“I’ve been thinking about raising a child.”

 “I’m going to stop you right there.”

 “I’m not joking!” Baekhyun sputtered, clutching his heart. “Tell them for me, Chanyeol!”

 “We’re not joking.”

 “Good lord.” Jongdae tore open another packet of Junmyeon’s disgusting digestive biscuits and threw them directly on the dining table. They were the only snack left in Junmyeon’s exceedingly sparse pantry; the boys were here for their weekly “meeting”, and it was hard to believe that they had surpassed rock bottom after last week’s popcorn.

 “In fact,” Baekhyun cleared his throat, and reached for one of the bland cookies, “we’ve planned out every aspect. We’re going to have a daughter. She’s going to be half-black, half-white.”

 “A daughter. I don't think you get to choose a race. It’s not a mix and match thing.” Junmyeon raised his eyebrows and his lips free of crumbs.

 “Hate to break it to you,” Jongdae stretched out his arms out, “but you’re both Asian. Asian males. Not to mention you’re going to kill that child.”

 “Am not!”

 “You can’t even dress yourself! How are you going to provide for a family?!” Junmyeon ran his fingers through his dark brown hair; a habit he had picked up from Yixing, who had picked it up from Minseok.

 “I can!”

 “You still wear sandals with socks!” 

 “Your dumb boyfriend wears sandals with socks!” Chanyeol fired back, taking a jab at Yixing.

 “That’s different! They’re slides, not dollar store flip-flops.”

 “And of course, Yixing’s different. Because he’s special.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, and somehow managed to eat a biscuit angrily.

 “Back off!” Junmyeon crossed his arms and sulked. “He is special. And he makes me happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

 Jongdae tried to imagine Yixing and Junmyeon living in a seaside house with a nuclear family, raising two children.

 Jongdae also tried to imagine Baekhyun and Chanyeol living in a seaside house with a nuclear family, raising two children. Then, he tried to imagine himself picking up the phone and dialing Social Services.

 “I have a picture of our future successor right here.” Baekhyun tapped his phone, and showed them an image of the Byun-Park daughter.

 “It’s a cat.”

 “Well, yeah.” Chanyeol looked dumbly over at Junmyeon and Jongdae. “What were you expecting?”

 “A human girl.”

 “Oh hell no! Kids are disgusting!” Baekhyun recoiled, and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

 “But our Nala, she’s going to be an absolute angel,” Chanyeol said dreamily, and made eye contact with his boyfriend.

 “Nala?”

 “From the Lion King.”

 The pink haired giant yawned. “We flipped a coin for names.”

 “I wanted Pusheen,” Baekhyun said. “We’re picking her up tonight. Do you guys want to come? We need a godfather.”

 “Sorry guys.” Junmyeon shifted in his seat. “I have a date.”

 Chanyeol looked scandalized. “Don’t you think you’re taking it a bit fast?”

 Baekhyun cleared his throat. “Right. Myeon came back once saying he hooked up, now he’s going on a date, next thing you know he has a boyfriend, then a fiance-”

 “And Yixing knocks him up and they have a kid,” Chanyeol finished.

 “This isn’t one of your m-preg fanfics, Yeol,” Junmyeon chided. “I haven’t done this in a long time, and he makes me happy.” A gooey smile spread over the landlord’s features, and Baekhyun mime gagged.

 “I’ll come.” Jongdae said, chewing through the sugary brown mush in his mouth.

 “Great. I’ll pick you up at six.” Baekhyun replied. “And wear something nice, like a suit or whatever.”

 “Why?” The florist scrunched up his nose.

 “First impressions matter.”

 🐈🐈🐈

YeollieOllie ʕ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°ʔ - still on for tonight?

 Jongdaebak 🔥🌠🔥 - yeah ofc

why

YeollieOllie ʕ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°ʔ - we’re outside rn

Jongdaebak 🔥🌠🔥 - k i still need to change

YeollieOllie ʕ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°ʔ - no problem see you later

 Jongdae practically lept from his spot on the couch, running a hand through his dark hair that was still slightly damp from his prior shower. He shrugged himself into a white shirt and his softest grey hoodie after dabbing on a quick coat of BB cream(bareface, why not?).

 He heard the honk of a car downstairs as he was putting on his shoes. The boy raced down the hallway and jumped down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the treacherous elevator to creep it’s way up the individual floors.

 Jongdae burst into the lobby and threw open the doors, shivering when the cold, dry air hit his skin. Baekhyun waved at him from the tinted glass, and the florist scrambled into the passenger seat, climbing over the trash strewn across the bottom of the car.

 “It’s disgusting in here.” Jongdae kicked at an empty Starbucks cup, buckling his seatbelt.

 Despite the filthiness, he was pleasantly surprised by the nice smell of the vehicle. A Little Tree dangled from the rearview mirror, and Baekhyun stepped on the gas, turning onto the intersection.

 “The cups are Yeol’s. I don’t drink Starbucks.”

 “And I keep on telling you,” Chanyeol shouted from the back seat, “that you’re missing out!”

 “I’m not drinking your pumpkin spice latte! Pumpkin and coffee don’t go together.”

 “But birthday cake and coffee do…” Jongdae said under his breath.

