04

For someone as flawless as Dahyun; who is a perfect role model for everyone with an excellent academic representation, great personalities and disciplinary as well as having good impression on people, Dahyun still considered herself as an imperfect human. From being a brainy person to an athletic jock, everyone must think that there is nothing the girl can’t do. Well they are wrong, there is one thing that Dahyun is struggling with- one thing that she can’t understand. She is a human after all.

She can’t understand herself because she doesn’t know who she really is. She always seem to think that she is different. For instant, her natural hair colour is weird and different from others. But she often feel different on the inside like her habit, interest or character; it’s different than most average teenage girls have. Identity Crisis , perhaps is the right word for it. Dahyun couldn’t really grasp to her own self-hood. However, that didn’t stop her from being the person she is today. Dahyun believe that this could be a part of growing up; a confusing state in trying to find oneself. That’s when she realize that the situation she got caught at the moment is a part of growing up too.

Dahyun’s body is wrapped by Sana’s slender arm. Her body froze but she managed to put her fist against her chest- but still didn’t know what to do with them. Sana’s breathing is getting heavy, her eyes is still darting onto the latter’s lip. Dahyun’s heartbeat is pounding louder each seconds passed by, her timid-self is thinking that the people in the restaurant might hear her crazy heartbeat- heck, what if Sana can hear it too? It’s embarrassing, Dahyun thought while blushing. Sana’s face is close to her, the distant between their nose is just an inch away which made it hard for Dahyun to breathe properly. She need to end this anguish; this pleasurable suffering situation.

Dahyun gulped hard on the lump on .

I can’t believe what I’m about to do, She said.

Dahyun take a deep breath. Her hands begin to unfreeze as they slowly move reaching for Sana’s shoulder.

Damn it, just do it! Dahyun cussed inside her head.

When her hands laid on Sana’s skinny shoulders, she start shaking a little. Dahyun clasped her bony fingers around the older girl’s shoulder, grabbing her with a small force to prevent herself from fidgeting.

S-sorry.

The younger girl gently pushed Sana’s shoulder away. It happened in slow motion; the way Dahyun pulled herself away from Sana, and when she broke the distance between their bodies. It does not only break the contact between their body, but it also leave a huge gap between their face making an ending to their eye contact. Their face are distancing now; Dahyun with a sorry look on her face and Sana with her bewildered expression.

Dahyun bit her lower lip before muttering, “I- I gotta go.” She quickly take her leave, exiting the restroom.

Sana’s eyes widened after Dahyun left. Instead of wearing an upset expression, she displayed a smug look on her face and bit her lip. Not longer after Dahyun had left her, Sana sighed in relief when she can finally breathe normally again. She put her hand on the left side of her chest; her heartbeat is still rapid. Sana turned her face to the mirror and start fixing her hair- there’s actually nothing to fix, but it made her feel less tensing.

“Kim Dahyun.” Sana unconsciously mumbled under her breath.

I want her, she smiled at her own thought.

Back in the restaurant at their table, the three girls were still chit-chatting but not until when Dahyun came to interrupt their conversation.

“Chaeng, let’s go home. It’s getting late.” Dahyun said in a hurry.

“What about ice cream?” Chaeyoung asked.

“Maybe another time. We need to go now.” Dahyun told with an urge face. Chaeyoung may not be as smart as Dahyun but she can definitely read Dahyun’s face especially when her tone of voice changed.

“Okay.” Chaeyoung stood up from the table without questioning any further.

Just when they are about to bid goodbyes to Nayeon and Momo, the blonde girl appeared behind Dahyun. Sana’s sudden presence made Dahyun jumped because she wanted to leave without her knowing.

“Leaving already?” She asked.

Dahyun turn around to face the girl but avoid her eye contact. She respond shortly, “Yes.”

“That’s too soon. We can give you a ride if you stay a bit longer.” Sana said, being persuasive again.

“I-it’s okay.” Dahyun stuttered, looking down at the chair instead of the girl.

Sana boldly move closer to Dahyun, placing her thumb and index finger on Dahyun’s chin to lift her face in the same level as hers so their eyes can meet.

“Then please be careful.” Sana remind her. There it is, her glittery eyes that I’ve adore, Sana thought.

“Alright. Then, let’s go dubs!” Chaeyoung immediately pulled the frozen Dahyun with her. They thanked Nayeon and bid their farewells.

When they took their bike beside Nayeon’s Volkswagen, Chaeyoung narrowed her eyebrows and that’s a hint for Dahyun. Her best friend is confused at the moment and she will ask question to Dahyun. Truthfully speaking, Dahyun is just as confused as Chaeyoung. She have a lot of question in her mind too.

They start cycling taking the narrow street, the shortest way to leave the area. It was silence at first because they know damn well that they are waiting for one of them to speak. Chaeyoung is just waiting for the right moment to ask her. Later, she broke the silence when they passed their high school which means that they are already further away from the restaurant.

