Kyuhyun does the best he can to go back to the normal routine with Siwon. Though things between them are still slightly strained from the drinking incident; they’re back to loving kisses and regularly having . 

It’s been 3 weeks since the encounter with Sungmin. No matter how much he’s been trying to forget it, Sungmin seems determined to make him remember. She texts him several times a day asking how he’s been and how Sunkyu is. He can answer those easily, but the texts that contain those 3 small words are not responded to. Once, she brings up the fact that she hasn’t had the chance to meet Sunkyu. After that time though, she hasn’t asked again which makes it easier for him to decide to ask her to leave his family alone.

He feels incredibly too guilty to tell Siwon that Sungmin has come back. Siwon hasn’t really been clear about his feelings about the Sungmin situation, but he’s not sure if he would be okay with the girl coming back and acting as at Sunkyu’s mom.

The best, he figures, is for his family to continue as they have been. Siwon’s wonderful with Sunkyu, and they’re in love. He can’t let those old feelings for Sungmin rear its ugly head, but things just felt so unfinished with her. Maybe if they had fallen out of love like other couples, her appearance would do nothing to shake his heart, but he had only recently decided to completely let her go.

He invites her over on a day that Siwon’s working because if she leaves again, there’s no point in Siwon knowing that he had been speaking with her. Sunkyu is sitting in front of the television, watching cartoons in just a pull-up; she rebelled for 20 minutes until Kyuhyun stopped trying to tug a shirt over her head. Oddly enough, she had let him pull her hair into pigtails and she personally put a striped hair clip on to hold her bangs back (well, half of her bangs).

When the doorbell rings, the toddler immediately clamors to her feet and runs to the door. “Doow! Doow! Doow! Aaappa!” Kyuhyun takes a moment to mentally prepare himself before he goes to the door and picks up his daughter. “Sunny open doow!” He leans forward so the energetic girl can turn the lock, and he helps her a little to turn the knob. “I open doow! Sunny is big giwl!” she tells Sungmin as the door swings open. Sungmin’s face lights up as she looks at her child for the first time in over two years.

“Hi, pretty girl! I like your hair.” Sungmin holds her arms out to the girl who happily goes to her. The toddler has proven to be very social towards strangers lately, which already has Kyuhyun fretting about her going to school.

“Tank you! Appa make my haiw pwetty ‘cause Shi-Appa make it bad.” She nods very matter-of-factly and starts to play with Sungmin’s hair. “Youw hair pwetty too.”

“Thank you, sweetie.” Sungmin smiles up Kyuhyun whose face is very blank. “Are we gonna all play together today, Kyuhyun?”

As much as his heart leaps at the site of Sunkyu with her mother, he knows it’s time to end this. He shakes his head and takes Sunkyu back, setting her back down on the ground. “I need to talk to you about something. Sunny, go play in your room and be good. Appa will be right back.”

Sunkyu’s eyes get wide and she nods. “Sunny is good. Veeeeewy good.” Quickly, she runs to the staircase while her father watches to makes sure she gets up safely. Once she’s out of sight, Kyuhyun pulls Sungmin into his bedroom and closes the door behind him.

“I know you want to be involved with Sunny’s life, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t think we should see each other again.”

The short girl frowns. “Why not? Don’t I have a right to see my daughter? I admit, I haven’t been a great mother, but I want to start now.”

“It’s just-“ He looks away from her. “I really love my family the way it is now. Sunny has two parents who love her and who love each other, and I think what’s best for everyone is to continue like this.”

“I’m not asking for you to start a relationship with me. Can’t I just come see her once a week? We could play, and she can get to know me. Would you rather her grow up and hate me?”

“That’s not it, I just don’t think seeing you is good for me.”

“Why is that?” Because he head had been turned, Kyuhyun doesn’t see how close Sungmin has gotten throughout the conversation. She softly pecks the taller man’s lips and wraps her arms around him.

“I love Siwon.” This statement is completely true. There’s no doubt in his mind that his mind is almost constantly on the older man.

“Then what’s the problem?”

