Weeding the fields became Luhan's task of choice for the day, as he felt a light coat of moisture covering every inch of his skin while a sweat bead rolled down the side of his face. 

"Good job today. Let's head back in and wash up before mother scolds us," Luhan's eldest brother, Ilhan, mentioned before gathering the tools he was using into one hand. 

Luhan nodded and gave a wide grin before walking towards the house with Ilhan. 

Another fruitful day, Luhan thought, as he went to wash up. 

It had been three whole months since Luhan was left here by Sehun. No, 'left' was not the correct term. Luhan was returned to where he ought to be and Luhan could finally accept such a thing as he knew this came from the goodness of Sehun's heart. He was always grateful to Sehun for letting him come back here to see the ones who made up his entire world before he was forcibly taken away. 

"Chan! Don't you think you're eating too much?" Ilhan complained towards his younger brother, appalled at the amount of meat on his plate. 

"Cut me some slack. I had to lead all the darn animals back to their dens," Chan complained before stuffing his face with the delicious, hot meal their mother made. 

Laughter erupted over the bickering between the two and it was a heart-warming sight for Luhan who thought he would never feel this much happiness ever again. Looking at the content faces of his family, Luhan thought that this was all he needed and he should try his best to be thankful for Sehun's thoughtfulness. 

As the memory of the tall and handsome Sehun came to his mind, a jolt of discomfort grew inside Luhan. The familiar feeling that bloomed ever so slowly over the past few months had now become a part of his every day and he had grown accustomed to it to the point where he was able to control his emotions from overwhelming him.

"I'm done with dinner. It was really delicious, mother," Luhan said, his plate of food barely touched. "Please excuse me." 

Leaving behind the dining table of perplexed individuals, Luhan entered his room and stood still as he began to take in controlled breaths and letting them out at a steady pace. This had become a daily habit for him as he fought to suppress the pain originating from the most vulnerable part of himself. 

It's okay. I'll be okay again, Luhan calmed himself, over and over. When he finally felt steady enough, he began to put away some clean laundry. As he was mindlessly setting clothes into a drawer, his eyes came into contact with the green velvet jacket Sehun had made for him.

I've never had the chance to wear this, Luhan thought to himself, as he picked it up carefully, studying the beautiful material and gold details before wearing it. Luhan walked over to the nearby full-length mirror and looked at himself. 

It was horribly mismatched with his farming pants made of sturdy wheat-coloured canvas but it didn't dull the nobility of Sehun's creation.

As expected of the young lord's design, Luhan thought, a swift feeling of pride passing in his heart, before the dull ache that never seemed to leave his side came back with a vengeance.

No... Luhan thought bitterly, his lips quivering as his thoughts raced back to the day Sehun took him to the tailor's to make him clothes like the green jacket he was wearing. I'm okay. I'm not sad at all. I mustn't be sad.

Placing his arms around himself as a form of comfort, Luhan quickly dropped to the floor before burying his face into the crook of his elbows as they rested on his knees, muffling the sound of his sobs as he tried to convince himself that this life he had with his family and a life without Sehun was what should be his happiness from now on. 

As Sehun raced to sign off many of the documents that needed the approval of the Duke in charge of the county, his mind could not rest for one minute as his father's aide handed him another stack of new documents. 

Sehun stared towards the nervous aide, nearly boring a hole in his pale face, before he retreated and simply sighed. 

"Aren't these a little too much?" Sehun asked rhetorically. 

The aide who was a few years older than Sehun visibly flinched at Sehun's cold tone that resembled the currently ill duke and he could only look down apologetically. "Apologies, Young Lord, but the nobles kept sending... requests and such."

Sehun scoffed in both annoyance and amusement. They think they can screw me over just because father isn't here to keep them in check

"I see," Sehun stated coldly, making the poor aide feel chills down his spine. "Well, since they are working hard for their territories, I guess I should reward them." 

The young aide could only internally send a prayer towards the poor nobles who would become the young lord's punching bag. 

***

Taking off his dark blue tie aggressively, Sehun chucked it away towards a side of the bedroom knowing full well that it would be cleaned up once he woke up as the duke's estate had dozens of maids to clean up after everything. He plopped himself down on the sofa near his bed and leaned his head back as the exhaustion he built up finally dawned on him. Before he could drift off for a few minutes, a knock signalled the presence of someone outside his door, making his mood turn for the worse. 

His butler, Kyungsoo, entered and respectfully bowed towards Sehun. Sehun simply nodded, waiting for Kyungsoo to explain why he was here at nearly 3 in the morning. 

