Epilogue

The vast landscape across her was majestic and it made her felt small and humble. For so many years, she had always wanted to travel and living her life to the fullest; just being close to nature. She had suffered too much, and it was the only time for her sit back and enjoy her golden age years.

She has been travelling around the world; far from Seoul for the last two years. Too much things happened, and she needed that serenity and tranquillity of Mother Nature to calm her down.

Being alone gave her a chance to think things through. So much had happened and she needed that long break after 22 years of loneliness. She walked into the quiet forest; the chirping birds and the fresh-smelling of the morning dew sent a lingering peacefulness that soon entered her heart.

She was loving this. Loving this so much; that she had to thank god in her heart for giving her the best of everything in this life. Even if she was denied of true love; she knew God has planned for other things just like now. The opportunity to enjoy Mother Nature at her glorious moment.

She stopped by a lake; a beautiful sapphire blue lake that spread like a blanket in the middle of the forest. There were beautiful swans swimming on the surface; she broke into a small smile. She walked down the jetty that lead her out to the middle of the lake. God, what a beautiful sight. She had to stop and admire this beauty. She lost sight of her reason to live; but not anymore. God gave her the reason to live on.

“Wow, this is such a magnificent view. Why didn’t I do this before?”

She wondered. Why did she live in such loneliness and breaking her heart repeatedly? Was it all worth it?

“Yes, it is. I raised a beautiful daughter; what else could I ask for?”

She felt absolute dumb by asking and then answering to her own question. But it felt needed because she had to assure herself that she did the right thing. And she sat there for the longest time that afternoon.

-

She was awakened by sounds of children running around. There were kids nearby the jetty; all were screaming with delight. Some were jumping into the lake. She sat up and looked around; then smiled widely.

She loves children. She watched the kids running around; a smile etched on her face. Memories of her beloved daughter ran across her mind; she could never forget those times she had spent with her girl.

But somehow things happened, and her smile faded when she remembered the unforgettable confrontation she had to face with her daughter; and her biological daughter.

-

“Omma, we need to talk.”

Yongsun sounded serious over the phone. Taeyeon frowned; her daughter seemed upset for some reason. Did she fight with Wheein while she was gone?

“Is there something wrong?”

“Just get home and we will talk.”

Yongsun hung up without saying goodbye. Taeyeon was taken aback. Her daughter had never hung up so abruptly. Something must have happened. So, she rushed home; driving at the fastest speed. When she reached home, Yongsun was stunned to see her at the front door.

“Wait, how did you get here so fast?”

“You told me to rush home.”

“Omma, I just called you like 10 mins ago! And you said you were near Wheein’s house. That would take another 30 minutes to reach home!”

“I was worried. You hung up on me. I thought something bad happened to you.”

“Even though so, you didn’t have to speed! You must have been driving at 100km/h, didn’t you?”

“150km/h.”

“OMMA!”

“Okay, I’m sorry I sped all the way home. But I was more concerned about you. You sounded upset over the phone.”

“You’re no longer in your 30s.”

“Ya, I rushed home for you, and you nag at me so much. Are we switching roles now?”

Yongsun stared ahead; suddenly she was avoiding her mother’s eyes. She had stumbled upon her mother’s secret and it was not to her liking. Why was her mother lying to her when her mother knew Wheein’s mother all along?

And were they lovers? If they were, then what was going to happen between her and Wheein? She walked off into the living room; leaving Taeyeon confused. She followed her daughter and gasped when she saw a photo on the coffee table.

A forbidden photo that was not supposed to be revealed at any circumstances. How did Yongsun find it? And Yongsun noticed Taeyeon’s facial expressions changed quickly and she knew it was not a simple as she thought.

She picked up the photo and then showed to her mother. Her eyes were red and they turned watery almost instantly. It wasn’t easy for her to keep Wheein in her life. And if this was the truth, then what made Wheein and her after all?

How could they go on knowing that their mothers were once lovers?

“Omma, I need you to tell me truthfully.”

Yongsun whispered softly. Her heart ached so badly that she couldn’t control those tears falling from the corner of her eyes. And the forgotten imaginary knife in Taeyeon’s heart kept twisting; she swore she could feel blood.

“Wheein found this photo. And then she told me that the other lady is none other than Auntie Jung. And we saw the writings behind this photo. I needed to know. We need to know. Were you in love with Auntie Jung?”

Yongsun was trembling and her voice was quivering. Taeyeon could feel the depths of Yongsun’s pain; she was possibly scared that she would lose Wheein somehow. Taeyeon’s mind was in a turmoil; it was swirling so badly that Taeyeon needed to sit down.

