06

Sometimes, trying to understand our own feeling is difficult especially when it gets too overwhelming. When our emotions got mixed together, it gets hard to feel anything that in the end, we feel empty. Expressing them is just as difficult as trying to understand. And it’s the same case for Dahyun. To put all of her thoughts into sentences is not an easy task no matter how well she can speak. Just simply explaining her feelings such as her frustration or her confusion is difficult for Dahyun to convey clearly. Sometimes she would ask herself; why do we have to explain ourselves to people?

Dahyun is not the type to share her problems with others. Maybe it’s because of how she is used to hiding the pain through her smile. She always hide away from all the things that hurt her, not knowing that she becomes miles away from her own happiness. Dahyun dislike the idea of burdening others so she would rather bottle up her struggles to herself. But she grow tired of keeping it. She grow tired of running away and pretending that everything is aligned.

Nayeon grabbed Dahyun’s pale hand, caressing it gently to comfort the younger girl’s unsettled feeling when Dahyun confessed her uality to her. Dahyun is finally coming out from her imaginary closet, and God it feels so great that she felt like the boulders on her shoulder have finally lifted. She is very thankful to Nayeon for taking her confession seriously, as she expected from the older girl who is much wiser.  

“You are brave for keeping it to yourself, but I personally think you are very courageous for finally coming out.” Nayeon told with her reassuring smile.

“I’m so sorry if this weirded you out.” Dahyun bit her lower lip, feeling guilty.

“What? No, it’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry. I mean I offer you the help.” Nayeon explained, while Dahyun only nodded. After venting out her struggles to Nayeon, she become quieter because she feel like she has already talked too much so she decided to let Nayeon speak.

“How do you feel?” Nayeon asked.

“A bit relief, like I finally can breathe again.” Dahyun stated.

“That’s good.” Nayeon smiled again. Dahyun responded back with a smile too.

“How do you feel when Sana almost kiss you inside the restroom?” She tried asking, because she is personally curious about it and it’s also a good step for Dahyun to face her fear.

Dahyun’s eyes widened, of course she didn’t expect her to ask that. She took a deep breath as she gathered all her courage before she begin to answer.

“I feel something strange from inside my heart like it’s beating so loud, I was feeling anxious and a little scared. But I enjoyed the feeling, the thrill feeling like when you’re on a rollercoaster ride. You know when you got scared but you didn’t really regret for riding it.” Dahyun let her thoughts out.

“So you like her.” Nayeon suspected.

“What? No! That’s impossible, I barely even know her.” Dahyun blushed, denying the statement. I mean seriously it’s too quick to assume about my feeling, She thought in her head.

Nayeon laughed, “Well I could be wrong about that but I think you’re finally blooming.”

“What do you mean by that?” Dahyun asked, she is too naive to understand that without an explanation. This made the older girl to laugh again.

“I meant to say that you are finally falling in love with the person you really want to fall with. In terms of gender-wise, you finally want to love a female.” Nayeon explained to her.

“I guess. But am I allowed to?” Dahyun asked again.

“Will it make you happy if you do?” Nayeon asked back instead of answering.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Dahyun said with a doubtful look on her face.

“If it makes you happy, then why are you beating yourself to it?” Nayeon’s question sounds more like a remark.

“Because it’s not something I’m supposed to. It’s a wrong thing to do.” Dahyun explained. “But yet, sometimes it feels right.” She muttered at the last sentence.

Nayeon smiled, “You don’t have to figure everything out, you know. Whether it’s right or wrong, just live your life to the fullest. Do what makes you happy. It’s a choice that you decide for yourself.”

Dahyun blinked her eyes, because Nayeon’s last advice really opened her mind and made her realize that it’s about time for her to choose the happiness she want for herself. She couldn’t thank Nayeon enough for the pep-talk and for listening to her problems.

“As a return for your honesty, I will tell you my secret.” Nayeon grinned with her bunny tooth.

“Sounds fair.” Dahyun smiled, but she is not really expecting anything.

“Okay but don’t be too shock.” Nayeon said with a chortle. Dahyun nodded as she waited patiently.

“I am a lesbian.” Nayeon informed. Dahyun’s eyes widened as she got surprised by the news. She knew she shouldn’t be too surprised judging by how well the college girl understand her coming out confession.

“I told you not to be too shocked.” Nayeon laughed at the younger girl’s face expression.

“No, it’s just… I just didn’t expect that coming from you.” Dahyun’s eyes are still big when she replied her.

“Do I look that straight?” Nayeon asked, suddenly she’s curious.

“Um- well, I mean. I don’t… know?” Dahyun is unsure of her own answers too.

Nayeon giggled. “I guess we have shared our secrets together today.”

“Yeah, we did.” Dahyun nodded and smiled at her.

“Hey, do you want to grab ice cream? I mean since you didn’t get to yesterday.” Nayeon said to Dahyun.

“Yeah sure. But my treat.” Dahyun told her, making Nayeon to smile.

Truth to be told, Nayeon didn’t really expect Dahyun to get too personal today. It made the college girl to slightly feel bad for making Dahyun come out as she knew it isn’t an easy thing to do. Getting to know Dahyun is part of Nayeon’s plan, but obviously it isn’t in her plan to get to know her on a deeper level. However, it made her feel proud of the young girl for finally finding herself and she felt satisfied for being of help.

The place they wanted to go to is the Laburi’s Ice Cream shop. Since the sky is getting darker, Nayeon offer a ride to take Dahyun to the said destination. They arrived after 15 minutes of driving on a smooth traffic condition. Laburi’s is a quiet famous place for young adults, the small place is always filled with couples that Nayeon and Dahyun have nowhere to sit. So they decided to buy and eat while walking along the bridge that is just ten metres away from the shop. Dahyun is leading the way with a cookie monster ice cream cone on her hand, while Nayeon bought a strawberry flavour. Since Dahyun bought the one with the cone, it’s pretty messy for her to eat compare to Nayeon whose having it in a cup.

“You got ice cream on your face.” Nayeon cackled when she noticed that the younger girl is struggling with her ice cream cone.

“Hm? Where?” Dahyun asked, again with her big eyes. Nayeon learned two things about Dahyun today; her being a biual and her with her exaggerating face expression.

“Here.” Nayeon helped to wipe the smudge on Dahyun’s jaw. The younger girl thanked her with a cheeky grin.

When they had finish their ice cream, they stopped their track and lean beside the rail of the bridge to view the bright moon in the sky. It is a full moon that night, the moon glows from a distant glimmering at the centre and give lights to the darkness. Below the beautiful moon are houses with tiny yellow lights that from their view, it actually looks like an ocean of twinkling stars.

“Look, there is a moon on the river too.” Dahyun pointed at the reflection. She is just like an adorable kid, Nayeon thought inside her mind as she smiled widely at the younger girl.

“You know, the moon actually look smaller from up there compare to the one in the river at this angle.” Nayeon noticed, suddenly this trivial things amaze her.

“Oh, you are right!” Dahyun agreed, sounding too excited about the trivial things too.

Then, they went silence for a moment to enjoy the view. Dahyun started humming, making a melody using . She look calmer and more comfortable now after her coming out. But Nayeon, on the other hand is feeling restless like there is something bugging her in her mind. She took a big inhale and heave a sigh.

“Say Dahyun,” Nayeon turned her head to face her.

“Hm?” Dahyun responded, facing back the older girl.

“I know this is too soon but, do you want to try dating?”