Day two hundred thirty-three of passing by the living room, watching Ryujin longingly as the other girl continued to play on her game console, controller gripped tightly. Yeji stood just behind the couch, knowing she wouldn’t be noticed. Ryujin was glued to the game. For once, couldn’t she focus on Yeji instead?

 

Everything had seemed fine when they first debuted as Itzy, along with their friends Chaeryeong, Jisu, and Yuna. Yeji had started developing feelings for Ryujin, and throughout promotions they had several opportunities to talk. Ryujin was funny, sweet, cute. She was hard-working and determined, things Yeji admired. But after the group went into a brief hiatus following a massive scandal involving another group under their company, it was like none of those interactions existed. Which was bad for Yeji, considering her feelings for Ryujin had grown tenfold.

 

Though the others talked and went on outings regularly to escape the stifling closeness of their dorm, Ryujin stayed inside constantly, locked up in her room and staring at her game. Even after the hiatus ended, after practice Ryujin would play her game. She wouldn’t go to bed, wouldn’t stay up with the other members to watch a drama on Chaeryeong’s laptop, wouldn’t go to the room she and Yeji shared to talk with the older girl like they used to. Yeji missed those conversations. But she couldn’t bring herself to start another one, because she knew exactly what would happen – she had seen the other members try. When Ryujin was under the gaming trance, she wouldn’t budge. Yeji had watched Yuna approach Ryujin, trying to talk about school, and the only responses Ryujin would give were distracted nods. In the end, Yuna walked away, frustrated. It convinced Yeji there was no point in trying to drag Ryujin’s attention away.

 

So she settled for watching Ryujin as she passed the living room during her gaming hours. It wasn’t like they could talk much during promotions or practice, since everyone focused on performing and the fans, and Ryujin never spoke at the dorm, thus Yeji could only imagine the possibilities that once existed. She stifled a heavy sigh, lips curling into the smallest of smiles when Ryujin fist pumped and yelled “Yes!” upon winning a match. She was so cute; that wouldn’t change.

 

Fifteen minutes turned to thirty, and Ryujin had not looked away from the T.V. screen. Yeji didn’t try hiding her sigh this time and rubbed the nape of her neck, turning away. It’d be another day in which Ryujin didn’t notice her or talk to her at all.

 

“Hey.”

 

The familiar deep voice caused Yeji to whip around. Ryujin was facing her, holding out another controller. “Wanna play?”

 

Stunned, Yeji struggled to find an appropriate response. “I – uh, I’m not sure on how to, um, play, though?” As soon as the words left her lips, she felt like disappearing. The one time Ryujin actually talked to her and invited her to do something together, and she turned her down? Incredible. Hwang Yeji was truly something else.

 

The corners of Ryujin’s lips tugged upwards in the hint of a smile. “That’s okay. I can teach you. This game is easy.” She patted the space beside her and turned back to the T.V. Yeji stood there, frozen to the spot, and would’ve stood there even longer if not for her common sense kicking in and her legs walking her over to the couch and seating her beside Ryujin. She took the console from Ryujin, staring at it blankly. She didn’t know how to play. Hell, she had watched Ryujin so many times and she was still clueless. On top of that, she was overwhelmed. She was sitting next to Ryujin...she was going to play with Ryujin...had the other girl picked up on her obvious feelings? Was that why she had invited her? Was Yeji going to be rejected or was Ryujin going to reciprocate her feelings and ask her out through a video game? Was –

 

“You ready?” Yeji blinked and looked at Ryujin, who was fully smiling at her now. Yeji felt like her heart had melted. “Yeah...how do I play?”

 

“Right, right. Hold on.” Ryujin shuffled, reaching over and rummaging through a bag that sat by her feet. She pulled out a headset, similar to the one on her own head, and gently slipped it over Yeji’s ears. “There we go. So, the controls are simple.” She put her hands over Yeji’s and guided them across the controller, their fingers brushing against the buttons. “That’s to run. That’s to punch, and that’s to look around. If you combine stuff, like press these two buttons, you can carry out a special move and deal a lot of damage. We’ll play the tutorial first, okay?” Her hands left Yeji’s and moved back to her own controller. In a way, Yeji was thankful; she thought her face was going to explode because of how hot it had gotten. “Okay. Thanks.”

 

Despite Ryujin having showed Yeji how to play (rather intimately, though Yeji wasn’t complaining), she still drew a blank halfway through the tutorial. Of course, it wasn’t because she tended to forget things; more so it was Ryujin running her fingers through her hair with an expression on her face that made Yeji’s heart skip beats, but she’d blame it on her supposedly bad memory for now. “Ah, how do you do this again?”