She pinched the centre of her nose bridge. God, this was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to keep this a secret to her grave, but God was being unfair once again. Why did he lead this to her child?

“Omma, please. Please tell me the truth. Tell me everything.”

“You will never be able to accept the truth, Yongsun ah.”

“Why? Are you still in love with Auntie Jung?”

“I’ll never stop, Yongsun. I can never stop loving her.”

“Then? Then what will happen to me and Wheein? Are we even allowed to be in love when the two of you are still into each other?”

“Things happened that way. It just happened way before you were born.”

“Is that why Daddy left us? You were in love with another woman?”

Yongsun finally put those jigsaw pieces together. Why her father left without knowing her? Why she had to grow up without a father figure? She felt unfair. Why did her mother hide all these?

While Yongsun had those accusations in her head; Taeyeon’s heart hurt even more. Must she reveal the truth to Yongsun? Was this how she would lose her daughter?

“Yongsun, I have reasons to hide all these from you.”

“But I trusted you!”

“You did. And I hope you still do. I did all this so that I could protect you.”

“Protect me from what?!”

“I’m protecting you from a painful truth.”

“What kind of truth? That you lied and cheated on Daddy that he had to give me up and left me behind?!”

“Do you think that I did all this to hurt you?”

“No, I know you didn’t. But now everything is in a mess. Wheein couldn’t accept this. She said she had to know the truth. And I, I’m so terrified of losing Wheein that I couldn’t even think properly anymore! Omma, why? Why did you hide all this from me?! Why didn’t you tell me the truth?!”

“Because the truth hurts, Yongsun ah. It will hurt you so badly.”

“This is already hurting me.”

Taeyeon felt at her worst. What was she going to do now? She moved closer and attempted to pull her daughter closer, but her heart broke when Yongsun pulled away and walked off.

“I’m sorry, Omma. This is just too much.”

Yongsun left the house immediately.

-

Wheein rushed home immediately. She took a picture of that photo and clenched her phone tightly. She kept staring at the photo – there was no doubt that this woman was her mother. Her heart couldn’t stop hurting; she was supposed to be watching movie with Yongsun happily but no, she had to find out the truth.

Her mother owed her too much. And she had told Yongsun that she needed some time alone because she needed to know the truth before they could carry on with their relationship.

It hurt her but Yongsun understood. Both girls decided to confront their mothers. She finally reached home and rushed in. Her mother was reading her proposals at the dining table. She was taken aback to find Wheein at home.

“Wheein? What are you doing here?”

Wheein didn’t answer her; she moved the balls of her feet as she made her way to the dining table. Her eyes were fixated at her mother; and her memory was still transfixed on the photo in her phone.

Jessica watched her daughter; Wheein was upset. She was very upset over something and the way she clenched her phone so tightly. She could see Wheein’s knuckles turned pale white.

“What is wrong, baby? Why are you upset?”

Wheein closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She then gave her phone to her mother; a photo of Soo Yeon and Taeyeon together. Jessica’s eyes grew larger when she saw it. She snapped her head towards Wheein.

“Where did you get this?”

“I saw this at Yongsun’s house.”

Jessica finally understood. Why there was fury in Wheein’s eyes. She grabbed Wheein’s arm and gently pulled her closer. Wheein didn’t retaliate. She just moved along until she felt her mother’s arms gently wrapped around her. Jessica embraced her daughter tightly; lightly gave kisses on Wheein’s forehead.

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“No, please don’t say sorry. Please tell me what’s going on. Why were you in this photo with Yongsun’s mom? What is Auntie Kim’s relationship with you? I saw the words behind the photo, and it was more than just friendship.”

“She’s the only one woman I love.”

Wheein looked up instantly. Her mother was staring at her; with tears b in her eyes. Wheein wiped those fallen ones away and looked at her mother carefully. She finally realized how much her mother has aged. The creases on her forehead; those wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and she saw something more.

She saw her mother’s insecurity and fragility. She had never realized it before.

“Mommy, do you still love her?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you and Yongsun are in love. When she found out, she came to look for me. Your Daddy saw her at the hospital.”

“What? Daddy knows?”

“Yes, he does. Of course, he knows. But Auntie Kim and myself decided that we will keep it a secret from the both of you.”

“You’re doing this for us? For me and Yongsun?”

“Of course, we are. You two are our daughters. There’s no way we can hurt you.”

“But it’s hurting you.”

“It doesn’t matter, Wheein ah. We are already old, and we have lost our time. Our opportunity to be together has long gone and forgotten. We will never be going to pursue this relationship anymore. That’s why we kept it a secret.”

