Past

Everything was moving in a haze. Kissing her was the best thing that ever happened. Now she was in complete daze; her soft lips were so difficult to forget. She was still holding her tightly.

“Wow.”

“Yes, wow. This feels so good.”

“I don’t think I can ever forget about this kiss for the rest of my life.”

“Yeah me too, not going to erase it.”

“Silly girl, I love you.”

That stupid smile was stuck on her face. They were in love. They were so into each other, but they had to be careful. They did not wish to get caught because if they would; it would be disastrous.

They would be stoned or even sentenced to death. They wouldn’t want that even though they knew they would die for each other. But now, they couldn’t think of anything else but that perfect moment they shared with each other.

Tender love; beautiful eyes; sweetest taste of her lips; perfect warmth of her embrace – everything was etched deep down in her heart. She knew she was in trouble from the very first time she laid eyes on the other woman.

She knew she wasn’t the same as the other girls in school. She was never attracted to the boys; she would rather play ball games with them; or even climbed the bloody tall trees – sometimes the boys would challenge her, and she would win them. They hated her for being that strong.

And the other girl was the school belle. She had fair share of suitors; boys adored her, and girls admired her. She was often asked out by the boys, but the girl was reserved and shy. And the dying truth that kept hidden in her heart – she was carrying a torch for the tomboyish girl who caught her eyes one day.

She saw the girl played football with the boys. She scored the most and she was the envy of many girls who was watching them. Most of the girls cheered her on and that included the reserved girl.

So, when they met each other for the first time, sparks happened. Both were attracted to each other; they liked each other well enough that they would be missing each other whenever the other was out of sight.

That was how intense their feelings were, but both never said it out. That tremendous fear they had towards the society maimed their rationality to confess to each other. However, one of them was braver. She couldn’t stand it anymore.

She needed to have her. And the braver one was Kim Taeyeon.

-

Kim Taeyeon was from the middle-class family. She was the eldest daughter and the second child in the family. Her parents adored her. She has an older brother and a younger sister. Growing up as a middle child – Kim Taeyeon was often left on her own. It made her stronger and she had to fight for attention from her older brother and younger sister. But that didn’t make her resent her parents. She knew they had to work to raise this family.

So, she grew independent and her parents were grateful that their second-born was the commander in the family. She steered her siblings to be prim and proper; she cleaned the house; cooked for them and even took care of them in the best way that she could.

She was commendable and her father vowed to provide for his daughter no matter how tough life would get. That attitude of hers was well-praised by her teachers in school. She was righteous, generous and helpful. Most of her peers liked her.

But Taeyeon knew she was different right from the start. She never had crushes on boys although she had plenty admirers from that gender. She had a good friend; Kim Heechul. Everyone knew Heechul likes her. But Taeyeon treated him as a brother.

The pair grew closer and Heechul knew that Taeyeon was different. But he still protected her; like as though she was his. And Taeyeon never treat him indifferently. The boy wasn’t well-liked by his peers. He was too loud and vibrant.

So when Taeyeon shared with him her darkest secret; Heechul vowed to keep it under wraps. He even helped her out sometimes. Taeyeon’s relationship grew because of Heechul. He was her right man.

-

Jung Soo Yeon. She was beautiful; she was perfect. All the males in the school loved her. They often fought over her; desperate for her attention but Soo Yeon would only give her attention to one person – Kim Taeyeon.

Soo Yeon grew up in a wealthy family. Her grandfather was a billionaire and thus, her family lived in a mansion and her father took over her grandfather’s business. Rivalry was inevitable. Her father had 4 wives – her mother was the 3^rd wife. But her mother chose to live frugally. And her father admired that trait. He was determined to provide for them. Soo Yeon had a younger sister, Soo Jung. In another words, her father favoured their mother more than his other wives much to their wrath.

But Soo Yeon’s father was determined to protect them. He bought another house and persuaded his 3^rd wife to live there with his two daughters. So, Soo Yeon grew up in that house; filled with materialistic things. But she didn’t want any of them. She just wanted to live with her family; with so much love and happiness.

Her mother made it happen so Soo Yeon grew up well. Soo Jung was a little spoilt, but she loves her sister the most. To her, Soo Yeon was her confidante and someone she could lean on. And it was the same for Soo Yeon.

So, when she confessed to Soo Jung that she was in love with another girl; Soo Jung was worried for her but nevertheless, kept it under wrap. Her mother was a staunch Catholic and their grandfather was a traditional and conventional man. He would flip if he found out.

Soo Yeon spent her time reading at home; she was hardly outside. The only way she communicated with Taeyeon was through letters. Taeyeon was romantic. She would leave flowers in Soo Yeon’s locker or sometimes wrote letters and stuffed into her hands when they walked past each other in school.