 

Wordlessly, Ryujin reached over, taking Yeji’s hands in hers again and guiding her. Her eyes, for once, had left the screen in front of her and were focused on Yeji instead. Yeji met the other girl’s gaze and managed to give her a small smile, fighting the urge to look away. Ryujin’s wide smile, paired with her whisker dimples, made it all worth it. She made everything worth it. Yeji had missed seeing this smile – she had missed Ryujin. And now that she had finally gotten the other girl’s attention, she felt like saying things she would’ve never thought of saying. “I like you.”

 

Ryujin’s smile faded slightly. “What?”

 

“I mean. I like your. Gaming style. Ha ha. Gaming style,” Yeji said, stumbling over herself. “Yeah. I like your...gaming style. It’s very cool.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Ryujin’s smile resurfaced, though it was smaller this time. Yeji silently reprimanded herself. What was wrong with her? Sure, the words were so easy to say absentmindedly, they were practically a part of her, but she knew better than to let them slip in front of Ryujin! She wasn’t Hwang Yeji, leader of Itzy, she was Hwang Yeji, complete idiot and total embarrassment. Drenched in her own misery and too occupied with scolding herself, she almost didn’t feel Ryujin’s hands briefly pull back before grabbing Yeji’s a little tighter as she spoke. “Yeji?”

 

“Ah – what?” Yeji yelped, quickly composing herself. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Are you okay? You seemed a little out of it just then,” Ryujin said. She tipped her head, eyes shining with genuine concern, and Yeji suddenly felt like she needed to excuse herself to go to her room and scream into her pillow. “No, I’m good,” she assured Ryujin, managing to smile at the younger girl and squeezing her hands. “I was just thinking about something and spaced out.”

 

“Huh, yeah, you’d always do that when we were trainees,” Ryujin chuckled, finally letting go of Yeji’s hands, her own resting in her lap. The game forgotten, Yeji placed her controller beside her and raised an eyebrow. “Really? I don’t think so!”

 

“C’mon, who are you trying to convince?” Ryujin was laughing now, leaning forward and grinning. “Sometimes we’d be practicing and you’d get that look on your face and even after the music stopped, you’d keep dancing, staring at the mirror. You’re lucky I was with you a few of those times, and I think Jisu told me you were like that once with her. Anyone else would’ve called the PD immediately and then where’d you be?”

 

“You remember all of that?” Yeji murmured. Of course, Yeji herself knew what Ryujin was talking about; she had only acted clueless to see if Ryujin would remember the memories they shared. So Ryujin hadn’t forgotten anything, though she definitely acted like it. She smiled as Ryujin narrowed her eyes playfully, reaching out to lightly punch Yeji on the arm. “Hey, what’s that tone for? Of course I do!”

 

“Hm, I guess so,” Yeji shrugged, laughing as Ryujin pouted and crossed her arms. “Be like that. I see the type of person you are.” She got up, turning the T.V. off and collecting the controllers and headsets. Her fingers briefly touched Yeji’s cheeks as she took her headset off, hesitating there for a few seconds as if it was a small caress, but then the moment was over and the headset was being placed into a drawer along with the controllers. “So...dinner time?”

 

“Jisu’s cooking something tonight,” Yeji informed Ryujin, failing to stifle her laughter when Ryujin’s nose wrinkled. “Is she really cooking, or are we going to be eating seven apple pies for dinner?”

 

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Yeji said, holding her hand out towards Ryujin. Only seconds later, her heart skipped one beat because of how stupid she was and then another as Ryujin didn’t pause before entwining her fingers with Yeji’s, beaming at her. “Yeah. I guess we really will.”

 

Over the next few weeks, Yeji noted how Ryujin had slowly slipped out of her gaming shell, not playing as much anymore and spending more time with the members. She was a known homebody, yet occasionally she would go out shopping with Yuna, help Jisu bake some new experiment, watch dramas with Chaeryeong, and with Yeji...with Yeji, it was like everything was normal again yet so new. They did everything they used to; holding conversations late at night, practicing together – just the two of them – at the agency, yet there was a new energy to it all. Something had shifted. But Yeji wasn’t complaining. After all, Ryujin finally had eyes for her.