“What’s happening back there, dubs?”

Dahyun has already prepared answers for this question in her head.

“I was just a little overwhelmed by them.” Dahyun answered.

“What do you mean?” It’s not enough for Chaeyoung to understand that clearly.

“They’re so adult-like. I don’t think I’m cut out to hang out with them.” Dahyun explained. She isn’t exactly lying because it is the truth. However, that’s not the reason why she decided to leave abruptly.

“Oh, I see. Like you feel intimidated by their presence?” Chaeyoung asked.

“Yeah, sort of like that. It makes me feel small at some point.” Dahyun nodded.

“But you were talking just fine with them. What change your mind?” Chaeyoung is really curious for her friend’s answer.

Sana, her name comes first in Dahyun’s mind when the question was being asked.

“I don’t know. I’m probably just over-thinking it.” Dahyun shrugged, begging on the inside for her friend to stop asking now.

“So does that mean you don’t want to hang out if we happened to bump on them again?” Chaeyoung asked for the last time.

“N-not exactly.” Dahyun suddenly become confused. Oh yeah, do I still want to talk to her if we meet again? She asked herself on the inside.

Chaeyoung chuckled softly, “I guess that means you still want to.”

“Maybe.” Dahyun responded shortly.

“They are pretty cool for a college student. Do you think all college students are that friendly?” Chaeyoung ask out of curiosity.

“You’ve met my brother and he is not that friendly or cool.” Dahyun joked.

Chaeyoung start laughing louder, “Oh yeah, you are right. He is a big bully.”

That night at their campus house, Sana is playing with her phone on the long sofa inside the living room when she heard Momo screaming from her bedroom. Momo’s bedroom is the closest to the kitchen and the living room, it is the only bedroom from downstairs while both Sana and Nayeon have their bedrooms from upstairs. They rented this two-storey campus house last year so that it’s easy for them to go to the university because it is closer. It’s also convenience for them to throw a party and to invite the people from around their place. The rental for the house is not too bad either, not that it’s worrying them especially since the three of them are coming from a well off family- not to mention, Nayeon is actually coming from a very wealthy family in her hometown.

“Oh my god!” Momo shrieked.

Nayeon scurried from the kitchen to where the source is coming. Her bunny slippers made a flip-flop sound which caught Sana’s attention when she passed by. She heaved a sigh before she lazily got up from the sofa to check on them.

“What’s going on?” Sana asked from outside the door, her head is leaning against the door frame. She raised an eyebrow when she found her two friends staring at a laptop screen.

“Momo found their Instagram accounts.” Nayeon beamed.

“What?” Sana asked, but doesn’t really sound too surprised.

“Come here. Look at Dahyun’s baby photo.” Momo called.

Sana snorted with a laugh. “Guys, you seem to be underestimating me.”

Sana’s words grabbed their attention as they both turned their heads on her with a puzzled look plastered on their faces. Sana pick her phone up and showed them the display on her screen.

“You already followed her on Instagram?!” Nayeon asked in disbelief. “How dare you didn’t tell me?”

Sana grinned mischievously. “Because we’re not a team, this is a competition.” She said in reference to Jessi from Unpretty Rapstar. She stuck her tongue out before leaving them to go back to the sofa.

“Jerk!” Nayeon mocked but of course she doesn’t really get offended or feel betrayed by it, after all they were just joking around.

Sana giggled her way back to the sofa. She continued her ‘stalking’ on Dahyun’s profile. She pressed her lips together when she feel something odd inside her heart. What is this strange feeling? She asked herself.

Despite being a very popular girl and having so many people liking on her, Sana has never been in love with anyone- as sad as it sounds but it’s the truth. Of course her beauty can take her anywhere including relationship. She have dated several girls and few boys but she has never been in love with any of them. Truthfully, it disappointed her of how no one can make her feel like she is on cloud nine. So sometimes she wonder what it feels like or how it feels like to be a significant to someone. Every one of the people she dated only love Sana for her beauty and fall for her seductive skills. Sometimes, she think she can do way better than just to please these people.

Dahyun though, is pretty different from the rest of the people. After encountering her, Sana felt lighter inside her heart. Something about Kim Dahyun made her feel like she believe in herself to do better.

This is so crazy, Sana thought that night lying on her bed where she is supposed to be sleeping. How do I stop thinking of her? I can’t sleep like this! Sana become frustrated that she tried covering her face with another pillow as if that could help her shut her mind off.

It’s just different. She is different. Sana let out a sigh. She recalled back the scene she had with Dahyun inside the restroom that evening. The way Dahyun gently placed her small hand on her shoulder, she remembered her heart almost fell when Dahyun pushed her only to distance themselves.

No one ever reject me when I tried to flirt, no one in a right mind would push me away when I tried to kiss. She’s so different, daring yet timid.

Sana groaned under the pillow before she turn to her side to try sleeping.

I might be in love with that, her final thoughts before she let her tired mind drifted to sleep.