Once in a while, he feels like a stranger living in his own body. He moves as he wants but he felt so hollow inside. He doesn’t even know how to describe it. He feels so numb that he’d simply cross the street without care for moving cars.

 Is it because he doesn’t want to live or is he just tired of living? He acts every day that he doesn’t even know who he is anymore.

 Maybe a day will come when he will never feel so hollow anymore. When will it be though? That is his question, every time he opens his eyes.

 Is there something really wrong with him? Why is it that he felt this way? Is it his hormones not functioning well? Or is it the way he thinks?  Why him? Why can’t he live happily like anyone else? He really needs to sleep and stop thinking about this. They still have a practice tomorrow.

But he can’t fathom to think that of all people that God created in this world, he was created as a defective. He’s great at all the things that he puts his mind on but the problem lies on why he should do anything? He seems to lose the ability to find a reason for doing things. He has a great career, family, friends, partners and a lot more but why does he feel so empty? He is frustrated that he can’t sleep! He glanced at his bedside clock and chuckled as he saw the numbers written on it 10:10 it’s not too late for a phone call he thought. He put on his glasses and dialed Minmin’s number. 

“Hello, Won?” Mingyu answered as he runs to get the phone.
“Hey, are you busy?” I said as I lean back to my bed.
“I’m just hanging out with Jun babe. Do you want to hang out with us?” he said as he glanced at Jun who is taking his shoes off.
“Oh, I thought he was busy with his shooting?”  
“He got home early, Shhhh stop that Jun! I’m talking here.” Mingyu said as he playfully slapped the hand of a persisting Jun.
“Okay. I’m quite tired. Have some fun you two!” Wonwoo said with false cheer. He did not wait to hear a goodbye so he turned the call off. It’s not like he has an issue with them or he’s jealous it just that he realize that they can live and be happy without him.

He thought of why he needs to live, the contributions he had given the world and he just can’t seem to think of what else could he offer the world that nobody could. To an extent, he did contribute to making many people happy and he thought that maybe that was his purpose but then many people can do that without him. Maybe that was it he was done, like a machine when things are not needed any longer it should be disposed of. His family will be fine with the money he contributed and it was not like they’re going to miss him when they don’t even talk or see each other that much. His team can still perform because anyone can fill his place. The fans can find a new person to stan and Mingyu and Jun have each other. So this beautiful night would be a nice date to rest. It would be easy with no one to stop him and no one really thought that he would do this. He wants a painless death good thing his good with his Science. He learned that some part of our blood is more receptive to carbon monoxide than oxygen that’s why you can’t keep babies inside a car for too long or they’ll die without proper supervision. It's fascinating how easily it could be done and could happen to someone without anyone knowing it.

He stood up and rummages under their picnic materials and took some charcoal with him. He disabled the water sprinkles and fire alarm. He does not want to burn the whole place so he set the coal in the pan and poured a little alcohol in the center to start a kindle. When he saw it smoking he smiled it would take a minimum of two hours before his desired effect. He checked that everything is closed so no one would notice and he cleaned up his things. He took some paper and pen and wrote how he wanted to be cremated and made fertilizer for a beautiful tree. He wanted everyone to know that he is just done and he is happy. After that, he can see that the smoke is surrounding the place already. He felt the headache already but he still checked if it’s going to last long enough. Reassured that it would last a few hours he went to bed and slept wishing that it would be his last. 

“ If you are reading this, don’t worry if I suffered to do this because I did not. I simply thought that I fulfilled my role in this world already. I had loved and beloved, made people happy, fulfilled my dream to be an idol, live life as I want it and now I just want a happy ending. I hope you find yours too. I love you all and I’ll be waiting so don’t be sad,” 
                                                                                                                     Wonwoo signing out!