I remembered the adrenaline rush running through my whole body as i ran down the stairs, almost loosing my footing and nearly fell. I remembered running out of the building and waoting impatiently for the taxi queue. I couldn't help it. The love of my life, my husband is in labor. I know it sounds weird but my love Kibum was born that way. It was like a God sent gift for me to ever meet someone like Kibum, not because he is a fertile male, but because the way he acts like himself made me fall for him. He's one of a kind and now, i couldn't wait to meet him and our newborn baby boy.

But then, everything stopped. I didn't know what happen. All i knew was that i felt unbearable pain.

Kibum.

Taemin.

Please wait for me.

I woke up, almost blinded by the bright light and white ceiling. I tried processing what happened until i remembered that i was supposed to be somewhere and not lying around. So i tried sitting up to feel pain like nothing i ever felt before.

"Jjong!" i heard noona's voice as i drifted back to unconsciousness from the pain all over my spine.

Kibum.

I walked into our shared room and looked at my beautiful husband hugging our newborn son. The dim orrange light caming from the window made the sight so breathtaking.

When i took another step into the room, i felt the scene in front of me began to fade after my husband took notice of my presence and looked at me with sorrowful eyes. I tried running to them but i couldn't move.

Again, i woke up to the same bright light, but this time, the rokm wasn't as quiet as i could hear sobbing. It was mother's.

"Jagi, look. Jonghyun's awake." I could barely hear my father's voice.

I tried moving again but was stopped when my mother held my shoulder. I remembered i had more important things at hand which is Kibum and our unborn babh but listening to what my father said next stopped me from moving. I was shocked with what he had just said, "That you've been keeping under your wing died during labor. That thing also couldn't make it, so don't think about him and focus on your health. You will be moving to the states soon."

I couldn't process what he had just said yet i was scared to the point i felt like i was being waten alive. My husband couldn't have died. He's a very strong person. I couldn't believe what i just heard my father called my son, his grandson!

I wanted to talk and told my father off so badly but even moving my lips would hurt.

I was in a car crash. I remembered it now. It was the red light almost turning green. When it did, the taxi driver stepped on the pedal as the car moves. I couldn't remember anything else after. Everything went dark.

From what i heard people talking outside my door, it was a fairly young driver stepping into his twenties that accidentally stepped hard on the pedal instead of the brake. His car hit us hard as the car rolled for a while. Had the bulance not arrived sooner, there will be three corps lying on the street.

I sat still on the bed as my spine recover slowly after my fifth week staying in the hospital. I began to think about Kibum and how odd the information my father gave me was. Kibum's labor should have went as fine as a woman would and the baby had always been healthy during his pregnancy. There is no way a strong person like Kibum would give up during labor.

But there is also this demonic sound at the back of my head, telling me that Kibum might have really left me. I was devastated. I was depressed! i didn't want to think of anything anymore as i tried standing up as my legs failed me.

Just in time, Noona came in to see me weeping like a baby on the floor with my broken leg lying on the ground. "Oh My God! Jonghyun, what happened to you?!"

"Kibum! Tell he is still alive, tell me!" i scremed. Not from the physical pain from my broken leg but from the breaking of my heart.

Noona cuddled me into his embrace as i cried harder, "It's okay, Jjong, everything will be okay. You have to live for him even if he did."

I kept crying and crying until my eyes became swolen. The doctors came in to help me up on the bed as they told me to rest. My parents went out of town for some business as Sodam noona stayed to look after me.

I didn't hear anything from Jinki, my brother in law. He would always be the first to tell me everything when something happened. I looked at my finger to see the ring that i sworn to never take it off. There was a scratch on one of the side from the accident. I couldn't help but wonder how Kibum's family is doing right now. 

The doctor said that i will be discharged the day after. I wanted to visit Kibum one last time before going home, our home. My bubble of thoughts flew away as noona walked in to them room wearing the shirt i bought for her, "Jonghyun-ah..." she started. This isn't how she usually greeted me, not with her cheerful voice and a smile. Not at all. But she seemed nervous about something so i asked her what was it.

"It's about Kibum..." she stopped midway as my heart beat faster at the mention of my love.

I nod at her to continue. What she had said felt like a splash from a bucket of ice cold water, "Kibum is alive this whole time. I saw him and a baby in the local food court. Mother and father had been lying this whole time."