Kyungsoo seemed unsure of what to say, a behaviour that was foreign to Sehun as Kyungsoo was one of his most efficient staff. 

"What is it?" Sehun finally asked, impatience showing in his furrowed brows.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. "Luhan's mother is here."

Sehun felt his left brow jerk in response to the name he had banned everyone in the mansion from saying. Clenching his fists at his sides, he could feel his heart rapidly beating from nervousness. "...Why would she be here?"

Kyungsoo looked Sehun straight in his face as if to tell Sehun to calm himself as he spoke the next words. "She said it was about Luhan."

Before Kyungsoo could explain further, Sehun was already picking up his jacket and making his way out his bedroom. 

"Young lord," Kyungsoo managed to call out before Sehun completely left the room, making Sehun stop briefly.  However, as Kyungsoo seemed to have nothing to add on, Sehun quickly made his way to the living room, leaving Kyungsoo in disarray over his complex emotions. 

***

Sehun felt like the halls of his father's mansion seemed particularly long-winded today as he was slightly out of breath when he finally reached the living room where a well-dressed woman was sitting, although the dress seemed to be a design from quite a few years back. 

"Mrs. Sun," Sehun politely called out, catching the attention of Luhan's mother. "What brings you here at such a late hour?" 

Luhan's mother softly smiled Sehun's way as she watched him sit across from her. "I apologise for coming here so abruptly like this, but..." 

A look of despondence clouded over Luhan's mother's face, before she determinedly look towards Sehun, making the latter feel slightly surprised but managing to keep a still expression.

"Will you not ask me about Luhan?" Luhan's mother asked cryptically. 

Sehun widened his eyes in surprise. 

Of course, he wanted to ask. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to finally be free of this suffocating feeling that made him want to run to where Luhan was and take him back. He wanted to stop the terrifying thought that he was as crazy as his father, since he felt the urge to keep Luhan with him and never let him leave. He wanted to hear that Luhan was the happiest person in the world after reuniting with his family. He had hoped that hearing this would finally rid him of this constricting feeling in his heart. 

Sehun smiled bitterly as these thoughts muddled its way into his mind. "I'm sure he is happy to be back with his family." 

A look a displeasure crossed Luhan's mother's face. "Ah, I see now." 

Sehun saw Luhan's mother walk across towards where he was sitting and Sehun kept his gaze on her as she gracefully walked over to sit next to him. Sehun felt a sharp pain at the sides of his cheeks, making him flinch in surprise with his shoulders scrunched as if he was terrified after Luhan's mother clapped each cheek with both her hands. 

"Do you always assume what my Luhan is feeling in this way?" Luhan's mother asked as she let go of Sehun's bruised cheeks, her eyes boring deep into Sehun's as if to reprimand him. "My Luhan is suffering so greatly simply because you didn't bother asking him what he truly wanted." 

Sehun furrowed his brows in confusion. "What... do you-"

"Did Luhan ever say he wanted to return to us and never come back to work for you?" Luhan's mother asked sharply. "Did you not ever think that he might have enjoyed what he had been doing as he lived with you?" 

Sehun listened attentively, a small spark igniting in his mind. "Is Luhan unhappy? But... " 

Luhan's mother frowned. "He is both happy and unhappy. Why do you think this is?" 

Blinking a few times in confusion with a face that remained expressionless, Luhan's mother exasperated let out an audible sigh.

"Youngsters these days aren't romantic," she said out loud, before turning to face Sehun. "Luhan obviously misses living in your estate. He definitely enjoyed the tasks he did there and the things he experienced, but to be suddenly casted out the way you did to him... how do you think he would feel? My son is trying his hardest to live up to your last advice of living happily with us as a family, but you are selfish to think that he could cast aside the affection he had for his life in your estate and those who cared for him there. Before I came here, he was crying-"

"He was crying?" Sehun asked absentmindedly, quickly standing up as if to run to where Luhan was to comfort him before Luhan's mother pulled him back down, astonishment apparent on her face at Sehun's change of demeanour whenever Luhan was involved.

"Yes. I saw him cry after putting on that fancy green jacket that you probably got for him," Luhan's mother said, her eyes glossing over before she shook her head slightly seemingly trying to keep her emotions in order. "Let me ask you; do you not want Luhan to work with you anymore? Is he a bother when he stays with you?" 

Sehun looked down at his trembling hands that were clasped together in a vain effort to keep his feelings stable. Did he make a mistake? Did his effort to make Luhan happy actually give an adverse effect and instead made the young boy sad? That was the absolute last thing he wanted. He wanted Luhan to be the happiest person in the world. He was a sun that nobody should ever lock away, but hearing that Luhan was upset and unhappy created a large fracture in Sehun's heart that made him want to hug Luhan and tell him that he had not been discarded away the way Luhan was thinking. 