They were completely cautious and careful. Soo Yeon was deeply in love with Taeyeon. She wanted nothing else but Taeyeon. She kept dreading the day that she would be forced to leave Taeyeon. She wasn’t too sure if she could handle it when it happens.

But Taeyeon insisted that they wouldn’t be apart. She would keep them together and hold responsibility for them. However, love could be blind sometimes. And it took a toll on Soo Yeon when one day, her father bugged her to marry his business partner’s son. He was her potential fiancé.

“You’re going to marry him?”

“I don’t have a choice if Appa is going to make me.”

“Then what about me? What will you do about me? About us?”

“Taeyeon, it’s not easy. You know this will happen, right?”

“But I did tell you that I’ll keep us together. I’ll be responsible for everything.”

“No, Taeyeon. You and I are in this together. I’m not going to let you fall without me. Give me some time. I will talk to my father.”

“Give me more time. I’ll take you away from here so that we can live together happily in a new environment. Trust me, Soo Yeon. Please?”

-

They were together for 4 years without anyone knowing. They went on to attend universities and both chose the same university – Seoul University. Over there, they met new friends and they were supportive of the couple’s relationship.

But Soo Yeon’s father was still bugging her over the marriage and it annoyed Taeyeon greatly. It had been 2 years and Soo Yeon kept rejecting. Why couldn’t her father get the hint?

And that led to the couple’s worst fight. Soo Yeon was stressed out and Taeyeon wasn’t helping her. She blew up and the fight got ugly.

“Taeyeon, can you stop?”

“It has been 2 years. Why wouldn’t your father give up?”

“He was my betrothed fiancé. There was nothing my father could do.”

“Betrothed fiancé? You met him before?”

Soo Yeon never told this to Taeyeon before. Yes, she met him. He came once for dinner that both families had agreed to attend to. Soo Yeon couldn’t bring herself to tell Taeyeon the truth, so she lied to her.

She did that for their own good but Taeyeon was livid. She was even pissed off.

“You could have told me the truth!”

“Taeyeon, I know how you would react. This is how you would react if I told you!”

“Of course, I would react like this! You’re my girlfriend! We have been together for 4 years and there should be some mutual trust or respect for each other!”

“Your temper is unpredictable, Taeyeon. I was just afraid that you might lash it out.”

“Even if I do, you know I’ll never do anything to hurt you. So why did you hide it from me?!”

“I’m afraid, okay! I’m terrified!”

“Terrified of what?”

“That I will lose you one day! You know how scared I am every single day. And you’re not a simple woman to begin with. You often fight your right and you’re not afraid to say your mind. I’m just afraid that one day you might do something.”

“You think I’m not terrified? You think I’m not afraid? Do you know what I have been doing every day? I’m trying to make things easy for you. I have been working on part time basis so that I can have some money for us to leave. I want to be someone you can rely on and if I can show your father that I can take care of you, I hope that will make him relent to give your hand to me.”

“It’s not possible, Taeyeon. He’s not changing his mind. I have something that I haven’t been telling you. I’ll be leaving for US. And I’ll get married there.”

“What?!”

“I – I’m leaving. I’m leaving us; I’m leaving you.”

“When?”

“When we graduate.”

“And you had no intentions to tell me?”

“I wanted to wait – until I find a way to break this news to you.”

“Unbelievable, this is so unbelievable. So, you’re going to leave me after all.”

“It’s not easy for me either!”

“FINE! I’LL MAKE THINGS EASY FOR YOU!”

“No, please don’t say it. I’m sorry, Taeyeon. I’m really sorry.”

“Soo Yeon ah, if it is really tough for you to carry on, then let it go. Just let it go.”

Taeyeon then grabbed her bag and her books; she left Soo Yeon without a backward glance. Her heart was torn apart, but she couldn’t think anymore. It was really tough for her; but it was tougher for Soo Yeon.

If it was hurting Soo Yeon every single day; then she would let this relationship go. It was tiring too. To keep hiding from people; to keep running away from others; to keep their love a hush hush.

Soo Yeon regretted venting her anger on Taeyeon. Watching Taeyeon walking away from her; she couldn’t help herself but self-blaming. She knew Taeyeon did this to reduce her burden, but Soo Yeon finally realized that this was the toughest decision Taeyeon had ever made.

She was selfish. She was utterly selfish that she made Taeyeon taking the responsible of breaking them apart. When she knew the ultimate culprit was herself. But as soon as Taeyeon was out of sight; Soo Yeon’s world crashed. The waves of pain and guilt came crashing non-stop.

She lost the love of her life. And it was her fault.

-

“Soo Yeon ah, please stop crying.”

“Yeah, please don’t cry anymore.”

“Where is she? Where is she, Soo Young?”