He surprises both of them by initiating another kiss. “I love you, too,” he murmurs against her lips.

The pair moves fast as lightning when Kyuhyun looks over at the clock and sees that Siwon’s due back in less than 10 minutes. The pair quickly dress, straightening out the wrinkles to look presentable. Sungmin hurriedly takes off the sheets for a later wash, while Kyuhyun gets the extra sheets from the linen closet and makes the bed. “Can you check on Sunny?” he asks, knowing the little girl has been alone for close to an hour. 

He spends a few more minutes cleaning up the room and emerges just in time to see Siwon come in. The older man stops and stares at the woman with his daughter. Kyuhyun studies his face, not quite sure what emotion his boyfriend is feeling, but he swears that he sees a flash of fear in his wide eyes.

Sungmin turns and looks toward the door, smiling genuinely at Siwon. She stands up before bowing slightly, showing her natural charm. “Hello, I’m Lee Sungmin. It’s great to finally meet you.”

Donghae is silent as the two men eat their lunch in the cafeteria.

“You’re being oddly quiet today. Are you sick?” Kyuhyun jokes.

“I hope Sungmin’s at least feeling guilty about what you’re doing.”

Kyuhyun sighs and sets down his chopsticks. For the past two months, he and Sungmin had been carrying on behind Siwon’s back. Although Kyuhyun insisted he would break off the affair, he had yet to do anything. Donghae, holding the burden of being the best friend, promised to keep everything a secret, but lately his patience has been running thin.

“I can’t just end it, Donghae… it’s not that simple. I love both of them, and I’ll be miserable if I have to send her away.”

“You weren’t miserable before she was in the picture. You’re being really selfish, and at the end, everyone is just going to be hurt. Honestly, you don’t see as happy as you used to be when it was just President Choi. You’re not in love with Sungmin; you’re in love with the idea of her.”

“You really don’t understand. She’s Sunkyu’s mother. She really wants to try being there for her.”

Donghae stares at Kyuhyun, incredulously. “You’re being stupid. You mean to tell me that Sungmin can’t be involved with her daughter without you ing her? If that’s the case, you really need to end everything before it goes too far.”

Kyuhyun deliberately tips Donghae’s glass of water in a way that soaks his whole plate. “Seriously, I don’t need you to be jealous about my relationships. I need you to be my best friend.”

The whole cafeteria turns and looks as Donghae noisily stands up from his chair. “I’ll be your best friend when the real Cho Kyuhyun comes back. You’ve really changed for the worse.” Kyuhyun watches in disbelief as the usually friendly man stalks out of the room.

He’s gaping at Donghae’s retreating back when he feels somebody settling in the seat next to him. The hand on his knee tells him that it’s his boyfriend.

“Are you okay? I saw that you were arguing on Donghae… what did you fight about?” The hand running up and down his thigh is supposed to be comforting but to Kyuhyun, it just increases the burden on his mind.

“Donghae’s just being silly… everything’s okay, I promise.”

“Are you sure? Because I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit… off, lately.” Of course the older would notice the conflicting emotions of his boyfriend. Kyuhyun knew how sensitive Siwon was to his changing emotions. Sometimes he felt that Siwon knew that he was stressed out before he could even realize it himself.

“Well, of course, life isn’t perfect, but I’ll get better soon. I know it will.” 

Siwon nods and looks down at Kyuhyun’s lips, wanting to kiss him but knowing he had a reputation to uphold as the president. “I trust you.”

Kyuhyun mentally scolds himself as he’s, once again, washing the guest room sheets. He had had every intention to break off the illicit affair that day, but every time he got around her, his brain seemed to let go of all logic.

Today, he has time to himself to think as he waits for Siwon to come home with Sunkyu. What exactly is he doing? He knows that trying to hide his relationship is changing him in a harmful way. Stress has been making him feel more snappy and angry at everyone but the real cause of his problems: himself.

Masochistic. He’s an absolute masochist.

“Sunny and Shi-Appa awe home! Appa!” 

