There were times, I confessed to you directly or indirectly without letting you know even the slightest...

One time during the shooting of Run ep 64. I dont even know whether you remember it or not. It was when I splashed the water off to your beautiful face. Seeing you all wet really made me awestruck. I wasn't able to restrain myself to take my eyes off from you. Its funny to say, I've never lose to anything if I put my mind to it. But I've failed to you. Its a one on one battle with myself everytime I see you. But at some point, I lost it and I almost admitted my feelings to you, infront of other members, staffs and ARMYs. 

I love you and lets be happy together forever.

It still gives me the chills thinking about it now, of how easily I let my emotions lose control. Luck to my side, everyone let it slide and was busy enjoying seeing each other getting slapped by the water splash including you. But I felt dejected seeing you unfazed by it eventhough I really meant what I said.

What I fear the most is the rejection. Especially from you, Hyung.

Thats the one thing that probably kept me from reaching out to you. I was afraid if I did, I will have to face your rejection that I could never live with and I am sure I wouldnt be able to take it. All those stares, wispers, belly laughters shared, subtle skinship between us, I cherished those moments for myself secretly hoping you shares the same sentiments as me. Even if its the slightest possibility, I'll take that chance. 

There was another time during Love yourself concert at Europe. Those were the days I want to forget but at the same time I want to treasure them for myself. I was devastated seeing my injuries on my leg, unable to perform and give my 100% to ARMY's who came all the way to see us live on stage. I blamed myself for not being careful. And I insisted you guys to allow me to perform. But thats when I saw you act differently. Your eyes were fierce, but in pain and concerned. 

Were you really worried about me hyung?

Those eyes, that look in your eyes were not the ones of a concerned brother who care the most, but the eyes of a person who loves you dearly and he is about to break down. I never imagined a day would come to witness a tiny glimpse of hope. I felt like the universe itself wanted me to do something about it. For a moment, I felt everything right when its going wrong.

Why you make me so confused, hyung?

You insisted me to sit on wheel chair and took me to the backstage so that I dont walk. Do you remember then, when you tried to cheer me up by just fooling around asking me to repeat after you, Hyung?

Say,

Thank you so much, Hyung

Thank you so much, Hyung

You're so sweet, Hyung

You're so sweet, Hyung

I'll never forget your kindness, Hyung

I'll never forget your kindness, Hyung

I love you, Hyung

I love you

I was smiling so hard like an idiot, knowing how dead worried you are about me and hoping that you didnt see me as you were pushing my wheel chair behind me.

I wish I could let you know all those I repeated after you earlier, I really meant it. Each word. One by one.

Only if you knew.

To be continued.

Author's note:

I'll be busy with my college works for 2 weeks, as its the end of the semester of my final year. So it will be slow updates. I am sorry. But I'll try to update as fast I can.