Wheein pursed her lips together. Her mother has sacrificed her love for hers. She had to know more.

“Can you tell me everything?”

“Hm?”

“How you met Auntie Kim? And why did you break up?”

“You want me to tell you everything?”

“Yes, and I promise I’ll remain calm.”

“You will?”

“I deserve to know the truth. At least, I can decide what to do next. If not, it’s unfair for all of us.”

Jessica stared at her daughter. There was one more secret; it was definitely worse than this one but she wondered if she could calmly explain it to her daughter.

Wheein was calm. She was willing to listen but how much could she take it if she finds out that she’s not Jessica’s daughter.

“Mommy, is there something else?”

“Hm?”

“You don’t seem to be in one place. Your thoughts are all over. Is there anything else that I should know?”

“I’ll tell you everything. From the beginning till the end.”

Jessica could only pray. Pray hard that her daughter will understand her.

-

“Yongsun ah, open up.”

Taeyeon waited for hours before she approached her daughter once again. It had been 4 hours and the girl cooped up in her room. She locked it and ignored her mother’s calls, messages and even knockings on the door.

She was determined not to forgive Taeyeon for whatever reason. Love has turned selfish and Yongsun thought she would lose Wheein for sure this time. And she was determined not to. She would hold on to Wheein; even if she had to fight with her mother over it.

“Kim Yongsun, please open up the door. I’ll explain everything to you.”

“No, go away! You ruined my life!”

Taeyeon’s heart was breaking apart; hearing those words from Yongsun. The girl wasn’t thinking anymore. She was so clouded with the fear of losing Wheein; she had forgotten what Taeyeon meant to her.

She stood outside the door for a couple of minutes before walking away, dejectedly. Regrets filled in her heart; and she couldn’t breathe anymore. It was like the last time; those moments when she lost Soo Yeon. It felt like that all over again.

Taeyeon clutched her blouse tightly; the pain in her heart was excruciating. It really felt like someone was tearing her heart out from her chest. And then suddenly, she was short of breath.

“God, not now. Not my panic attack.”

Taeyeon had a heart condition before. She was in depression and she was constantly experienced panic or anxiety attacks when it hurt so much. She was supposed to recover but somehow it didn’t. And Taeyeon never realized it.

“Urgh.”

She shut her eyes tightly; her knuckles turning white and then blue; she couldn’t breathe at all. She could feel her heart constricted so badly; like as though a phyton was squeezing the last breath; the last life out of her. The last time she felt this was 21 years ago; before Yongsun was born.

Taeyeon couldn’t find her footing; she crashed to floor clumsily; her right hand still clutching the left side of her chest; where her heart is; where her heart was dying. She thought she would die that night. She was slowly losing conscience and before her vision went blank; she heard someone shouting for her.

“OMMA!”

Yongsun. She found her.

“OMMA, WHAT’S HAPPENING?! WHY IS YOUR FACE SO BLUE?!”

But Taeyeon couldn’t find her voice; she couldn’t say anything. All she could do was gasping for air; like how a fish was on a dry land. She tried to in as much as she could, but it hurt so badly. Taeyeon screamed in agony.

This sight was terrifying for Yongsun. She had never seen her Omma in this condition. She cuddled her mother closely and cried like a baby.

“OMMA! OMMA! DON’T SCARE ME PLEASE! I’M SORRY!”

But Taeyeon couldn’t handle it any longer. She searched for her daughter’s hand desperately; Yongsun caught it and squeezed tightly.

“Omma, I’m here. I called the ambulance. They will be here soon. Please, please just stay with me, Omma. Don’t leave me, Omma.”

Taeyeon closed her eyes; she couldn’t fight the pain anymore. And Yongsun, she was terrified; screaming out for her mother. Thank god, the paramedics arrived, and they took over. Yongsun was shoved aside as the paramedics geared up their emergency equipment.

Yongsun watched as they tried to revive her mother. Wires; defibrillator everything were in front of her; many times, they tried to resuscitate Taeyeon but all they got was a flat line.

“Repeat this procedure. We will quickly rush her to the hospital. Somebody might want to bring the younger lady with us. Now, hurry!”

The senior paramedic was giving orders and they huddled Yongsun into the ambulance. All the time, Yongsun’s eyes never left her mother. What was happening?

“What’s happening to my mother?”

“She’s having an anxiety attack.”

“A what?”

“Do you have any idea about your mother’s condition?”

“What condition?”

“She has a history of depression and panic attack. Although she has been discharged 10 years ago, but she’s still at risk. And today, maybe something triggered her memory; the attack came back, and it was worse than the last one.”