Kyuhyun comes out of the laundry room and greets his smiling daughter. “Hey, princess. How was school today?” He crouches down to her level and holds onto her flailing hands.

“I dwaw Eomma!” She excitedly takes off her hot pink backpack and pulls out a piece of construction paper with a few different masses of color on it. “Seeeee?”

“Oooh, I see. It’s very good, baby.” She squeals and takes a sheet of happy face stickers out of her bag, slapping a sticker in the middle of her drawing. Lately, she had taken to putting stickers on her best works, which was all of them, so far.

Every time Sunkyu refers to Sungmin as “Eomma”, Siwon’s expression immediately goes blank. The girl had been very accepting of the fact that she had a mother, and it was obvious to anyone that it broke Siwon’s heart. He has been spending more time at work on days Sungmin comes over, which attributes to why the pair hasn’t been caught yet.

The toddler runs to the kitchen and uses a butterfly magnet to hang her picture of Sungmin next to the ones of her fathers. “Foooooood.”

Siwon is there to feed the girl a snack before she can throw a tantrum. The two-year-old hadn’t been too terrible, but when she got into a mood, she was guaranteed to give anyone nearby a headache.

“How was your day?” Kyuhyun asks, much more brightly than he usually asks. Siwon knows the tone is odd, so he shoots Kyuhyun a look.

“Can I talk to you in the living room?” He takes Sunkyu to her playroom and sets up the baby gate at the door so he could hear her from the living room. Kyuhyun nervously sits on the couch, pulling his knees to his chest. Siwon walks into the room, looking very serious in his business suit, and sits next to his boyfriend. “I know I’m always telling you to be open with me, but I haven’t been too honest with you.”

“What do you mean?” He feels like a hypocrite for fearing that Siwon’s cheating on him.

“I’m incredibly insecure.” Kyuhyun frowns in disbelief. Insecure definitely doesn’t seem like the word to describe Siwon. “I’ve always had the feeling that I need to please others. Even though I work my hardest to please, I don’t feel that my best is good enough. The loyalty I give others is usually… not reciprocated.”

Kyuhyun’s heart sinks. “You know…” he says feebly. 

The older man shrugs. “It’s far from the first time I’ve been cheated on.”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Siwon, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” No one could ever feel as low as he does now. How could he ever think of cheating on someone who literally did everything for him? If it weren’t for Siwon, he would most likely be back at home living with his father, still miserable and pining for Sungmin. And judging by Siwon’s words, he was just another boyfriend that broke his trust. He never deserved this man.

“I don’t think anyone who cheats really intends to hurt anyone, hence the secrecy. But I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve done something wrong lately. Usually, I get cheated on within a few months, but since we’ve been happy for over a year, I think I might have done something wrong. Every time I find out I always ask what I’ve done for things to fall apart. I’ve been told that I’m too unavailable, too stingy, too detached, too serious. You would think that with my dating record, I wouldn’t be able to trust enough to be in a serious relationship, but I took the negatives as constructive criticism. I changed. I became more available, spent more money, been more involved, and tried to be less serious.” He lets out a half-bitter, half-sad laugh. “I’m starting to feel that I’m an upgraded version of myself. But neither version of me is enough to keep a stable relationship.”

At this point, Kyuhyun thinks that being slapped would hurt less than hearing his boyfriend blame himself. “No, Siwon… it’s not your fault at all. I’m so sorry.” 

“I just-” The older man’s eyes show exactly how vulnerable and tired he is because of the situation “If you’re planning to leave, I think I can heal better if you do it while I’m prepared.”

Kyuhyun clings to Siwon, burying his head in his chest. “I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t ever leave you, and I hate myself for ever making you think that I would. I’ll end it, I swear. Just trust me.” He hears a noise of agreement and clings tighter. “I wish you would just yell and scream at me. Your calmness hurts more.”

“I was told once that I’m very scary when I’m mad. I try to refrain myself.”

“Mmm, you should stop listening to other people. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to please others, that’s doesn’t make a real relationship. Be yourself.”