“I don’t know. She left without a word.”

“It was my fault. This won’t happen if I was brave enough to face the world with her.”

“She’s doing this for your sake.”

“Soon Kyu, I rather have her back.”

“But you know you can’t. You’re going to leave her one day. You know that.”

Soo Yeon cried for days. Taeyeon left the university without a goodbye. She left without a word and it drove Soo Yeon crazy. This was not what she wanted. She thought even if they were no longer together; at least they could stay as friends.

After the break-up, Soo Yeon didn’t have the courage to find or locate Taeyeon. She was terrified that Taeyeon would refuse to see her. So, she let it be for a couple of weeks before she learnt that Taeyeon had left a long time ago.

She had truly regretted her stupidity. How could they remain as friends when she hurt the love of her life so badly? How stupid could she be?

“Maybe the two of you are not meant to be together and Taeyeon realized that. She’s making things easy for you so you should let her go now.”

Easy for them to say. Soo Yeon struggled for years since Taeyeon vanished into thin air.

-

Soo Yeon graduated from university and just like what her father had planned; she left for US. She changed her name to Jessica Jung. She wanted to start anew and leave everything behind.

But what she didn’t realise – she wasn’t going alone. She would be leaving Seoul with someone. Someone whom was growing in her tummy. Someone whom had Taeyeon’s blood.

Few months ago, there was a new technology that allowed infertile woman to be pregnant due to artificial insemination. Surrogacy wasn’t popular either but the idea of carrying each other’s child would be an interesting thought. So, she and Taeyeon went on and tried the procedure. But the doctors didn’t guarantee that it would work. Nevertheless, the lovers went on to proceed with it.

They probably had forgotten about it because of the fight. And Soo Yeon had no idea that she was pregnant. She left Seoul with a broken heart. But as soon as she reached US, Jessica felt unwell.

The man she was betrothed to – he was a good man. In fact, he was seeing someone else for some time. He, just like Jessica, was totally thrown off when he found that Jessica was supposedly his fiancée. What his parents didn’t realize was – he was already married in US.

“I’m sorry, Jessica. I’m married.”

“It’s okay.”

“But you left your girlfriend for me. I feel really bad.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should have been braver than what I was before.”

“So, now you’re pregnant with her child? How is that possible?”

Jessica was smiling as she caressed her tummy. Yes, she found out she was pregnant. She was pregnant with Taeyeon’s baby. She explained the procedure to her man. His name is Ok Taecyeon.

“Taecyeon oppa, but how should I hide this from my family?”

“I’ll find you a place to stay.  I’ll help you. My wife is also willing to help you. We are all in this together.”

“How long are you going to hide this?”

“For as long as we could. We’re doomed anyway. Let’s just prolong it.”

-

9 months later, Jessica gave birth. Only Soo Jung was aware of the truth. She was ecstatic to learn that she has a niece.

“Unnie!”

“Soo Jung ah, you’re here.”

“Yeah! I had a hard time to get away from Daddy. Kept insisting he wanted to come along for a visit. I said no, I’ll be busy with meetings and Mommy needs you to stay since she’s unwell.”

“Mommy is okay?”

“She’s fine. I managed to convince Daddy to stay. So, where is the little one?”

Soo Jung was eager to meet the child. Just then, Taecyeon and his wife appeared with the little baby. Their boys were with them; Toby was 3 and Tony was 2.

“She’s here.”

Soo Jung took the baby into her arms and she was fascinated. God, the baby was beautiful, and she looked a lot like her mother – her flesh and blood mother.

“Wow, she’s pretty.”

“Are you upset?”

Taecyeon asked quickly. He was afraid that Soo Jung might not like it.

“Huh? Why?”

“She looks a lot like Taeyeon.”

Soo Jung smiled and shook her head.

“Don’t be silly. I love this girl already. She’s innocent. Her mothers are dumb.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. But she had to agree anyway. She was the dumb one. Suddenly she was curious. She wondered if Soo Jung knew anything.

“Did you hear anything?”

“Hear about what?”

“Taeyeon..”

“No, I haven’t heard of her. Everyone was searching for her but Taeyeon unnie disappeared. Like she vanished from the earth.”

“Is she okay?”

“Unnie, are you still thinking of her?”

“There’s never a day that I won’t think of her. I never stop.”

“Then why did you give up and leave? Why didn’t you take an effort to look for her? For all you know, she might be waiting for you.”

“Because I hurt her. I don’t deserve a chance anymore.”

-

The little one was named Jung Wheein. Jessica decided to let her daughter take her surname. She raised the baby herself for 3 years. Then one day, a misfortune happened and Taecyeon’s marriage failed.