I couldn't feel anything else but joy and anger all at once. I wanted to shout at both my parents for deciding to lie. I know they hate the relationship in between Kibum and me, heck! They are homophobic. But this has gone too far! There was a tint of dissapointment in her voice. I know that it wasn't because the fact that her brother in law was alive, i mean, that woman adores him more than me! The dissapointment she had was towards our parents. The parents i knew rhe true nature of the moment i met Kibum, the parents whom i used to see as heroes. The parents that's broke all those view in a single hour, the parents who only sought money and not their children's happiness.

I will be discharge today as i walked out the hospital building with noona. It felt good to see the sun and the wind after a month of staying in the hospital without being able to go anywhere.

As we reach the foot of the stairs, a car i recognise as father's company's stopped right in front of us, "Get in, you two." the driver spoke pretty rudely but i didn't bother and got in after Sodam.

"Drop me at a bus station, please." i requested but couldn't help but get annoyed at the reply.

"Your father requested that i take the two of you home so keep quiet."

For God's sake! I'm not a child and do not need all this bull. Kibum is waiting for me at home. I need clear out all the misunderstanding all at once!

When we arrived at the old but well maintained mansion where i live half my life in, we were escorted by the maids to father's office.

My father forced me to handle his branch in New York. I denied but a slap was what i received. Fear surged through my vein when he threatened me, "I knew that Sodam told you about Kibum and that thing. If you don't want them to get hurt, you better do as i say. It's your choice."

I wanted to cry then. How dare he called my son, his grandchild a thing?! I'll do everything to keep them safe.

Seven years passed as i was half heartedly listen to the boring discussions of whatever they were talking about. I felt relieved when the meeting was over and went straight to my office, laying my head on the wide desk when i finally sat on the chair.

It was boring to stay in the office when you have no friend coming over. My only friend in this wretched place, Choi Minho. Went back to Seou ml a few days ago. I found out that he was also forced like i am. He was a year younger than me. We always talked and went out for drinks together. He understood my situation and vice versa. My head led me to think about Kibum

Kibum-ah, i love you so much and will never stop. I missed you. I couldn't stand it anymore, i had to go back to you but how? If i couldn't, i wish i could at least hear your voice theough the phone.

Just then, the phone on the desk rang as i pick it up to my ear, "Hello,CEO Kim Jonghyun here, may i help you?" i spoke in english well after spending seven years here.

"Kim Jonghyun-ssi, this is your father's assistant. Your father was down with a cancer. He fainted during work and is in the hospital now. Your mother requested that you come back to Seoul immediately."

I couldn't believe it... After seven long year, i'm going home... Kibum... Wait for me.

The moment i landed, my father's private driver greeted me in front of the gate. I followed him to the car and off to the hospital father stayed. I looked at the window, thinking how the scenery didn't change much.

We arrived at the hospital my father was being treated in and was led to a VIP room on the fifth floor. Mother greeted me when i came in but what i do was only a nod. As for father, he was unconscious aftee deinking his medicine according to mother. Without any word, i left only to have mother hold my hand, stopping me before i reached the door. Does that thing matter more to you than your father and i?

I was angered when she addressed Kibum as a thing then and shook my hand off her grip and turn around only to receive a slap, "We raised you, Kim Jonghyun! You and your sister are the same, a waste of time. We should have left you in the streets when my sister died. Her husband didn't even want anything to do with her and left you to us!"

I was taken aback at what she had said... Sodam and I were adopted after our biological mother, the person who took care of us since we were a child's sister. Does Sodam noona even know about this?!

I glared at her, "I have a family of my own to take care. Don't even think about coming close to us, ever. You have no rights in controlling me twenty eight years ago. I'm out of here."

"Get the out of mu sight. You're no longer part of the family, just like Sodam."

"Gladly!" i shouted back and sprinted my way out of the building and to a local bus station, not minding the rain that began to pour.

I couldn't believe how my whole i believed everything they had said and they just told me that i was adopted? Was this whole time a white lie? It seemed like it. The rain began to pur harder as i get on the bus that had just arrived.

When the bus stop on my destination, i got off after paying transportation fee. I walked to the penhouse that both Kibum and i own but something told me i shouldn't walk in... I wouldn't be able to bear the pain i would feel if Kibun had moved on from me. But that would be reasonable... Afterall, Kibum though i was dead this whole time, someone worthy would have replaced me by now.

I reluctantly walk away yet i could feel tears wanting to flow.

I kept walking to wherever my legs would take me to. I dont care if i was soaking wet from the heavy rain. When i stopped walking, i look around me. I miss this place, MBC radio...

I stood there, looking at the board until i didn't feel rain dropping on my head. I look to ghe person who gave me their umbrella to find Sodam noona.