He lets out a breathy laugh. “It may take a long time to go back to that point.”

“Noona?”

Sungmin looks over from the bathroom counter where she’s putting on her makeup. She an eyebrow to indicate that she’s listening.

“I. I don’t think doing this is making anything better. You’re helping him cheat, and I thought you came back to be a mother, not to pick up your relationship.” Henry nervously readjusts the cap on his head. In the months they’ve lived in Sungmin’s old apartment, he’s sat back and quietly watched as Sungmin forcefully put herself in the middle of a family. Usually, he would sit back and pretend his best friend wasn’t making bad decision after bad decision, but today is different. Sungmin received a message from Kyuhyun hours before, telling her that Siwon knew and everything had to stop. There was no way she would easily accept that.

“You don’t understand.” Her hands shake as she reaches into her makeup bag and pulls out a tube of lipstick. “Kyuhyun’s the first guy to actually treat me as something other than eye-candy. We’ve been through everything together. We have a child together. I can’t leave her again.”

“Then fight for her. Not him. There are other guys that you can have a life with, Noona. Kyuhyun’s trying his best to move on.”

“It has to be him!” She looks at him, furiously. “I’ve loved him for over 3 years, and I don’t want to move on. It was always supposed to be me, him, and Sunkyu. I’ve messed up once, and I’m not losing him again. Especially to a guy. This whole thing is just a phase that I need to bring him out of. You don’t understand, so I would appreciate if you would stop butting in.”

Henry shakes his head and takes a step back. “I’m going back to Ulsan. I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore. I can’t keep hurting myself while trying to help you.”

“So you’re only here for me as long as I do what you want to do?”

“I’ve been waiting and waiting for you to make a good decision that wasn’t all about you. I wanted to be here so you can be with your daughter, not break up a family. I don’t even know why I love you anymore… I need to leave.” He moves to the living room and starts to fill his half-packed suitcase. Sungmin quietly stands behind him.

“You love me?”

“For some reason, yes. But right now, I really wish I didn’t. The only thing you’ve ever proved to me is that I really don’t want to meet my mother. I didn’t really intend to stay in Korea so long. I think I’ll try to find work in Ulsan and save up enough elsewhere.” 

It doesn’t take long to collect his few belongings. Sungmin uselessly tries to pull him back as he leaves the apartment. “Please don’t leave me, Henry… Don’t go.” He easily releases his arm from her grip. She doesn’t follow. Instead, she goes back inside to re-apply her smudged makeup.

The day is pretty average for Kyuhyun. He’s sitting at the kitchen counter with Sunkyu while she colors, making sure her creativity doesn’t spread to the table or the walls. Siwon’s our buying more art supplies from Sunkyu who has been picking up on her coloring lately.

The sound of the doorbell makes him freeze because, of course, he knows who it is. Sunkyu whines at the sound, setting her crayon down and storming away to her room. Her teenager years are sure to be fun. Siwon is due home soon so he trusts himself enough to shoo her away before then. He wants to earn his boyfriend’s trust more than anything.

Sungmin’s wearing the same outfit she wore when the two first met at the bar. Her form-fitting jeans sit low on her hips, leaving a strip of skin between her pants and her shirt where Kyuhyun can see the ‘Cho Sun Kyu’ tattoo he’s become accustomed to. Her low-shirt reveals the top of cleavage, slightly straining from not losing all her baby weight, but not enough to be unflattering. Her eyes are slightly red, he notices, and she’s trembling as she wraps her arms around Kyuhyun’s waist.

“Am I going to spend my whole life waiting for you to forgive me? How long do I have to prove that I’m staying this time? I know I messed up really bad, but they say love endures everything, right? I love you so much.”

“Sungmin, I-I can’t do this to Siwon. I love him.” He puts his hands on her shoulders as preparation to push her away but doesn’t.

“And you don’t love me?” He starts to feel very uncomfortable as he feels tears start to soak through his shirt.

“No, it’s not that… I do love you, but… you left me. You left Sunkyu; you left us. I can take you leaving me, but she’s your only daughter.”

