“I am so sorry.” I cried, my knees crashed to the floor, my head fell between my shoulders and my arms at my sides, preventing me from collapsing onto the floor. “They can’t cure you. There is nothing they can do. There’s nothing I can do.” I croaked between sobs, “Ahh, Kookie!”

My eyes felt hot and cold. They were wet and dry at the same time. They hurt. It was as if lava-hot sand was being blown into my eyes, or an ice-cold drizzle stabbed at my cornea. The inside of my apartment was warm; though I felt frozen inside.

Kookie’s silent paws walked up to me and, with his precise and delicate feline agility, he curled up on my lap, purring against my stomach. I held him close as I cried more, and more. I curled my body so I could bury my head in his fur; breathing in his scent, hearing his quiet and low purr and caressing his coat. Here, now, I felt numb and euphoric. Frozen and warm. I felt ripped apart. I felt teared up because I knew. I knew how little time I had left with my fury creature.

‘Few days’, the veterinarian had said. Few days left.

Mechanically, my arms wrapped around the sleeping animal and my legs unconsciously started working again as they brought me to the entrance of my room.

‘Unnoticeable at bare sight’, the veterinarian had explained. ‘Uncurable’, he had added.

The fresh bedsheets felt like a blanket of stalagmites, piercing through my skin, cutting my flesh open in more places on my body than I could enumerate. Notwithstanding the imaginary pain, I dived into my snow-cold cave and brought the covers up on Kookie and I’s bodies.

I could not find sleep at first. It was as if Hypnos had decided to deprive me of the only possible escape from this harsh reality. Though, I did find refuge into Morpheus’ arms for a short while. Oddly, I was at peace when my brain started to slow down, the thoughts did not come rushing in as I had expected; on the contrary, I was engulfed in a cloudy, daze-like atmosphere.

And for a second, just the briefest of instants, I felt my body relax entirely next to a strangely larger source of heat than what I was used to. I fell asleep.

I awoke. My whole body felt tensed; my body was curled upon itself, my arms were crossed before my chest, my legs were intertwined, my chin almost rested on my knees. Uncurling from my foetus-like position under the soft and warm covers, I lifted myself up by using my elbow. I swung my legs at the edge of the bed and limply started my routine, going to the bathroom, only noticing that I was not in my pyjamas when I gripped at my shirt to take it off. As memories of the previous night started to crawl back into the foreground of my memory lane, I shook my head and decided to first have a shower and then take care of the issue.

I breathed in. One case at a time, (Y/N). I breathed out.

When the fumes of the steam started to work their soporific magic, I turned off the water and swiftly got dressed. My limbs were back in their routine while my mind stood aloof.

I shuffled my feet to the kitchen, condemning myself as a slave to my demanding stomach. Yet I stopped at the entrance. On the petite counter -though what was not small in Korean apartments- was a neatly folded piece of paper. Now I certainly did not remember writing any sort of note as I came back home. I could not remember a note but-

The sweet and understanding voice of the lady on the phone asking me to get the results at the clinic.

The pained-filled -though it stayed professional- look on the veterinarian’s face.

The drive back home, passing in a blur. Street lights, traffic lights, restaurants lit up signs.

The parking, the stairs, the code, the door-

Kookie.

I advanced rapidly, hurtling my fingers towards the piece of paper.

My name was written on it. The still slightly wet ink flashed against the old-looking paper. I turned the paper in my hands and stared at each word.

(Y/N)

 

 

As you read this, you will probably understand the struggle this note has caused me. Though I am a firm believer in getting things started in the hope of coming to a proper conclusion, the blinding brightness of a blank page frightens me as much as it does famous authors and their international counterparts such as yourself.

 

Now, you must be wondering who does this childish handwriting belongs to and I will answer all your inquiries in a short instant. Though, first, you must promise me not to let your anxiety take control of that marvellous mind of yours, alright?

 

“I promise.” I spoke aloud subconsciously, a habit of mine which had been the cause of many years of teasing from my family, peers and strangers.

Trust me -though I know I am barely more than a stranger to you now- when I tell you that if I had to live this life again, I would not change it for the world. From my birth to meeting you, all the hurdles were worth it because in the end, it is in your arms that I found peace. They say that a house is made of walls and beams, but a home is made of love and dreams, and I owe both my life and my dreams to you. You made everything come true, you brought me back to life. I was lost, oh so lost… But through the darkness you shone like a light, and I am glad I reached for this light.

