The dark

 

Changbin sat in Felix' room staring out beyond the balcony. How could he deserve a boy of such grace when he was so harsh and rough. Even his appearance couldn't compare to that of Felix. He understood though, a boy with the brightest smile could never be with someone with such a dark aura. When they had first met in the dorms Changbin knew there was something oh so different about Felix. Over those next few months Changbin made those feelings vanish and acted coldly towards the younger. If only Felix could understand...

 

 

Days the weeks, then months were the times he just surrounded himself with a cloud of darkness. This feeling suppressed him so tight that he wanted it to stop but he knew it was for the best. The dark rapper was born. To others on campus he was the dark rapper part of that one rap group. He liked that he wasn't hated nor was he loved, he was respected.

 

The sound of Felix' small footsteps cleared his thoughts and he turned his attention towards him. "Hyung, why are you still here?" Felix looked at him with a small smile creepy to his lips. That boy just couldn't help but smile. "On my way," the elder said getting up of the edge of the bed and walking to the door. Felix stopped him. "What's with Chan Hyung?" He looked at the older with curious eyes. "We were fighting over the stop of leader for the collaboration group with JYP. He admitted he wanted to be leader but he knew that he wasn't worthy.

 

"JYP..." Felix seemed shocked to hear those three letters. Horror was the only emotion he felt at that exact moment. Felix hadn't been scouted in the group. He watched as the boy began to squeal and his smile was covered with a grin. Changbin felt guilty for playing with boy like that but it was just a common mistake. Minho walked in. "What's all the noise for?" He looked at Felix slightly judging the younger. "We go into JYP!" You could just hear the happy ness in his voice. Minho glared at Changbin knowing that Felix hadn't made the cut.

 

 

"Wow good job Lix, your finally an idol," he let a bittersweet smile reach his lips. Chan walked in taking in the way the situation had just played out. He sighed and gave Felix a look not even trying to put a happy facade. The younger's smile fell as he took office n all the expressions. "Felix...I didn't want to have this conversation," chan took his hands and looked down. Felix knew that he was crying but held back his thoughts.

 

Changbin knew he had just screwed up real bad. He put his hand on Felix' shoulder. "Hyung is so sorry," he said holding back tears. "JYP didn't think you were ready and wanted to give you a chance to learn better Korean. He said that he didn't want to rush your taking in of the culture so...you didn't make the group." Changbin felt all the life leave Felix' shoulder. The big ran out of the room and slammed the door not even soaring the others a glance. Changbin felt his heart shake as the bathroom door slammed. 

 

 

Frick! He had just ruined the life of a precious soul that never deserved to be hurt like that. Dinner that night was silent they let Felix calm down and come to the news. It was six months until JYP would announce they were planning on debuting a new boy group. They sat there just eating ramen with blank expressions on their faces. Changbin excused himself early and went to the bathroom to see the door open but the door to Felix' room locked. He knocked softly as a wave of sniffles hit him.

 

 

The door didn't open. It didn't open for the rest of the week. Each day Changbin would sit on the other side of de of the door. Each day the sobs he heard from inside jabbed at his heart. Occasionally Felix would answer a question but he never said more than a few words. He didn't eat, even though Changbin begged. One day the boys were all out eating but Changbin was still there sitting leaning his back against the door. He fell back as the door finally creaked open. Felix bent down to look at the face that was on the ground. Channing groaned as he moved his head up. His face was wet and for a second he thought it was raining. Until he saw a freckled boy looking down at him with tears streaming down his cheeks. Changbin sat up quickly and pulled Felix into his embrace. "Hyung is so very sorry," Changbin cried into Felix. "What do you have to be sorry for?" Felix asked in between sobs.

 

 

The moment was ruined when the sound of laughter filled the house. Chan walked down the hall with a smile as he saw the sunlight that escaped the room and filled the hallway. When he turned into the bedroom he saw Felix and he immediately ran to hug him. He felt the younger tense a scoff leave his mouth. Changbin could see the disgusted expression on Felix' face. He didn't understand why he would dislike such a nice person. Soon the whole friend group was hugging Felix.

 

 

Most of what Changbin could here was 'I'm sorry' or 'im gonna kill Changbin for doing this to you'. He didn't understand why they acted like they would never see Felix again. He slowly backed away from the group and awkwardly stood as the members slowly released Felix. Felix gave them a bittersweet smile and put his smiley face on. "Aww I'm so sorry," hyunjin squished his cheeks. Changbin swatted away his hands. Hyunjin then hit Felix, "this stupid boy over here waited each day for you!" Changbin could here Jisung snicker, "and loose some much needed weight," he turned and gave him a scary glare.