 

Now, every time Ryujin would sit down to play her games for an hour or two, it wasn’t uncommon for Yeji to join her. In fact, Ryujin would constantly invite Yeji to play. On the occasions Yeji couldn’t, whether she was helping the other members with something or she had her own personal things to take care of, she would turn Ryujin down with a heavy heart. The smile Ryujin would give her the next time they played together would make it all worth it, though. That smile practically outshone the sun.

 

“Ryujin only has eyes for you now, does she?” Chaeryeong said, wincing at the sound of Jisu behind them cracking open a hard-boiled egg she had saved in the fridge. It was late at night, and all the members were tired but feeling satisfied, as they had just finished another successful promotion period. Of course, they had variety and radio shows to appear on, but that was the easy part. Ryujin and Yuna had gone to sleep early, seeming extra exhausted that day, while Yeji, Chaeryeong, and Jisu stayed up, sitting in the kitchen around the small dining table. Yeji glanced at the clock, avoiding Chaeryeong’s piercing eyes. It was almost one a.m. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Same,” Jisu chimed in, sitting down beside Yeji and placing the bowl with the hard-boiled egg onto the table. “It honestly seems like Ryujin’s been clinging to Yuna a lot more lately.”

 

“You cannot be that blind,” Chaeryeong scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You really haven’t seen how Ryujin always looks around for Yeji wherever we go? How she always brings Yeji up? They’ll wake me up at three in the morning because they’ve been talking for hours!”

 

Jisu scratched her nape sheepishly. “I’ve been sleeping heavily these days...”

 

“You and Yuna both,” Chaeryeong huffed. She gave a quick gentle smile to Jisu to let her know that she had just been joking before turning her attention to Yeji, clasping her hands atop the table. “So, Miss Hwang. What does the witness state?”

 

“There’s nothing to state, Chaeryeong,” Yeji said, letting a bit of her confusion drip into her voice. Yes, she still liked Ryujin, her feelings had only grown, and she had expected her observation skills regarding Ryujin to get even better but she had noticed no difference in Ryujin’s behavior. Not since that day Ryujin finally looked away from her games and at Yeji. They had been spending more time together, Yeji had finally been able to see Ryujin’s smile more often, but the other members could’ve said the same thing, right? “I don’t think she’s changed, not in the capacity you’re claiming she has.”

 

“Capacity...you’ve got to be kidding,” Chaeryeong grumbled, rubbing her temples. “I keep giving you hints and you’re not getting it.”

 

“What hints?”

 

“You know what – never mind. Forget I said anything.” Groaning, Chaeryeong got up, shaking her head. “Good night, you two. Jisu, enjoy your...egg. Yeji...please, don’t prove that you have point two brain cells. Sweet dreams.” She blew a kiss to both of them, completely contradicting the irritated mood she had just been in, and went to her room, shutting the door. Yeji exchanged a bewildered glance with Jisu. “What was she talking about?”

 

“Beats me.” Jisu took a bite of her egg, chewing slowly and swallowing before speaking again. “Whatever it is, Chaeryeong’s the only one who knows. I have no idea and Yuna, well, you know Yuna. If she knew what’s on Chaeryeong’s mind, she’d be hounding you day and night. She’d be up right now, probably.”

 

Yeji nodded. That much was true. No one knew what Chaeryeong was getting at except for Chaeryeong herself and maybe Ryujin. But what was she trying to say? That Ryujin was paying more attention to Yeji? Impossible. Why would she do that? What had Yeji done recently to get Ryujin’s attention? To Ryujin, Yeji was just a good friend, and as much as Yeji wanted her to be more to Ryujin, she knew she’d have to settle for being the “good friend.” It was fine for now, she supposed. She stood as well, walking to her room and resting her hand on Jisu’s shoulder for a second as she passed. “Good night, Jisu.”

 

“Night, Yeji,” Jisu called after her. Yeji quietly closed the door of her and Ryujin’s shared room behind her and paused in front of the bed. Typically, she wouldn’t have even spared another glance at Ryujin before climbing up to the top bunk; she would look at her once, then twice, both times affectionately, then whisper “good night, Ryujin” and get into bed. This time, however, plagued by Chaeryeong’s words, Yeji crouched down beside Ryujin’s bunk. The other girl looked so peaceful sleeping, face calm and smooth, breaths soft and almost silent, lips slightly parted as her chest rose and fell slowly with each breath. Her hands were folded atop her torso, blanket perfectly tucked over her and slightly into the mattress. Smiling warmly, Yeji reached over and brushed Ryujin’s hair away from her cheeks and off of her eyes. “I love you,” she whispered, resting her hand atop Ryujin’s. Her smile melted as she wondered what exactly Ryujin and Chaeryeong were hiding from her. What was wrong? It had to be something regarding Yeji – Ryujin’s thoughts regarding Yeji, but what were those thoughts?

