was a good thing the space was fairly empty.

Sehun decided to get things only for himself which ended with Kyungsoo having to tell him to take back the hair products and bath soap. Baekhyun had a blast except for when he almost got trampled by Chanyeol’s race cart. On the way back to the taller males house they blasted music with the windows down and conducted an awfully off tune karaoke session which earned some weird stares from passersby.

When they got back and finally got the ‘going away’ party started they dug into the mounds of junk food and consumed them until they all threw up one by one in the bathroom before going downstairs where Kyungsoo made them all drink a slightly bitter tea to ease their stomachs.

They put on some more music and danced and sang around the house; it seemed like after such a long time the house got some of its light back as laughter ran between the five friends. They watched a bunch of movies, comedy that they all laughed at; Chanyeol mostly, romance that they rolled their eyes at and ty sitcoms that they made fun of.

The whole time Baekhyun observed how bright Chanyeol was, it made him satisfied that the taller could act like himself. The grin that resided on the taller males face the whole day was enough to let you know that this was what he needed, a time with his friends. Baekhyun felt a soft tap on his shoulder while he poured himself some water as Sehun and Chanyeol were in the process of playing wrestling in the living room with Jongdae being the referee and announcer.

The older turned around to see Kyungsoo standing beside him with a smile on his face. "I'm glad he's feeling better, I was really worried".

Baekhyun hadn't told any of the others that he found Chanyeol in the bathroom about to overdose himself because he knew they'd be troubled; especially Kyungsoo. The two had a rocky start because the shorter found the taller unbearable but soon grew accustomed to him and even fond, like a brother would be.

"Me too" Baekhyun smiled but he knew it felt off.

"What's wrong?" Kyungsoo asked, of course, noticing his dampened mood.

The older let out a breath, "I was thinking of confessing before he left but it seemed like such bad timing and even now it does" Baekhyun admitted.

Kyungsoo hummed thoughtfully, sometimes Baekhyun thought Kyungsoo was older than he let on with how he regarded almost everything with such level headedness. "Yeah, I don't think it would've been convenient considering what took place. It wouldn't have meant much" he stated.

Baekhyun lowered his head, "I just feel like I'm letting this opportunity pass," he said.

He felt Kyungsoo's hand on his back, "you have a month or two to figure out how to do it. Chanyeol will always be there as your best friend but make it quick because the heart has a tendency to stray" Kyungsoo said, "someone could come and swoop it up while your still thinking and then you really won't have a chance, so do it as soon as he gets back".

Baekhyun nodded in understanding, he couldn't wait his whole life to confess. He knew his heart wasn't going anywhere but what about Chanyeol? Baekhyun looked up at where the others were now trying to tag team Jongdae. He would use the time Chanyeol is gone to gather courage and figure out a way to confess properly.

Later that evening they all took the bus to the airport to see Chanyeol off. They talked about everything and anything while they waited for the announcer to inform them about boarding the flight.

When it was finally time and Chanyeol waited in line to enter the plane, the four friends being left behind waved frantically until he was out of sight. Baekhyun was just happy that the last thing he saw was Chanyeol's beaming face.