 

I made a choice, some time ago… The power is now in your hands to choose my fate. To tell me whether this choice was the right one or not.

 

Forever loyal to you,

 

-K

 

A therianthrope. Of course. Of course, I had heard of the drawings in the French cave ‘Les Trois Frères’. Of course, I had been a fantasy-driven child, wishing that my pets and the animals I met could talk to me. Of course, I had hoped to, one day, be able to turn into a bird and graze the skyline with the tip of my wings, to turn into a fish and dive into the unknown depth of the ocean, to turn into a cheetah and feel the air rustle my fur as I rushed around, to turn into a sloth and spend most of my days in the comfort of my home, sleeping. Of course, we all had. But this was not a dream.

Overwhelmed with thoughts, I felt my knees weaken, my legs giving out under my weight. I blinked again and again and again, trying to shake awake my brain, but it did not work. As I waited for the impact of my knees on the ground, I felt my body being shifted into a weightless form. For the impact, indeed, never happened. I fell unconscious.

For the second time this day I awoke in my bed. As my eyes fluttered open, I noticed a massive black blur standing on my desk chair, facing me. While I was still wrapped up in a cloud of sleepy blankets, I did not allow my mind to freak out just yet. Instead, I sat up and covered my eyes with both of my hands, rubbing them slightly, feeling tears heating up my cornea. My shaky intake of breath definitely came out as a sign of my weak-mindedness as I heard my chair ease up, following the person’s movement as they stood up.

“Before you say anything,” I spoke, feeling the form stop in their tracks, “answer this for me.” I breathed in, thoughtful, and added, “Please.”

I did not feel scared anymore. The person’s presence was not uncomfortable, nor unfamiliar.

After a few seconds of silence, I closed my eyes and uncovered them. “Is there any way I can truly, undoubtedly, impactfully help you?”

Silence.

My bed dipped under the person’s weight and a hand now rested on my left one. It was barely a grip, just the heat of our skins touching.

More silence.

“Yes.”

It rang in my ears a few seconds after leaving his lips, and I knew. I knew this voice; its gruff sweetness, the sugar-coated vocal chords, the higher-pitched vowels which punctuated his speech, emphasizing the depth and the softness of his tone. His voice was like how I would describe the perfect brownie; with a slight crust on the outside, vanishing quickly under a great range of teeth, covering the softest dough and, deeper into the sugary-greatness, a warm heart residing in its hearth, spreading sparks of a divine taste for the thousands of taste buds to gather together and enjoy its crackling.

“How?” I breathed out, feeling his body heat sip through his clothes as he stood inches away from me.

His grip on my left hand tightened ever-so-slightly.

“By loving me.”

I opened my eyes, staring into his dark-brown ones. I could not look away from them; as successfully as he had done when he was a cat, he mesmerized me with his gaze.

“How will that help?”

He bit his lip and I could have sworn I noticed the smallest number of tears gather up at the corner of his eyes.

He took a deep breath, “We, therianthropes, as we have the ability to turn into animals, take some of their characteristics when we turn human. Therefore, as I am able to metamorphose myself into a cat, I am dependent of human company. As long as I am loved, nothing can happen to me, no matter what my injuries were as a cat. Love is the strongest bound a therianthrope can have with anyone.” He explained, still deeply staring into my eyes, “And especially if it is my Partner’s love.” He clarified.

“What do you mean by Partner?”

“At some point in our life, we have to chose another living being to which we will be spiritually linked for the rest of our life. Once our decision is made, there is no going back. We are forced to turn into the closest species to the one we are linked with.”

“And you chose…?” I trailed off, wanting him to confirm my doubts.

He blinked and breathed in a low voice, “I chose you.”

I let out a breath I had not noticed I was holding. My Kookie was safe then? He was alive and well.

I lifted my hand up, caressing his soft cheek with my thumb.

“Kookie,” I searched his thoughts behind his obscure irises, but I could not decipher what secrets were held in this intense darkness, “you already have all my love.”

He took a sharp intake of breath and it in between his teeth. He looked down; his hand slipped off of mine, our fingers lingered against each other’s.

“A-aren’t you…” He trailed off as if memories came back to him as he spoke; but they did not look like good memories as his whole body shuddered when he concluded, “disgusted?”

