Kyuhyun should have realized things were off the day he found out Sungmin was pregnant.
 

She had really been off that day, jumping at the sound of his voice whenever her back was turned to him or biting her nails, which she had never done before. It was the weekend, a time usually passed by endless cuddling and exchanging professions of love, but Sungmin couldn’t seem to sit down or stay in a room for a long period of time. Midway through the day, Kyuhyun heard murmuring coming from their bedroom; he assumed she was on the phone with a friend. His suspicious were confirmed when Sungmin emerged, telling him she was going on with a few friends and would be back later.
 

While she got dressed, Kyuhyun shuffled to the bathroom to take a shower (the landlord promised to immediately fix the air conditioner… two weeks before). In the small, light blue garbage pail, he spotted a wad of toilet paper wrapped around a small object. Curiosity got the best of him and he reached into the pail, pulling the wrapped object out.
 

Now, he had only seen a pregnancy test on television, but he didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what the plus sign meant.
 

Sungmin was having a baby. His baby.
 

Their financial situation was nowhere suitable for them to raise a baby; they could barely support themselves. But Kyuhyun immediately felt excitement coursing through every fiber of his being. He was going to be a father. A much better one than his, mind you. He would never keep his child from being with the person he or she loved.
 

Sungmin entered the bathroom as Kyuhyun was still staring at the test in disbelief.
 

“What are you doing?” Sungmin froze in her tracks, her eyes half-crazed at the scene in front of her.
 

The surprised man looked down at his girlfriend with an unreadable expression “You’re pregnant… Why haven’t you told me yet?”
 

The long-haired blonde suddenly found it difficult to hold eye contact with Kyuhyun. “I don’t… I just haven’t yet because I didn’t think you would really be happy about it…”
 

“Are you kidding?!” Sungmin jumped, reading for an argument to ignite, but she was caught off-guard by a pair of strong arms wrapping themselves around her. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy! Of course I want it… we’re gonna be parents. I’ve never wanted anything more in this world than to just be with you and start a family, and I think we’re ready for it now. I think we can do this.”
 

But Sungmin knows they’re not ready.
 

The two of them were way to young for the huge responsibility of a baby. Just a year ago Kyuhyun was just a 17-year-old kid trying to get a drink at the bar Sungmin worked at. She was 22 and just fresh out of college. Her degree hadn’t done too much to get her a job in her field and she found herself using her Business degree to draw bigger tips out of drunken men by wearing low-cut tops and low-rise jeans.
 

Kyuhyun had been a nervous wreck as he attempted to order an alcoholic drink. He had gotten into the club successfully using a fake ID, so he hadn’t expected Sungmin to laugh in his face and tell him to come back when his voice finished changing. That remark didn’t deter him though. He spent his days thinking about the blonde girl and made plans to go back and see her again. A week after the first encounter, Sungmin rolled her eyes as the teenager boldly asked her out on a date. Another comment on his age slipped from her perfectly glossed lips.
 

She agreed to get coffee with him the seventh time he asked. Really, it was just a ditch effort to get him to stop pursuing her. Instead, it became the start of a complicated relationship.
 

That night was the first time she met Kyuhyun’s parents and also the first time they had in his bedroom, just a floor separating them from his parents watching television in the den. He had told his parents that he was going on a date with a 19-year-old college freshman, a fact Sungmin found out from having a short conversation with his mother. Her conscience kicked in around 4 in the morning (hours after his parents assumed she left) when she woke up next to the boy, completely unclothed and snuggled under the blue comforter with him. Quietly, she redressed as her eyes adjusted to the darkness and snuck out of the two-story family home.
 

She avoided him for weeks. All his calls went unanswered and he couldn’t find Sungmin at the bar on the weekends. He knew he should be a man and move on to someone closer to his age, but he just couldn’t move on from the pretty girl who took his ity.
 

It was Sungmin who showed up at his house a few weeks later, confessing that she couldn’t stop thinking about him and that maybe there was something more between them. They again found themselves in Kyuhyun’s bed, skin against skin, and tongues against tongues.
 

The age difference between them should have deterred Sungmin, kept her from developing deeper feelings, but she couldn’t keep herself from texting cute notes to him while he was at school or calling him during breaks at work. Everything was fine as long as his parents thought she was a 19-year-old college freshman, not perfect, but fine.
 

