I met a nice bird today.
It sang with me, even if our songs sounded a little strange together, and it wanted to be my friend.

"Jongdae, please open the door."

"Kyungsoo, no."

There were no more knocks on the door, but Kyungsoo was persistent.

"Jongdae, please."

But Jongdae only drew the blanket up further, as if that would shield him in any way.

"No. I can't believe I did that to you, and I'm a ing disappointment."

"I'm happy you did that to me," he heard Kyungsoo say through the door, mirroring Jongdae's emphasis, only without the scalding negativity. "It was nice. No one has ever kissed me like that before."

At the mere mention of the kiss, Jongdae started whining, long and dragged out and drowning out whatever else Kyungsoo had been planning to say.

He had actually kissed Kyungsoo. After holding him a speech on not giving out intimate gestures easily, he had done just that and man, he was the worst. Double standards at their finest. What had he been thinking? Fine, it had been past four in the morning and he'd been reasonably drunk, but still. He'd even explicitly stopped Kyungsoo from initiating a kiss in the past, multiple times at that, and then he'd just snapped at the first opportunity. How was he going to explain this? Justify this?

With a sigh, Jongdae turned to his side, flopping into the mattress with a little too much force - his head was already pounding as it was.

Fine, there was no justifying, he admitted to himself. Apologizing was his only option, but what about the explaining part? Kyungsoo would never let him off the hook without thoroughly explaining his reasons and motivations.

And that's where the trouble arose.

Jongdae had been staring at the wall for what felt like an eternity. At some point, Kyungsoo knocked at the door again.

"Jongdae?"

Jongdae hummed in question.

"I'm going out. Is that okay?"

"Sure!" Jongdae called out, and then belatedly added, "Take some money with you, from the tin box!"

"Alright, thank you. Bye!"

It was alright to talk if he didn't have to actually face Kyungsoo.

Jongdae still sighed in relief when he heard the door closing.

He felt like an idiotic teenager. Not only for giving in to his hormones but also for being so stuck now. He simply didn't know what to do.

Slowly, he sat up and peeled himself out of his blanket. Now that Kyungsoo was gone he could at least take some painkillers and get a nice (but careful) shower and have a nice (but light) breakfast. He was already standing in the bathroom when he returned to get his phone, to have some music that would hopefully drown out a bit of the obnoxious self-deprecating thoughts echoing around his head. Unlocking it revealed a few unread messages, but none that he felt like checking right now.

He wasn't worried about Kyungsoo's whereabouts - he occasionally met up with his newfound friends, especially Jongin and Minseok.

Jongdae halted as he toweled himself off, staring at his phone.

Jongin.

He grabbed it to shoot said boy a text. If there was anyone he'd like to talk to right now, it would be Jongin.

"I thought of moving in with Yifan."

"Oh? Wow. Did you talk about that yet?" Jongdae asked, playing with the perspiration on his chilled soda. He had yet to talk about anything Kyungsoo-related, but just listening to Jongin was calming already. Jongin lowered his fork halfway to his mouth, looking fidgety.

"I mean. He offered that before, quite a few times. But I didn't think I was ready yet, so I declined. The offer still stands, right? I just assumed it did. I really hope it does."

Seeing the train of thought going from defensive to nervous to very nervous was all-too relatable.

"You can always just ask again," Jongdae suggested, and Jongin happily clung to that suggestion.

"I should. I was planning on surprising him but I should really ask again."

"I'm sure he'll be delighted. The asking is more for you than for him at this point," Jongdae mused, fishing a piece of chicken off the plate.

"It's really obvious you're housing an android, you know that?"

That caught Jongdae by surprise.

"What makes you say that?"

Jongin laughed, and he was still smiling as he dug around his noodle dish to free a bit of crusty cheese from the top.

"You confirmed it again just now. You're just very... precise in the way you talk. Not just why, but what makes you say that; and your comments are kinda analytical and generalized, just... I don't know, it seems like a thing to say to an android. Ask less for him and more for yourself. It's something about that."

"I'm sorry?" Jongdae tried, again entirely oblivious to any of the things Jongin mentioned. He really wondered whether being with Kyungsoo changed him, and whether that change was obnoxious to others.

Well, it certainly wasn't to Jongin, who just waved him off with a relaxed smile.

"It's cool. I just noticed because it's something Yifan also slips into a lot. Androids and humans technically speak the same language, right? And yet there are many differences in how we express ourselves. I feel like Yifan - and you, too, sometimes - move in an area right in the middle. Not like that's a bad thing! I just noticed."

