(Seungmin)

 

 

Warning!!!!: this chapter and following chapters with Hyunjin and Seungmin will contain depression and anxiety so if you are sensitive about these subjects please skip this one!

 

The red haired boy sat silently on his bed staring out the window. It was a calm and cool spring day with a shiny sun. His room was illuminated with the Suns rays and the door was opened. Seungmin turned around slightly annoyed by his peaceful silence being abruptly ended. Hyunjin just simply walked into the bathroom not even sparing him a glance. Seungmin slightly hurt turned back towards the window.

 

He wished that one day he could leave Korea and all the terrible things that lied within its borders. This place had brought nothing but bad things for him, people always asked. 'what's wrong?' 'Did I say something?' The problem was always just their presence in general. He hated when someone interrupted his time with the sun or even worse the ocean. Ever since he was a kid he loved to sit in the docks stating out at a waving blue abyss. His thoughts were once again interrupted by Hyunjin.

 

 

The younger watched as he sat down with a sigh next to Seungmin. The older rested his chin on Seungmin's shoulder. "Do you ever think Chan and Changbin will ever stop fighting," the other shrugged slightly moving Hyunjin's head up. The older moved forward wrapping his hands Aron d his waist. The older had always been this way to him. People often thought they were dating but Seungmin didn't have the time or desire for a relationship. "I guess when Jeongin stops crying they'll stop fighting"he looked away from the older's face. He felt the arms that held him in their grasp tighten as he squirmed. "Hyung..." He said whispering. "Yes?" Hyunjin looked up trying to meet his eyes. "Do you think this world will ever want me?"

 

 

"Um...I'm not sure," he looked around scanning the room as he felt water hitting his head. The older Looked up to see the other crying. Seungmin didn't know why rivers were streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't control them even as Hyunjin pulled him into his embrace. The older rubbed circles on his back and slowly caressed the back of his neck with his thumb. "What's wrong, Minnie?" The older looked into his eyes deeply. He pushed him back not wanting to be seen like this. He didn't want to be vulnerable and weak in front of him. He ran...

 

 

He didn't stop until he could hear the crash of the water. The wind in the branches complimented the sounds of the sea. The voice that the waves created seemed to call out to him. He felt invited to run towards the unknown waters. He stopped as the water grew closer and closer. The feeling of sand seeping into his shoes made him cringe but the salty breeze grabbed his attention. The salty air smacked him with every step. The feeling seemed 

 get to get harder as he slowed by the water. He sat feeling the wate lap up daring to engulf him.

 

 

He sat there not caring to move nor did he care bout Hyunjin. Speaking of the devil Hyunjin once again broke up his thoughts. He heard the rustling of the sand and the waves seemed disturbed by his presence. Seungmin sharing emotions with the ocean backed away from the echoes of footsteps. Hyunjin stopped him and and sat down cupping his cheeks. "What's wrong?" He couldn't run. "N-noth-" he was cut off by Hyunjin meeting his lips with his hand (ha you thought they were gonna kiss but nope!) "I know your lying," Seungmin tried to squirm but to avail. He gave in to the power of the hand covering his mouth. 

 

 

He watched as the older pulled away his hand wiping it off using his sleeve. "I-I just don't think I want to do this anymore," he tried to focus on the ocean and not the pretty boy next to him. "Do want?" Hyunjin's voice was curious and slightly worried about the answer he might get. "Life..." He thought he could hear Hyunjin's jaw drop and his heart sink. Seungmin felt like he had been punched as he glanced at the expression that Hyunjin was wearing. "Please tell me you won't do that to yourself," he sounded desperate at this point. " I would never, I just want to escape it all and just focus on the ocean and it's calm waves." He lied.he believed his own lie as he leaned his head into Hynjin's shoulder. He let any tears that were stored in the corners of his eyes be released. All he could feel was the the thumb that caressed his upper arm. He was able to feel all of the love and care Hyunjin put into comforting Seungmin.

 

 

"Why me?" He said in between his silent sobs. Hyunjin just gave him a simple 'shhh' and hugged his shoulders. The older stood up causing Seungmin to tip over but his head was cushioned by the sand. Hyunjin helped him up and proceeded to dust him off before grabbing his hand and leading him towards his car. The ride back to their dorm was silent except for the usual sniffle from Seungmin. As the car stopped Hyunjin took Seungmin's hand and squeezed it gently. "It's okay, remember I'm always here for you," he gave the younger a smile. He released his hand and left the car to quickly make it to Seungmin on the other side. They walked to the door, Seungmin stopping just before Hyunjin opened it. "I-I don't want to ex-" Hyunjin stopped him and opened the door. 