 

JIsung could feel the pressure of Changbin but didn’t care as he was satisfied by his own joke. Felix broke the dreadful silence, “when do you all debut? The boys all looked at each other and then back at Felix. They could the sadness that Felix was hiding. Changbin wasn’t used to this façade and he didn’t like it. He needed a way to tear down the wall that was built around the younger. “Um –they said around six months until they announce that JYP will be debuting a new group.” Changbin didn’t like the feeling that Chan had created. “What if Felix proved himself and was added to the group?” he said it suddenly throwing the future captain off. “I’m not really sure if im being honest,” Changbin could see the hope feeling up in Felix’ eyes.

 

Chanbin felt like the bad guy of the situation. He felt like he was teasing a puppy with a bone he knew the puppy would never get. As much as he wanted the boy in the group he knew that the boy had a long way to go. He hoped to be able to guide him but there is only so much he could do. He stared at the ground not wanting to see the smile that had begun to spread across the younger’s face. Before he could think he felt arms around him and small hands against his back. He felt squished by the slightly taller but didn’t complain enjoying the others’ warmth.

 

Dinner that night was different than the previous days. This dinner was full of laughter and everyone had a smile, a real smile. He felt happy knowing that everyone was happy and the sun had finally returned. Later that night while in his room he began writing lyric:

In world just for you and me

Sat a flower that grew and grew

Until the moon came and took all life away

We left unable to stay just like the wind we blew

I blew the chance to be with you…

He looked down dissatisfied by his words. Chan hyung would have written much better but he wasn’t like him. He wasn’t able to write about happiness and love even though he had none in his life. He though about how hard it must be to live life like that boy. Happiness wasn’t something the rapper often thought about. He missed the days he could just sit in his room and sleep or do something that wasn’t so….amazing. For once he felt like he could admit that he loved his life and all that people around him had done for him. A bittersweet tear left his eyes and his was happy to feel loved by someone else than himself.

 

When he woke up the next morning he wasn’t ready to go to school. He then realized his first period was dance so he was with the rest of Stray Kids and Felix. He went downstairs to see a table full of zombies but no beam of light. “No Felix?” he asked as he took his seat next to Jeongin. “already at the studio left about an hour ago,” Jisung said shrugging. He had already left so early. He would be o tired during class that’s ridiculous. “He realty took what you say yesterday to heart. Now hes determined to impress JYP and put into Stray Kids.

 

Changbin had never meant to cause Felix health problems but seemed to be where this was going. He felt bad knowing that Felix was hurting himself just to succeed. “Don’t get down on yourself Chanbin, he came to Seoul for this and he won’t leave until he achieves it.” He smiled trying to hide the feelings bubbling up inside of him. They left for class everyone talking, laughing but Changbin just sat in the back not caring to engage in some sort of conversation his thoughts focused on Felix. He didn’t understand why Felix was set to change the mind of such a strict man. It was hard to think of all the things Felix was probably doing to himself.

 

As they entered the studio they were greeted by a tired yet bright fully smiling Felix. This continued for the next few weeks, the boys saw less and less of Felix since he was always practicing in the studio or locked up in his room practicing his Korean. For days Felix had been begging the rapper for rapping lessons and he always denied until today. Right now they were seated in the 3racha recording studio. Felix was currently attempting to rap Mark’s part in The Seventh Sense. HE was struggling in the flow but when Changbin tried to help him he wouldn’t listen.

Uh joejeonni eodingaro ireum

Moreul jeyeoke nan ireum moreul hall no

 

Changbin was fuming by now and was so close to killing Felix right there. Felix just looked at him like he did nothing wrong. “Why aren’t you listening to me?” he choked at his own calmness. Felix just looked at him and blinked before putting his attention back to his lyrics sheet. “Now you know how I’ve felt these past few days. Felix walked out of the room before Changbin could apologize. He sighed as he walked out to look for the young boy. He looked everyone and couldn’t find him anywhere. He sighed as walked to the dance to ask Chan for advice. As soon as he opened the door he saw Felix sitting down leaning his back against the mirror. His tear stained face and red puffy eyes didn’t hide the fact the fact that he had been crying.

 

Changbin kneeled down in front of him keeping a good distance between the two. He placed his hand on the younger’s knee and slowly caressed it with his knee. “Look I’m sorry Lix, I was just not very happy about the way your not debuting with his us.” He lied not wanting to upset the boy anymore. Felix looked at him and just simply wiped the tears that streaming down his freckled cheeks. Changbin gave him a small smile before getting up offering the younger some space. As he wrapped his hand around the doorknob he contemplated truning around and getting him to come with him. He stopped as soon as he heard the song Felix had been rehearsing.

 

A/N: im not sure what most posting schedule is at this point os like ill just post whenever.