"Oh," Jongdae only said, staring at his food and thinking about that. And then he thought about whether that was another trait he had picked up - silently and leisurely processing things before replying. How much of his behaviour had changed, how much was left of the previous him?

How must Kyungsoo feel in that regard? He'd made a 180 degree change in a short time period. But he was still Kyungsoo to Jongdae. So maybe it would be fine for Jongdae, as well.

"I didn't mean to weird you out or anything," Jongin hesitantly said, and right, not everyone enjoys silence. Heck, Jongdae didn't even mind talking - he was just in a bad mood today, that was all.

"You didn't!" he assured him, and then wordlessly offered his plate to Jongin, who happily snatched a piece. "It's probably true. There's always things outsiders can see more of."

"And then there's things outsiders can't see," Jongin mused, when he thought of something.

"Have you finished the book, by the way?"

Jongdae didn't have to ask which book they were talking about. He'd only read one book this year. Or rather in years.

"I did. it was really thoughtful. I thought it was kinda sad, but then the ending was uplifting," Jongdae commented, and Jongin nodded.

"Yeah... trying to find your purpose as an android is something I just can't emphasize with. It's also kinda frustrating that certain barriers cannot be overcome, no matter what you do."

"Like love," Jongdae blurted out before he knew it, and Jongin looked a little surprised.

"All feelings, really," Jongdae hurried to add. "We're overall too driven by instincts and weird emotions that don't make a lot of sense. It's not their fault we're weirdos."

"I think many androids like the challenge," Jongin replied good-naturedly, and there was a knowing spark in his eye as he regarded Jongdae.

"At least Kyungsoo seems enraptured with the idea of learning to understand you. He talks about you all the time."

Jongdae groaned at that, hiding his face in his hands.

"I know. He's holding me in such high regards, it's ridiculous."

"Almost like he's in love, huh?"

Jongdae looked up in surprise. He was too taken aback to get defensive. Androids could not really fall in love, could they?

"I mean," Jongin began with a shrug, obviously able to read the question that was plastered all over Jongdae's face. "What difference does it make, really?"

A lot. It made a lot of difference, Jongdae thought to himself as he entered the apartment later, way after sundawn, when the stars had already been sparkling unhelpfully above him. In fact, he had spent the entire way home reminding himself of said differences, allowing them to echo around his head. All the reasons why he was a bad person for kissing Kyungsoo.

For one, androids didn't feel romantic love. They did not discern between general affection and romantic affection. He felt like abusing that equanimous nature.

Secondly, androids could hardly fall out of love, while humans could. Sure, an android would eventually stop liking you if you treated them badly. But a human could just wake up one day and realize it's over. Kyungsoo didn't deserve that.

Back then, he had taken Kyungsoo in because he wanted to help him.

He had grown fond of him, even if Kyungsoo got him into minor trouble all the time or had a knack of being a nuisance (on purpose, too, if he wanted).

Kyungsoo treasured him. And Jongdae treasured him just as much.

But...

"You're back."

Jongdae felt caught, but looked into the living room nonetheless, where Kyungsoo looked up from his sketchbook.

"Yeah. Look, Kyungsoo, I'm sorry," Jongdae began, and Kyungsoo nodded.

"I know," he cut him off. "And I told you not to be. Can I ask a favour of you?"

"Huh? Of course?" Jongdae asked rather than stated, surprised at the other's nonchalant behaviour. And the fact that he was asking something. Kyungsoo didn't usually ask for anything, really.

"Can we go out? I wanna go to a club. Can we?"

Kyungsoo looked at him, patient and a little expectant.

Back when he had first brought him home, he would have made exaggerated pouts and gestures and use slang on him. Now the most subtle question was all Jongdae got, and it was all it took for him to say yes. Without thinking.

"Of course," he said yet again, dimly wondering who was more robotic now. "When do you want to go?"

Kyungsoo shrugged, closing his sketchpad.

"Now?"

"Oh. Okay. Uhm. Gimme a few minutes to get dressed."

Kyungsoo smiled.

"Thank you. I'll also get dressed."

With a head full of questions, Jongdae complied and looked for a club-appropriate outfit. What was Kyungsoo thinking of now? Did he miss making out with people who didn't give him a hard time?

Jongdae shook his head at the foolish thoughts and focused on the messy content of his wardrobe.

He was going to trust Kyungsoo on this. That's why he reached for the fancy pair of ripped jeans.

