Taehyung sat at his desk; his mind occupied with other thoughts other than math. He's been trying to stop thinking about Namjoon. Well tried thinking about his feelings for him, but his mind has not been cooperating with his heart. Mrs. Smith, the math teacher was busy going about equation and simplifying.

“Hey,” whispers his friend Dahyun, who sat next to him, “Taehyung.”

“What?” he says turning around.

“Do you wanna go shopping after school?”

“No, I’m gonna go swimming,” he replies.

“Really? But you don’t have practice until Friday?”

“I just don’t feel like going shopping,” he replies, glaring at her.

“Whatever,” she says turning back to the front. Taehyung sighs, rolling his eyes, as he stares at his book. He didn’t mean to snap at her, but he wasn’t in the mood for shopping. Swimming was the only thing that helps all the unnecessary thoughts vanish, something he needed more than ever now.

After school, Taehyung changed his mind, instead of going swimming or shopping, he decided he just wanted to go home and take a nap. On the bus, Dahyun and he shared earbuds since he never brings his to school, what would the point, if he never got to use them? They were obviously forbidden in class, and during lunch, they sat with their friends. The table was filled with nonsense conversations, that he would love to tune out, but it would rude to have music blasting when your friends are talking to you.

He wanted to apologize for mouthing to her earlier but remained quiet as he didn’t want to start the conversation again, in fear that she would ask him to go shopping again. The rest of the ride home, was just mild chattering about music, their endless homework’s and their plans for the upcoming weekend. Which for him, included swimming. And more swimming. He hated that summer ended so fast, three months is not enough of a break. But he could hear his mother tell him that he is lucky because back home, referring to Seoul, South Korea, kids never have long breaks, she would say.  Her voice often echoed in the back of his mind, like a humble little voice that tells him to be grateful for what he has, and not complain much. Namjoon was different though, he was more like an older brother which he was technical. A brother from another mother and father. He would nag him only when it came to school, cleaning and staying up late but often times he stayed out of his business, something Taehyung wished he never noticed. Maybe he was just struggling on how to be a parent and a sibling to Taehyung? Two things Taehyung wishes Namjoon would stop trying to be, especially now, with just the thought of him making his heart race.

When the bus stopped at their stop, Taehyung bid her goodbye as she walks away to her house. Dahyun lived four blocks down from where he lived for as long as he can remember. They're neighbors and friends since they were kids, where one person was the other was there. In middle school, they got teases a lot for being in a secret relationship, to the point where they considered dating but that went nowhere. Taehyung came out gay to her in eighth grade, something he found easy to do with Namjoon’s and his mother’s encouragement. Despite lacking a father, Taehyung never felt lonely or at loss but now things were different. His mother was dead. That was a void that could not be filled by anything. Not even Namjoon.

“I’m home,” says Taehyung. He noticed the black Honda parked in the driveway, and it could mean Namjoon was home since it was his off day or it could mean he left with Jin, in his car. Isn’t that what couples do? Spend time together. Taehyung yawned as he strolls past the living room, to come to a halt when he saw Namjoon sprawled out on the soft- one leg over and one leg down, one arm on his chest and the other one under his head. Taehyung watched him, quietly. His chose rose and fell with his deep breaths, lips slightly parted; his eyelashes fanned across his cheeks. He looked peaceful and even more gorgeous. So, at peace. Taehyung slowly made his way towards him, kneeling over the couch, watching him. He longed to touch him. Taehyung hesitantly reached his hand over, and gently placed his hand on his cheek. His hand trembled, and a wave of electricity shot through him. Unable to stop staring at his face, a small smile played across his face. Namjoon had strong features- heart to oval shaped face, full lips. Taehyung’s gaze lingered at his lips. They are beautiful. Was he just noticing now? His heart leaps.

He wanted to kiss him. Kiss those beautiful red full lips. He wondered what they would taste like. He gently traced his lip with a thump. Namjoon was a deep sleeper. He remembers the times, his mother would ask him to go wake him up, it took a while for him to wake him up.

Taehyung swallows hard, unable to pull away, as he slowly leans down over the sofa. His heart hammered against his chest. His mind warned him to stop. And his body had its own agenda. He was so close he could feel his breath. It felt warm.

Taehyung hesitates, having second thoughts but Namjoon’s cologne made it hard to pull away. Just one kiss. It’s not like he’ll know, Taehyung soothed himself, mentally, working his courage. He closes his eyes, and his lips quickly grazed Namjoon. The slight contact lights up his nerves, sending heated fire from his spine to his brain.

He pulls back and stares at him, and his body ached. He wanted him. and he wanted Namjoon to want him.

“What’re you doing?” Namjoon’s voice startled him, causing him to gasp. Namjoon was looking straight at him, and Taehyung’s face was drained of blood- pale as a ghost. ! He quickly stood up, his mind racing for explanations, and his heart pounding as if it was fighting to abandoned him and jump out of his chest.

“I-I-um… I was…you were sleeping- “

Namjoon sat up, yawning, “ I fell asleep,” he says, a little bit groggy, brushing his hair back, “When did you get home?”

Taehyung swallows hard. His throat dry. His mind blank. Face white as a paper. His stomach knotted on the verge of throwing up. Scared. Ashamed of what he just did. Mostly fearing that Namjoon noticed. What would it mean? Would he be upset?

“Hello?”

“Hug?”

“What’s the matter with you?” asks Namjoon, watching him stupefied, “You look pale, are you sick or something?”

“No…nothing, I’m not sick” Taehyung quickly replies, confused and dazed. Maybe Namjoon didn’t notice anything.

“Damn, I knocked out,” says Namjoon, glancing up at him, “Did you have something to eat?”

“No, I just got home,” Taehyung replies, “I’m gonna go shower.”

“Okay…” Thank god he is a deep sleeper. ! what’s wrong with me? I can’t believe I kissed him.