 

 

The other boys seemed to not notice much to the delight of Seungmin as he darted to his quiet sanctuary,his room. He sat on the bed noticing how now the sun was gone and the calm breeze was now a harsher wind. He slid the balcony door closed and jumped onto his bed. He took out his phone to see a text from Hyunjin.

 

🌺Hyunjin🌺:

Are you feeling better?

 

Seungmin was hesitant to reply but forced himself to move his fingers across the keyboard.

 

Yeah I feel better I guess...

 

🌺Hyunjin🌺: that's good

 

Seungmin smiled wishing that Hyunjin could see it through the phone. Seungmin then opened his Instagram and saw a post from Felix. The video was him practicing in the dance room to a song Changbin had produced. He hated watching these videos because all he could ever see was an overworked Felix dancing to music with a fake smile plastered to his face. Being his best friend was hard when you know that Felix will never listen to you. He sighed and double-clicked before throwing his phone off to the side. He fought off the urge to go to sleep knowing dinner would be ready any minute. He snuggled into his blanket and let himself be swallowed by the mattress. He eventually gave in and fell asleep.

 

----

 

All of the boys sat at the table waiting for Seungmin so they could start eating. "Jinnie could you go wake up Seungmin-ah?" Hyunjin simply nodded and walked upstairs to the younger's room. He knocked softly before carefully opening the door. He saw a cute Seungmin cuddling with a blanket. He carefully shook his shoulder but when he got no response he laid down next to him. He squeezed the boy until he heard a small groan. "Rise and shine princess~" he smiled as he let go of Seungmin.

 

Seungmin glared at the older before yawning and rubbing his head. "How long was I asleep?" Hyunjin shrugged before grabbing his hand and leading him out of bed and downstairs. "Wow looks like sleepyhead has decided to join to us for dinner," Jisung smirked. "Hyung! All the food is going to be cold because we waited for you!" Jeongin pouted. "I'm sorry but I have to sleep in order to be this beautiful," he then traced a heart around his head. Felix just simply gagged and Chan covered Woojin's eyes. "Rude," he scoffed before taking a seat next to Minho.

 

 

As they ate most people laughed and made conversation while Seungmin just sat there. He smiled and laughed a little but all he could focus on was what happened with Hyunjin. He looked up to meet Hyunjin's gaze concern being all he could see. He quickly looked back down to his ramen and didn't say a word for the rest of dinner. After dinner Chan approached him worried as ever, "Hey Seungmin-ah is everything okay?" Seungmin put a smile on his face, " Yeah just grumpy from being woken up'" he sent a glare to Hyunjin who just smiled innocently. "Okay mate just go get your rest," the older laughed as he left him to join Minho on the couch. Seungmin left to his room just saying he was going back to sleep. When he entered his room he saw Hyunjin on his respective bed. "Hey can we talk," Hyunjin looked up at him sitting up. "S-sure..." He sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

 

 

Hyunjin took his hands but refused to look him in the eye. "What's wrong you seem....different?" He finally met his gaze. "I already told you I'm fine," he tried to give him a small smile but the older could see right through it. "Tell me what's wrong,please Minnie..." He cupped his cheeks almost begging. "I-I don't want to be here anymore..." He looked down."I just don't feel like belong in Korea, in this world. I know that there is great people around me but I will never be like them so I don't understand why I must be around them. To be honest if I died tomorrow I would be glad..." "Please...don't leave me," Hyunjin began to cry as he gripped on Seungmin's hands even tighter. The older's head fell forward into his chest as he sobbed. Seungmin awkwardly patted his back and blinked away the few tears that threatened to escape his eyes. Hyunjin pulled away and looked deep into his eyes. Seungmin afraid of the older's gaze looked down and bit his lip, holding back tears. 

 

 

Hyunjin lifted up his chin and gave him a smile. "Next time don't keep your feelings from me. I know we're not like dating or anything but you can tell me anything." Seungmin squeezed his hand before getting up. "Come on," he held his hand out for Hyunjin to grab, which he happily did. Seungmin dragged him downstairs and out the door. "Where are we going?" He said as Seungmin weaved through people and cars. "It's a surprise," Seungmin said with a little laugh. He cooed at the sight of watching Hyunjin pout and beg to know where they were going. "Now that we're trainees we should have a little more fun," he said gesturing for the older to sit in a bench. "I'll be right back," he assured the older before running off.

