Do i?

Seulgi hate skinship, seulgi hate being cared, seulgi hate being asked too many questions, seulgi hate serious talk, seulgi hate wendy?

They sat together like they used to. On the same park, same bench. The only thing different was their feelings. Silence was never this uncomfortable for them. What happened? It was just yesterday they went on date. Shopping, eating, taking selfies, holding hands, what could be wrong?

Wendy was talkative, she didn't like silence especially with Seulgi. She would keep talking about anything, but there they were. Sitting side by side, none of them talking. They could hear the wind blowed. She was shivering and Seulgi didn't bother to warmed her.

"What will happen to us?"

Seulgi heard her but she didn't want to answer, she couldn't see her face, she didn't want to see her face. She just looking straight, counting how many people passed before them. Five minutes, that was the longest she ignored her, that was the longest Wendy didn't try to initiate skinship either. Wendy loves skinship, especially with her, everyone knows that.

"I'm sorry" Wendy looked to her own feet that didn't reach the ground. It wasn't because the high bench, her legs just short. She doesn't know what made her Seulgi shut like this.

Today, they agreed to visit a cafe near her apartment. Seulgi picked her up like usual, but her face blank. There were no smile there, her hand stayed on her coat. She just stood in front of her apartment door. She only thought her mood swing came, so she didn't really mind it. Wendy took her own coat and locked the door. She took her arm and clinged to her side, left side. They walked to the cafe in silence, Wendy tried to made conversation, she talked about today's news, her loud neighbour, her favorite tv shows but Seulgi just "hmm" "oh, really?" "cool". Wendy asked her if she had eaten anything, Seulgi said no. "That is not good! Today's my treat" she said, hoping Seulgi would cheer up, but nothing happened.

Wendy felt like dejavu, they ate in silence. Again. She still tried to made some talks but the answer from her lips still less than a sentence. Wendy saw her struggling with her chopstick so she offered to trade them. "What about you?" Seulgi asked. "I'm okay, we have fork here" She smiled. Everytime Seulgi struggled with something, Wendy helped her. They stayed about an hour and moved to the park.

Today is probably their last day together, they didn't know what will happen to them. Wendy wanted to talk about it, but none of them dare to start. The question came up again.

"What will happen to us?"

Seulgi sigh, she knew she had to answer that question. She had so many answers in her mind but she couldn't say it. Whatever they do Wendy wouldn't stay. She would be gone. She would left her here, alone. Long distance never ends happy.

"There will be no us"

"Seulgi, i..." She trying to hold her hand but she afraid she might hate it. So she brave herself to hold her hand. Hold it tight before she could swatted her hand away. "Please..."

"I won't hate you, i can't. Maybe i'm going to be happier when you left. No one do skinship with me, no one will take care of me, no one will ask hundreds questions about where am i, what do i do, with whom and blah blah blah"

Wendy tried to hold her tears, she knew Seulgi hate those things but she couldn't help it. It was her personality, how could you change people's personality. Eventhough she knew Seulgi hate it but Seulgi never confronted her, she supposed to be mad but she didn't. Everytime Wendy asked her questions, everytime she hold her hand, everytime she hugged her, everytime she took care of her she didn't say anything. She just silent, but not this kind of silent.

"I never think i love you but i'm afraid i do if you left" She said without looking at her. She kept looking straight to nowhere, not to people passed by anymore. "People said we will realise we love them when we let them go" she paused for a moment and sighed "Let's go home, i'm tired"

Seulgi stood up, offering her own hand for Wendy. Wendy looked to her hand, should she hold it, what if she hate it, but she was the one offer it. So she ask her "Can i... I mean, you don't mind?"

"Why would i? Maybe this is the last time you hold me"

Wendy tried, she tried everything she could. She tried to not cry, she tried to hold her tears, she tried not to run and slap her girlfriend, she tried to hold her anger that overcome her mind. She just clenched her fist, still couldn't dare to hold Seulgi's hand. Seulgi felt bad, she took her hand and pulled Wendy into hug. Wendy didn't deserve this, she thought. She deserved more, more than her.

-----

It has been a week since then, they continued their own lives. Seulgi stayed in Seoul while Wendy stayed in Toronto. Wendy got promoted and had to moved to her hometown to manage her company branch. It wasn't her company yet but maybe in the next four or five years.

Seulgi felt numb after what she did that day, she realised she was a for what she did to Wendy. She couldn't sleep well after that. She always reminded by her. She always said to herself that Wendy deserved more, Wendy deserved someone who doesn't flinched when their skin touched. Wendy need someone who wouldn't stiff when they holding hands. Wendy need someone to took care of her, she need to be cared. Wendy need someone whom not so busy so she could talk all day about everything.

Seulgi didn't hate Wendy. Seulgi loved being cared, Seulgi loved everything Wendy did to her. Everytime Wendy did something for her, she just felt she owed something. She was overwhelmed. She was scared. She never been loved before since her parents gone. She lived alone since 16, their parents died in a car crash. Seulgi was lucky she didn't joined her parent to Busan because she had a test at school that day.

She did everything alone until she met Wendy when she was 25. Wendy was a cheerful girl from Canada. They were forced to be a team for their company project. Both of them were decent for their jobs, but sometimes Seulgi had a hard time and that was when Wendy interupted her life.

