You hover like a hummingbird

Haunt me in my sleep

- Of Monsters and Men 

Seulgi's been studying like nothing else matters, like she isn't flooded with thoughts of her best friend daily, like her crush on her is non-existent. 

She's a coward, she thinks, for hiding and hoping that this crush would fade away. (It hasn't and it's killing her inside; it's been four ing months since she's had a proper conversation with her and she misses her) 

The relationship they have now isn't exactly the best or worst. They still acknowledge each other when they pass each other in the hallways and maybe even a smile once or twice. But they aren't as tight-knitted as before, that's for sure. Before everything, they had been extremely close, to the point where they could talk for hours daily and it still wasn't enough. 

Now, all of it had gone to hell because Seulgi had decided to remove herself from Joohyun's life. She had done it so subtly that it was impossible to see when the conversations had stopped, when things between them had gone so wrong. Joohyun had completely no idea how to confront Seulgi for it because, what could she say? After all, friendships seldom lasts and if Seulgi was the one being an about it then Joohyun was not going to bother. 

So, they drifted apart. 

Seulgi, really only having Joohyun as her close friend started to bury herself in books and Joohyun, a naturally sociable person, started to invest more time with Jennie and Jisoo. Practically, the whole four months were spent in this fashion. Maybe somedays they would coincidentally bump into each other in hallways, but more often than not, they hardly ever saw each other. And it's ridiculous how Seulgi would sometimes leave at a certain time just so she could see a glimpse of her silhouette. She shouldn't have distanced herself in the first place, she thinks.

Four months later with finals arriving in less than a week, Seulgi was cooped up at home like a zombie, studying, eating, bathing, sleeping and studying all over again. She tried to keep her mind occupied with all the mundane everyday things, with textbook content and all things unrelated to a particular person. It wasn't hard, really, with how much she's been studying lately anyways; her head's been filled with history, literature, math, science and so many more subjects. And honestly, if she wasn't running away, she would have realised how terrible the school is with how much work they're giving the students. But she was running away and was instead glad for the distraction. 

However, at times when she let herself relax, she would find herself drifting back to the times she had with Joohyun. The first time they met four years ago with a mutual friend, hanging out at their spot, eating together, talking about anything. She should have looked out for the warning signs then before she let herself fall. And fall she did, so hard in fact, that all she could ever really think about was her - how she spoke with a faint but recognizable Daegu accent, the unadulterated laughter when she was truly happy and the way she would lightly hold her hand when she was afraid or excited. She wanted to be friends but whenever they were together, she would yearn for more and she was just so damn afraid that Joohyun would finally see through her not-so-innocent facade.

//

Getting to know her wasn't like getting to know Wendy, their mutual friend.

Getting to know Joohyun was an entirely new experience, like learning how the Sun provided living things with everything they needed, it was sudden and eye-opening. She remembered how when she was eleven the teacher taught the class photosynthesis and how the warmth of the Sun made the Earth a place fit for humans to live in. She had never realised it before but when the teacher said it, it was like a boom! in her brain. The Sun was imp