“Is it really bad?”

“If you have not called earlier, your mother would have died 10 minutes ago.”

Terrified; stunned; Yongsun couldn’t find an inner peace in her heart. She couldn’t stay calm. She held her mother’s hand. She gripped tightly.

“No, Omma. You’re not going to leave me. You’re not leaving me tonight. I’m not letting you.”

-

Wheein was lying next to her mother. Jessica told her everything but withheld the truth about her biological mother. It was just too much for Wheein to handle. She needed time to digest everything.

“So, you met Auntie Kim and fell in love with her?”

Jessica nodded. Wheein was lying on her side; facing her. She propped on her one elbow and looked at her mother. Jessica stared at her daughter; that tender look in Wheein’s eyes showed how her daughter empathized with her. She shook her head; and then smiled widely.

“I went through so much pain for the last 20 odd years. I lost Auntie Kim and I felt like I have lost my world. I know how it felt for you when I forced you to break up with Yongsun but Wheein ah, I just didn’t want to see you go through the way I did. I felt regretful for giving Auntie Kim up so easily. And when I saw you how you were determined to hold on for Yongsun’s sake, I decided that I shouldn’t stop you anymore.”

“Mommy, I’m sorry. And here I was rebelling against you because I thought you didn’t understand me.”

“It was also partly my fault. I went overboard.”

“No, Mommy. I have never blamed you. I know you had to work so hard to raise me. And I appreciate you, Mommy. Now I learnt the truth, I’m going to cherish you even more.”

Wheein grabbed her mother’s waist and hugged her tightly. She felt so sorry towards her mother.

“Do you think I should break up with Yongsun?”

“Huh? Whatever for?”

“I don’t wish to prolong your pain. I know how it feels to long for someone; so near yet so far. It’s harder for you because of me and Yongsun.”

“Don’t be silly, Wheein. Auntie Kim and I have already decided. We can be close friends now. And we’re fine with that arrangement.”

“Are you sure, Mommy?”

“Yes, I’m very sure.”

“So we’ll be fine?”

“Yes, you and Yongsun. Me and Auntie Kim. The four of us will be fine. So, don’t think too much, okay?”

Wheein nodded while Jessica kissed her daughter’s forehead. She was glad that Wheein was willing to listen. She’s totally like Taeyeon. She’s always calm. And Taeyeon was always the most rational one between the two.

Just then, Wheein’s phone rang and she smiled when she saw Yongsun’s name blinking. She showed her mother.

“Answer her. She must be worried sick.”

“Yeah, I think she is. She’s so afraid that we will break up.”

“She loves you.”

“Yeah, she loves me too much. I’ll put her call on speaker.”

“Okay.”

So, Wheein answered and the speaker. But even before she could say hello, Yongsun was screaming at the other end of the call.

“WHEEIN! HELP!”

“What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you screaming? Are you crying?”

“Omma! Omma!”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Omma fainted at home; then her heart stopped beating! Wheein, I’m scared to death now! I’m at the hospital now. Wheein, I need you. Please come and save me!”

Wheein and Jessica stared at each other in disbelief.

-

Jessica’s heart was aching so badly. The way Yongsun cried; the way Yongsun was begging for help; the situation must be really bad. Wheein was worried sick for Yongsun but she kept glancing to her mother. Taecyeon was driving like a mad man.

“Oppa, hurry.”

“Don’t worry, we will get there soon.”

Taecyeon stared from the rear mirror; Jessica was crying and Wheein was staring at her mother. He found out; Wheein had managed to find out that her mother was Taeyeon’s ex-girlfriend. But Jessica didn’t tell her everything. And he understood.

But now, Taeyeon was in a dire situation. He was afraid that things might get ugly when they reach the hospital.  He then watched as Wheein leaned closer to her mother; she pulled her mother into her embrace and hugged her tightly.

“Mommy..”

Jessica smiled and then kissed her daughter’s forehead.

“She’ll be fine. She’s stronger than me. She will get through this.”

Jessica muttered to herself.

-

Yongsun couldn’t keep still; she was restless. Her mother was in the operating theatre for the longest time and it wasn’t helping her that she kept seeing nurses coming in and out from the theatre. She had asked them, but none couldn’t update her properly. They needed to do their job.

Yongsun clenched her fists together. She was terrified; afraid and couldn’t think anymore. It was then she realized something. She knew nothing about her mother. Her mother had been protecting her; hiding her away from the world so that they couldn’t hurt her. But her mother was hurting instead; struggling to live through her daily life.