I could feel the crease between my brows deepen, “What? Why?”

His head shifted to the side as he looked out of my bedroom’s window, “Look at me, (Y/N), take a good long look at me.”

As the contact between our eyes broke, I saw. I saw two triangular-shaped tufts of light-brown hairs on his head, parting his soft hair. They were cat-like ears which moved slowly as if they were examining every sound they detected. His hair was the same colour as his fur and seemed just as soft. My eyes glided down to his human ear which was connected to his jaw in a sharp angle. His Adam’s apple was barely noticeable though it moved at each breath he took. I looked further down at his collar bone which was almost entirely hidden by a black shirt -one of my black shirts which was too big for me. The fabric tightened around his biceps and fell straight to the base of a pair of sweatpants I had bought for lazy days. Being tucked in his pants, small folds appeared at the base of the shirt, displaying a good amount of his muscular body. He really was your Kookie, wasn’t he?

He sighed. I had been silent for a while, surely, he got impatient. He turned his head to look at me and I must have been gazing at him the wrong way because he gritted his teeth, showing off his sharp canines on which his tongue slipped, “I’m a monster.”

His voice was so low, he sounded so hurt, he felt like a broken soul in front of me. My grip on his shoulders made him jump slightly but -like pupils were as wide as ever.

“Listen to me carefully and mark my words, Kookie.” At the mention of his name, his fluffy ears perked up slightly, fully turning to me, “You are the most precious soul I have met, I am so happy you came into my life.” I lessened my grip on his shoulder, not wanting him to feel threatened, “I am so happy you are here and I will do everything in my power and more to help you.” My voice cracked, tears spilling on my cheeks and gathering on my chin, “I want you to stay, Kookie, please.”

At this point, he was the one to bring me comfort. His arms slowly wrapped around my shoulders, one of his hands s behind my head to push me into his chest. I did not hesitate to hug his waist, burying my head in his pectorals.

He petted my hair and his small nails massaged the roots of my hair gently. His warm embrace calmed me down almost instantly.

“I want to stay with you, (Y/N).” He whispered in my hair.

We hugged for quite some time but when our stomachs growled in synchronisation, we agreed to go out and get food. When I asked him if he would eat things like mice or else, he just laughed whole heartedly and brushed it off.

Not very reassuring.

I deeply insisted on the fact that he should stay home seeing that he was now a man with four ears, two of which were coated in a light-brown fur with a dark-brown spiral behind each; but he did not listen.

“How about this?” He cocked his head to the side, lifting his arms up in inquiry.

I had made Kookie try on a few hats so his ears could be protected from the cold and the sight of others. A few caps and two bobble hats later though, he stood before me with a black-wool sewed beanie with a few golden stripes around the edge, contrasting immensely with his great beautiful dark-brown eyes.

“It’s perfect.” I replied, turning around him to make sure that nobody could see his ears from all angles. Though, one question lingered in my brain as I saw small creases form in different places of the beanie, showing the movement of his ears ever so slightly, “Is it comfortable though? I mean, your ears are not squished or anything?”

He put his hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving and chuckled, “I am fine, (Y/N).” I smiled. “So,” he spoke, gesturing to the door with his head while shooting a quick glance at it, “we’re set to go?”

We ventured around the shelves, picking out food that I needed to make meals that I wanted and picking out a few extras for Jungkook.

Jungkook. We had agreed I was to call him by a made-up name in public, especially if we met people who knew I had a cat -which had been my single conversation topic with most people of the city.

“Jungkook!” I called, and he came rushing down to the lane I was in.

He approached me, chuckling at my distress, seeing my body fully-stretched to reach a can at the top of a giant shelf. I pleaded him with my eyes and he barely lifted his arm, grabbed the object while not breaking his gaze with me and slipped it in one of the bags I held. I thanked him and he smiled, taking the bags from my hands so I could move more freely. I turned around to grab the post-it note in my jacket pocket on which I had jotted down the few essentials. I checked that we had taken everything and without turning around, I asked him:

“You have everything you want?”

Two arms s around my waist and I slightly jumped, my whole body tensing up.

“Now, yes.” He said, nuzzling his nose into my neck.

“Kookie!”