 

It didn’t matter, not in the current moment, at least. Yeji would think about it the next morning, maybe try prodding Chaeryeong a little more to get some answers. But for now, she didn’t want to disturb Ryujin with her bewilderment. She was convinced, somehow, Ryujin would pick up on how utterly baffled she was. She leaned over, hesitating above Ryujin’s lips before pressing her own to Ryujin’s forehead. “Good night, Ryujin.”

 

As Yeji climbed up to the top bunk and got in bed, promptly falling asleep, what she failed to notice were Ryujin’s eyes fluttering open the second Yeji pulled away. What she failed to notice was Ryujin closing her eyes and tracing her lips with her fingers, letting out a soft groan of disgruntlement. What she failed to notice was Ryujin, touching the spot on her forehead Yeji had kissed, smiling widely, and then falling back asleep.

 

“Yeji, wanna play?”

 

Yeji blearily looked up from her cereal to Ryujin, standing in the doorway of the kitchen and lightly waving her switch. “I got a new game,” she added, smile bright as ever. Yeji couldn’t bring herself to refuse, even though it was nine-thirty in the morning on the one day they had off and the one day Yeji had planned on wasting by sleeping. She hadn’t even gotten much sleep, if she was being honest; she woke up every two hours with Ryujin on her mind. Specifically, whatever Chaeryeong was hinting at. Nevertheless, she smiled back at Ryujin. “Okay. Give me a minute to finish eating.”

 

“I’ll set up, then!” Ryujin chirped, and headed to the living room. Yeji sighed, though not without still smiling, and quickly finished the rest of her cereal. As she brought the bowl to the sink and started to wash it out, Chaeryeong walked up beside her, rubbing her eyes. “You’re up early.”

 

“Yeah, I was hungry and I figured I’d eat something before going back to bed.” Yeji placed the bowl and spoon into the dishwasher and dried her hands with the kitchen towel. “But now Ryujin wants me to play with her, so...”

 

“And you, being head over heels for her, won’t refuse,” Chaeyeong said, opening the fridge. She didn’t pay any attention to Yeji, who stared at her, jaw dropped. “I – who said I like her?”

 

“Oh, Yeji.” Shaking her head, just as she had done the night before, Chaeryeong looked up at the older girl, smiling sympathetically. “Just go play with Ryujin. Don’t keep her waiting.”

 

Yeji’s confusion had only strengthened, but Chaeryeong was right; she’d keep Ryujin waiting if she tried to make sense of how Chaeryeong knew she liked Ryujin. Still, Yeji thought, scurrying over to the living room, was it really that obvious? She couldn’t keep the questioning look off of her face even as she sat down beside Ryujin, whose grin faded as she handed her a controller. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Ah, nothing, nothing,” Yeji quickly said, replacing her bewildered look with a reassuring smile, taking the controller. Ryujin smiled again, though her smile appeared slowly. “Well, if you’re sure. So, I had something in mind for us today!”

 

“Which is?”

 

“Since you’ve gotten so good at gaming, I thought we could have a competition!”

 

Yeji’s jaw dropped for the second time that morning. “A...a competition? I don’t think I’m good enough, Ryujin!”

 

“That’s complete bull, and you know it,” Ryujin said. “You’re great. And we’re gonna have a competition. Please?”

 

Yeji couldn’t exactly refuse Ryujin when the other girl was giving her puppy eyes, so she grumbled assent and slouched in defeat. “Alright, fine. What does the winner get?”

 

“I’m glad you asked.” Ryujin smiled mischievously. “Loser has to tell the winner a secret. A real secret. Something the loser hasn’t told anyone.”

 

There was just one problem. Yeji’s only secret involved Ryujin. And that meant she couldn’t lose. She wasn’t ready to tell Ryujin...not now, not ever, she suspected, but that was besides the point. She couldn’t lose. If she tried hard enough, she wouldn’t lose. She believed in herself that much. Taking a deep breath, she nodded, meeting Ryujin’s gaze. “Okay. Let’s play.”

 

Halfway into the match – they were playing Smash Ultimate, which wasn’t a game Yeji had been able to play too often, and she didn’t know how long Ryujin had played it for, but she was controlling her character, Lucina, pretty well, so naturally she had probably played longer than Yeji – Yeji’s thumbs started to ache. The game was hardcore, and why wouldn’t it be? She was playing against Ryujin. “Come on, Ryuddaeng, go easy on me!” she whined playfully, mentally bracing herself for the next attack she’d have to defend against.