How much pain did she endure to be in this worst depression and developed into anxiety attacks like these?

She had never seen her mother struggled with this. Did something trigger her memory? Was it her? She recalled moments before when she refused; denied her mother when she offered to explain.

I did this to her.

Yongsun mumbled to herself. She was convinced that she had caused this to happen to her beloved mother. It was her fault. She was rude and annoying. She couldn’t even think properly and hurt her mother in the worst way possible.

It was my fault.

She kept blaming herself. And then tears came and Yongsun broke down instantly. Just then, Wheein came running down the corridor when she found where Taeyeon was. She saw Yongsun; her poor girlfriend was on the floor; wailing and screaming her lungs out.

“Yongsun ah!”

She rushed towards Yongsun and went on her knees. She grabbed Yongsun’s arm and pulled her closer; she buried Yongsun’s face into her chest and Wheein kissed Yongsun’s forehead a couple of times to calm her down.

“I’m here. I’m here, baby.”

Yongsun couldn’t control herself. She couldn’t stop. She was out of control and she started hitting her chest with her fists. Wheein stopped her; clenching tightly to Yongsun’s arms.

“Calm down, baby. Just calm down.”

It hurt Wheein to watch Yongsun like this. What happened? What happened between Auntie Kim and Yongsun?

“I did this to Omma! I was the cause of it!”

Yongsun violently shook her head and trashed around with Wheein struggled to hold her down. Then suddenly, Jessica swooped in and pulled Yongsun away from Wheein. She held Yongsun tightly by her arms and looked at the girl.

Yongsun couldn’t look at Jessica. She knew who was holding her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look up and face the woman. She looked away but Jessica was keen to get her attention. She needed Yongsun to be calm.

“Kim Yongsun, look at me.”

Yongsun flinched when she heard Jessica’s stern voice. But she refused to look up.

“If you hate me, I can understand. But please, look at me. Just look at me for 1 second.”

Wheein watched as Yongsun slowly lifted her face and her gaze pierced into Jessica’s eyes. She could feel the pain Yongsun was feeling inside.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting after you found out. But it’s not your fault.”

“What do you know?”

“I know. I know your mother will never blame it on you. She will never say you’re the cause of her pain. She loves you more than that. And she loves you more than she ever loved me.”

“I don’t know anymore. Omma, Omma has been hiding so many things from me. She hides her condition from me. I don’t even know Omma has anxiety attack.”

Jessica was taken aback at the revelation. She never knew either.

“What did you say?”

“Omma suffered from depression and that developed into anxiety or panic attack. Omma was fine but somehow for reason something must have triggered it now. And I think I’m the cause of it.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“But it’s true now! I found her; gasping for air; her knuckles were so white, and her lips were so blue! She looked like a fish out of the water and she was screaming in pain and agony. I have never seen this side of Omma. How much pain did she endure inside all this while?”

Jessica closed her eyes. Dammit. She wasn’t the only one suffering before. But at least, Jessica got over it. Unfortunately, Taeyeon never healed. She stopped herself from collapsing; her two daughters need her now. Especially Yongsun.

She didn’t say anything. She pulled Yongsun to the sofa; she sat first and then pulled Yongsun to her lap. The girl just allowed herself being maneuverer around. She was probably giving up on herself.

“Your mother told me a lot of things about you. There was never once she ever felt regret bringing you into this world. Because you meant the world to her. You’re her world and everything about you is about her. Yongsun ah, I’m sorry that you found out about us this way but trust me. Your mother’s first thought was to make you happy and we have come to an agreement to move on with our lives.”

Yongsun kept her silence. Her mother was trying to explain things to her but she refused to listen. Now she hates herself.

“I know you’re confused. And I know you felt like you’ll lose Wheein but Yongsun ah, you will never lose her. I’ll never allow that to happen anymore because for me and Taeyeon, our daughters mean more than our own relationship. We put aside our differences so that you can continue to love Wheein and live a life together. We would like to give that opportunity to you because we lost ours a long time ago.”

Yongsun’s tears fell immediately. She cried; tears were profusely rolling down her cheeks. Wheein came closer and sat next to her mother. She wiped the tears away from Yongsun’s face and then leaned her forehead on Yongsun.

“Our mothers sacrificed their love for us. Let’s stay together and love each other the best way we can. And then we take good care of our mothers because they do everything for us.”

“But Omma, Omma’s heart stopped when we reached here. They were screaming code blue. Then the paramedic was like this is a potential D.O.A.”

“What does that mean?”

“I learnt from a nurse just now. D.O.A means dead on arrival.”

Wheein and Jessica were completely stunned.

-