Kyungsoo seemed to share Jongdae's thoughts on this, and when he slipped into his shoes a few minutes later, he was wearing Jongdae's leather jacket and a simple jeans and t-shirt. They had thrown his old clothes out, but this outfit came close to what he'd been wearing when Jongdae found him. Jongdae, too, was wearing the same graphic tee and his black jeans.

They didn't talk about where they were headed - it was obvious.

On the way, though, Kyungsoo kept talking, telling him things that were on his mind, but not related to where they were going.

"Minseok said he could help me find a job," he was currently saying, which really got Jongdae's attention.

"You want a job?"

"Yes," Kyungsoo agreed readily. The innocent way he sought his eyes clashed a lot with the leather jacket and his slightly mussed up hair. He hadn't looked like this when he first met him, right?

"I want a job for financial security, in case my parts are damaged. And to support you."

"You don't have to," Jongdae immediately said, but Kyungsoo wasn't deterred.

"But it wouldn't do any harm either, right?"

"Of course not. You're just not needing a lot of resources in the first place."

Being honest with Kyungsoo had become so easy. So why couldn't he be honest about what he felt for him?

"I use your electricity, bed sheets, guest bed and you even bought me clothes. I think it's only fair," Kyungsoo insisted, one thought chasing the next, "do you think I could work at the library, too?"

"Huh? Maybe? I know they employ androids, too - you can give it a shot?"

"I will. Minseok promised he'd help me," Kyungsoo muttered, seemingly distracted by all the things he wanted to tell Jongdae - after only half a day of them not talking.

"I was also planning on buying new parts for me. After I'm all accommodated to the ones I have. And saved up a little. But there's so many additional parts I could purchase for myself!"

Jongdae unconsciously imagined Kyungsoo wearing fancy antennas having glowing eyes, and shook his head.

"Parts? Do you need anything?" he asked carefully.

"Need is not the right term," Kyungsoo hummed, "But I want them. I'd like to try a lot of things."

"I have no idea what that entails and I'm not sure whether I'm worried or not," Jongdae blankly stated, but then Kyungsoo smiled at him, and goddammit, his smiles always came without warning, and Jongdae felt weak.

"Don't worry. I'll be careful."

Jongdae's reply, a simple 'Okay,' came late, and felt insecure even to him.

He'd always felt rather secure in his relationship with Kyungsoo - he rarely knew what exactly was going on in his head, but he knew the general direction and how things were between them. Right now, he was a little confused.

It turned out that the Neon Demon was still the most run-down and dirty club in the city.

Again, being sober seemed like a burden, but today he felt more sober than ever, considering that they hadn't come here to dance or get drunk (or catch an awful infection).

Kyungsoo had gone quiet the moment they were faced with the tacky neon signs and the stairs leading down. He halted in his steps occasionally, soaking up the building, the signs, the dirty entrance area. Jongdae didn't comment and just let him be. He didn't refuse Kyungsoo's hand clasping his, either. There were two people making out against a wall, already partway undressed, and Jongdae wrinkled his nose. Kyungsoo just looked at them with a tilted head, before tugging Jongdae towards the main room with a neutral expression. Jongdae watched his expression and for once, he couldn't read anything at all.

What are you thinking, Kyungsoo?

The dull music was turned up to the hilt as soon as the door opened, and Jongdae felt the bass vibrate in his eardrums.

They made their way to the bar, which was somehow even filthier than Jongdae remembered. It was amazing how pale and fuzzy memories could get if one didn't try hard to keep them.

Kyungsoo leaned over the counter and casually ordered Jongdae a drink. Jongdae couldn't bring himself to tell Kyungsoo that he'd rather not drink anything here.

Then he turned to the right, to the two guys slamming the counter as they laughed at something.

"Hi," Kyungsoo yelled over the beat, until he got their attention. Jongdae watched him, feeling worried, but deciding to trust him.

When the guys greeted him back, slightly confused but not uninterested, Kyungsoo casually leaned against the counter.

"You wanna have some fun?"

Jongdae gave his best not to make a face at Kyungsoo, not to look at the strangers, to control his expression and emotion, but then he felt Kyungsoo turn towards him. He looked up to see one of the guys staring at him, with the other leering at Kyungsoo.

"You're renting him out?" one of them asked, gesturing at Kyungsoo as if he wasn't there.

Baffled, Jongdae stared back.

"What? No?!"

The guy actually rolled his eyes before half-heartedly pushing Kyungsoo away, and towards Jongdae.