 

It never came.

 

As a matter of fact, Ryujin’s character wasn’t moving. Yeji took the opportunity and defeated Ryujin with her own character (Kirby), satisfaction flooding through her at the victory when the ending screen popped up. “Yes!” she hissed, fist pumping the air. The satisfaction wasn’t so much winning as it was not having to confess to Ryujin, but it was still satisfaction, and it made Yeji feel good. She glanced towards Ryujin, beaming. “Hey, I won –”

 

“I like you.”

 

Ryujin’s controller was placed on the ground, her head resting on her hands, fingers buried in her hair, eyes cast towards the ground. Yeji’s mouth had gone dry. “What was that?”

 

“I like you, Yeji,” Ryujin rasped, head sinking down even further, fingers running through her hair. “No. Whatever. I love you. Yeah. It’s been long enough, I guess I can say that.” She laughed bitterly, straightening and staring at the T.V. “I love you, Yeji. And I have for a long time. Before we even debuted. I didn’t know how to deal with it, didn’t know what to say to you, if I’d even say anything about it to you. Chaeryeong knew, but I told her not to get involved. That’s why I got so obsessed with games...I never knew what to say, never knew how to act around you, and gaming alone would give me some time to think. And then when we started talking like normal again, everything came back and I fell for you even harder. But I knew you only liked me as a friend. You don’t like me more than that. So I told myself to keep it in. Yet here we are.” She laughed again, though this one was out of sadness. “Sorry. It just all...spilled out. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll clean up.”

 

Ryujin got to her feet, bending over to collect the controllers. Yeji grabbed her arm before she could pick the controllers up, forcing the other girl to look at her. “Ryujin.”

 

“What,” Ryujin said. Her eyes widened as she took in Yeji’s smile. “What?”

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“I...what?”

 

“You’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot,” Yeji said, pulling Ryujin down and into a tight hug. “And you’re a loser. And maybe I am too. But god, I love you so, so much. I thought that was obvious.”

 

“It wasn’t?” Ryujin’s voice was muffled, but Yeji could hear the smile in it, and it just made her love the other girl more. “Maybe we’re both idiots and losers.”

 

Ryujin leaned back, eyes shining. She cupped Yeji’s face in her hands, practically radiating light. Some days, Yeji thought, when Ryujin was happy, she resembled Yuna. It was like both of them were full of sunlight and energy. “I’m pretty good at games, thank you very much,” Ryujin said, tone shifting to a more teasing one. “You’re the loser here. For more reasons than one.”

 

“Oh, really?” Yeji raised her eyebrow. “Like how?”

 

Ryujin tipped her head up in mock thoughtfulness. “Hmm, let’s see, like how you didn’t kiss me last night?”

 

Yeji squeezed her eyes shut, feeling warmth overwhelm her cheeks. “You were awake?”

 

“I was waiting for you to go to bed, but then you decided to pull that little stunt, which cost me hours of sleep,” Ryujin gravely informed her, giggling when Yeji opened her eyes and glared playfully at the other girl. “Hey, I couldn’t sleep at all last night because of you!”

 

“We have today. You can sleep as long as you want later. But before that...” Ryujin trailed off, biting her lip. “Make it up to me?”

 

Yeji was more than happy to. She leaned forward and captured Ryujin’s lips in a kiss, doing what she had wanted to the night before but never did. At least she was finally able to now, and god, had she missed out. It was sweet and it was soft and it was Ryujin. Yeji was kissing Shin Ryujin. In those short moments, she could taste two things: Ryujin and the strangely sparkling feeling of disbelief on the tip of her tongue.

 

Ryujin pulled away, resting her forehead against Yeji’s. “Hey. I love you.”

 

“I love you,” Yeji breathed, finally speaking the words that had been on her mind for so long. It felt so good to say them, to be with Ryujin, after months of pining. Finally, finally, Ryujin had eyes for Yeji. Not just for her games. “I love you, Ryujin.”

 

The smile Ryujin’s lips had curved into was adorably shy. “I guess I’m a winner too, not a loser, then.”

 

“We’re both winners and losers. Winners because we have each other, losers for each other.” Yeji picked up the controller lying by her feet and waved it, grinning. “But, on the topic of our competition, if you’re up for a rematch...” She grinned more widely as Ryujin started laughing, shaking her head. “God, Yeji. What is it?”

 

“Wanna play?”

 

end <3