Wheein POV

I heard her cries.

I heard her pleas.

I heard her painful voice.

Yet I couldn’t open my eyes.

Why God why? Why aren’t you letting me to wake up?

She’s blaming herself.

She blames herself because I’m like this.

But the accident had nothing to do with her. I was the careless one.

I was the one who couldn’t even take care of myself. She did her best.

So, why? Why are you allowing her to go through this pain like this?

I’m not blaming you, God.

I just want to know. Why? Why did you put us through this?

Are you testing us? Are you testing our patience?

Please, let it stop.

-

“Jung Wheein! Wake up! Hang on!”

A man’s voice was amplified in my ears. I felt like as though my soul has left my body. Am I going to die now? Are you really going to take me away now?

“Hurry! We need to get the baby out now!”

Oh god, baby!! No, no, don’t take him away from Unnie too!

Dear God, if you wanna take one of us, then take me. Let our baby stays with Unnie. He’s innocent! Take me! Just take me!

Yet my heart felt reluctant. I didn’t want to leave the love of my life, but I have exchanged my life with our baby. He would fill her world with love.

I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry Mommy is not going to be there for you. But your Mama will love you with all her heart. Please take good care of your Mama for me.

Unnie, my love, my heart, my everything. I’m sorry. I need to leave now. I can’t stay with you; I’m sorry that I had to break our promise of forever. Please, live on, sweetie.

Then I felt something by my side. A familiar warmth; a familiar touch – like as though I have been holding on to that something.

“Miss Jung, I’m going to put your baby next to you. Feel him before you leave. Give him a chance.”

A soft touch; a soft whine; and then I could feel my heart started beating again. I could feel him. I could feel my baby. And his heart was reaching out for me.

“Stay, Mommy. I’m here.”

I lost it.

-

“Wheein ah, I have named our baby Levi. Levi Jung. You wanted that name for a boy, right? We have a son, Wheein ah. You need to wake up soon, Wheein ah. I don’t know if I can do this on my own. Levi needs you the most now. Forget about me for a while. Just wake up for Levi, please.”

Unnie…

-

“He’s 6 months old now, Wheein ah. It has been 8 months since he was born. It has been a year since you have been comatose like this. And it has been a year long living without you by my side.”

My heart hurt like mad.

-

“When are you going to wake up, Wheein ah? I miss you. I miss you so much. I have been holding up for this long, but I don’t know how long more I could survive like this. Should I give up on myself too? I’m not that strong enough to continue living like this. Come home, Wheein ah.”

I’m sorry, Unnie..

-

“Mama, I want banana!”

“What? Again? You will be visiting the toilet soon if you keep eating!”

“Banana! Banana! Banana!”

“Okay, okay. Hush, Mommy is sleeping.”

“Oh, shhhh! Be quiet, Levi!”

“You silly boy, here. Mama has peeled for you. And this is your last banana for today.”

“Okay!”

Unnie is here again with Levi. They have been visiting me for the longest time. Levi can speak now. I have been missing out his childhood years. He would be turning 4 soon.

Yet, I’m still in comatose.

“Mommy, tomorrow is Levi’s birthday. Will Mommy wake up tomorrow?”

“Levi misses Mommy?”

“Yeah, Levi misses Mommy so much. Will she wake up tomorrow?”

“Maybe she will. Let’s not give up, okay?”

“Okay.”

God, my heart. My heart is breaking apart. Will I wake up tomorrow?  Just when my heart was breaking apart; the smaller pieces crushed further when Levi whispered in my ears.

“Mommy, Mama cries every night. Mommy, wake up soon okay? Mama loves Mommy.”

. LET ME WAKE UP! I NEED TO STOP THE PAIN IN UNNIE’S HEART!

-

“Jung Wheein, this is your best friend. When are you going to wake up, huh?”

“Hwasa, calm down.”

“How can I, Moonbyul unnie? Levi’s 5 years old now. He’s going to school soon yet Wheein is still like this. Have you seen Yongsun unnie lately? She has grown thinner over time. I don’t know how long Yongsun unnie can live like this any longer.”

“Wheein isn’t doing this on purpose. This is a test from God. You know that better than me.”

“I— I just cannot see the two of them living life like this. I mean Levi doesn’t know much but Yongsun unnie— Yongsun unnie is dying every single day. She told me yesterday. She had enough. Her heart couldn’t take the pain anymore. I had to look out for her yesterday.”

“I know. I was with her the night before. She couldn’t drink but she drowned herself in alcohol. I was stunned when I finally reached the bar. The bartender said she had taken 2 bottles of beer all by herself. She was wasted when I reached her table.”

“She was just putting a false front. She had to force herself to live the life she never wanted but she knew she had to. She was wondering if she should pull out the cord and let Wheein go. Or should she continue to wait for Wheein to wake up.”

“What did you say to her?”

“What can I say? What should I say? Either way; or whatever I wanted to say, it will just hurt Unnie further.”

I could hear Hwasa breaking down. She was breaking down because Yongsun unnie was hurting. And I—I felt like I have done a huge sin. I shouldn’t be doing this. Why couldn’t I just wake up from everything and be with her?

Why couldn’t I just die and let her move on with her life? Why was I still lingering between life and death? And hurting my loved ones like this?

What should I do? God, please tell me what I should do.

-

“Mommy, Levi is here. I asked Changsub samchon to send me here. Mama is busy at work; I didn’t want to bother her. So, I’m here. Mommy, Levi is turning 9 soon. And Levi had won first prize for my painting. I brought it with me.

This painting is for you, Mommy. I painted you, Mommy. And I got first prize! My teacher was crying when I told them the story of the painting. I painted you lying on the hospital bed like this and I wrote below it “Waiting for my Mommy to be with me one day.”

I will put the painting in the hospital so that one day when Mommy wake up, you can see it. I will wait for you, Mommy. Wait for you to wake up and then you can take me to your favourite place in the world.

But Mommy, if you feel it is too difficult for you to wake up, then you can let go. Mama said you suffer a lot like this. I don’t want to see you suffer. So, if you want to leave, Mommy, please do. Don’t hurt yourself anymore.”

I couldn’t do this anymore.

God, save me.

Yongsun unnie, save me.

Levi, save me.

Just save me now.