"Yah, what are you doing standing in the rain like that, you'll get sick..." i smiled at my sisted. I shouldn't have make people worried standing in the rain like this. My sister is really one of a kind. Not only to me, but she'd do the same to complete stranger she sees running in the rain all soaking wet. I wonder if she loves giving away her umbrellas. I chuckled at that thought.

"Let's go inside." she pulled me into the building i love hanging out in.

"Sodam-ssi, good morn-" the speaker srop midway as she saw me, "Oh my God, Jonghyun-ah where were you?!"

It was Taengu, at least that's what she likes people to call her. She was my best friend through out my stay in the radio. She's the type of friend who would wrap up all my work at the end of the day and sometimes forced me to leave because Kibum might be lonely. "Taeyeon!" i smiled brightly at her as she came to enveloped me in a friendly hug, not even noticing my drenched condition.

I let out a small giggle when she moved back in surprise that i was hella wet and gave me a confused look, "What were you doing outbin the rain? You'll catch a cold!" she nagged and dragged both Sodam and I to somewhere warmer.

"Yah! Sodam told me you weren't going to continue broadcasting and i felt my heart stopped beating for ages! She didn't tell me why you left." I laughed at the glare she sent my sister as she chuckled nervously, "Anyway, how's Kibum?" she asked, concerned.

"Umm..." i didn't know what to answer as i didnt even know how's he doing... And how my son is...

The way she looked at my troubled face, i could tell that she wouldn't push me to talk about it and smiled sadly, pattimg my back, "The two of you will be alright. I know for a fact that a certain Kim Jonghyun loves Kibum more than life itself." she said in a teasing mamner to light up rhe mood amd i couldn't help the tug on my lips, yeah, i love Kibum than my own life.

"So will you be back in broadcasting, Jjong?" noona asked, looking at me seriously and i said yes because i want to be back here.

We talked for a while as Taeyeon went off to get some spare clothes the company kept for idols that comes around.

I found out that Sodam noona knew about us being adopted, the reason why she chose to leave the family, she said 'dad' wouldn't bother is she leaves because she isn't a man who could continue the company.

I was angered by that and want nothing more than punching that old man, but i knew that it's not worth my energy, that old man is in pain anyway. Yet i felt bad and told noona that i would send a little bit of money to them for the last time as I don't want anything to do with them anymore, blood related or not.

It was Tuesday when noona asked me to go on grocery shopping. I was reluctant to do that but had to as i won't be eating anything until someone decides to buy them. Three months had passed and i went back to broadcasting. The first broadcasting after seven years was going well and to be honest, i was afraid for the lack of listeners. Upon coming on into the studio the next day, i was supprised at by the amount of letters on the desk. Most of the envelope were decorated blue with a moon and stars. I was moved by the amount of fans who still stood by and enjoyed my radio.

Broadcasting starts soon after i tidied the letters up in a cardboard box that i will bring back home with. Time flew as i was wrapping for the night, wishing everyone a good night's sleep or spare time for those who couldn't sleep.

Taeyeon bid me farewell for the night as i went back home. Sodam noona had something to do in Japan and will not be home until next month. She said it was work but her brother knows better! She just went for a simple vacation. I pouted at the thought.

I spent the night reading the letters on the side of my bed. I was really overwhelmed by the kind letters i recieved. I cried when i read a few letters asking how Kibum is. I wish i could be there to know how's he doing and tell my listeners how he's doing.

I looked at the ring in wore on my ring finger. And i cried harder. I missed him. I wonder what he named our son... I remembered telling him how much i love the name Taemin. I couldn't help but wonder how he is doing...

I put all the letters in the box and put it in my drawer, shutting it afterwards. Turning off all the lights, i lay on the bed and surprisingly, unlike all the other nights, i drifter off the moment my head hit the pillow, possibly because i was tired of crying the whole night.

Back to the situation, i was walking along an isle picking some canned food and packets of ramyeon. I felt my heart stopped beating at the familiar voice i heard from two isle next to mine but his voice was clear. It could never be someone else as he has a voice others could only dream of having.

Quickly putting all of the things i picked up on the troley, i pushed it while speed walking to the isle i heard his voice from. Sure enough, it was Jinki with his glasses on, seemingly trying to find what he was looking for. I always joked how the two siblings, Jinki and Kibum looks from the side.

As if he noticed someone staring, he looked at me and there was clearly shock painting his face.

Quickly, he pushed his troley away and walked to the cashier, trying so hard to avoid me who is trailing behind, "Hyung!" i called out.