Sungmin was having dinner again with her boyfriend’s family when her true age came out. The family of three retreated to the living room to watch a movie together while Sungmin excused herself to the bathroom. She assumed she hadn’t been gone long, but apparently her absence was long enough for Kyuhyun’s mother to confront her while holding her driver’s license. The young man stupidly tried to uphold the lie they’ve been telling, but Sungmin calmly told him to stop. Still full of respect, she gathered her belongings, bowed a full 90 degrees and drove back home.
 

Because she worked night shift at the bar, she was completely awake at 3 in the morning when Kyuhyun called to tell her that he left home and was standing outside her apartment door.
 

They didn’t have to worry about the illegalness of their relationship long because the teenager was almost 18. Even if he wasn’t approaching his birthday, his parents refused to let him back home unless he immediately broke up with his girlfriend. Sungmin straight out told Kyuhyun to go home, that she wasn’t worth him losing his home. The boy was stubborn though and did everything she didn’t want to happen. After the first month, she asked why she never saw him doing homework. Reluctantly, he told her that he dropped out of school after he moved and took up a part-time job in the day.
 

The argument that followed was one of the worst they ever had. Sungmin demanded that he immediately quit his job and go back to school while Kyuhyun spouted off his dreams of him completely supporting them and that taking up a job then would get them on their feet faster than staying in school. She stormed into their bedroom and threw all his clothes out of the closet demanding that he promptly left and went home. He did leave, but was on his way back to the apartment the next afternoon when Sungmin called him, crying and begging for him to come back.
 

Life continued as usual, except for the fact that Sungmin was forced to sell the car and Kyuhyun picked up a double shift at work. True, the two didn’t see much of each other as they struggled to get by, but the few moments that they had were spent full of passionate love for each other like the teenager Kyuhyun was and the one Sungmin felt like.
 

Barely making it left no room for future planning, but Sungmin assumed they were both on the side of not having children anytime soon (or at all, if Sungmin could eventually convince him). So, no words could have ever described her feelings when she discovered she was pregnant. For her, there was no strong feelings of compassion toward the life in her stomach or excitement at the idea of starting a family with the man she loved. The only solution she could see was abortion. After all, they were both young, unstable and had dreams for themselves in the future. A baby would throw everything out of balance; even pregnancy would pose a problem working a as a bartender.
 

But there she was. A 23-year-old bartender, pregnant by her 18-year-old high-school-dropout boyfriend. After hearing the teenager’s pure joy, she didn’t have the heart to go through with the abortion; she knew that if she told him she was getting one, he would think it was the same as breaking up with him. A few days of him fawning over her made a small optimistic part of her wonder that even though she wasn’t ready for a child yet, maybe going through pregnancy would change her heart to feel that unconditional love for her child.
 

Her heart still didn’t change after the first trimester when they told their friends about the pregnancy.
 

Her heart still didn’t change after she began to show. Shopping for maternity clothes, things for the baby, and doctor appointments felt like walking through a bad dream. One that she wanted to awaken from, desperately.
 

Her heart still didn’t change when the baby started to move, and Kyuhyun insisted on spending time everyday talking to the baby, a girl they decided to name Sunkyu. It was during her 5th month of pregnancy when Kyuhyun proposed to Sungmin. She truthfully told him that she would love nothing more than to be his wife, but becoming engaged while pregnant wasn’t something she wanted to do. Though she knew her boyfriend loved her more than anything, part of her would think he was just rushing into a family with her because of their daughter. Instead of a flat-out ‘no’ (Kyuhyun looked very close to tears at the rejection) she asked him to wait until they were settled in with Sunkyu.
 

Her heart still didn’t change when the tips at work decreased and the owner suggested that she not come in until her body was back in shape. If anything, she felt more resentment toward her unborn daughter. Her (ex)co-workers planned a small baby shower for her which provided the couple with a diaper, some baby toys, and a few onesies for the baby. After her friends left (her thin and very much not-pregnant friends) she spent about an hour sorting out the presents and putting them in the drawers of Sunkyu’s changing table. One outfit in particular caught her eye: a pair of pink footie pajamas with the words ‘Mommy’s Little Girl’ written on them. When Kyuhyun wasn’t looking, she buried the outfit at the bottom of the trash bin.
 