 “What did you say?”

 “Nothing.” The charcoal-haired boy buckled his seatbelt.

 “I’m just so excited to meet our daughter!” Chanyeol balled his hands up into fists, and smacked the window.

 “I swear, that cat is so ed no matter what.”

 “Don’t underestimate our parenting skills.” Baekhyun cranked up the air conditioning at the red light.

 “This might be the scariest part of my Halloween. My two stupidest friends are being entrusted with a living thing.” Jongdae blew a lock of hair from his forehead and leaned into the car seat.

 “Oh, please. You’re acting like you don’t play around in the dirt with grass all day.”

 “At least my plants survive!”

 “I’m trying so hard to be offended,” Chanyeol added.

 “We’re doing our best.” Baekhyun jerked the car into the parking lot of the animal shelter, a squat building with a lavender trim, and purple paw prints. “We have food, water, and the best toys. Nala’s going to be spoiled. Yeollie and I practically broke the bank for her.”

 He paused, and gave his friend a once over. “And I told you to wear something fancy!”

 Chanyeol thumped the window again, causing the whole car to shake. Unfazed, Baekhyun expertly guided the vehicle into a narrow parking space, and pulled the keys from the ignition.

 “This is the fanciest thing I own,” Jongdae retorted, slamming the car door as he got out.

 They walked through the square lot and towards the entrance eagerly, and Chanyeol practically yanked off the door handle in his excitement fueled craze.

 “Push, not pull.” Baekhyun corrected, shoving his boyfriend aside.

  A flood of gross smelling animal fumes washed over them as they stepped inside the animal shelter. To the right, a woman sat under a wall of animal themed cutouts, obscured by a towering desk. To the left, were rows and rows of kennels, packed with dogs and cats that stared longingly into the distance.

 “Where’s my daughter?!” Chanyeol shrieked, marching towards the front desk.

 “Ah, yes.” The receptionist craned her neck to look at the computer monitor. She her fingers and reached for a stack of paperwork. “You two must be Baekhyun. And Chanyeol. Of course.”

 She rolled backwards in her chair, and smiled. Jongdae thought she looked awfully familiar-

 “Seohyun?”

 “The one and only.”

 “Seohyun, the bartender?” Baekhyun’s face was blank. “Do I know her?”

 “She was there the night you guys got drunk, and .”

 “Don’t act so surprised,” Seohyun said, handing Chanyeol a pen. “This is my day job. And as you know, I’m a bartender by night.”

 “Sign on the dotted line,” she said to the pink-haired boy, who scribbled a messy signature and shoved the pen into Baekhyun’s outstretched hand. “I’ll take you to your lovely new pet.” Seohyun reached behind her and grabbed the keys off the wall.

 “She’s a tuxedo cat, healthy, female, usually calm and passive. You’ll need to take her to get her shots, and if you want, you can get her spayed.” The receptionist rattled off a list of facts until they had stopped in the middle of the kennel hall.

 The inescapable sound of dogs barking, and cats purring filled the air with unease, and Jongdae leaped from side to side, avoiding the batting paws and glass bead eyes that stared back at him.

 “She’s right here.” Seohyun kicked open the kennel door, and it gave in with a rattle of the chains.

 “Nala!” Chanyeol dropped to his knees, and scooped up a fluffy looking cat, equal parts black and white into his arms.

 “Did you miss us?” Baekhyun cooed, nuzzling his face into Nala’s collar. She simply meowed, and her nose.

 The two boys laughed and giggled, while Seohyun stood with a wistful smile on her face, key still jammed in the padlock of the door. Jongdae wouldn’t have guessed that his two crackhead friends would have become so easily wrecked by a cat, of all things.

 “Let’s go home,” Chanyeol whispered, cradling Nala gently in his big hands. “We have a bed, and water-”

 “And the best food. It’s grain-free, and good for the urinary tract. The TV ad even said so.” Baekhyun smiled softly, and kissed the cat on the top of the head, who purred loudly in response.

 “Who trusted these two?” Seohyun asked, brushing past Jongdae to slam the kennel closed.

 The group returned to the front hall, and she filed the adoption files, while the florist stared awkwardly at Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who were doting over their newest addition to the Byun-Park family.

 “Thanks for adopting. Have a great day.”

 As soon as they got back to the car, Chanyeol clambered in the back, as gently as he could to not disturb his weary-looking daughter. Nala had curled up in his arms, grasping at his elbow possible with her pink paws.

 “Don’t play your Taeyeon radio. I think she’s sleeping,” he warned his boyfriend.

 “No need to worry.” One hand turned the steering wheel, the other thumped his chest. “I’m a good dad.”

 “Who said you were the dad?” Chanyeol hissed.

 “I did.”

 “Then what am I?” His boyfriend asked accusingly.

 “You’re some other form of male parent. Like papa, or pops, or father.”

 “Ew.” Chanyeol wrinkled his nose. “You be dad, I’ll be Nala’s daddy.”

 “Channie!” Baekhyun whined, and bounced his knee up and down. “But I’m the only one who’s allowed to call you daddy!”

 "Fine, BAEK! I'll be pappy or something."

 "Thank you."

 Jongdae gaped.