Seulgi was a workaholic, she would spent extra time after work. Not really working, she just using her company wifi to download some funny videos because her home didn't have wifi and she actually hated being alone. When Wendy found out that Seulgi used to spent her time in the office, she wanted to accompanied that girl. She would do her work slowly so she could finished it later with Seulgi. She actually mad when she found out that Seulgi didn't working but one day they watched the videos together.

From watching funny videos to movie dates and that happened for weeks. Finally Seulgi had someone to talk to eventhough her partner talked more, she no longer ate frozen foods and takeaways cause Wendy would cook for her, she had someone who nag at her like her parents used to.

Her parents.

Seulgi was afraid. She was afraid Wendy might leave her like what her parents did. So when she found out Wendy was the heir of their company, and got promoted and need to managed the company branch in her hometown Toronto she felt numb. Wendy would gone. She left her just like her parents. She tried to save herself. She didn't want to be left. So she left Wendy and said those things to her. She did save herself, but she didn't aware that she broke someone's heart too and later hers.

Three days she felt free, three days she felt like she used to be. But the next days, she started to feel like a jerk. Her mind keeps replaying the scene from that day, she no longer felt freedom. Part of her felt sorry but the other thought she didn't do anything wrong.

You hurted Wendy.

No, I did what I need to save myself.

You hurted Wendy.

No, now I'm free, i'm independent, i don't need everyone, no one is gonna leave me, i'm-

You hurted Wendy.

She sat on the couch, twirling her phone as she thought whether to call or text Wendy. Maybe she should text her first saying she would call her. But what if she busy with her work, should she just called her. She thought about it for 15 minutes until she decided to call Wendy. "It's just Wendy, you can do it Kang Seulgi" she said to herself while waiting the other to pick up. First ring. Second rings. Third rings. She used to picked up her phone ofter third rings. Fourth. Fifth. Sixt-

"Hello?". It was only a week but why her voice sounds different.

"Wendy?"

"Oh, i'm Yeri. Can you wait for a minute? She's in the bathroom"

"Oh, o-okay". Who the is this Yeri, Wendy Shon Seungwan you are in big trouble.

"Hello. Seulgi? How are you? I'm sorry i was in the bathroom. Wait, what are you doing in this hour? It's 3 am there, isn't it?"

"Who is she?"

"What? Seulgi what are you-"

"Anwer me"

"Yeri? She is my cousin, she helps me with my work. We were discussing something"

"Oh..." Kang Seulgi you ing stupid. "Oh.." ahem "Am i interrupting you?"

"No actually, we just finished" Wendy smiled thinking her Seulgi jealous, she could see Seulgi furrowing her brows.

"Good" She put her phone away for a moment and screamed silently while cursing herself because of her stupidity. There was a pause for a minutes when suddenly Wendy started to speak.

"Seulgi, i'm sorry..." she leaned her other hand on the desk, looking her shoes as she spoke. "Sorry for making you uncomfortable all this time, i should have just stop what i did. I'm so stupid. I knew you don't like skinship but i keep doing that. Stupid habit. And i'm sorry for always helping you, i am thinking you can't do anything on your own because your clumsiness. Omg, i'm so sorry for saying that and-"

"Wendy, shut up" Wendy stopped her rambling, she thought Seulgi got angrier so she hold and hold her tears. "I call you not to hear any of your sorry, i'm not calling you for that bull". Thats it, Wendy thought.

"Forgive me..."

"I will not forgive you because you did nothing wrong. You cared about me and i'm the jerk, treating you like a trash when you supposed to be treated like a princess. I'm sorry for what i said that day, i really didn't mean all of that. Forgive me, love. I was insecure, i thought you will leave like my parents. I know both of them didn't mean it but i don't want people that i love leaving. Well, you did leave me- no, i'm the one leaving you, i'm so stupid!" sigh "I... I realised i love you now, all this time, i love you Wendy"

Wendy listened to her, she absorbed every single word she said. Seulgi thought she was a princess. Seulgi loved her. Seulgi loves her. She still holding but no longer to hold her speak but to hold her sob. Unfortunately, the tears streamed down like a waterfall, she sat on the floor still holding her phone tight.

Yeri watched her from afar, she knew the caller. Wendy told her what happen week before. She waited her cousin to stop crying, she didn't try to calmed her because that would just make it worse. She was curious what made her cousin cried like that but she realised that wasn't sad cry, that was a good cry because she could see her cousin's eyes smiled as she cried.

"Wendy? Wendy are you there?" she heard quiet sniffling from the other line. "OMG are you crying? Oh no, i'm so sorry i didn't mean to make you cry again" she couldn't help but cried too.

"Thankyou, Seulgi, really" Wendy said wiping her tears.

"No, i'm the one who need to say that. So, are we good?"

"Yes" she giggled

"I'm sorry for interrupting your emo time but i'm hungry unnie" Yeri yelled across the door, startling Wendy. She bid her goodbye to Seulgi and promised to call her tonight.

On their way to the restaurant Yeri watched Wendy looked so bright after awhile, she couldn't help but smiled too. She remembered her cousin looked gloomy since she arrived in Toronto, whoever this Seulgi was, she sure her cousin loved her so much.

"Care to spill what happen?" Yeri said.

"She loves me, Yeri. She loves me" She said smiling.

A/n : i wrote this because i had similar situation with my boyfriend last week. I was the , yes, and i hate myself for it. But anyways, i changed the background story lol.