 

 

 

-----

 

He came back holding two sesame balls and two chilled green teas. He sat next to Hyunjin and handed him a can of chilled green tea. As Hyunjin bit into the sesame ball he was attacked by a flow of chocolate syrup. "You didn't tell me it had filling!" He said as tried to wipe away the chocolate. " Sorry I didn't know either," he helped to clean the older. Hyunjin swatted his hand away before taking the napkin. "Now I'm all sticky," the older pouted. The younger took his hand and used it to wipe the chocolate on the corner of Hyunjin's mouth. The older gave him a smile before getting up. "Come on its getting late," Hyunjin said grabbing his hand. The two interlocked fingers as they walked earning a few glares from people. When they entered their dorm all they saw was seven guys passed out in the living room with a movie on in the background.

 

 

"I'm sorry about your shirt...." Seungmin said as Hyunjin got out of the shower. "It's cool" he smiled at the younger making him melt inside. They both sat on their beds playing on their phones. "Hey Minnie?" The younger hummed in response. "Do you think IU would be cute with Xiumin Hyung?" The other shrugged not really caring. "I think they would but I bet IU has a secret boyfriend," he made a sad face. "Do you think me and you would look cute together." The older seemed shocked by the question but he ignored it. Seungmin laughed a little before going back to his phone. He looked up to see a shook Hyunjin still looking shocked by the sudden change of conversation.

 

 

"You both should go to sleep we have a dance session in the morning," Chan cut the awkwardness. They both nodded and turned off their lamps. Seungmin laid on his bed woken in the middle if the night. He was startled by footsteps and a door opening. He jerked up when he heard the sound of someone throwing up. He rushed into the bathroom to see a distressed Hyujin vomiting. He knelt down beside him rubbing his back gently. Hyunjin tried to talk but he couldn't hear because of his loud choking noises. Eventually he stopped backing away from the toilet. "Hey,calm down what happened?" Seungmin rubbed his hand as the older took deep breathes. "It's fine I'm okay," the older's told up flushing the toilet and going to wash out his mouth. "Your fine? I just watched you puke your guts out!" He was agitated by Hyunjin nit caring for his own health. "It's really nothing I probably just ate something," he tried to leave but the younger grabbed his wrist. "You looked like you were in so much so much pain."

 

 

At this point Seungmin was concerned and wanted Hyunjin to admit he wasn't okay. He put a hand on the others forehead but it wasn't warm. "That's good you don't have a fever," he caressed the older's cheek with his thumb. "I just had a migraine that's all," Hyunjin's voice was scratchy and somewhat hoarse. "Are you sure your okay?" The older nodded. Seungmin sighed of relief before walking Hyunjin back to his bed. "Does your head still hurt?" The older hummed in response. "I'll be right back.

 

---

 

Seungmin walked back in with a cup of warm tea. "This should help with the headache. Are you comfortable? Do you need anything? Is your bed too hard? You ca-" Hyujin put his finger over Seungmin's lips. "It's fine I'm okay,really," he gave the younger a reassuring smile. Seungmin simply nodded before walking back to his bed. He couldn't sleep all night because he was worried about Hyunjin. When the older woke in the morning he acted like he was sleeping. He 'woke up' when he felt arms being wrapped around him. "Hyung, can't you do something else to wake me up?" He turned around to see him fully dressed and ready for dance practice. "Are you sure about going?" The other nodded before helping Seungmin up. ,alright I'll meet you outside," he gave the older a smile.

 

 

---

 

They had been practicing for hours and all Seungmin could focus I was the distressed look on Hyunjin's face. He was doing the steps when he ran into Chan. "S-sorry Hyung," he looked down in embarrassment. He got to his feet and helped Chan up. "It's alright mate, mistakes happen," he would make a great leader. They took their positions and and gestured for Felix to start both the music and the camera. After practice he immediately went to Hyunjin. "Hey are you alright?" He held his hand caressing in gently. "I just don't feel that well," he noticed how pale the older was. "What's going on? You can tell me," at this point he was begging. "This has been happening the past few day. My body just seems to be rejecting food aft--" Hyunjin stopped himself choking on tears.

 

 

"I've been starving myself. For months now. Sometimes when we would eat I would make myself purge and then I felt better. All I cared about is getting uh body idol ready. I don't want to be seen as fat and to be called a pig so I would binge. Then purge, over and over again," Hyunjin was struggling not to cry. "It's alright, you should have told me," he gave the older a sweet smile before wiping the fresh tears on his face. "I'm sorry," Hyujin muffled into the younger's neck as Seungmin pulled him into his embrace. "Shhh, it's ok," he pulled the older away from him and wiped away his tears. "We should get going before the others get worried," he stood up and walked towards the exits a puffy eyed Hyunjin right behind him.