She's the tear in my heart

I'm alive

She's the tear in my heart

I'm on fire

- Twenty One Pilots

It was strange.

She had done this before. She knew this. 

But here, seated on this hard, cold chair with bright artificial lights reflecting off her paper, with high ceilings that seemed to loom threateningly over her very presence, she was stumped. 

She tried to remember when she had seen this question but all she could remember were flashes of benches, ice cream and the low drone of voices around her. 

"Hey, stop daydreaming. Read the equation and try it. I can't help you if you don't even try." Joohyun tapped her pen on Seulgi's worksheet, staring at her with a small frown.

"Fine."

Their third or maybe fourth study session. 2016. And the same question staring right back at her. 

How could she possibly remember? It's been almost three years. Apparently she hasn't gotten any better in Math.

"Seulgi, you're doing fine, honestly. At least not as bad as those jocks in my class." Joohyun nodded her head as she reviewed her answers.

"You just need to work on these few topics... but other than that, just practice more. Most of your mistakes are not that serious, just maybe carelessness."

"That's a first." Seulgi laughed. She knew she was terrible in math (she had been barely passing it when the average was a B)

"You know, you could ask me for help if you want. I won't mind." Joohyun passed her back her papers and looked at her with this look that made her brain go to mush. 

After a short moment, with Seulgi trying to figure out the strange irregular pumping of her heart, she finally replied.

"Yeah, okay sure. So, when will you be free?"

From there, they met up almost everyday after school and hung out until evening arrived. They studied during the first few meet ups, very diligently in fact, that Seulgi had scored an A for their first test. 

They usually went to either their classrooms to study and sometimes, Wendy would join them. It was productive but when they became more comfortable with one another, they started talking more than studying. 

It was fine.

They could cope then, life was much simpler. Her grades never dropped below a B. 

And she was much happier.

She suddenly recalled the steps,maybe it was still a little hazy but she started writing. Scribbles were better than blanks anyway.

The exam went by without much struggle.

But memories filled her head and it seemed to never leave.

She decided that staying in school to study for Biology the next day was better than going home. 

Going home would mean having to pretend she was not stressed out, it would mean having to talk to her mum about things and she was keeping this huge secret that was like a ticking time bomb. 

She headed straight to her classroom without a second thought. 

The classroom wasn't empty when she entered.

Jongin was doing his papers, revising for the next day's examination. (that was all everyone was doing nowadays)

"Hey, why are you still in school?" Jongin questioned, a little too curiously.

"I can't concentrate at home. I don't know, don't really feel like going home, I guess. What about you?" Seulgi went to her seat and began unpacking. She didn't want to talk to anyone and wasn't keen on making small talk with him. All she wanted was a place where she could be herself, a place to rest, whatever. 

"Same." 

"I see."

The conversation stopped so abruptly that Seulgi, after flicking a few pages of her thick Biology textbook, decided to get some fresh air and later, food in the cafeteria. 

She couldn't stand being in a room filled with so much silence. Every sound she made seemed to amplify, a sneeze, a cough, anything. 

Walking around the school she had been going to for almost four years made her a tad bit nostalgic. Some things she remembered so clearly that she could picture the whole scene in her head but some would just come and go in flashes. 

But everything was undoubtedly fading. Fading until nothing was left, no memories whatsoever, just tiny glimpses of what used to be.

She walked on and passed the dance room - the dance room that seemed to smell of socks and flowers. It was the weirdest scent but it didn't stink, strangely.

The dance room was situated in a secluded place in school - it wasn't on ground level but instead in a place that seemed like a basement. She had joined the dance club when she first went to school and immediately loved it. She had made many friends there and one of them was Joohyun. 

She didn't know her at all and had not bothered talking to her. Now that she thought about it, she didn't exactly know why either. 

Krystal, Sulli and Seulgi had known one another since they had been active in the dance scene since middle school and had competed against one another during competitions. So, they were a familiar face at least. 

They became fast friends but with the underlying tensions, Seulgi slowly drifted. She hated the quiet co