"This must be a joke! There is no way Jonghyun is still alive!" i could hear him mubling to himself and stopped in my tracks... Did he just say...

I lined up behind him, trying to get him to talk to me until he whined, "Kim Jonghyun is dead so who are you and what do you want and how do you know me?"

I was really surprised... What...? I tried speaking, "Jinki, i never died... So please hear me out-"

"Next!" the chasier called out to Jinki as people who were in front of him finished and left. I kinda feel guilty as he glared at me and quickly put the items he picked on the table in embarrassment.

"Should we talk somewhere?" i suggested. He let out a sigh and nod. Continue doing whatever he was doing.

After paying to the things i bought, i followed Jinki hyung to a local food court.

"Hyu-"

"Before speaking something else, tell me that you really are Kim Jonghyun and not some stranger having a plastic sufgery to look just like him." i didn't know what to do or say and laughing is definitely off the list. This guy never change, huh...

"Well, what do you want me to tell you?" i asked, looking at him in the eye. Whatever my aunt or uncle told them is a complete lie.

"Tell me something only the two of us kmow." he suggested, smirking as if he was expecting me to not answer his somewhat 'Jonghyun' verification(?).

I sigh, here it goes, "One time i secretly followed Kibum out of worry and you actually thought that i was some pickpocket and decided that it was best to kick the hell out of me. And when you found out that it was your soon-to-be brother in law, you told me not to tell Kibum 'cause you'll have your 'thing' choped off if you he found out." i explained unamused. This guy litterally hits people hard and everyone fears his ttakbam and i definitely knew why.

He covered his face in embarrassment, remembering that day i assumed. After calming himself, he finally looked at me, inspecting wether if the person sitting in front of him was really Kim Jonghyun, his brother in law when it really hit his head. He shook his head and asked, trying to calm down,"W-we thought that you... Died... WHAT HAPPENED?!"

I began explaining what happened from the start, that my parents lied saying Kibum and my son couldn't make it. I told him i found but was forced to go abroad or they would be in danger.

Jinki took it well, saying that he was glad i'm alright and that Kibum misses me. I couldn't hold my tears and cried, not minding other who looked at me as uf i've grown a second head.

"Does Kibum still love me...?" i asked, after calming down a littel.

"If you consider love as wearing the ring twenty four hours a day and telling my nephew about his puppy like father." he smiled, patting my back and i felt my wories dissapear. I told him how i wanted to go home to Kibum but was stopped by my fears.

Hyung chuckled, "You're an idiot if you think Kibum will stop. How about this, you mentioned that you are back in Blue Night, correct?" i noded. "I'm going to tell him to listen tonight and you can pour your heart out to him."

I can never stop thanking my brother in law after this, "Thanks, Hyung. I owe you." i smiled. We talked for a while longer until it was quite late and Jinki had to go to check up on Kibum which made me worried of his condition the moment he mentiomed it.

Kibum is the type of person who would catch a cold easily so usually i would prepare every meds he could comsume during his pregnancy just in case.

Sometimes we would cuddle to keep him warm even when he would resist, saying that i'll catch a cold too. Of course, as a cheesy romantic fool i am, i would say something he would cringe at but laugh afterwards. They say laughing is the best medicine, so i'll do anything to keep my love healthy.

*

It was almost twelve in the midnight when Sodam walked in to check up on me as i was reading the script for tonight's radio. I hadn't tell her about my encounter with Jinki and that i want to do something for Kibum since he might be listening.

Sensing my troubled expression, she approached me and pat my back, "Hey, did something happen?" she asked as i looked at her in the eyes. People kept saying how our eyes look exactly the same, like my eyes were a copy from hers and i wouldn't deny it.

I sigh, "I met Jinki this afternoon." i finally spoke.

"Well, you looked troubled yet happy...? So i don't think the meeting you two had was a disaster. Tell me, what did you two spoke about?"

I began telling her what we talked about as she listened l, trying to understand the situation and she eventually did like always, which was why i really look up to her.

She patted my back, "Knowing Kibum, he'll lieten, he'll understand you like he used to. Why not ask for a meeting?" she suggested and i like the idea.

"Thank you, noona."

A few minutes when by when the red lights was , showing that the radio is on broadcast.

I took a deep breath and begin, "Hello, this is Blue Night Jonghyun. I've been missing two people in my life this past seven years of lies. I wanted to meet them. You guys remembered my muse i've always talked about? I wonder if he's listening right now."

The broadcast continue when i finished a subject, i played a song, "Our Seaon" written by myself, Kibum's favourite song. When it finished, i began talking again, "I'm sure most of you remember the song. You can save it from my sound cloud account i've spoken of before, 'Jjong.984'.

