The fog; an amalgamate of noises, colours, smells, the bitterness and the heaviness. I cried. I cried because I remembered.

“Hello you! What are you doing here?” I smiled at the cat in front of me.

Up on its four legs, the animal perched above my apartment’s balcony dug its sharp razor-like claws in the white fence -still as a gargoyle. Its light-brown fur was freckled with dark-brown spirals giving it a mesmerizing vibe. Its head cocked to the side as I spoke my inquiry; its big oval-shaped eyes never leaving me.

“You’re very handsome, you know that?”

I was never really good with animals so I was not surprised by the hissing that erupted from it as I took a long step forward.

“Alright, alright, I won’t go any further then.”

I studied its features; dark brown eyes -which was quite the unusual eye colour for a Bengal cat, or at least that’s the breed I thought it was-, its short fur was well groomed, its long tail ended in a rich chocolate-brown tuft. Though it displayed strong muscles under its lavish coat, I could not help but notice its tenuous skin overlapping its bones with little to no fat to protect it from the cold.

“I don’t want you to stay in the cold but if you don’t let me get near you…”

I trailed off, looking intently at the creature as its tail swung around.

The chilly September morning air seeped through my shoulder-laced top. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself to gather the warmth of my body.

“Well, it’s nothing against you, but I’ve got to get back inside if I don’t want to catch a cold.” I my heels, walking back inside my apartment. I waved, “It was nice meeting you!”

Though, as my hand touched the handle, a deep and low meow -almost whispered- made me shift my head so I could look behind my shoulder. The little furry animal was now on my balcony’s wooden-tiled floor.

“Yes?” I inquired, as if I expected an answer from an animal.

The cat looked aside and shifted on its paws; I took the hint.

“You want to get in?” It looked back up at me and meowled again, blinking, it took one more step towards me.

I laughed, thinking about my parent’s advice to not let stray cats enter my apartment, “Ah, my parents would not be happy.” I grinned at the cat and it followed as I stepped inside.

First day.

I clutched the steering wheel in front of me. My grip was so tight that it turned my knuckles white. I sobbed. I sobbed because I remembered.

I walked back into my room after making myself a sizzling hot cup of tea. The cat that had entered my apartment the previous morning -who I now knew was a male- was laying on my bed as he had been for the past hour or so after I woke up. I laid the cup of tea on my desk and sat at my desk chair.

I was lucky to be a literary translator for a well-known publisher. I had tried to write a story of my own but work always got in the way. But I was happy nonetheless. Making a living out of translating gigantic amounts of books was the dream job I never knew I wanted. I moved to South Korea shortly after receiving my degree to be fully immersed in the culture and therefore be the best at my job.

I stretched and rested my head against the headrest, spinning around a few times and finally coming to a stop as I faced my bed. I gazed at the animal on my bedsheets who was now intensely staring at me; though, my eyes were focused on something else.

“You know what?” I asked him, running my eyes over the baked treats themed bedsheets I had bought when I first arrived in Korea, “You actually do look like a sweet biscuit…” His eyes shot down to look at the covers as well and he stared at the pattern, “I think I found your name.” I said, smiling at him, “What do you think, Kookie?”

2 days.

My heart was pounding, my head was wrenched from its dryness. I was slowly diving into darkness. The hopelessness of loneliness. I ached. I ached because I remembered.

Kookie took a couple steps back as I presented him his new food: cat food.

“You don’t like that?” He coughed and his eyes shone disgust for the meal I had placed before him, “Wow okay, fancy .”

I cursed at myself, knowing fully well that it was all my fault for feeding him my leftovers for over a week. I sighed, “I knew I should have bought this food quicker…”

I rested my index finger and thumb on my temples, massaging them slightly as to not let the worry get to my head too much. A task at which I was vigorously failing. This cat food was very expensive as well and if he did not like it… I should keep feeding him like I had done for the past week, I thought. It was, after all, all homemade, and I knew what was and was not poisonous for cats too.

As I kept rummaging my thoughts through my head, I heard munching sounds. My eyes opened again to be met with Kookie’s form who -seemingly begrudgingly- filled his stomach. My eyebrows raised and the cat turned his head towards me as if he had felt my gaze on him -which seemed to be another sense of his. He turned his head towards the small bag of cat food and shifted his eyes back onto me. His slits-like pupils thinned and he closed his eyes, shuddering. I giggled.

“Okay Kookie, I get it. Finish your food and you’ll get a treat.”

At the last word, his head perked up, his ears fully alert and he meowled again, digging into his bowl once more.

A week.

I struggled to breathe, my rib cage strangled my lungs as I choked on my tears. I was falling, I was failing. I was dying because I remembered.

My knees hit the floor, I was becoming a tangle of shivering limbs.

Six words kept ringing into my head as my phone dropped out of my grip.

“Mom” “heart attack” “hospital” “too late”

Mom

Heart attack

Hospital

Too late

My relatives’ voice through the phone speaker died out, drowning under the hot tears that ran down my face.

“I was not there, it’s all my fault…”

I hated myself. In this precise moment, all thoughts of self-love vanished and I dived deeper into my hell hole of depreciative ruminations. My mother had left this world; my one and only mother and I was not there to share her last smile, her last laugh, her last tear, her last word.

I hate myself.

I gripped at my hair, clutching my teeth, hearing them grind against one another. I bit my bottom lip, then my tongue, my cheek. I dug my nails in my palms, forming moon-crescents on my flesh.

Why did I move here? South Korea; a whole new country to understand, the once in a lifetime opportunity to live my passion to the fullest. Being away from my family would be the way to have more freedom, I had thought. What an insufferable lie.

“I will never be able to make it to the funeral. I don’t have enough money, I-”

I curled up against the closest wall and buried my head in my knees. My mother, the strongest figure of the family. Gone.

A small furry warmth nuzzled into the side of my right thigh as I let out more sobs.

“My mom, Kookie… My mother, and I- I can’t-” My voice broke.

He nuzzled further into the side of my leg. His warmth spread to my waist and up my shoulders. Though his embrace brought me comfort, I sank my head deeper into my knees.

“What am I going to do?”

3 months.

I opened my eyes again as a tear slid down my left eye. I drove back to my apartment. Silence surrounding me.

I walked up the stairs limply. My hands shook violently as I lifted it up to enter my code. I opened the door to be faced with him. I took a deep breath, crouching as the door closed behind me.

Nine words echoed in my head.

“Regret to inform” “Cat” “Incurable disease” “Few days left”

Regret to inform

Cat

Incurable disease

Few days left

“I’m so sorry.”

A year.

I cried.