“Let me fix it… Let me show you that I’m ready to be back with you. I’m your first love, and I want to be your last.”

“I can’t… Sungmin-“ She looks up at him with tears running down her cheek. He really can’t stand to see her cry. After he uses the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears, he leans down to kiss her. “Don’t cry, Min. I do still love you, but I don’t wa- I just can’t.”

“I wish I never left. I left the only person who makes me truly happy.” She wipes her tears on the back of her hand.

He gives her a few more pecks to calm her down. “Sometimes I wish you never left too.”

They’re still standing in the middle of the doorway, kissing and hugging, which neither of them realize until they hear a sharp intake of air that doesn’t come from either them. Siwon grips the shopping bag in his hand while he tries to compose his shocked expression. Out of habit, he bows slightly to Sungmin who has pulled away from Kyuhyun but can’t look straight at him. “It’s nice to see you, Miss Lee.”

Sungmin nods and steps further away from Kyuhyun. “I should go. I’m sorry for intruding.” She reaches out to give Kyuhyun’s hand one last squeeze before quickly leaving.

To Kyuhyun, it feels that hours have passed since anyone has spoken. Kyuhyun steps aside to let Siwon in who sets the bag down on the ground and heads toward his office.

“I love you,” Kyuhyun attempts.

“I love you too.” The door closes and locks.

A few hours later, after putting Sunkyu down for a nap and very in-depth cleaning, he presses his ear against Siwon’s office door. Now, Kyuhyun isn’t really a crier, but each time he has in the past, Siwon was there to comfort him. Hearing Siwon cry for the first time has him completely lost at what to do. The actual crying isn’t very audible, but the frequent sharp intakes of breath are a dead giveaway.

He lightly raps on the door. “Siwon? Are you alright?” The crying quickly stops. “Can I come in?” No reply. “Well, I think I’ll be turning in for the night… When are you coming to bed?”

“I have to work tonight.” His voice is low and steady but the tone is off.

Kyuhyun doesn’t press for any more answers, but he doesn’t head to the bedroom to sleep. Ever since the two had become physically intimate, he hadn’t slept alone. He couldn’t sleep in bed knowing that he could possibly wake up to face Siwon’s absence. Sleep doesn’t come that night anyway. He stays awake all night in front of the television, staring at the late infomercials but not really watching. At about 7 in the morning, he unknowingly dozes off, entering a dreamless sleep. When he awakens 45 minutes later, a sticky note is on the television, telling him that Siwon was taking Sunkyu out for the day.

There’s nothing he really feels like doing the whole day. Sungmin texts and calls several times, but he ignores them. For a couple of hours he sits in Siwon’s office on the computer, looking at prices for ferries to Jeju Island. Maybe after the shock was over, the two of them could go a short vacation together. He falls asleep on the recliner in the office as he got little sleep the night before, but he’s in a light enough sleep to hear when Siwon comes in around 4.

Sleepily, he walks into the living room and watches Siwon remove Sunkyu’s shoes as she slumbers away. Siwon flashes one of his heart-stopping smiles at Kyuhyun and readjusts the sleeping girl in his arms. Kyuhyun follows him up to Sunkyu’s bedroom and watches as he changes her into her pink footie pajamas. The both of them watch their sleeping daughter for a few minutes as she unconsciously clings onto her stuffed lamb. Before Siwon, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but always see Sungmin in the little girl’s features. But as time passes, all he can see is his and Siwon’s daughter. There really was no way he could ever take her away from him.

He continues to follow Siwon as the older man walks past him and heads toward their bedroom. “Where did you go today?” he asks.

“I took her to a baby art studio. She got to play with putty and she finger-painted for a while. The owner said everything will be ready to pick up tomorrow morning.” His speech is slightly muffled as he moves farther into the closet.

Kyuhyun nods. “It seems like fun. Maybe the two of you should go every week; I think it’ll make her really happy.” Siwon exits the closet with his suitcase in hand. “…What are you doing?”

“Packing. I’m breaking up with you.”