As soon as he let me go, I met the gaze of a kind-looking old-woman who smiled at us and continued roaming down the shelves. I could feel my cheeks and ears burning from both the shame of being so weak under his grasp and getting caught in this situation by a stranger. I sighed loudly -almost growling- giving a dirty look at the man at my side and shoving his arm slightly.

“You know I hate it when people touch my neck.”

He grinned, displaying an impressive set of teeth.

Back at the apartment, I lost no time in throwing on an apron and getting to work on our food. Kookie followed me into the kitchen and, though I refused he came near the oven -therefore behaving like a mother- he helped me chop some vegetables and a chicken. Thanks to his feline agility, 2pm had barely passed when we finally set the table and I placed the bibimbap down in its centre. Not yet had I sat down that a fried egg was being held in a spoon in mid-air an inch away from my face. I leaned away from it, glancing over at Kookie who smiled at me.

“You should take the egg, I know you like it.”

I couldn’t believe that he had been so attentive to my tastes when he was a cat. We both had had habits, and I did always try my best to meet his feline expectations but having the favour be returned by my former pet was something else.

I smiled sheepishly at his joy-filled irises and lifted my bowl so he could place the egg in it, unable to tear my eyes away from his own obscure ones.

We ate and talked for the remaining of the afternoon, sharing stories about his time as both a cat and a human before we met. I noticed how his eyes shifted shades of brown depending on the happiness and excitement he felt from reliving the memory he was narrating. I noticed how his pupils thinned as he laughed at his own foolishness as a kitten, how his ears perked up as I laughed along with him to his anecdotes while sharing one of mine if I felt it was relevant and could make him smile as well.

“So, I repeated, ‘I’m sorry sir, the café is closed.’ And he kept pushing his broken watch in my face and saying ‘Look miss, it’s only 6:58!’” We both burst out of laughter, Kookie wiping a teardrop out of the corner of his eye as I tried to take my breath while continuing with my story, “I could clearly see the hands of his watch trembling in the same place, so I told him, ‘Sir, I think the hands of your watch are broken.’ and you know what he told me?” Kookie shook his head, his grin getting bigger by the second with the suspense it was adding, “He said, and I quote, ‘How dare you make fun of an old man’s shaking hands!’ and he left!” I finished with an exasperated tone, the same emotion I had felt the day it happened as this incident had almost gotten me fired from the place.

Kookie gasped for air, leaning back on his chair a bit too far which made him fall.

“Kookie!” I exclaimed, rushing over to him in worry. Though, once I was kneeling at his side, I could not help but roll my eyes as he laughed some more, “Oh my god… You scared the living daylight out of me!” I scolded, holding my index finger towards him accusingly.

In a flash, my wrist was pulled down, making me fall forwards on top of him. I instantly put my hands on both side of his head to prevent me from collapsing on him and crushing his body. I felt the grip on my wrist lessen and understood that he was the one who had pulled me.

“Kookie, why did you-”

His lips closed in one mine in a short peck. He pulled back, giggling at my -most probably- befuddled look. He cocked his head to the side and helped me up swiftly. I was still processing the situation I was in as he started to wash the dishes as if nothing had happened; as if it was, normal?

“Kookie, why did you kiss me?”

“What?” He turned the faucet down so we could hear each other better, though I think it was mostly for me as his cat-ears were definitely more sensitive than mine. He kept rinsing each cooking instrument with precision, and added, “Isn’t that what people who love each other do?”

His nonchalance startled me, but it was true, wasn’t it? I told him I loved him, he told me he loved me. Did that mean I had fallen for my cat? Wasn’t it weird to kiss your pet? Though, a lot of people did it.

“I kissed you a lot as a cat, is it a problem because I am human now?”

“What? When?” It was my turn to feel confused at his words.

Though the words that came out of his mouth next gave all their sense to them, “When I your face, duh.”

“I-I…” I trailed off, though he cut me before I could speak.

“Oh, you would rather I your face then?” He started to wipe his hands on a nearby towel and walked towards me with a small smile on his face.

I held my hands out before he could come nearer, “No Kookie!” I exclaimed more loudly than intended to. He stopped dead in his tracks and shot a puzzled look in my direction. “I mean, I don’t know it’s just…” I sighed, retracting my hands back to my head to massage my temples. “It’s quite a lot to take in, you know? I had a cat, now I have a full-grown man in my flat, I feel a bit…”

“Lost?”