"Then keep your droid to you."

Jongdae just stood there with slightly parted lips, in utter disbelief at the audacity. Before he could come up with a proper way to react, Kyungsoo had tugged him along.

He approached the next person, a wasted woman that was way older than Jongdae. She brushed him off, saying she didn't androids. Next up was a sleazy-looking guy that suspected Kyungsoo to be an undercover cop. Next up-

"Kyungsoo, what are you doing?" Jongdae called into his ear, holding the android close by a firm grip around his forearm.

"Demonstrating you something," the other replied, as if it was no big deal at all, and then turned towards a couple of men who were making out on the nearby seats, and the table mercifully hid whether they were even still dressed or not and-

"Okay, enough. Enough, Kyungsoo. Let's leave, please."

Please, Jongdae had said, but hadn't really waited for an answer as he tugged the android along and squeezed himself past tacky, dancing, drunk people to reach the exit of this hole in the wall. Crumbly, cemented stairs flew by and then they were back into the open air, standing on the deserted sidewalk, under a yellowish streetlamp.

Jongdae took a deep breath, looked up at the sky and then at Kyungsoo.

"Okay. What did you want to show me? I think it's safer to tell me than provoke anyone else down there."

"Well... what do you think I was trying to demonstrate?" Kyungsoo asked back, and Jongdae really didn't feel like playing any games right now, but if Kyungsoo asked like this, there must be a reason for it.

He stared at Kyungsoo while cluelessly shaking his head.

"No idea. That no one but me wanted to take you home?"

Kyungsoo shook his head, still patiently staring, waiting for Jongdae to keep guessing.

"That... Kyungsoo, please. I have no idea," Jongdae sighed, running his hand through his hair, "that people are to androids? I was just worried down there-"

"You almost got it right. That means I almost did a good job demonstrating it," Kyungsoo noticed, and he reached out to touch Jongdae's arms, to get him to focus on him, maybe even anchor him. A gesture he had picked up from Jongdae.

"They all realized I'm an android right away, did you notice that?"

Jongdae blinked. He had, in fact, not noticed that, but now that he said it...

"Back then, no one would notice - they would see it when they undressed me, but at first, people looked and me and took me for a human."

"And now they don't do that anymore... isn't that bad?" Jongdae asked carefully. Kyungsoo smiled at this, a small, peaceful smile, and softly shook his head.

"No. It's not bad. I could still convince them if I wanted to. But since you took me in, I learnt how to be myself. I used to play a role all the time, just like the actors in those drama series. I was nothing but a mirror, I only imitated what I saw, and what I saw was a limited little role. I didn't realize that until I watched your drama series - which felt so familiar and real to me - and then they showed bloopers and outtakes, and I realized it's all pretense."

Jongdae's hands found their way up to comfortably rest on Kyungsoo's forearms, as he listened patiently.

"Now my horizon has broadened and I understand that there is no need for constant self-expression. You always welcomed me just being me. You didn't want a pliant, willing pretty boy or a cocksure macho, or anything else for that matter. It's tiring to always balance out your mimique and form various expressions, and I used to try so hard, in order to be part of society. With you, I can relax. Even if I don't bend and twist and try very hard, you'll understand me."

"Where are you going with this?" Jongdae asked, just barely above a whisper. Kyungsoo tilted his head a little, looking inquiring, but also so very calm.

"I'm saying that I changed, that I'm still changing, and there's a lot I have yet to learn. Regardless, though, you can stop feeling so responsible for things you cannot be held responsible for."

"What do you mean?" Jongdae asked, and his heart ached; he was torn between clinging on to Kyungsoo and turning away, but in the end, he did neither of those.

"You said that before - that I don't owe you anything," Kyungsoo elaborated, and Jongdae squeezed his arms at that, because he still meant it. "You don't owe me anything either. You don't have to be some marvelous, wise master."

Jongdae felt guilty at that, but Kyungsoo didn't give him time to process that feeling.

"You're not manipulating me and even if you did, I would not be oblivious to it. Because you didn't cage me in. You never intended to be the center of my life, you opened every door possible and encouraged me to see the world for myself. If I was unhappy with the way you treat me, I would have tons of options to leave. If I'd find my purpose in traveling the world, you would let me go. I met quite a few people, and gathered a lot of impressions, so when I'm telling you that I like you and want to be by your side, and wish to make you happy, then please believe me. I have a reason for feeling that way. I'm my own person."