Sehun looked up determinedly towards Luhan's mother, not caring if his next words were out of his own selfishness. All he knew was that in any moment Luhan became unhappy, he would always want to protect him and lead him to a happiness only he deserved. A happiness he would create for Luhan, even if he destroyed everything around him in doing so.  

"I always want Luhan with me. That is the most honest truth I can tell you." 

Kyungsoo hurriedly scurried off back to his living quarters, where a flurry of strange thoughts made its way into his head.

Suddenly casted out the way you did to him... how do you think he would feel?

My Luhan is suffering so greatly simply because you didn't bother asking him what he truly wanted.

Did he ever ask Luhan what he actually wanted? He thought Luhan was too young to know what was good for him but did he also make such a prejudiced assumption that ended up hurting both his master and the young boy he adored like a little brother? 

"Kyungsoo..." Sehun said, his expression melancholy as he stared out the window of the carriage, hands clenched firmly in his lap that his knuckles turned white. "I know this is the right thing to do... I know that but why..."

Kyungsoo couldn't hide his shock as he saw the young lord's cheeks get stained with the residue left by his rolling tears.

"Why does it hurt me enough to make me want to give up on this life?" 

Shaking his head at the memory of the trip with Sehun as they returned from Luhan's family's residence, Kyungsoo slumped his head down, feeling disappointed at himself. Kyungsoo felt a pat on his back and recognised the touch of his father and the soft, musky scent he emitted. Kyungsoo audibly sighed.

"Was I... too much?" Kyungsoo couldn't help but ask. 

"No. You were right to suggest returning the young boy to his family," his father began, petting Kyungsoo's hair as a form of comfort. "But that logical thinking will always lose when there is love especially in the way the young lord seems to care for that young boy." 

Kyungsoo frowned. "Do you think... Luhan also has those feelings for the young lord?" 

Shaking his head, Kyungsoo's father smiled reassuringly to his distraught son. "Only time will tell." 

Luhan began peeling and cleaning some corn cobs in preparation for dinner, when his mother suddenly appeared beside him. 

"Come with me, Luhan," Luhan's mother beckoned, as she led him to the living room where his father was seated.

Looking back and forth between his mother who seemed pleased and his father who seemed discontented, Luhan wondered what serious situation had come up. 

"Luhan," his mother began, once Luhan was seated. "Do you want to return to Sehun's estate?"

A flash of surprised crossed Luhan's face, before he quickly shifted his gaze and shook his head. "What do you mean? I'm happy to be home. I'm happy to-"

"Luhan," his mother interrupted. "Answer me honestly. You miss being there, don't you?"

"Don't egg him on. He's a grown man, let him answer himself," Luhan's father reprimanded. 

Luhan felt flustered at the sudden question, as he was unsure what he was feeling. Sure, he missed working at the estate and he wondered how the greenhouse he had managed was doing. He wondered if Lay finally started planting summer plants. He wondered if everyone was doing well and he felt sad that he couldn't see them anymore.

However, even more so than those thoughts and feelings, thoughts about one person trumped all of those other ones and left a sense of despair within him, so much so that it rendered him useless for a few hours because it hurt him so badly. 

How was Sehun doing? Was Sehun sad that he was gone? Was Sehun indifferent to his presence or absence? Did Sehun feel relieved that he was gone? Was he so easily discarded? Was he so insignificant to Sehun that it did not matter if he was working for Sehun or not? 

A million thoughts that negatively impacted Luhan's mood swirled in his head every day, with each passing day making these thoughts evolve into more sinister and malevolent forms. Everything he had wanted was always taken from him, and it ached him and made him angry, but he didn't want to be angry. That would mean he was angry at being with his family again, and he was definitely happy about this. 

He was happy but he was unhappy. 

It made his head hurt the more he thought about it, that all Luhan could do was fill his days doing everything he could to tire himself out so no stray thoughts would come and haunt him, but now his mother was forcing him to confront these feelings and Luhan felt like he would be betraying them if he let his heart take over. 

"Be honest with your own feelings," Luhan's mother said, smiling softly at the visibly distressed boy in front of her. Clasping Luhan's hand in hers, she gave a reassuring grin to show that whatever Luhan said would be fine with her. 

Feeling his eyes water, Luhan looked down guiltily as a wave of relief came over him when he finally decided to accept his feelings, his throat fighting to hold back a sob.

"I want to go back." 

