I got inside the apartment and went straight to my room.

I needed to absorb this… So he is gay after all. Why didn’t he say it before? We would never… I would never discriminate him or something like that…

I hear a soft knock on my door. Seungri opened the door

“Hyung, why didn’t you come to my room?” he asked while walking and sitting on my bed. I was lying on my bed.

“I don’t know… maybe…” I sighed

“Is everything ok?” he asked worried and then he lied down next to me. I shook my head “What is it hyung?” I looked at Seungri’s eyes and kept my eyes fixed on him.

“Seungri-ah, I want to ask you something, can you answer it sincerely?” he didn’t hesitate to answer and nodded his head. Should I?... “Do you trust hyung?” he nodded his head. I decided to sit and he followed me. I grabbed his hands and kept my eyes on him “Seungri…” why I couldn't say it?

“Hyung?” he asked while holding my hands trying to encourage me a little bit

“Seungri why didn’t you tell your hyungs that you like men?”

“W-what? W-what a-are you t-talking about?” he was obviously taken aback

“I know Seungri” Seungri just looked shock at me. He didn’t say anything after that. I put a hand on his cheek and caressed him. “I still love you maknae” he closed his eyes and leaned on my hand

“H-how?” he asked once he opened his eyes again.

“I kind of suspected already and… well I… I started to…”

“Hyung… please say it”

“I started to follow you and… investigate you”

“Why hyung?”

“I… I guess I just wanted you to tell us but… you never did so…”

“Why hyung?”

“Seungri…-“

“Why?”

“Because I needed to know” tears started to fall from Seungri eyes.

“I never told you before because I couldn't accept it myself. I felt disgusted with myself” I his cheeks and wiped his tears

“You’ll never be disgusting just because you like a guy Seungri-ah” at this I held him in my arms and he just cried. I felt I was holding the boy who Seungri once was.

I woke up but Seungri wasn’t next to me.

“Hyung do you know where’s Seungri?”

“His room maybe?” Top hyung answered.

“I checked already there but he isn’t”

“Maybe he went on a business meeting or something?” it could be…

“Hyung, didn’t Seungri say he would be in Japan for a week?” said Daesung who was watching TV

“HE WHAT?”

~Seungri-ah why aren’t you picking the phone? Are you that busy? Hyung just want to talk to you~ 2:34 pm

~Seungri… why did you have to go to Japan? It’s so far from hyung~ 3:54 pm

~Seungri-ah, hyung misses you~ 1:54 am

“Have you spoken to Seungri?” Youngbae asked me. I shook my head. “Jiyong what happened between you?” I still didn’t tell anyone about what I discover about Seungri. I decided to let Seungri tell the others “You have to stop being so possessive about him. Let the kid have his own life” at this I glared at Youngbae. “Do you know why he never brought someone here?... because of you! Yes, you heard me well. He takes your opinion more than our opinion and have you heard yourself talking about the girls he ‘thinks’ are pretty? He’s probably afraid that you won't accept the person he would present to us” my heart ached with each word of Youngbae. Because deep down, I know it’s true. I have always talked bad about the girls he thought were pretty. I never let him nor give him a chance to bring someone before.

~Seungri-ah hyung loves you no matter what. I would accept everything about you, even the person you like. Come back Seungri-ah. I miss you~ 3:21 pm

I’ve been writing text messages to Seungri for the past three days but he never answered one of them.

I decided to go and drink my misery. I went to a bar and started drinking