His wife wanted a divorce. She couldn’t live with him anymore. Taecyeon lost his mind and his two sons were left abandoned. They were victims too but Taecyeon couldn’t go on without his wife. Jessica took the liberty to take the boys home with her. She took care of them and raised the 3 children together.

Subsequently, both families found out about the truth. They were livid that Jessica and Taecyeon had been lying to them. And Jessica’s parents were appalled to learn that Jessica was pregnant before.

But Jessica told them everything. Right from the beginning until the day Taeyeon left her because she didn’t want to make things difficult for her. She begged her parents for forgiveness.

“I know you will never accept Wheein as your grandchild. But she’s innocent. I was the one at fault so please don’t hate her.”

To Jessica’s surprise, her parents changed their stance; their anger subsided when they saw Wheein for the first time. They suddenly realized that they have a grand-daughter. She was beautiful; sweet and perfect. They fell in love with Wheein instead.

Taecyeon’s parents had decided to forgive him as well. They saw their grandsons and chided Taecyeon for hiding the boys from them. Both Jessica and Taecyeon were grateful. Jessica decided to marry Taecyeon for the children’s sake.

“Let’s get married to give them a proper family.”

So, they got married but on paper. The children were raised together. But Jessica was strict with her daughter’s upbringing. She didn’t want her daughter to end up like her. The family were close and when Taecyeon’s ex wife visited them; he was initially mad with her for deserting the boys. However, he relented when the boys have forgiven their mother.

“But we’re still staying with Sica Mommy.”

The boys’ mother was heart-broken but she had herself to blame for being greedy. She left for Australia but promised to keep in touch. Till this day, she was still on good terms with them.

But to this day, Jessica had never forgotten about Taeyeon. Every day, she would think of her; sometimes cry over her and regrets sink in all the time; but she had to move on. She was the cause of their break-up.

And Wheein came along unexpectedly.

“Jung Wheein, stay with Mommy. Never leave me.”

-

Taeyeon left without a word. Nobody knew where she was. Nobody knew where she went. The truth was, Taeyeon went home and told her family what happened. Her father was stunned, and he was disappointed. But seeing his daughter heart-broken; despondent and depressed; it didn’t make him feel better either.

Then she went on to tell them about her pregnancy. Yes, pregnancy. Taeyeon found about the pregnancy way before Jessica did. She was surprised when the doctor told her she was pregnant when she complained nausea and stomach bloated. She was completely heart-broken when she realized she was carrying Soo Yeon’s baby. Her procedure was a success but what was the point for? She lost Soo Yeon.

She wanted to abort the baby at first but to her surprise, her father stopped her. She was at the doctor when she was scheduled for the abortion; her parents appeared in front of her; furious and upset that Taeyeon would do such thing.

“The baby is innocent. You shouldn’t punish her for your mistakes.”

“Omma, I’m not doing this because of me. But because of our family. I couldn’t let people talk about you.”

“Don’t worry about others. Just think about your baby. She came to you without even realizing the truth. We will help you to raise the baby.”

“But..”

“Kim Taeyeon, Appa has never thought you to be irresponsible. You remember what I told you? If you make a mistake, just put a brave front and accept it. Now, let’s leave. We will bring the baby up together.”

-

Kim Yongsun. She was born 2 months earlier than Wheein. The procedures were done on different dates and Taeyeon was pregnant earlier. Yongsun was a heavy baby. She was a little chubby when she was born. Her grandfather enjoyed biting her cheeks.

“Hoi! What are you doing to our grandchild?!”

“She’s so chubby! She’s so adorable!”

“Appa, we can report you for baby abuse.”

“Ya, this is my granddaughter. How is that an abuse? She’s not even crying. She’s laughing away. See!”

“Ji Woong oppa, I will become the witness.”

“Hayeon, call the police now.”

“Can the 3 of you stop playing? It’s time for Yongsun’s feeding. Pass me the bottle.”

“HEY! It’s my turn to feed her!”

“APPA! YOU DID IT THIS MORNING, TWICE!”

Taeyeon looked on with a smile on her face. Her family was supportive of her and her daughter. Yongsun is well-loved by her family. She was afraid at first but now she was relieved. The tremendous support from her family was overwhelming.

But Taeyeon’s heart was aching. When Yongsun was born, she looked a little bit like her mother, Soo Yeon. Her eyes were as big as Soo Yeon’s. She had this aura on her that reminded Taeyeon of Soo Yeon.

The moment she carried Yongsun for the first time, her heart ached. Yongsun didn’t cry much; she was a good baby. But Taeyeon wished Soo Yeon was there with her. This baby was theirs; not only hers.

“Yongsun, I’m sorry that you will never know your mother. But I will love you lots. I’ll give you the world. I’ll provide you everything. Just stay with me, Yongsun.”

-