Title: Still
Author: kyouya3/kyouya-sama
Length: One-shot collections
Pairing: OT5 (HoMin's Side)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Drama
Summary: This's their first baby step to reach out the other side.

 

Still

The small yellow light was the only thing that shone upon his paper. He was tired; he couldn’t feel his body at all and his eyes were suffering from lack of sleep but he needed to finish this. He wanted to finish the song he wrote so he could sing in his concert in a week.

Rubbing his tired red eyes, he tried to play with an instrument in front of him, making the melody right. As the words came to his head, he kept writing them as he smiled. He knew he could finish this in time.

Suddenly, the door behind him opened and he saw his tired hyung, asking what he was doing. He pulled the older one and made them sat next to each other.

“Hyung, listen…” he spoke as he began to play the music he had made and sang the lyric.

 

mou ichido sasotte mou ichido waratte
boku tachigakono basho de deae tanara

もう一度誘って もう一度笑って
僕たちがこの場所で出会えたなら

Once again, supporting each other.

Once again, smiling brightly.

If we reunite in this place again.

 

“Changmin ah,” the older one interrupted.

“Yunho hyung, just listen till I finish, okay?” Changmin persuaded as the older one fell quiet. Changmin sang the song with all his heart. He almost tore up at the lyric he wrote himself because how true it was; the lyric was the true feelings both of them had hide so long time.

kimi no koe ga kike nainante
kimi no namae yobe nainante
semete yume de ae tarakitto
kimi wo gyu tto daki shime runda
dakedo kimi ni ae nainante
aishi teruto ie nainante
kanashi ihodo kuruo shikutte
setsuna i setsuna i koi woa

君の声が聞けないなんて
君の名前呼べないなんて
せめて夢で会えたらきっと
君をギュっと抱き締めるんだ

だけど君に会えないなんて
愛してると言えないなんて
悲しいほど狂おしくって
切ない… 切ない恋をした

I can’t hear your voice.

I can’t call your name.

But if we meet in our dreams,

I will hug you tightly.

But I cannot say that I love you.

More painful, more sad.

Painful love.

 

“Changmin stop…please” Yunho wiped his tears as he joined the younger one; their face was bathed with unbearable tears. Changmin remembered in a talk show called ‘Strong Heart’, he had lied saying Yunho never cried since their debut. They cried a lot, especially after the broke up. They embraced each other as they cried; missing the most important persons in their life.

“…Hyung…I’m---no, we’re going to sing this song in our upcoming concert for sure,” Changmin spoke between his sobs,” We has been obeying that corrupted company too much…We had made the three of them waited too much…I miss them…I want to sing for them at least if we can’t sing on the same stage…Hyung…I don’t hate them anymore…I miss them…”

“I miss them too, Changmin. You know it, but how can we sing? They won’t allow---“

“I have think of an idea…” Changmin spoke as they wiped their tears and leaned on each other’s shoulder,” Don’t worry hyung, I’ve checked that AVEX runs out of new song for us and if I propose this song to them directly, not to SM, we can sing the song for sure…”

“…You never change, Changmin,” Yunho patted Changmin’s head,” You’re the smart one, always…”

“And you’re always the leader that endures everything…” Changmin hugged Yunho and both of them cried together to their sleep that night. Like Changmin’s expectation, AVEX would let them sing the song; mainly because AVEX ran out of money to make new songs. Changmin and Yunho cheered like small children the night before their concert took place.

They had trained hard; everything was hard because there’s only the two of them now. They needed to practice day and night because unlike the past, now if they made mistakes, it would be crystal clear. They used to cover each other in the past because there’re five of them after all.

With excited heart, the concert day came and they opened it. Song by song they sang till they reached the part they wanted to sing so much. The song Changmin composed and made that consisted of their feelings; real feelings. Unlike their comeback song, even they hated the dance because there’s a part they needed to shove three fingers off and changed with two fingers. A mocking move SM forced them to perform in every performance. They had to obey or else, they couldn’t imagine what horrible things the company would do to them. Worst, would do to their friends’ new group JYJ. Yes, SM was behind all those stupid media blocking.

So the song started and Yunho was the first one to sing; he almost shed his tears many time but he focused himself. He couldn’t cry or the company would find out this song meant for their friends that fought their way out the company.

 

kimi no kata nimotaretaiyo
kimi wo jitto mitsu metaiyo
semete yume de ae tarakitto
kimi nichanto kisu wosurunda

君の肩にもたれたいよ
君をじっと見つめたいよ
せめて夢で会えたらきっと
君にちゃんとキスをするんだ

I can’t lean on your shoulders,

I can’t keep looking at you.

But if we meet in our dreams,

I will kiss you with (all) my strength.

 

Changmin took the first voice as Yunho backed up behind him. Their eyes were shimmering in invisible tears. The lyric touched their heart and woke up the emotion they had sealed for a very long time.

 

kimi wo itsumo wasure naiyo
bokuha zutto kawa renaiyo
kurushi i hodo itai shikutte
setsuna i setsuna i koi woa

 

君をいつも忘れないよ
僕はずっと変われないよ
苦しい程愛おしくって
切ない… 切ない恋をした

I cannot forget you till forever.

I will always stay like this.

The harder it is, the more I’ll love you.

Painful Love.

 

Then, Yunho took the first voice as they chorused together. Changmin’s voice cracked a little but Yunho’s voice managed to cover him. No one realized how tearing apart they’re inside, even their fans didn’t realize their feelings that very moment. Changmin and Yunho knew they would realize it once they heard the entire song; they just hoped SM was stupid enough to not realize it.

 

nee ima nani eruno?
kimi wa shiawase nano?

ねえ 今何してるの？
君は幸せなの？

What are you doing now?

Are you happy?

 

Changmin wanted to cry out as he sang the lyric; how could this so painful? It was singing and never had he felt this way. Yunho was also sharing the same feelings as he reminded himself; this had to be JYJ felt when they sang a song titled ‘W’ at their dome concert in Japan. That time Yunho and Changmin couldn’t do much reply; even their phones were jacked by the company. They couldn’t contact them at all.

I want you stay in my heart.
I want your love to remove the tears in my eyes.

 

They sang the last sentences and then the light went dark. They burst out crying for a second before they wiped their tears, made their face in a few seconds, and then the light went up again. They smiled like nothing happened. Though they could see some fans’ face was worried and sad. They spotted few fans cried out. They’re happy their true feelings could finally be reached out. Smiling, they waved to the fans and finished the concert like they should.

At the backstage, his manager told them they did well and the company agreed to release the song soon. They’re so happy; at least there’s a song represented their true feelings now. It was a baby step, yet, it was still a step forward.