“You… what?” He cranes his neck forward, not sure if he really heard his boyfriend right.

“I’m packing enough to stay in a hotel for a few days. I’ll be back in a few days to get the rest of my things so you can live here with Sunny. You don’t have to worry about rent, just utilities.” He pauses his packing and looks at Kyuhyun who’s starting to hyperventilate. “Kyu, calm down.”

Kyuhyun presses the heel of his hand into his chest in attempt to control his breathing. When that fails, he squats down to try to relieve the dizziness he’s experiencing. The pain is chest increases as his heart races to the point where he feels it’s about to explode in his chest. His legs are trembling, barely supporting him in his curled up position. “C-can’t bre-“

Siwon squats down by him and puts a comforting arm around him. “Calm down, Kyuhyun. Everything’s going to be alright.”

“No! You’re leaving!” The sudden emotional outburst dissolves his initial shock into anger, fear, and overwhelming sadness. “Don’t leave me… please, don’t leave me.” Tears are streaking down his cheek and one hand is clinging to Siwon’s shirt while the other is lightly hitting his shoulder.

They stay in that position while Kyuhyun sobs his heart out. Siwon does his best to comfort that man without giving him false promises of staying.

“I’m being a coward, I know. But I can’t stay here with you like this. I know you, Kyuhyun, you can’t make big decisions without help, and this is the only way I can help you. Sungmin loves you, and she’s really good with Sunny. You’ll be happy with her.”

“I don’t love her as much as I love you… don’t go.”

“I think you love her more than you think. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have felt the need to test out the relationship again. I’m not blaming for anything, and I’m not mad at you. You told me to be myself, and lately I haven’t been really sure of who that is. For the first time in my life I’m being selfish, and I need to know who I am. This might be good for us.” He stands back up, ready to restart packing again.

“What about Sunny? What do I tell her?”

Siwon freezes. This is exactly what he knows will make leaving hard. “If I were to stay in her life to be her father, would you be able to see me as nothing more than a friend?”

“No. Of course not.” He stands up and moves behind the taller man, wrapping his arms around him.

“Then we have to end all contact. Believe me, I know I’ll always hate myself for leaving her, but right now we’re just confusing her. Sungmin has every legal right to refuse me from seeing her, and if that were to happen I don’t know what I would do. Please let me leave knowing you’ll be happy.”

“I won’t be happy!” he sobs. Siwon pulls away from the younger man and turns around to kiss him on the forehead.

“Sungmin’s trying so hard… I can’t take away something she really wants. I can’t take her family away from her forever.” He pulls away and turns back to his suitcase to finish packing. Kyuhyun is frozen in his spot, crying so much that his vision is completely obstructed. All he can say as Siwon packs is a ongoing mantra of ‘IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou’.

He’s still repeating those words, IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou, when Siwon finishes gathering his things and sets out the door, doing his best to not look back.

How long he’s been standing there wallowing in misery, he’s not sure, but he knows it’s been a little while since Siwon left when he hears the unmistakable sound of the front door’s lock opening. His feet swiftly carry him to the front door as it’s swinging open. “Siwon?” he hopefully inquires.

Donghae timidly ducks his head down and stares at the ground. “Uh, not quite, but he gave me his key and told me that you’re not in a state to be left alone right now.” Kyuhyun nods and awkwardly stands in the middle of the entrance. He still feels incredibly depressed, but he doesn’t feel completely lost as he did moments ago.

The apartment is much too quiet as they sit in the kitchen sipping cups of coffee at 5 in the morning. They had been quiet since soon after Donghae came over and adamantly confirmed that Siwon hadn’t told him where he was heading.

“So what will you do?” Donghae speaks lowly, partly afraid to break the silence.

Kyuhyun shrugs. “Maybe I’ll go back to Sungmin like he told me to.” The two straight days of almost no sleep must be getting to him.

“I know you love her, but are you in love with her?”

“No.”

Donghae’s not sure if he should be happy or worried at the return of his friend’s brutal honesty. “Then why would you be with her again?”

“I can learn to love her.”