Even holding her daughter in her arms, after the emergency C-section, she looked into the wide, searching eyes of a daughter but couldn’t see anything in them that made Sungmin want to keep her. Yes, she loved the child in her eyes, she was a product of the love between her and Kyuhyun, but this love did nothing to assure her that she could happily raise a child and give up on all her dreams.
 

She hadn’t always planned to leave She always saw herself staying with Kyuhyun, but she couldn’t see herself staying with Kyuhyun and Sunkyu. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew she would leave in the end, she thought as she jotted down a note on the hospital’s notepad. Knowing Kyuhyun would have already left to take them home, she called the house phone, leaving a tearful but firm message. The nurses unknowingly smiled at her as she excused herself to change into plain clothes (a great feat on her own as she had just a C-section 3 days ago). With no hesitation, she gave her sleeping newborn one last kiss on her forehead before quietly slipping out of the room.
 

Kyuhyun knows he should have seen the signs, but he had been too blinded by the love for his daughter.
 

Hours again, he arrived at the hospital only to find that Sungmin had left the hospital without her doctor’s knowledge and without Sunkyu. Hospital staff had already checked the security cameras, which capture the new mother leaving, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that hugged the curves of her post-pregnancy belly. The police talk with the hospital staff and Kyuhyun, trying to find a reason for the supposed abandonment of the newborn. Over and over they ask if he saw signs that warned him of her intentions, and over and over he can only shake his head and stare blankly at the bassinet that holds his daughter. Their daughter. The police tell him to file a missing persons report after 48 hours, but when they find Sungmin, she’ll be criminally charged for abandoning her baby.
 

The nurse that hands over Sunkyu to him (Sungmin’s note pinned to her blanket) smiles sympathetically and gives Kyuhyun an awkward hug and tells him to take care. In usual circumstances he would probably come up with some snarky comment, but today he can’t the words to express himself; he’s not even sure if his lips can form the words ‘thank you’.
 

The walk to the taxi feels too long and quiet without the presence of Sungmin. On the ride over there, he envisioned the two of them sitting happily in the back of the cab, cooing over their new addition. Instead, he is silent after he gives the address of the apartment. He stares down at the sleeping baby in his arms and lightly runs a finger along the side of her face. After Sunkyu first came out, Kyuhyun proudly pointed out that she had his eyes, but otherwise looked exactly like her mother. Sungmin smiled, half asleep, and murmured that she had hoped she would look like him. Now, he kind of wishes the same thing. How could he raise this child alone looking into the face of the woman who abandoned them?
 

Sunkyu doesn’t wake up until the two of them are on the elevator on the way up to the apartment. At first she simply blinks and looks around, wondering where she is. Soon after, her cries echo off the sides of the elevator. She squirms in his arms and Kyuhyun isn’t sure what to do. No odor comes from her, so he’s pretty sure her tears aren’t the result of a dirty diaper, but he doesn’t rule that out until he gets in the apartment and verifies that her diaper is dry. Before Sunkyu was born, Kyuhyun and Sungmin decided that the best option for food was feeding because of their small budget. Sungmin insisted that they buy at least one case of formula to use while she recovered from childbirth. He silently rejoices that she suggested while he quickly makes a bottle. Sunkyu’s cries grow louder as he jogs into the living room to calm the child lying on the couch. The day she was born, he watched the nurse show Sungmin how to nurse the child so he pokes Sunkyu’s cheek with the tip of the bottle. Instead of turning towards the bottle to feed, she turns her head away and continues to cry. A quick check of her body doesn’t reveal any possible pain, but she continues to cry, completely red in the face.
 

Father and daughter, both confused and both scared, cry themselves to sleep that night.
 

”I-I’m sorry, Kyuhyun… I just can’t do this.” She momentarily pauses to fight back the lump in . “Please don’t hate me… Please don’t look for me either. Maybe… Maybe one day I’ll be ready, and I’ll come back and we can be that perfect family. Will you still want me when that time comes? I left a note for Sunkyu. I know she can’t read it yet, but when until she can, tell her how much I do love her. Please make sure she doesn’t hate me.” Her speech halts again. “Kyuhyun… I love you. Happy Bir-“ The answering machines cuts off.