Jongdae felt his face heat up, felt too many emotions at once - from shame and embarrassment to feeling sorry to feeling... fluttery. Kyungsoo had just confessed to him. Humans called an android's affection platonic, but to Jongdae, it felt like something heavy and meaningful, something above what some people called love.

"I talked to Minseok and Luhan about that a lot," Kyungsoo continued, and this entire speech seemed carefully thought through, like most things Kyungsoo had to say. "They told me that there are parts I can purchase, programs they can give me to emulate human love. I thought about trying those, but then I decided against them. Human love seems exciting and wild, but also fickle. I'd rather love you in the way I can, having the security that this feeling will stay. It's up to you though, whether that is enough for you. It wouldn't be shameful to decline."

He was looking at Jongdae now, waiting for an answer.

Jongdae's heart was pounding so hard that he felt a heavy lump in his throat. Unable to form words, he parted his lips, and then closed his mouth again.

Kyungsoo was just looking at him, with this almost neutral expression of his. What he said was true - when he'd first met Kyungsoo, he had been full of exaggerated faces, loud slang and obnoxious gestures. Now it was all subdued emotions, and every single display was a conscious choice. Right now, he was observing him very attentively, but he still devoted a part of his mind to looking serious, but gentle, making room for Jongdae to fill the silence with his own, possible broader emotions.

"I..." he tried, trailed off, and wondered why. He knew the answer already. It was just a question of how to word it.

"I appreciate that you told me all this," he began anew. "And that you're patient with me, and listen to my crappy explanations on humanity. And that you communicate with me via facial expressions, intonations and gestures, even though you don't have to. That you- that you put in the effort to smile at me, instead of making fun of my human antics."

He looked down at the ground, took another deep breath, and gathered his courage to look up again.

"I might be a huge disappointment to you, when you develop further and maybe discover how boring I really am. It might just be a crush, too. I can't tell yet. But I'd love to find out. If you'll have me."

There was the small smile again, and the way Kyungsoo averted his eyes for just a second felt entirely natural.

"You don't have to thank me for expressing myself the way I do," he assured Jongdae, and the tension was bleeding out of his expression, "I do that because I want to communicate with you and naturally, I'd pick a language you know well."

The hands on Jongdae's arms wandered up, and before he knew it, Kyungsoo had pulled him close with his hands resting in the back of Jongdae's neck, displaying no shame at all over being in public. He leaned in close, close enough that he had to lower his voice.

"And I really hope I can finally kiss you now, because that would be the most efficient way to get my point across."

Jongdae shut him up by pressing their lips together, and never before had a decision felt so right.

This kiss was less tender and careful than the last one. It was by no means dirty, but it was more firm and reassured. Like a seal to make it official.

There was no need to hurry, anyway - they could kiss however they liked from now on, and however often they wanted.

Kyungsoo seemed to have thought about that as well, since the first thing leaving his mouth after the kiss was the story about special parts and sensors enabling him to actually enjoy kisses in a way more similar to humans, and how Minseok and Luhan had claimed it was fun.

Jongdae didn't have to tell Kyungsoo that there was no need to try and be more human. He already knew that.

"And then there's plenty of parts for everything that comes after kissing, so if you're into that-"

Jongdae shut him up with another kiss. This one was the messed up type of kiss where both parties grinned too much for it to actually work. It was just perfect.

I met a nice bird today.
It sang with me, even if our songs sounded a little strange together, and it wanted to be my friend.
I was sure it would leave upon seeing the metal I'm made of, but instead it was amazed.

"You're so much stronger than other birds and you can fly much higher, isn't that great?"
That's what it asked.

"But that metal body of mine is so very unbird-like," I replied. "When other birds look at me, they would never think I'm one of them."
It was the first time someone listened to the words I had to say, and understood them.

"It's true that you're a very different bird," my new friend admitted.

"You're like a metal bird. You can fly like a rocket but sing like a bird."

"But no one understands me when I'm singing."

"Birds never understand the song of another bird," my friend said, and I didn't know that.

"They simply try to understand by comparing it to their own song or other songs they've heard before. If you sing a lot, and listen to many songs, you can do the same."

It was hard to believe that.

"Is that true?"

My new friend laughed at that.

"It is. You may never feel the struggle of losing feathers, but I'll never know what space looks like. You can be a bird tomorrow and a rocket the day after tomorrow. Today, you're a metal bird though, and I'd love to be friends with you."

I felt very glad in that moment, and like I could finally pause my search.

It seems that I can simply choose a place to belong in.

I choose this place.

~ The End ~