His dark-brown eyes stared at my figure. His gaze held a slight glimpse in them; though I did not know what it was, I knew he understood. I nodded. He took a few steps towards me and crossed his hands before him -like a child who was nervous to do a school presentation.

“I won’t touch you until I have your consent.” He spoke solemnly, nodding at me while looking down at his feet.

As a cat, Kookie had always been caring and knew when to give his affection. The small nudging on my arm whenever I had trouble with work or paperwork, his silent cuddles whenever I needed to cry, even when he was famished late at night, he knew not to disturb me and waited until morning to feast. No man or woman had ever been so attentive to my needs. And even if I felt like I had done my best to give him a good life as a cat, I now truly felt like he had been the one taking care of me.

I hugged him, thankful for his caring thoughts, diving into an ocean of his sweet, wooden-like scent. “Thank you Kookie.”

After a few seconds of him not hugging back, I felt him shuffle on his feet, “Do I have the permission to, um, perhaps I can- may I hug you?”

I hugged him tighter, pressing my chest against his to plant my nose into the crook of his neck, where his scent was the strongest. “Yes.”

His warm calefaction made me sigh in content, and though I was slightly weak in the knees from his overall handsome and gentleman-like attitude, I did not give in to the temptation of letting my full weight on him.

We agreed to go to bed shortly after as our meal time had taken most of the afternoon and the sun had set during the washing up. He let me have the shower first and hoped in shortly after. Thankfully, I owned one too many onesies and gave him the biggest -as a pyjama- which -ironically enough- was a cat. I was finishing to answer work-related emails when he appeared in the doorway, fastening the last button of his onesie. He lifted his head up and our eyes met.

“I, um, will sleep, uh…”

Obviously. We did not have a couch -damn you small apartments- and I would definitely not let him sleep on the floor.

I shook my head, smiling, “We can sleep in my bed, Kookie, it’s not a problem.”

He bit his lip, seemingly deep in thought, before pushing it outwards in a small pout, “Are you sure?”

“Yup!” I turned my head back to look at my emails and, when the last one was sent, I turned my computer off and collapsed on the right side of the bed, where a massive muscle-ball was not lying.

I looked up at the ceiling, yawning; Kookie turned to face me, “(Y/N), you don’t know how thankful I am that you accepted me.”

I my side to face him and cupped his head sleepily, “Of course Kookie.” My smile vanished quickly as I thought about my next words, “I don’t want to lose someone else.”

Kookie reached out to cup my face as well but his hand stopped mid-air, remembering our conversation from earlier.

I giggled, “Yes Kookie, you can touch my face.”

He smiled and continued his gesture towards my cheek. Once his fingertips rested against my skin, he his lips, his warm mint-scented breath fanned over my face.

“(Y/N),” he almost whined, “Can we cuddle?” His eyes were thinner, the same as when he expected something from me as a cat, whether it was a treat or a caress.

Too tired to speak and feeling my eyes close by themselves, I sank deeper into the mattress and rested my head against his chest. My legs were starting to wrap around his when I felt a piece of fur rub against my leg. I gasped, pulling the cover off to reveal a tail. Not the one on my onesie, no; an actual bone-structured, muscle-made, fur-coated tail. I could feel Kookie’s gaze on me as I was now fully awakened by this discovery.

“You have a tail.” I said, lost in my thoughts, not realising how dumb it sounded in the moment. However, Kookie did not say anything, he pushed himself on his elbow and rested his head in his hand. “Can I, I mean, may I…” I trailed off, gesturing to his tail which was hovering his thigh, moving from side to side as if it had a mind of its own.

“Sure.”

I timidly stretched my hand towards it. When my fingertips brushed against his fur, his tail retracted from my touch but came back so I could feel his light-brown coat and tickle the dark-chocolate tuft at the end of it.

“It’s beautiful.” I awed as he curled it around one of his leg and grabbed the blanket to wrap us in it.

Our eyes met and he grinned like the Cheshire Cat, “Not as much as you.”

I shook my head while feeling a blush creep up my cheeks, “First of, that was smooth,” I smiled, cuddling closer to him until my head rested under his chin, “Secondly, is there any other cat-like attribution of yours that I have not yet discovered?”

He hummed, deep in thought, “I may cough up hairballs from time to time.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes even though he could not see it, “Okay I’m going to sleep now.”

“Good night to you too, (Y/N).”