***

A stifling silence hung heavily in the room as Luhan's father's mood made the entire living room gloomy. 

"Honey," Luhan's mother began, her voice sweet but firm. "Let's respect his decision."

Frowning angrily, Luhan's father crossed his arms. "Tch! You coaxed him into this. Why would you want our son to leave and live with that... that scoundrel." 

Luhan's mother shook her head. "Sehun is a very nice young man. He is just a bit stupid."

Luhan widened his eyes at his mother's statement, wondering if his mother was always this bold even when she was speaking about a high ranking noble. "Mother!" 

Luhan's mother waved her hand in dismissal, not bothering to retract her words. "Stop calling him a scoundrel. He has never done whatever you think he has done to our son."

"He has indecent thoughts about our son! I can see it in his eyes!" Luhan's father admonished, standing up angrily. 

Luhan's mother sighed. "He does not have indecent thoughts. He has... different thoughts."

Luhan's mother casted a subtle, knowing glance at her innocent, young and beautiful son, whose face could rival any of the girls his age and she sighed audibly. "Though I doubt our clueless son will ever understand." 

Saying that in a whisper, Luhan's father still heard his wife's comment and pursed his lips in defiance. "Even more so why I don't want to let him go there." 

A growing sound of wheels rolling on top of the gravel outside made everyone stop their bickering.

Luhan's mother looked falsely guilty towards her husband. "It's too late. I already did something." 

Before seeing his father's face fume into an unbelievable shade of red at his wife's shamelessness, Luhan went near the front door and looked out of the window to see the familiar carriage that left him and disappeared into the distance three months ago.

His heart started beating erratically at the sight of the carriage and he felt a sense of ease as he watched a tall and lean man dressed in all black get off the carriage expertly. Running back towards his parents, eagerness on his face, he could only lamely let out a soft whimper asking for permission.

"Father... p-please let me head back with him," Luhan asked nervously, staring determinedly towards his father, despite his shaking voice.

Luhan's father squinted in anger towards Luhan, making Luhan's anxiety rise up tenfold. 

“I do not believe this will be good for you. I most definitely do not trust that man either,” Luhan’s father sternly voiced out, his fists clenched as suppressed anger threatened to overflow before they ultimately started to relax in defeat, unbeknownst to Luhan and his mother. 

Luhan and his mother wanted to protest, his entire being ready to run towards Sehun who was right outside looking out of place in his bespoke suit with the long stretch of farmland and gravel surrounding him, when his father suddenly sat down in defeat.

“But I'll believe in you.” Luhan’s father continued not allowing a word from his son. A melancholic atmosphere descended between him and Luhan. “Enough of this. I will not get in the way. I do not believe that man or working for him will make you happy, but as your father… as someone who sincerely prays for your utmost happiness… I’ll believe in you and your determination. So… let’s leave it at that.” 

Luhan’s father was a stern and curt man, only allowing a fraction of affection to come out towards his own family and at this very moment, Luhan felt his heart wrapped up in the warmth of his father’s subtle support of what he wanted. 

“Thank you, Father,” Luhan responded, his eyes feeling damp at the thought of how much his father was suppressing in order to let Luhan have his way. “I will always live happily. Most definitely.”

Sparing one last affectionate gaze towards his parents, Luhan made his way out of the house and ran quickly towards the man who was his saviour, his strange source of happiness and a person who he was still eager to get to know and get closer to. 

The continuous crunch of the gravel under Luhan’s boots came to a stop as he stood face to face with Sehun who he had not seen for months. 

He thought he would have so much to say. His appreciation for Sehun taking him to meet his family, his resentment towards Sehun for leaving without caring for his feelings, his growing despair at the subtle realisation that he would never see Sehun anymore. Yet at that very moment, all Luhan could do was be still, transfixed at the spot he was standing, only thinking about the relief he felt at seeing Sehun in the flesh once more. 

A still, penetrating silence accompanied both of them, both admiring the other’s presence that they had longed for all this while. 

Sehun’s soft smile jolted Luhan out of the somewhat strange spell that seemed to have been casted on him, before Sehun extended his right hand outwards towards Luhan. 

“Would you like to come home with me?” Sehun asked, a yearning woven into each word. 

Luhan took in a sharp breath, holding back the tears that threatened to cascade down because of how glad he was to hear that voice once more.

Placing his slightly trembling fingers into Sehun’s large palm, Luhan only had one answer.

“Yes.”

Author's note:

I actually really like growing the feelings between Sehun and Luhan slowly like this. Seems more suitable to their story.

Hope you guys like it too. Will try to complete this story at max 10 chapters! OTL