Recently, someone had asked me why we closed our eyes while in bliss and it got me thinking that the most beautiful things are not seen but felt only by the heart."

The broadcast continues for another thirty minutes until it end with a newly published song that i wrote. "It's about wanting to meet a person before time ends, i hope you like it."

Soft melody resonated the room and then came my voice,

"Before spring comes
Before it gets warm, shall we meet?
Before the day comes
When everyone else is asleep, let’s met"

I remembered writing this when i was fesling down and was missing Kibum so much. Those days in New York were paimful knowing that my husband would find love in someone else after thinking that i left him. If he did, i wanted to meet him one last time before we part.

I don't know what pen fate uses to write my hopeless love story with Kibum but it became a mireacle somehow because now, i'm waiting in a restaurant Kibum kept begging for me to take him to.

I sat, nervous as my eyes met Kibum's after so long. How i missed him... And... My son looks a lot like Kibum but i could see a little resemblance of me.

I waited and tried to keep my cool as the waitress escorted them to me. I sebate on myself wether to help pulling the chair for him to sit or not, at the end, the waitress beat me to it.

The situation was filled with awkward silence as Key kept playing his fingers, making me notice the ring he wears, our ring.

The silence was interupted by my boy and i was really glad he did. Such an awkward silence could kill. "Hello! My name is Kim Taemin, you?"

So Kibum did name him Taemin, rge name i came up with. I'm glad. "Hello, kiddo. I'm Kim Jonghyun. Nice to meet you." i ruffled his hair.

"Wow! We had the same surename!" he squealed, making me chuckle. It was then i noticed something sparkly on Kibum's cheeks. I felt as if my heart was torn into pieces lookimg at my love like that. We are suffering because of the same people and i understand how he felt. Everynight crying your eyes out and the heartache.

"Eomma, are you alright?" Taemin noticed his tears, making hin wiped it himself, something i always do for him.

"I'm alright, dear." he caress Taemin's hair, avoiding my gaze and i swear i felt guilty for everything.

"Bummie... I'm sorry..." I tried apologizing, looking at him in the eyes and what i see broke me, knowing how much Kibum struggled to live longer only for Taemin. I felt a pang in my heart.

"I didn't even know you are real, i don't even know if you are you." he stammered, looking away right away.

I was about to speak when the waiter serves our dinner, making me grumble silently in annoyance, "Here is your food. If you need anything, just press the bell" he smiled at Kibum, a smile that meant he was hitting on him and i felt the need to rip his eyes off. He left as soon as he felt my deadly glare.

"Let's eat. I'll tell you everything later."

I felt awkward silence creeping back up had Taemin not stop talking about school. It was cute and i couldn't imagine how he felt not knowing his own father for seven whole years. I wanted to hold his small figure that day. Fate took us into a garden filled with thorns. Feeling like this made me want to do everything single thing for him, for all the time i missed.

We finished dinner as i ordered some desert as Taemin's request and fruits.

"Bum-"

"If you were alive this whole time, why didn't you came home?" he cut my speech and i could feel the pain in his voice and how tears threatened to fall.

"Kibum, i want you to listen to me and not to say a word." i explained as he thouhht about it for a whild and nod.

He cried harder the moment i finished and i don't want to do anything but hug him so thight and kiss his tears away.

Then i let tears fall. Taemin had went to the toilet just before i started telling Kibun what had happened.

"Jonghyun-ah... You don't know how hurt i was, thinking that you'll never return to me. You don't know how hard it was for me to raise our Taemin alone with judging eyes everywhere and you would never know how proud i am to raise Taemin well, the only thing you know is that i mever stopped loving you, pabo!" he cried silently as i stood up and walk towards him, scooting down to give him a gentle kissing his tears away.

"May I?" i asked, knowing that he understood what i meant, he swing his hands around my neck.

"Please" and kiss we did. It was not rushed nor rough. It was gentle, speaking all the feelings we had for eachother that words couldn't explain.

We were interupted when Taemin came back but chose to look at the aquarium near our table.

After a while, we part for breath as my love called Taemin to come. "Tae-baby. I want to introduce someone to you." he getured him to come as he whined after saying goodbye to the fishes, making us giggle.

"Taemin, this is Kim Jonghyun, your father."

Here you go!

I'm really sad cause not much really enjoy the story ㅠㅠ

But since someone dear wanted a Jongjyun version, here you go!

Thanks for reading and dont forget to comment!